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The two maps show an existing city and proposed changes for the next ten years. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features. Make comparisons where relevant.

The two maps show an existing city and proposed changes for the next ten years. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features. Make comparisons where relevant.

The provided maps depict the present layout of a city and its future plans for modifications for the next decade.
Overall, the most noticeable change is the conversion of the existing industrial zones into a residential area with plenty of houses and green spaces.
Regarding the West side of this city, the impending changes involve the removal of the shopping mall and three factories to make room for a restaurant and an apartment building. Simultaneously, many trees will be planted in the current industrial area where there are no trees.
Significant changes will also be projected on the East side of the city. Although the lake will remain unchanged, a playground will be constructed to convert this site into a park. The current university and supermarket will be replaced by a residential building. Many trees will be planted, as in the Western part of the city.
Towards the South of the city, a railway network will be erected and the area will also be covered with dense vegetation.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "depict" -> "illustrate"
    Explanation: Replacing "depict" with "illustrate" adds a more sophisticated touch to the description of the maps, conveying a sense of detailed representation.

  2. "modification" -> "transformation"
    Explanation: Substituting "modification" with "transformation" elevates the language, conveying a more significant and impactful change in the city’s future plans.

  3. "plenty of" -> "abundant"
    Explanation: Changing "plenty of" to "abundant" provides a more precise and formal description, enhancing the richness of houses and green spaces in the residential area.

  4. "impending changes" -> "forthcoming transformations"
    Explanation: Replacing "impending changes" with "forthcoming transformations" introduces a more formal and nuanced expression, emphasizing the substantial nature of the city’s upcoming modifications.

  5. "make room for" -> "accommodate"
    Explanation: Substituting "make room for" with "accommodate" imparts a more refined and deliberate tone, highlighting the purposeful allocation of space for a restaurant and an apartment building.

  6. "projected on" -> "anticipated for"
    Explanation: Changing "projected on" to "anticipated for" introduces a more forward-looking and deliberate perspective, emphasizing the planned nature of the changes on the East side of the city.

  7. "will remain unchanged" -> "will persist"
    Explanation: Replacing "will remain unchanged" with "will persist" adds a subtle layer of formality and continuity to the description of the lake, emphasizing its enduring nature.

  8. "constructed" -> "established"
    Explanation: Substituting "constructed" with "established" imparts a more formal and deliberate tone to the creation of the playground, emphasizing the intentional development of this site into a park.

  9. "replaced by" -> "substituted with"
    Explanation: Changing "replaced by" to "substituted with" provides a more precise and formal description of the replacement of the current university and supermarket with a residential building.

  10. "erected" -> "installed"
    Explanation: Substituting "erected" with "installed" offers a more precise and sophisticated term for the creation of the railway network in the South of the city.

  11. "covered with" -> "enveloped in"
    Explanation: Changing "covered with" to "enveloped in" introduces a more intricate and descriptive language, emphasizing the immersive nature of the dense vegetation in the Southern area of the city.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by presenting a clear overview of the main changes depicted in the maps. It provides a coherent summary of the transformations occurring in different zones of the city, addressing both current and future developments. Key features, such as the conversion of industrial zones into residential areas, changes in infrastructure, and the incorporation of green spaces, are highlighted and illustrated clearly.

How to improve:
To enhance the score to a higher band, consider extending the response further by providing additional details or implications of the proposed changes. Elaborating on the significance or potential impact of these modifications would enrich the content and elevate the depth of analysis. Moreover, strive for a more comprehensive coverage of all key features while ensuring accuracy and relevance throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a relatively clear progression in presenting the information about the existing city and the proposed changes over the next ten years. There is a logical organization of ideas, as it first outlines the general changes in the city and then progresses to detail the alterations in different areas. Each paragraph has a clear central topic related to the specific changes happening in different parts of the city, which aids coherence.

The use of cohesive devices contributes to the essay’s overall coherence, though there might be some slight underuse or lack of variety in their application. The essay uses cohesive devices effectively to link ideas within sentences and between paragraphs. However, there could be an opportunity to incorporate a broader range of these devices to enhance coherence further.

Paragraphing is generally sufficient and appropriate, allowing the reader to discern different sections discussing various parts of the city and their proposed changes. Each paragraph presents a clear central theme related to the alterations in different regions of the city, supporting the overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve:
To potentially improve coherence and cohesion to a higher band score:

  1. Utilize a wider range of cohesive devices to further strengthen the connections between sentences and ideas.
  2. Ensure a more consistent and varied use of transitional phrases or connectors throughout the essay to enhance overall cohesion.
  3. Aim for more precise referencing within and between sentences to reinforce logical connections between ideas, especially when comparing present and future scenarios.

Overall, the essay effectively presents the information with a clear structure and logical progression, but additional variety and precision in the use of cohesive devices could further enhance its coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to convey the main features of the city maps. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary, such as "impending changes," "projected," and "erected," contributing to a moderate lexical range. The writer shows some awareness of style and collocation, with phrases like "conversion of the existing industrial zones" and "dense vegetation." While occasional errors in word choice and spelling are present (e.g., "Simultaneously" could be more smoothly integrated), they do not significantly impede communication. The essay effectively summarizes the information, highlighting major transformations in the city layout.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating a broader range of vocabulary related to urban planning and development. Aim for more precise and varied expressions, ensuring that less common lexical items are used accurately. Additionally, focus on refining the fluency and flexibility of language use to elevate the overall lexical control.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable level of grammatical range and accuracy, placing it in Band 7. The writer effectively employs a variety of complex structures, such as compound and complex sentences, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. The majority of sentences are error-free, showcasing good control of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few instances of minor errors, such as the phrase "the impending changes involve," where a more concise expression could enhance clarity.

How to improve:
To further enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, consider refining the expression of complex ideas to avoid potential minor errors. In the sentence "the impending changes involve," a more direct and concise phrasing, like "upcoming changes include," can eliminate any ambiguity. Additionally, meticulous proofreading can help catch and rectify rare minor errors, ensuring a more polished presentation. Overall, maintaining the current level of complexity while fine-tuning specific expressions will contribute to an even more refined essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The presented illustrations delineate the current configuration of a city and the proposed alterations slated for the upcoming decade. In broad strokes, the most salient transformation entails the metamorphosis of existing industrial sectors into a residential enclave, characterized by an abundance of dwellings and verdant expanses.

Examining the Western facet of the city, imminent modifications encompass the decommissioning of a shopping mall and three manufacturing facilities, paving the way for the establishment of a restaurant and a residential complex. Concurrently, a proliferation of trees is envisaged in the extant industrial precincts that currently lack arboreal presence.

Substantial revisions are also anticipated on the Eastern periphery of the city. While the lake’s configuration remains unaltered, a recreational playground is slated for development, transforming the locale into a park. The extant university and supermarket are earmarked for replacement by a residential edifice, accompanied by a commensurate afforestation initiative mirroring that in the city’s Western quadrant.

Progressing towards the city’s Southern precincts, an extensive railway network is scheduled for construction, coalescing with the strategic augmentation of luxuriant greenery across the area.

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