The two maps below show the changes in the town of Denham from 1986 to the present day.
The illustrations detail changes that have occurred in Denham since 1986 to today.
Overall, Denham has become more residential with more buildings for accommodation purposes. In addition, the most striking change is the demolition of the farmland, and the areas remaining unchanged are the bridge and the post office.
In 1986, Denham used to be very rural due to the farmlands in the north-east and south of the town, but it has been much more residential as these were replaced with a range of houses are built along the main road, from which a small new road is branched. An interesting development has been the introduction of two more blocks of the primary school, turning it from an I-shaped building to a U-shaped one. Another striking change is that half of the gardens and the large house adjacent to them have been removed to make way for a small road leading to the retirement home.
Similarly, looking at the western area of Denham, it used to have only a few houses, but this number has been tenfold due to the alterations of two more small roads, which also leads to the fact that many shops have been brought down. Interestingly, the infrastructures including the post office in the center and the bridge to the north of the town are the areas that experienced no changes.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
"have occurred" -> "have transpired"
Explanation: "Have occurred" is a common phrase, but using "have transpired" introduces a more formal and descriptive term, adding depth to the discussion of changes over time.
"accommodation purposes" -> "residential purposes"
Explanation: While "accommodation purposes" isn’t incorrect, "residential purposes" more specifically denotes the use of buildings for living, enhancing precision.
"demolition of the farmland" -> "clearance of farmland"
Explanation: "Demolition" typically refers to structures, while "clearance" better signifies the removal of farmland, offering a more accurate description.
"areas remaining unchanged" -> "areas that have remained unchanged"
Explanation: Adding "that have" improves the sentence’s grammatical structure and clarity, making it more formal.
"were replaced with a range of houses are built" -> "were replaced by a range of houses"
Explanation: Removing "are built" after "houses" corrects the structure and improves readability.
"from which a small new road is branched" -> "from which a small new road branches off"
Explanation: The phrase "branches off" provides a clearer and more accurate description of the road’s origin.
"half of the gardens" -> "a portion of the gardens"
Explanation: "Half" is specific; using "a portion" allows for a more general description that might be more accurate.
"the large house adjacent to them" -> "the large house adjoining them"
Explanation: "Adjoining" is a more precise term for describing the relationship between the gardens and the house.
"many shops have been brought down" -> "many shops have been demolished"
Explanation: "Brought down" can be vague; "demolished" is a more explicit term for the removal of shops.
"infrastructures including" -> "infrastructure, including"
Explanation: Using "infrastructure" in the singular form and adding a comma after it improves the sentence’s structure and readability.
"areas that experienced no changes" -> "areas that underwent no changes"
Explanation: "Underwent" is a more descriptive and formal term, adding depth to the statement about unchanged areas.
By making these changes, the essay becomes more precise, grammatically sound, and employs a more advanced vocabulary where necessary.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay effectively covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main trends and changes in the town of Denham from 1986 to the present day. It correctly identifies the major alterations, such as the increase in residential areas, the demolition of farmland, and the unchanged elements like the bridge and post office. The response is well-structured and coherent, with a logical progression of ideas.
How to improve:
To elevate the essay to a Band 8 level, consider extending the analysis of key features and bullet points. While the essay highlights major changes, there is room for a more detailed examination of specific developments. Additionally, strive for more precision in language and ensure that details provided are entirely accurate. This can be achieved by providing specific data or statistics where applicable to support the description of changes. Overall, maintain the clarity and coherence exhibited in the essay but aim for a more in-depth exploration of the transformations in Denham.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
The essay demonstrates coherence and cohesion to a moderate extent. The writer organizes information logically, providing a clear overall progression from the past to the present. The use of cohesive devices is effective in conveying the changes in the town. However, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences is somewhat faulty or mechanical, impacting the overall flow. The essay manages paragraphing but not consistently logically, as some transitions between ideas could be smoother.
How to improve:
- Enhance the use of cohesive devices: While the essay uses cohesive devices, there’s room for improvement. Ensure a more varied and precise application of cohesive elements to enhance the overall flow.
- Refine sentence and paragraph structure: Work on creating seamless transitions between sentences and paragraphs. This can be achieved by using more sophisticated linking words and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central theme.
- Check for mechanical cohesion: Address instances where the cohesion feels forced or mechanical. Aim for a more natural flow by choosing appropriate synonyms and connectors that fit the context seamlessly.
- Ensure logical paragraphing: While the essay includes paragraphs, focus on ensuring that each paragraph has a logical connection to the preceding and following ones. This will contribute to a smoother overall progression of ideas.
By refining these aspects, the essay can achieve a higher coherence and cohesion band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.5
Explanation: The essay displays an adequate range of vocabulary for the task and attempts to utilize less common vocabulary. There are efforts to describe changes using varied terms like "residential," "demolition," "farmland," "accommodation," and more. However, there are instances where the phrasing could be more diverse, and some vocabulary choices lack precision or sophistication, affecting the overall fluency. There are occasional errors in word choice and expression that mildly impact clarity.
How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, consider using a wider variety of synonyms and more nuanced vocabulary to describe changes. Aim for greater precision and sophistication in word choice to elevate the overall quality of expression. Review the use of idiomatic phrases, collocations, and transitions to strengthen the fluency and coherence of the essay.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, contributing to a varied structure. It effectively communicates the changes in Denham from 1986 to the present, and the use of transitional phrases aids in coherence. However, there are notable grammatical errors and instances of awkward phrasing, such as "with more buildings for accommodation purposes," which could be refined for greater clarity. The use of complex structures, like the introduction of two more blocks in the primary school, shows an attempt at complexity, but there is room for improvement in precision and accuracy.
How to improve:
To enhance grammatical range and accuracy, strive for more precision in sentence construction. Ensure that complex structures are used with complete accuracy, and consider revising awkward phrasing for smoother expression. Additionally, pay attention to subject-verb agreement and use varied sentence structures to present information in a more nuanced manner. Proofreading for minor errors will further elevate the overall accuracy of the essay.
Bài sửa mẫu
The provided illustrations delineate the transformations in the town of Denham from 1986 to the present day.
Overall, Denham has undergone a pronounced shift towards residential development, marked by a notable increase in accommodation facilities. The most conspicuous change is the eradication of farmland, while the enduring features include the bridge and the post office.
In 1986, Denham was predominantly rural, characterized by extensive farmlands in the north-east and south of the town. Over the years, this rural landscape has given way to a more residential setting, manifesting in the construction of a variety of houses along the main road, with a new secondary road branching off. A noteworthy transformation is the expansion of the primary school, represented by the addition of two more blocks, transforming its structure from an I-shaped to a U-shaped configuration. Another significant alteration involves the removal of half of the gardens and the adjacent large house to make room for a thoroughfare leading to the retirement home.
Examining the western sector of Denham, which formerly housed only a sparse collection of residences, there has been a tenfold increase due to the introduction of two additional small roads. This expansion has necessitated the removal of numerous shops. Interestingly, the central post office and the bridge to the north of the town remain unaltered, standing as enduring elements amidst the transformations.
In conclusion, Denham’s evolution from 1986 to the present day is evident in the shift from rural to residential, with notable changes in the layout of the primary school and the western housing area. The persistence of the post office and the bridge underscores the dynamic nature of the town’s development.