The two pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Canada in 2005 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The diagram illustrates the percentage distribution of online shopping sales recorded from the Electronics & Appliance, Video Games, Home furnishings, and Food & Beverage sectors in Canada in the years 2005 and 2010.
Overall, it is obvious that the Video Games and Food & Beverage sectors exhibited an upward trend over the years shown, albeit varying extends, whereas a reverse pattern could be seen in the figures for the remaining category. Notably, 2010 marked the turning point when the Food & Beverage sector surpassed the Electronics & Appliance, becoming the leading online shopping sales sector in Canada.
In 2005, the Electronics & Appliance sector dominated the chart with about 35%. The Home furnishings and Food & Beverage sectors trailed behind at 25% and 22% respectively. Finally, Video Games accounted for the lowest percentage, at just 18%, indicating that this area received relatively little attention.
However, the ranks underwent a significant transformation in 2010. The percentage of Electronics & Appliance declined steadily, reaching 30%, while the Video Games sector increased steeply, with a figure of 23% recorded during the same time. On the other hand, Home furnishings experienced a decrease sharply, just half the figure for the sector Electronics & Appliance, dropping to the bottom of the chart in 2010. The Food & Beverage sector recorded a figure of 32%, reflecting a surge that surpassed the sector Electronics & Appliances, making it the most prominent sector at the time in Canada.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"it is obvious that" -> "it is evident that"
Explanation: "It is evident that" is a more formal and precise alternative to "it is obvious that," which sounds slightly colloquial and less academic.
"albeit varying extends" -> "albeit with varying degrees"
Explanation: "Varying extends" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "With varying degrees" is grammatically correct and provides a clearer expression of the varying levels of change.
"a reverse pattern" -> "a downward trend"
Explanation: "A reverse pattern" is vague and less specific. "A downward trend" is more precise and commonly used in academic contexts to describe decreasing patterns.
"the Food & Beverage sector surpassed the Electronics & Appliance" -> "the Food & Beverage sector outpaced the Electronics & Appliance"
Explanation: "Outpaced" is more specific and academically appropriate than "surpassed" when describing the relative change in percentages over time.
"the chart with about 35%" -> "the chart, with approximately 35%"
Explanation: Adding a comma after "chart" improves the sentence structure and clarity, and "approximately" is more formal than "about" in academic writing.
"trailing behind" -> "lagging behind"
Explanation: "Lagging behind" is a more formal expression suitable for academic texts compared to "trailing behind," which can be seen as slightly informal.
"received relatively little attention" -> "received relatively little attention"
Explanation: This is a typographical error, correcting it to maintain the integrity of the text.
"the ranks underwent a significant transformation" -> "the rankings underwent a significant shift"
Explanation: "Rankings" is more specific than "ranks" in this context, referring to the relative positions of the sectors. "Shift" is also more precise than "transformation" in describing changes in position.
"declined steadily" -> "steadily declined"
Placement of adverbs is crucial for clarity and formality. "Steadily declined" is more formal and correctly structured.
"a figure of 23%" -> "a percentage of 23%"
Explanation: "A figure" is less specific and can be ambiguous. "A percentage" is the correct term for expressing a proportion in statistics and academic writing.
"just half the figure for the sector Electronics & Appliance" -> "half the percentage of the Electronics & Appliance sector"
Explanation: "Half the figure" is informal and imprecise. "Half the percentage" is more accurate and maintains the formal tone.
"making it the most prominent sector at the time in Canada" -> "rendering it the leading sector at that time in Canada"
Explanation: "Rendering" is more formal and precise than "making," and "leading" is more specific than "most prominent" in the context of sectors and their relative positions.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the main trends in the data. It highlights the key features of the data, such as the increase in online sales for Video Games and Food & Beverage, and the decrease in sales for Electronics & Appliances and Home Furnishings. The essay also makes comparisons between the two years, noting the significant transformation in the rankings of the sectors.

How to improve: The essay could be more fully extended by providing more specific details about the changes in each sector. For example, the essay could state that the percentage of online sales for Video Games increased by 5% between 2005 and 2010, while the percentage of online sales for Electronics & Appliances decreased by 5%. The essay could also provide more context for the data, such as by explaining the reasons for the changes in online sales.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, presenting a clear progression throughout the response. The writer effectively compares the data from 2005 to 2010, highlighting the changes in the online shopping sales across different sectors. There is a clear central topic within each paragraph, and the use of cohesive devices is appropriate, although there are instances of minor under- or over-use. For example, phrases like "on the other hand" and "notably" are used to transition between ideas, but the overall flow could be improved with more varied cohesive devices. The paragraphing is generally effective, but the transitions between some ideas could be smoother.

How to improve: To enhance the score, the writer could work on varying the cohesive devices used to connect ideas and ensure that transitions between sentences and paragraphs are more fluid. Additionally, ensuring that all references are clear and appropriately used would strengthen the overall coherence. Finally, focusing on maintaining a consistent logical flow throughout the essay will further improve the coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary that allows for some flexibility and precision in conveying information about the pie charts. It uses less common lexical items, such as "exhibited," "trailing behind," and "transformation," showing some awareness of style and collocation. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and phrasing, such as "albeit varying extends" (which should be "varying extents") and "experienced a decrease sharply," which could be more naturally phrased. These errors do not significantly impede communication but do indicate a need for greater accuracy and control over vocabulary.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could benefit from a more sophisticated range of vocabulary and improved accuracy in word choice. Additionally, reducing the frequency of minor errors in spelling and phrasing would enhance clarity. Incorporating more varied sentence structures and ensuring that less common vocabulary is used correctly would also contribute to a stronger lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures and produces a good number of error-free sentences. There is a clear understanding of the task, and the information is presented logically. However, there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that detract from the overall accuracy. For instance, phrases like "albeit varying extends" should be corrected to "albeit varying extents," and "the ranks underwent a significant transformation" could be more clearly expressed. These errors indicate that while the writer has good control over grammar and punctuation, they still make a few mistakes that affect clarity.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on reducing grammatical errors and enhancing sentence clarity. This can be accomplished by proofreading the essay for minor mistakes and ensuring that all phrases are used correctly. Additionally, incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and complex structures while maintaining accuracy will further strengthen the essay’s grammatical range and accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram illustrates the percentage distribution of online shopping sales recorded from the Electronics & Appliance, Video Games, Home Furnishings, and Food & Beverage sectors in Canada in the years 2005 and 2010. Overall, it is evident that the Video Games and Food & Beverage sectors exhibited an upward trend over the years shown, albeit to varying extents, while a reverse pattern is observed in the figures for the remaining categories. Notably, 2010 marked a turning point when the Food & Beverage sector surpassed Electronics & Appliance, becoming the leading online shopping sales sector in Canada.

In 2005, the Electronics & Appliance sector dominated the chart with approximately 35%. The Home Furnishings and Food & Beverage sectors followed at 25% and 22%, respectively. Finally, Video Games accounted for the lowest percentage, at just 18%, indicating that this area received relatively little attention.

However, the rankings underwent a significant transformation in 2010. The percentage of Electronics & Appliance sales declined steadily, reaching 30%, while the Video Games sector increased sharply, with a recorded figure of 23% during the same period. On the other hand, Home Furnishings experienced a marked decrease, dropping to just half the figure of the Electronics & Appliance sector, placing it at the bottom of the chart in 2010. The Food & Beverage sector recorded a figure of 32%, reflecting a surge that surpassed the Electronics & Appliance sector, making it the most prominent sector at that time in Canada.