The two charts below outline the statically most desirable countries in terms of quality of life and reasons for migration.

The given pie chart illustrates the number of causes behind migration of people in 2014 while the bar chart demonstrates the comparison and ranking of countries attractive with residents.
Overall, it is apparent in the pie chart that the work opportunities were the most popular reason for migration. In contrast, adventure was the most unpopular with people in the world. On the other hand, it can be observed from the bar chart that Australia and Sweden were the least favorite choice to travel but the UK and Iceland were the countries with the least tourists.
Firstly, in 2014, just under a quarter of people who migrated as work opportunities and a fifth of individuals went to other countries since their job offer, making them dominated the pie chart. Meanwhile, bottom of the chart was respectively adventure and better lifestyle , the percentage of which were 3% and 9%. Besides, family was not quite as well-liked as a job offer, with the percentage of this was 22%.
Secondly, just over 7.8 out of 10 people loved to travel Australia and Sweden, making them the highest figures. Besides that respectively Canada, Norway and USA were in the second, third and fourth place, consisting of just over 7.8 to approximately 7.9 out of 10. However, the bottom of the list was the number of people who go to the UK and Iceland account for approximately 7.6.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the given pie chart illustrates" -> "the pie chart depicts"
Explanation: "Depicts" is a more precise and formal term than "illustrates" in academic contexts, enhancing the formality of the language.
"attractive with residents" -> "attractive to residents"
Explanation: The preposition "with" is incorrectly used here. "To" is the correct preposition to use when describing something as attractive to a particular group, such as residents.
"it is apparent" -> "it is evident"
Explanation: "Evident" is a more formal synonym for "apparent," which is preferred in academic writing for its precision and formality.
"the most popular reason" -> "the primary reason"
Explanation: "Primary" is a more precise and formal term than "most popular," which can sound colloquial and vague in academic writing.
"the most unpopular with people in the world" -> "the least favored globally"
Explanation: "Least favored globally" is more precise and formal than "most unpopular with people in the world," which is awkwardly phrased and informal.
"the countries with the least tourists" -> "the countries with the fewest tourists"
Explanation: "Fewest" is the correct comparative form for uncountable nouns like "tourists," whereas "least" is used with countable nouns.
"just under a quarter" -> "approximately one-quarter"
Explanation: "Approximately one-quarter" is a more precise and formal way to express a proportion in academic writing.
"a fifth of individuals went to other countries since their job offer" -> "one-fifth of individuals migrated to other countries due to job offers"
Explanation: "One-fifth" is a more formal expression than "a fifth," and "due to job offers" clarifies the reason for migration more accurately.
"making them dominated the pie chart" -> "making them dominate the pie chart"
Explanation: "Dominate" should be used as a verb in this context, not "dominated," which is the past tense.
"bottom of the chart was respectively" -> "the lowest portion was respectively"
Explanation: "The lowest portion" is a more precise and formal way to describe the smallest part of a chart.
"the percentage of this was" -> "the percentage was"
Explanation: Removing "this" simplifies and clarifies the sentence, making it more direct and formal.
"just over 7.8 out of 10" -> "approximately 7.8 out of 10"
Explanation: "Approximately" is more precise and formal than "just over," which is somewhat colloquial.
"the number of people who go to the UK and Iceland account for" -> "the number of people traveling to the UK and Iceland accounts for"
Explanation: "Traveling to" is more specific and formal than "who go to," and "accounts for" is the correct verb form to use in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both the pie chart and the bar chart. However, it lacks a comprehensive analysis of the data presented. For instance, while it mentions "work opportunities" as the most popular reason for migration, it does not provide a detailed breakdown of the other reasons or their respective percentages, which would be essential for a complete response. Additionally, the discussion of the bar chart is vague and does not clearly compare the countries in terms of quality of life or reasons for migration.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should ensure that each part of the prompt is thoroughly addressed. This includes providing specific data points and comparisons for both charts. A clearer structure that separates the analysis of each chart and discusses their implications would also enhance clarity.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does not maintain a clear position throughout. While it identifies certain trends, such as "work opportunities" being the most significant factor for migration, it fails to articulate a coherent argument or viewpoint regarding the implications of these trends. The transitions between discussing the pie chart and the bar chart are abrupt, leading to confusion about the overall message.
- How to improve: To present a clearer position, the writer should establish a thesis statement that reflects their overall interpretation of the data. Each paragraph should begin with a topic sentence that relates back to this thesis, ensuring that the discussion remains focused and logically structured.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are underdeveloped and lack sufficient support. For example, the statement about "adventure" being the least popular reason for migration is mentioned but not elaborated upon. The essay also fails to provide context or implications of the data, which would help to extend the ideas presented.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should include more detailed explanations and examples. This could involve discussing why certain reasons for migration are more popular than others or what factors contribute to the desirability of specific countries. Incorporating relevant statistics and elaborating on their significance would strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the charts as required. However, there are moments where the information becomes unclear or misinterpreted, such as the statement about the UK and Iceland being the "least favorite choice to travel," which contradicts the earlier mention of them having the least tourists. This inconsistency can confuse the reader and detracts from the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each statement is accurate and clearly related to the data presented in the charts. Careful proofreading and revising for clarity and consistency will help avoid contradictions and ensure that the essay remains relevant to the prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the task but requires significant improvement in clarity, detail, and structure to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents information from the pie chart and bar chart, but the organization of ideas could be improved. The introduction effectively outlines what the charts depict, but the body paragraphs could benefit from a clearer structure. For instance, the first paragraph discusses the pie chart but jumps between different points without a clear progression. The second paragraph attempts to address the bar chart but lacks a logical flow, as it mixes comparisons without clearly delineating between the countries or their rankings.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider structuring the essay into distinct sections for each chart. Start with a clear overview of the pie chart, followed by a detailed breakdown of each reason for migration, and then transition smoothly to the bar chart, discussing the countries in order of their attractiveness. Using transitional phrases like "In addition," "Conversely," or "Furthermore" can help guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but they are not effectively utilized to separate ideas. The first paragraph mixes the analysis of the pie chart with the bar chart, which can confuse the reader. Additionally, the second paragraph lacks a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, making it hard to follow the argument.
- How to improve: Implement a more structured paragraphing technique. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main point. For example, one paragraph could focus solely on the reasons for migration as shown in the pie chart, while another could focus on the countries ranked by attractiveness. This will help the reader understand the main ideas more clearly and follow the argument more easily.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "meanwhile" and "besides," but the range is limited, and some transitions feel forced or awkward. For example, the phrase "On the other hand" is used to contrast the popularity of work opportunities with adventure, but it could be clearer if more context were provided. Additionally, the use of "respectively" is somewhat misapplied, as it does not clearly indicate the corresponding elements being compared.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of transition words and phrases. For instance, use "however" to introduce contrasting ideas, "for instance" to provide examples, and "therefore" to indicate conclusions. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used in a contextually appropriate manner to enhance clarity and flow. Practicing the use of these devices in different contexts can help improve their effectiveness in writing.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to an improved band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it lacks the variety and sophistication expected at higher band scores. For instance, terms like "work opportunities," "adventure," and "better lifestyle" are used, but they are somewhat basic and repetitive. The phrase "the most popular reason for migration" is effective, but the overall vocabulary does not showcase a broader lexical range.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For example, instead of repeating "work opportunities," alternatives like "employment prospects" or "job openings" could be used. Additionally, using phrases like "motivations for migration" or "factors influencing relocation" would diversify the language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "the least favorite choice to travel" is misleading; it would be clearer to say "the least popular destinations for migrants." Additionally, the phrase "the bottom of the chart was respectively adventure and better lifestyle" lacks clarity and precision.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and specificity. Instead of saying "the bottom of the chart," it would be better to specify that these are the least favored reasons for migration. Using more precise language, such as "ranked lowest" or "least significant factors," would enhance clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "statically" instead of "statistically," and "the percentage of this was 22%" which could be more clearly phrased. While the overall spelling is generally accurate, these errors detract from the overall impression of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully or use spell-check tools before submission. Additionally, practicing writing and reviewing commonly misspelled words can help reinforce correct spelling. Reading more academic texts can also aid in familiarizing oneself with the correct spelling of complex vocabulary.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By expanding vocabulary, focusing on clarity, and enhancing spelling practices, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "it is apparent in the pie chart that the work opportunities were the most popular reason for migration." However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way comparisons are made (e.g., "the bottom of the chart was respectively adventure and better lifestyle"). The sentence structures tend to be somewhat formulaic, which limits the overall range.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex and compound sentences. For example, instead of repeatedly using "the bottom of the chart was," the writer could vary this by using phrases like "In contrast to the leading reasons, adventure and better lifestyle ranked lower." Additionally, integrating more relative clauses and participial phrases could add depth and complexity to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a fair level of grammatical accuracy, but there are noticeable errors that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "making them dominated the pie chart" should be corrected to "making them dominate the pie chart." Additionally, the use of articles is inconsistent, as seen in "the percentage of this was 22%," which would be clearer as "the percentage of this reason was 22%." Punctuation is generally correct, but there are instances where commas could improve readability, such as before conjunctions in compound sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of verb forms. Practicing sentence restructuring can help avoid awkward constructions. For punctuation, the writer should review rules regarding the use of commas, particularly in complex sentences, to enhance clarity. A thorough proofreading process could help catch these errors before submission.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents relevant information, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given pie chart illustrates the number of causes behind the migration of people in 2014, while the bar chart demonstrates the comparison and ranking of countries attractive to residents. Overall, it is evident from the pie chart that work opportunities were the most popular reason for migration. In contrast, adventure was the least favored globally. On the other hand, it can be observed from the bar chart that Australia and Sweden were the least favorite choices for travel, while the UK and Iceland were the countries with the fewest tourists.

Firstly, in 2014, just under one-quarter of people migrated for work opportunities, and one-fifth of individuals went to other countries due to job offers, making them dominate the pie chart. Meanwhile, at the bottom of the chart were adventure and better lifestyle, the percentages of which were 3% and 9%, respectively. Besides, family was not quite as well-liked as job offers, with the percentage being 22%.

Secondly, just over 7.8 out of 10 people loved to travel to Australia and Sweden, making them the highest figures. Additionally, Canada, Norway, and the USA were in second, third, and fourth place, with scores just over 7.8 to approximately 7.9 out of 10. However, the bottom of the list was the number of people who traveled to the UK and Iceland, which accounted for approximately 7.6.