The use of social media, such as Facebook, Twitter, is replacing face-to-face contact in this century. Do you think the advantages of this way outweigh the disadvantages?

In current times, in- person communication is being replaced by the use of social networking sites such as Facebook, Twitter. Despite several inevitable drawbacks to be taken into account, the merits vastly outweigh the demerits.
On the one hand, the fact that the transition to social media for communication may be beneficial to a certain extent. The foremost significant advantage is the ability to maintain communication with friends and family regardless of geographical distance. For instance, even if you live abroad, you can stay in touch with loved ones through electronic devices like computers and phones. Additionally, these platforms allow us to access information quickly and without any cost by following news sites, thus conserving significant time and resources compared to traditional advertising methods in newspapers or magazines.
On the other hand, there are a number of potential drawbacks that need to be weighed up against aforementioned pros. Firstly, excessive utilization of social media can lead people to undervalue the importance of face-to-face interaction, where genuine human connections are nurtured. Presently, many youthful and introverted users inhabit the virtual realm of social networking sites rather than engaging in real-life relationships. Secondly, individuals who spend too much time on social networks are at risk of experiencing negative emotions, possibly leading to psychological disorders like depression. Moreover, they may become targets of acts of violence on social networking platforms, which can adversely impact their cognition, psychological well-being, and occasionally physical and mental health.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"in current times" -> "currently"
Explanation: "In current times" is somewhat informal. "Currently" is a more concise and formal alternative that fits better with academic style.
"being replaced by the use of" -> "being supplanted by"
Explanation: "Being replaced by the use of" is a bit wordy and awkward. "Being supplanted by" is more concise and maintains formality.
"such as Facebook, Twitter" -> "such as Facebook and Twitter"
Explanation: The list should be punctuated correctly with "and" before the last item to maintain parallel structure.
"Despite several inevitable drawbacks to be taken into account" -> "Despite several inevitable drawbacks"
Explanation: The phrase "to be taken into account" is unnecessary and can be omitted without changing the meaning of the sentence.
"The foremost significant advantage" -> "The most significant advantage"
Explanation: "Foremost" and "significant" are redundant. "The most significant" is more concise and appropriate.
"the ability to maintain communication with friends and family" -> "the ability to communicate with friends and family"
Explanation: The original phrase is slightly wordy. Simplifying it to "the ability to communicate" maintains clarity and conciseness.
"regardless of geographical distance" -> "across great distances"
Explanation: "Regardless of geographical distance" is a bit verbose. "Across great distances" is a more concise alternative.
"even if you live abroad, you can stay in touch with loved ones" -> "even when living abroad, you can stay connected with loved ones"
Explanation: The phrase "stay in touch" is slightly informal. "Stay connected" is a more formal alternative.
"through electronic devices like computers and phones" -> "using electronic devices such as computers and phones"
Explanation: "Through electronic devices" is less idiomatic. "Using electronic devices" is a clearer and more formal alternative.
"Additionally, these platforms allow us to access information quickly and without any cost by following news sites, thus conserving significant time and resources compared to traditional advertising methods in newspapers or magazines."
-> "Additionally, these platforms provide quick and free access to information by following news sites, saving significant time and resources compared to traditional advertising methods in newspapers or magazines."
Explanation: The original sentence is somewhat convoluted. Simplifying it and restructuring it for clarity improves readability.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of using social media in lieu of face-to-face contact. It discusses benefits such as maintaining communication across distances and accessing information easily, while also acknowledging drawbacks like the potential devaluation of face-to-face interaction and the risks of excessive social media use.
- How to improve: To enhance task response, it would be beneficial to expand on the disadvantages section, providing more examples and perhaps delving deeper into the societal implications of reduced face-to-face interaction. Additionally, considering the prompt specifically asks about whether advantages outweigh disadvantages, a clearer indication of the author’s stance in this regard would strengthen the essay.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the advantages of using social media outweigh the disadvantages. This stance is evident from the introductory paragraph through the subsequent discussion of benefits, although it could be made more explicit.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the author should clearly state their position in the thesis statement and reiterate it throughout the essay, reinforcing the argument with each supporting point.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents and elaborates on ideas, providing examples to support arguments. It discusses advantages such as maintaining long-distance relationships and accessing information, and it supports these points with relevant examples.
- How to improve: To further extend and support ideas, the essay could benefit from additional examples and evidence, particularly in the disadvantages section. Incorporating statistics, studies, or real-life anecdotes would strengthen the arguments and make them more persuasive.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the use of social media in place of face-to-face contact and weighing its advantages against its disadvantages. However, there are minor instances where the connection to the topic could be strengthened.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly relates to the use of social media as a replacement for face-to-face contact. Additionally, avoiding generalizations and providing specific examples would help anchor the discussion more firmly to the topic at hand.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear organizational structure with an introduction, body paragraphs presenting arguments for both sides, and a conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, discussing advantages and disadvantages of using social media for communication. However, there is room for improvement in the logical progression within paragraphs, as some ideas could be further developed or connected more smoothly to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider providing more nuanced transitions between ideas within paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. Additionally, strive to maintain a consistent focus within each paragraph to avoid straying off-topic.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different aspects of the argument. Each paragraph addresses a specific point, such as advantages or disadvantages of using social media for communication. However, some paragraphs could benefit from further development to fully explore the ideas presented.
- How to improve: Consider expanding on each point within the paragraphs by providing additional examples or elaborating on the implications of the arguments. Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence that previews the main idea of the paragraph and supports the overall argument of the essay. Additionally, ensure a smooth transition between paragraphs to maintain coherence and flow.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases (e.g., "on the one hand," "on the other hand," "firstly," "secondly"), to link ideas and indicate relationships between them. These cohesive devices help guide the reader through the argument and enhance overall coherence.
- How to improve: Continue to use cohesive devices effectively to strengthen the connections between ideas and improve the overall coherence of the essay. Consider incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices, such as pronouns, conjunctions, and adverbs, to further enhance clarity and coherence. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently throughout the essay to maintain coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "inevitable," "merits," "demerits," "foremost," "utilization," "nurtured," "introverted," and "cognition." These words enhance the depth and variety of expression throughout the essay, contributing to a nuanced discussion of the topic.
- How to improve: While the essay already showcases a strong vocabulary, further enrichment could be achieved by incorporating more domain-specific terminology or idiomatic expressions relevant to the topic. For instance, discussing social media’s impact on interpersonal relationships could involve terms like "social capital" or "online disinhibition effect" to add precision and depth to the analysis.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying ideas and arguments. For instance, the distinction between "merits" and "demerits" accurately captures the balance of advantages and disadvantages. However, there are instances where vocabulary usage could be more precise. For example, the phrase "excessive utilization" could be substituted with a more specific term like "prolonged engagement" to convey the idea more succinctly.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, consider selecting words or phrases that precisely convey intended meanings without ambiguity. Avoid vague or generic terms where more specific vocabulary would strengthen the argument. Additionally, strive to use terminology consistent with the context to maintain clarity and coherence in the essay’s discourse.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a high level of spelling accuracy, with no notable errors detracting from overall readability. Spelling accuracy is crucial for effective communication, and the essay consistently maintains this standard, contributing to the professionalism and clarity of the writing.
- How to improve: To sustain this level of spelling accuracy, continue to employ proofreading techniques such as spell-checking tools and manual review to identify and correct any potential errors before finalizing the essay. Additionally, expanding vocabulary and exposure to written texts can further reinforce spelling proficiency over time.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, compound sentences, and simple sentences. For instance, it effectively employs compound sentences such as "Despite several inevitable drawbacks to be taken into account, the merits vastly outweigh the demerits." This sentence structure adds sophistication and clarity to the argument. Additionally, the essay utilizes complex sentences like "Firstly, excessive utilization of social media can lead people to undervalue the importance of face-to-face interaction, where genuine human connections are nurtured." These complex structures contribute to coherence and depth in presenting ideas.
- How to improve: While the essay already exhibits a good range of sentence structures, further enhancing variety can elevate the overall quality of writing. Consider integrating more complex compound-complex sentences to provide greater nuance and depth to the arguments. Introducing rhetorical devices such as parallelism or varied clause structures can also add richness to the prose.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates strong grammatical accuracy with minimal errors. However, there are a few instances where minor grammatical issues are present. For example, in the sentence "On the one hand, the fact that the transition to social media for communication may be beneficial to a certain extent," the use of "the fact that" is slightly redundant and could be streamlined for greater clarity. Additionally, there are a few punctuation errors, such as missing commas after introductory phrases, as seen in "Firstly, excessive utilization of social media can lead people to undervalue the importance of face-to-face interaction."
- How to improve: To further enhance grammatical accuracy, carefully review sentences for unnecessary redundancies and streamline expressions where possible. Additionally, pay close attention to punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas after introductory phrases and in complex sentence structures. Regular practice with proofreading and sentence structure analysis can help refine these skills over time.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the current era, face-to-face communication is gradually being supplanted by the use of social networking platforms such as Facebook and Twitter. Despite some inevitable drawbacks, the advantages of this shift outweigh the disadvantages.

On one hand, transitioning to social media for communication can bring certain benefits. The most significant advantage is the ability to communicate with friends and family across great distances. For example, even when living abroad, you can stay connected with loved ones using electronic devices such as computers and phones. Additionally, these platforms provide quick and free access to information by following news sites, saving significant time and resources compared to traditional advertising methods in newspapers or magazines.

However, there are several potential drawbacks that must be considered alongside these benefits. Firstly, excessive use of social media can cause people to underestimate the value of face-to-face interaction, where genuine human connections are fostered. Many young and introverted individuals are currently more inclined to inhabit the virtual realm of social networking sites rather than engaging in real-life relationships. Secondly, individuals who spend excessive amounts of time on social networks are at risk of experiencing negative emotions, which may lead to psychological disorders such as depression. Moreover, they may become targets of violence on social networking platforms, which can adversely affect their cognitive, psychological, and occasionally physical and mental health.