The two bar charts show the proportion of 14 – 16 year-old students studying a modern foreign language in an English-speaking country, and the top three popular foreign languages. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The two bar charts show the proportion of 14 – 16 year-old students studying a modern foreign language in an English-speaking country, and the top three popular foreign languages. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The two bar charts compare the percentage of English students aged 14-16 years old learning new languages distributed by male and female and the three most popular languages picked by students in 1987 and 2007.
Overall, the figures in both charts have a downward trends from 1987 to 2007, except for the Spanish learners having an upward trend. Looking at it more carefully, the percentage of girls learning new languages was higher than that of boys. Moreover, French was the most popular choice for students; as opposed to Spanish which stood at the least chosen language option among all three languages.
Starting at approximately 48%, the number of female learners dropped down to 40% in 2007, while the figure for boys was at 30% in 1987 dropping 5% down to 25% in 2007.
Regarding the most chosen languages, the number of French learners was at the highest, with German next in line and finally Spanish in both 1987 and 2007. French learners experienced the most radical changes, with the figure for 50% dropping by half to 25% in 2007. On the contrary, Spanish learners' figure increased from about 5% in 1987 to 10% in 2007. As for German, its learners decreased by 5%, with 20% at the beginning to about 15% in 2007.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "downward trends" -> "declining trends"
   Explanation: "Declining" is a more formal and precise term to describe a decrease over time.

2. "Looking at it more carefully" -> "Upon closer examination"
   Explanation: "Upon closer examination" is a more sophisticated way to introduce a detailed analysis.

3. "stood at the least chosen" -> "was the least favored"
   Explanation: "Favored" is a more dynamic term than "chosen" and fits better in this context.

4. "dropped 5% down to" -> "decreased by 5% to"
   Explanation: "Decreased by" is a more precise way to indicate a reduction in percentage.

5. "Regarding the most chosen languages" -> "Regarding the most popular languages"
   Explanation: "Popular" is more commonly used to describe languages that are widely selected or favored.

6. "experienced the most radical changes" -> "underwent the most significant changes"
   Explanation: "Underwent" is a more formal and accurate term for describing changes.

7. "with the figure for 50% dropping by half" -> "with the percentage dropping by half from 50%"
   Explanation: This revision clarifies that the drop refers to the percentage, not a specific figure.

8. "its learners decreased by 5%" -> "the number of learners decreased by 5%"
   Explanation: Adding "the number of learners" makes the sentence clearer and more specific.

9. "at the beginning" -> "initially"
   Explanation: "Initially" is a more precise term to describe the starting point of a trend or data point.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the two bar charts and making relevant comparisons. It provides an overview of the trends and key points presented in the charts, such as the downward trend in language learning overall from 1987 to 2007, the higher percentage of female learners compared to male learners, and the popularity of French as the most chosen language followed by German and Spanish. However, some details may be inaccurate or lacking clarity, such as the description of the upward trend for Spanish learners (it was a downward trend in the first chart). Additionally, the essay could benefit from more precise language and clearer organization of information.
How to improve: Ensure accuracy in describing trends and data from the charts. Use more precise language and improve the organization of information for clarity. Provide a more detailed analysis of the data presented in the charts. Avoid repetition and unnecessary details. Ensure that comparisons are made accurately and clearly.
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Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. The introduction effectively summarizes the main features of the charts, providing an overview of the trends. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the data, such as gender distribution and language popularity, enhancing coherence. Cohesive devices are used appropriately to connect ideas and maintain flow. The essay employs paragraphing sufficiently, with each paragraph presenting a clear central topic.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, consider refining the transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Additionally, strive for greater variety in cohesive devices to further connect sentences and ideas seamlessly. Pay attention to the clarity and appropriateness of referencing to avoid any confusion for the reader. Overall, maintaining this level of organization while fine-tuning cohesion will contribute to achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering the essential aspects of the data provided. There is an attempt to incorporate less common vocabulary, such as "distributed" and "radical changes," although with some inaccuracies. The writer employs vocabulary related to trends, percentages, and comparisons, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. However, there are instances of repetition ("percentage," "learners"), and the lexical range could be further expanded to enhance precision and variety.

How to improve:
To improve the lexical resource, the writer could incorporate a wider variety of vocabulary related to statistical analysis, such as "fluctuations," "trends," or "data points." Additionally, diversifying the phrasing to avoid repetition would enhance the overall sophistication of the essay. Reviewing the accuracy and appropriateness of less common vocabulary choices would also contribute to a more refined lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. It effectively communicates the main features of the data presented in the bar charts. The essay contains some errors in grammar and punctuation, but they do not significantly impede understanding.

How to improve:
To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, strive for greater variety in sentence structures, incorporating more complex constructions where appropriate. Additionally, careful proofreading for grammar and punctuation errors can enhance clarity and precision in communication.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided bar charts depict the distribution of English students aged 14-16 years old studying modern foreign languages categorized by gender, as well as the popularity of the top three foreign languages chosen by students in the years 1987 and 2007.

In general, there was a decline in the percentage of students learning new languages from 1987 to 2007, except for those studying Spanish, which exhibited an upward trend. It is noteworthy that a higher percentage of female students engaged in language learning compared to their male counterparts.

French emerged as the most favored language among students, followed by German, with Spanish being the least preferred option throughout both 1987 and 2007. Notably, there was a significant decrease in the proportion of students studying French, dropping from 50% in 1987 to 25% in 2007. Conversely, the percentage of students learning Spanish increased from approximately 5% in 1987 to 10% in 2007. Meanwhile, the number of German learners experienced a slight decline from 20% in 1987 to around 15% in 2007.

Specifically, the proportion of female learners decreased from around 48% in 1987 to 40% in 2007, whereas the percentage of male learners decreased from 30% in 1987 to 25% in 2007.