The three pie charts below show the percentage of US music album sales by genre in 2008,2009 and 2010 Summarise the imformation by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The three pie charts below show the percentage of US music album sales by genre in 2008,2009 and 2010
Summarise the imformation by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The given pie charts illustrate the proportion of US music album sales by genre in 3 years.

Overall, it is evident that rock hit the highest point in 3 years. Followed after by both Alternative and R&B genre is the highest one respectively. However, Jazz experienced the lowest point.

Looking at the first and second chart , one can see that Rock type still remained unchanged at over 38%. Subsequently, the Alternative decreased slightly from 23% in 2008 to 20% in 2009. Followed after the R&B still maintained at stable falling into 22%. While Country music witnessed an upward trend from 13% to 16%, Jazz still remained at stable at under 5%.

After one year, Rock went up slowly at 1%. Whereas the Alternative and Jazz remained at stable under 21% respectively, R&B reduced slightly from 22% in 2009 to 19% in 2010. Nevertheless, Country is the type of music achieved at nearly 20%.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "The given pie charts illustrate" -> "The pie charts provided illustrate"
   Explanation: "The given" is somewhat informal and vague; "The pie charts provided" is more precise and formal, which is preferred in academic writing.

2. "rock hit the highest point" -> "rock achieved the highest proportion"
   Explanation: "hit the highest point" is an idiom and is too informal for academic writing. "Achieved the highest proportion" is more formal and precise.

3. "Followed after by both Alternative and R&B genre is the highest one respectively" -> "Following Alternative and R&B, the highest proportion was recorded"
   Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed and informal. The suggested revision clarifies the sequence of genres and uses more formal language.

4. "However, Jazz experienced the lowest point" -> "However, Jazz recorded the lowest proportion"
   Explanation: Similar to the previous point, "experienced the lowest point" is less formal and vague. "Recorded the lowest proportion" is more precise and suitable for academic writing.

5. "Looking at the first and second chart" -> "Examining the first and second charts"
   Explanation: "Looking at" is too casual for academic writing. "Examining" is more formal and appropriate for discussing data analysis.

6. "Rock type still remained unchanged" -> "Rock remained unchanged"
   Explanation: "Rock type" is redundant; "Rock" alone is sufficient and more direct.

7. "Followed after the R&B" -> "Following R&B"
   Explanation: "Followed after" is awkward and informal. "Following" is more direct and formal.

8. "still maintained at stable falling into" -> "remained stable at"
   Explanation: "still maintained at stable falling into" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Remained stable at" is grammatically correct and clearer.

9. "While Country music witnessed an upward trend" -> "Country music exhibited an upward trend"
   Explanation: "Witnessed" can imply passive observation, which is less precise in this context. "Exhibited" is more active and suitable for describing trends.

10. "Jazz still remained at stable at under 5%" -> "Jazz remained stable at less than 5%"
    Explanation: "at stable at" is grammatically incorrect. "Remained stable at less than 5%" corrects this and improves readability.

11. "Rock went up slowly at 1%" -> "Rock increased by 1%"
    Explanation: "Went up slowly" is informal and vague. "Increased by" is more precise and formal.

12. "Whereas the Alternative and Jazz remained at stable under 21% respectively" -> "While the Alternative and Jazz remained stable at less than 21%"
    Explanation: "at stable under" is incorrect. "Remained stable at less than" corrects this and clarifies the comparison.

13. "Country is the type of music achieved at nearly 20%" -> "Country music reached nearly 20%"
    Explanation: "is the type of music achieved at" is awkward and unclear. "Reached" is more direct and appropriate for describing changes in data.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task and presents an overview with information appropriately selected. The essay presents and adequately highlights key features/ bullet points, but details may be irrelevant, inappropriate or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that "Rock hit the highest point in 3 years" which is not accurate as the highest point in 2010 was Country. The essay also states that "Jazz experienced the lowest point" which is not accurate as Jazz remained relatively stable throughout the three years.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate information and by avoiding irrelevant details. The essay should also focus on presenting a clear overview of the main trends and differences in the data. For example, the essay could state that "Rock remained the most popular genre throughout the three years, while Country experienced the most significant increase in popularity."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a lack of overall progression. While it attempts to compare the data from the pie charts, the connections between ideas are not always clear. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, leading to confusion. For instance, phrases like "Followed after" and "remained at stable" are awkward and detract from clarity. Additionally, paragraphing is present but not effectively structured, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices correctly, ensuring that transitions between sentences and ideas are smooth. Improving the clarity of referencing (e.g., using "this" or "these" appropriately) would help in maintaining a logical flow. Additionally, organizing the information into clearly defined paragraphs with distinct topics would aid in guiding the reader through the essay more effectively.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the data presented in the pie charts, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, with phrases such as "highest point," "remained unchanged," and "stable" appearing multiple times. There are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation, such as "Followed after" and "type of music achieved," which detract from clarity. Additionally, there are spelling and grammatical errors that may cause some difficulty for the reader, such as "Followed after the R&B still maintained at stable falling into 22%." Overall, the lexical resource is insufficient to convey the information effectively.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider variety of vocabulary, including less common lexical items, and ensure that word choices are appropriate for the context. Additionally, improving grammatical accuracy and reducing repetitive phrases would help in conveying the information more clearly. Engaging with synonyms and varying sentence structures can also contribute to a more sophisticated and precise expression of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentences. While there are attempts at complex sentences, they often lack accuracy and clarity, which affects overall communication. Frequent grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms ("hit the highest point" instead of "reached the highest point") and awkward phrasing ("Followed after the R&B still maintained at stable falling into 22%"), contribute to some difficulty for the reader. Punctuation issues, such as missing commas, also hinder readability.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their range of grammatical structures by incorporating more complex sentences and ensuring that they are accurate. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes would enhance clarity. Practicing varied sentence beginnings and using a wider range of vocabulary can also improve the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given pie charts illustrate the proportion of US music album sales by genre over three years: 2008, 2009, and 2010.

Overall, it is evident that rock music consistently held the highest share across the three years, followed by both the Alternative and R&B genres. In contrast, Jazz experienced the lowest sales figures.

Looking at the first and second charts, one can see that the proportion of Rock music remained unchanged at over 38%. Subsequently, the Alternative genre decreased slightly from 23% in 2008 to 20% in 2009. Meanwhile, R&B maintained a stable share at 22%. Country music, however, witnessed an upward trend, increasing from 13% to 16%, while Jazz remained stable at under 5%.

After one year, Rock saw a modest increase of 1%. The Alternative genre and Jazz remained stable at just under 21%, respectively, while R&B experienced a slight decline from 22% in 2009 to 19% in 2010. Nevertheless, Country music achieved nearly 20% in sales.