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The two maps show an existing city and proposed changes for the next ten years. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features. Make comparisons where relevant.

The two maps show an existing city and proposed changes for the next ten years. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features. Make comparisons where relevant.

The provided maps depict the present layout of a city and its future plans of modifications for the next decade.
Overall, the most noticeable change is conversion of the existing industrial zones into a residential area with plenty of houses and green spaces.
Regarding the West side of this city, the impending changes involve the removal of the shopping mall and three factories to make room for a restaurant and an apartment building. Simultaneously, many trees will be planted in the current industrial area where there are no trees.
Significant changes will also be projected on the East side of the city. Although the lake will remain unchanged, a playground will be constructed to convert this site into a park. The current university and supermarket will be replaced by a dwelling house. Many trees will be planted, as in the West part of the city.
Towards the South of the city, a railway network will be erected and the area will also be covered with dense vegetation.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "depict the present layout" -> "illustrate the current urban configuration"
    Explanation: Replacing "depict the present layout" with "illustrate the current urban configuration" introduces a more sophisticated and precise way of describing the visual representation of the city.

  2. "conversion of the existing industrial zones" -> "transformation of the current industrial sectors"
    Explanation: Changing "conversion of the existing industrial zones" to "transformation of the current industrial sectors" enhances the formality of the statement by using a more nuanced term that conveys a comprehensive change.

  3. "plenty of houses" -> "an abundance of residential structures"
    Explanation: Substituting "plenty of houses" with "an abundance of residential structures" elevates the language by employing a more precise and formal expression for the increased number of homes.

  4. "impending changes involve" -> "forthcoming alterations encompass"
    Explanation: Replacing "impending changes involve" with "forthcoming alterations encompass" introduces a more formal and expansive phrase, providing a nuanced description of the upcoming modifications.

  5. "make room for" -> "accommodate"
    Explanation: Changing "make room for" to "accommodate" imparts a more refined tone to the sentence, utilizing a synonym that is both concise and sophisticated.

  6. "Simultaneously" -> "Concurrently"
    Explanation: Substituting "Simultaneously" with "Concurrently" maintains the temporal relationship between events while using a more advanced and formal transition word.

  7. "projected on the East side" -> "anticipated on the Eastern flank"
    Explanation: Replacing "projected on the East side" with "anticipated on the Eastern flank" introduces a more formal and precise term to convey the future developments on the Eastern side of the city.

  8. "Although the lake will remain unchanged" -> "While the lake will remain unaltered"
    Explanation: Changing "Although the lake will remain unchanged" to "While the lake will remain unaltered" provides a more polished and formal transition, maintaining coherence in the sentence structure.

  9. "a dwelling house" -> "a residential dwelling"
    Explanation: Substituting "a dwelling house" with "a residential dwelling" enhances the formality and specificity of the language, using a more elaborate term for a place of residence.

  10. "railway network will be erected" -> "a railway network will be established"
    Explanation: Replacing "railway network will be erected" with "a railway network will be established" employs a more formal and precise term to describe the creation of the railway infrastructure.

  11. "covered with dense vegetation" -> "enveloped in lush greenery"
    Explanation: Changing "covered with dense vegetation" to "enveloped in lush greenery" introduces a more vivid and descriptive phrase, offering a nuanced portrayal of the vegetation in the South of the city.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main changes depicted in the maps. It highlights key features of the existing city and proposed changes, offering a reasonable comparison between the two. The essay effectively identifies the major transformations, such as the conversion of industrial zones to residential areas, alterations in specific locations like the West and East sides, and the addition of a railway network in the South.

How to improve:
To enhance the response to reach a higher band score, consider extending the discussion on the impact or significance of these changes. Providing more details about the scale or magnitude of the modifications and their potential consequences could further enrich the analysis and elevate the depth of the response. Additionally, ensure the information presented remains consistently focused on the maps’ features and avoids unnecessary details or tangents.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization by sequentially addressing the changes depicted in the maps, discussing alterations to specific zones within the city. The information flows logically from one area to another, presenting a clear overview of modifications across different regions of the city. Each paragraph revolves around a central topic, discussing the transformations in distinct parts of the city: West, East, and South. The essay achieves clear progression by moving from one section of the city to another, providing a comprehensive overview of the proposed changes.

Cohesive devices are utilized effectively to link ideas and enhance coherence. The writer skillfully uses transition words and phrases like "Regarding," "Simultaneously," "Although," "Towards," which contribute to the coherence and smooth flow of information. There is a consistent effort to link sentences and ideas together, although there could be some improvement in the variety and usage of cohesive devices.

Paragraphing is employed sufficiently and appropriately, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the city’s transformation. However, there could be a slight enhancement in the clarity of paragraphing to strengthen the overall logical structure of the essay.

How to improve:
To improve the coherence and cohesion further and aim for a higher band score, consider the following:

  1. Enhance the variety and usage of cohesive devices to create a more seamless connection between ideas throughout the essay.
  2. Ensure a more distinct and consistent approach to paragraphing, emphasizing clear transitions between different sections of the city for a stronger organizational structure.
  3. Aim for a more sophisticated range of vocabulary and sentence structures to elevate the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary with some flexibility and precision. It successfully conveys the main features of the maps, describing changes in the industrial zones, the West and East sides of the city, and the South with the proposed railway network. The use of vocabulary is appropriate, and there is an attempt to incorporate less common lexical items, such as "impending changes," "dense vegetation," and "dwelling house." However, there are occasional errors in word choice, such as the use of "erected" for the railway network, which might not be the most precise term. Additionally, some sentences could benefit from more varied and sophisticated vocabulary.

How to improve:
To enhance the Lexical Resource score, strive for even more variety and sophistication in word choice. Ensure that less common lexical items are used accurately and precisely. In this essay, replacing general terms like "significant changes" with more specific descriptions would add depth. Also, attention to the accuracy of less common words, like using "constructed" instead of "erected" for the railway network, will contribute to a more polished lexical performance. Consider incorporating more precise vocabulary to describe the nature of changes, for instance, specifying the type of restaurant or apartment building planned for the West side.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammatical structures, utilizing a variety of complex sentence forms. The writer effectively communicates the information using a mix of sentence structures, contributing to overall coherence. There are instances of minor errors, such as in the phrase "changes will also be projected," where a more precise term like "planned" might be preferable. Despite this, the majority of sentences are error-free, and the errors present do not significantly impact understanding. Punctuation and grammar are generally well-controlled throughout the essay.

How to improve:
To enhance the essay’s grammatical range and accuracy, the writer can focus on refining the choice of words to convey information more precisely. Additionally, attention to verb tense consistency, as seen in the use of "will be projected," could further improve grammatical accuracy. Proofreading for minor errors and choosing more specific vocabulary will contribute to achieving a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided illustrations delineate the current urban layout and proposed modifications for a city over the next decade. Overall, a conspicuous transformation is observed, predominantly involving the conversion of existing industrial zones into a residential area, accentuated by ample housing and verdant spaces.

Commencing with the Western sector, a notable metamorphosis is anticipated. The forthcoming alterations encompass the dismantling of a shopping mall and three factories, paving the way for the establishment of a restaurant and an apartment building. Simultaneously, a substantial afforestation initiative is planned in the current industrial expanse, presently devoid of trees.

Similarly, the Eastern facet of the city is poised for significant modifications. While the lake remains untouched, a recreational playground is slated for construction, aiming to metamorphose this region into a park. Notably, the extant university and supermarket will yield to the construction of a residential dwelling. A parallel afforestation initiative mirroring the West is planned for this sector.

Progressing towards the Southern quadrant, a notable addition is the introduction of a railway network. This development is complemented by an extensive afforestation effort, resulting in a densely vegetated region.

In synthesis, the proposed changes are indicative of a strategic shift from industrial to residential and recreational domains, exemplifying a comprehensive urban redevelopment plan for the next decade.

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