The table shows the information of total health expenditure per capita in five countries in 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table illustrates that the cost of healthy of a person in 5 different countries including Australia, Germany, United States, Japan and United King Dom in 2019.
It is clear that total health expenditure per capita is the most expensive than other countries in the United States while the account for fee in the United King Dom is the lowest on the period. In 2019, the number of money for health expenditure is witnessed the highest in United States, with at over 11%. This showed that many people in this country have concern about their healthy. At the same time, in Germany and Australia have been impressive indicators with at over 6%, 5% respectively. This number is 2 times less than compared to the United States.
By contrast, some of the country such as Japan and United King Dom opposite was true for this state. The lowest account for the cost of healthy of a person was approximately 5% in 2 countries.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The table illustrates that the cost of healthy of a person" -> "The table illustrates the costs of healthcare for individuals"
Explanation: "Cost of healthy of a person" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Costs of healthcare for individuals" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing.
"in 5 different countries including Australia, Germany, United States, Japan and United King Dom" -> "in five countries: Australia, Germany, the United States, Japan, and the United Kingdom"
Explanation: "United King Dom" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "United Kingdom." Also, using "five countries:…" is more formal and correct than "in 5 different countries including…"
"It is clear that total health expenditure per capita is the most expensive than other countries in the United States" -> "It is evident that the total health expenditure per capita in the United States is the highest among the countries listed"
Explanation: "the most expensive than other countries" is grammatically incorrect. "the highest among the countries listed" corrects this and clarifies the comparison.
"the account for fee in the United King Dom" -> "the fee account in the United Kingdom"
Explanation: "the account for fee" is awkward and unclear. "the fee account" is grammatically correct and more direct.
"is witnessed the highest in United States" -> "is the highest in the United States"
Explanation: "is witnessed the highest" is incorrect. "is the highest" is the correct comparative form.
"This showed that many people in this country have concern about their healthy" -> "This indicates that many individuals in this country are concerned about their health"
Explanation: "have concern about their healthy" is grammatically incorrect and vague. "are concerned about their health" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"in Germany and Australia have been impressive indicators with at over 6%, 5% respectively" -> "Germany and Australia have impressive indicators of over 6% and 5%, respectively"
Explanation: The original phrasing is awkward and unclear. The revised version clarifies the meaning and adheres to formal academic style.
"This number is 2 times less than compared to the United States" -> "This number is twice that of the United States"
Explanation: "2 times less than compared to" is awkward and redundant. "twice that of" is more concise and formal.
"opposite was true for this state" -> "the opposite is true for these countries"
Explanation: "opposite was true for this state" is grammatically incorrect and vague. "the opposite is true for these countries" corrects the grammar and specifies the subject.
"The lowest account for the cost of healthy of a person was approximately 5% in 2 countries" -> "The lowest expenditure on healthcare was approximately 5% in two countries"
Explanation: "The lowest account for the cost of healthy of a person" is awkward and unclear. "The lowest expenditure on healthcare" is more precise and formal.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task by providing an overview of the data, but it does not cover all key features/bullet points. The essay also confuses key features/bullet points with detail, and parts are unclear, irrelevant, repetitive, or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that "the number of money for health expenditure is witnessed the highest in United States, with at over 11%." This is inaccurate, as the table shows that the United States has the highest health expenditure per capita, not the highest percentage increase. The essay also states that "This number is 2 times less than compared to the United States." This is also inaccurate, as the essay does not provide any percentages for Germany and Australia.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the data, focusing on the key features/bullet points, and avoiding irrelevant or inaccurate information. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language and avoiding vague statements. For example, instead of saying "the number of money for health expenditure is witnessed the highest in United States," the essay could say "the United States had the highest health expenditure per capita in 2019."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to compare health expenditures among the countries, the connections between ideas are not always clear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which detracts from the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, the paragraphing is not effectively utilized, as the ideas do not flow logically from one to the next, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly structuring paragraphs, ensuring that each one presents a single main idea. Using a wider range of cohesive devices correctly will help to connect ideas more effectively. Additionally, improving the clarity of comparisons and ensuring that all statements are logically linked will strengthen the overall progression of the essay. Lastly, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity will also contribute to a more coherent presentation.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the main features of the data, the vocabulary used is often repetitive and lacks precision. There are noticeable errors in word choice, such as "the cost of healthy of a person" instead of "health expenditure per capita," and "the lowest account for the cost of healthy" which is awkwardly phrased. Additionally, there are errors in spelling and word formation, such as "United King Dom" instead of "United Kingdom," and "the number of money for health expenditure" which is not a natural expression. These issues may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the message.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and more precise terms related to health expenditure. Practicing the use of synonyms and less common lexical items can help convey ideas more fluently and flexibly. Additionally, focusing on correct word forms and collocations will improve clarity and reduce errors. Reading more academic texts on similar topics can also provide exposure to appropriate vocabulary and expressions.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentence forms. While there are attempts at complex sentences, they are often inaccurate or poorly constructed. Frequent grammatical errors, such as "the cost of healthy of a person" and "the lowest account for the cost of healthy of a person," hinder clarity and may cause difficulty for the reader. Punctuation errors are also present, affecting the overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex forms. Additionally, careful proofreading to identify and correct grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes would improve clarity. Practicing the use of accurate phrases and vocabulary related to health expenditure will also help in constructing more precise and coherent sentences.

Bài sửa mẫu

The table illustrates the total health expenditure per capita in five different countries, including Australia, Germany, the United States, Japan, and the United Kingdom, in 2019.

It is clear that total health expenditure per capita is the highest in the United States, while the expenditure in the United Kingdom is the lowest during this period. In 2019, health expenditure in the United States exceeded 11%, indicating that many people in this country are concerned about their health. At the same time, Germany and Australia also demonstrated impressive figures, with expenditures of over 6% and 5%, respectively. These amounts are approximately half of that in the United States.

By contrast, in countries such as Japan and the United Kingdom, the opposite trend is observed. The lowest health expenditure per capita was approximately 5% in both of these countries.