The two bar charts below show the proportion of 14-to 16-year-old students studying a foreign language in an English speaking country, and the top three foreign languages. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The two bar charts below show the proportion of 14-to 16-year-old students studying a foreign language in an English speaking country, and the top three foreign languages.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The two bar charts provide a comparison of the percentage of students aged 14 to 16 in an English-speaking country who engaged in foreign language studies in 1984 and 2007, along with the three most frequently studied foreign languages during these years.

From a holistic view, it is clear that a significantly larger proportion of females studied a foreign language than males in both given years, even though these figures declined in the final year. Another noteworthy observation is that despite a significant decrease in the study of French and German, both languages remained more popular than Spanish, which saw a rise in their popularity.

The first chart reveals that in 1984, a higher percentage of girls studied a foreign language compared to boys, with approximately 50% of girls and 30% of boys participating. By 2007, the percentage of both girls and boys studying a foreign language had decreased. The proportion of girls studying a foreign language dropped to around 40%, while the percentage of boys fell to about 25%. Although the decline affected both genders, the gender gap in foreign language study remained, with more girls than boys continuing to study a foreign language.

The second chart highlights the popularity of the top three languages studied in 1984 and 2007. In 1984, French was the most popular language, with 50% of students studying it, followed by German at 20%, and Spanish at roughly 5%. By 2007, French had declined in popularity, with only about 25% of students studying it. However, French still gained significant popularity, surpassing both German and Spanish, the former of which experienced a modest decrease to about 15% and the latter of which saw a slight increase to about 10%.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"From a holistic view" -> "From a comprehensive perspective"
Explanation: "From a comprehensive perspective" is a more formal and precise term that enhances the academic tone of the sentence.
"a significantly larger proportion" -> "a substantially greater proportion"
Explanation: "Substantially greater" is a more precise and formal alternative to "significantly larger," aligning better with academic language.
"these figures declined" -> "these figures decreased"
Explanation: "Decreased" is a more formal and precise term than "declined" in this context, fitting better in an academic essay.
"despite a significant decrease" -> "notwithstanding a significant decline"
Explanation: "Notwithstanding" is a more formal conjunction that strengthens the contrast in the sentence, improving the academic tone.
"both languages remained more popular" -> "both languages maintained their popularity"
Explanation: "Maintained their popularity" is a more precise and formal way to describe the continued interest in languages.
"saw a rise in their popularity" -> "experienced an increase in their popularity"
Explanation: "Experienced an increase" is more formal and academically appropriate than "saw a rise."
"The first chart reveals" -> "The first chart illustrates"
Explanation: "Illustrates" is a more precise and formal verb than "reveals" in academic writing, especially when discussing data presentation.
"a higher percentage of girls studied" -> "a greater proportion of girls engaged in"
Explanation: "Engaged in" is more specific and formal than "studied," which can be vague in this context.
"participating" -> "engaging in"
Explanation: "Engaging in" is more precise and formal than "participating," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"The proportion of girls studying" -> "The proportion of girls who studied"
Explanation: Adding "who" clarifies the subject of the verb, enhancing the sentence structure and formality.
"The second chart highlights" -> "The second chart depicts"
Explanation: "Depicts" is a more formal and precise term than "highlights" for describing the presentation of data in charts.
"the top three languages studied" -> "the three most studied languages"
Explanation: "The three most studied languages" is a more direct and formal way to express the ranking.
"was the most popular language" -> "was the most widely studied language"
Explanation: "Most widely studied" is more specific and formal than "most popular," which can be too colloquial for academic writing.
"surpassing both German and Spanish" -> "outnumbering both German and Spanish"
Explanation: "Outnumbering" is a more precise and formal term than "surpassing" in this context, fitting better with the academic style.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with the standards of academic writing.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay covers all the requirements of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay clearly presents and highlights key features/bullet points, but could be more fully extended. For example, the essay could provide more specific details about the changes in the popularity of the top three languages.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the changes in the popularity of the top three languages. For example, the essay could state that the popularity of French decreased by 25% between 1984 and 2007, while the popularity of Spanish increased by 5%. The essay could also provide more specific details about the gender gap in foreign language study. For example, the essay could state that the gender gap in foreign language study was 20% in 1984 and 15% in 2007.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, demonstrating clear progression throughout. The introduction effectively sets the context, and the body paragraphs present distinct topics related to the data. A range of cohesive devices is used appropriately, although there are instances of some under-use, particularly in transitions between ideas. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, but the overall cohesion could be enhanced with more varied linking phrases.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could benefit from a more varied use of cohesive devices to enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, ensuring that transitions between sentences and paragraphs are smoother would improve coherence. It would also be helpful to include a concluding statement that summarizes the main findings, reinforcing the overall message of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary that allows for flexibility and precision in conveying the information from the bar charts. It uses less common lexical items such as "proportion," "noteworthy observation," and "modest decrease," showing some awareness of style and collocation. However, there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice and phrasing, such as "French still gained significant popularity," which could be misleading given the context of decline. Additionally, minor errors in spelling and word formation are present but do not impede communication.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of sophisticated vocabulary and ensure precise word choices that accurately reflect the data presented. They could also work on reducing any inaccuracies in collocation and phrasing. Practicing the use of uncommon lexical items with greater accuracy and ensuring that all vocabulary is contextually appropriate will enhance the overall lexical resource. Additionally, proofreading for minor errors in spelling and word formation can further improve the quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex structures and produces frequent error-free sentences, indicating good control of grammar and punctuation. While there are some minor errors present, they do not significantly impede communication. The use of comparative language and clear organization of ideas also supports the overall clarity of the essay. However, there are instances where the complexity of sentence structures could be enhanced, and a few grammatical inaccuracies are noted.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the complexity of sentence structures and ensuring that all sentences are error-free. This can be accomplished by incorporating more varied grammatical forms, such as conditional sentences or passive constructions, and by carefully proofreading the essay to eliminate any minor errors. Additionally, enhancing the overall cohesion and coherence of the essay by using a wider range of linking words and phrases could further improve the score.

Bài sửa mẫu

From a holistic view, it is clear that a significantly larger proportion of females studied a foreign language than males in both years, even though these figures declined in the latter year. Another noteworthy observation is that despite a significant decrease in the study of French and German, both languages remained more popular than Spanish, which saw an increase in its popularity.

The first chart reveals that in 1984, a higher percentage of girls studied a foreign language compared to boys, with approximately 50% of girls and 30% of boys participating. By 2007, the percentage of both girls and boys studying a foreign language had decreased. The proportion of girls studying a foreign language dropped to around 40%, while the percentage of boys fell to about 25%. Although the decline affected both genders, the gender gap in foreign language study persisted, with more girls than boys continuing to study a foreign language.

The second chart highlights the popularity of the top three languages studied in 1984 and 2007. In 1984, French was the most popular language, with 50% of students studying it, followed by German at 20% and Spanish at roughly 5%. By 2007, French had declined in popularity, with only about 25% of students studying it. However, French still maintained a significant lead over both German and Spanish, the former of which experienced a modest decrease to about 15%, while the latter saw a slight increase to about 10%.