The values that we learn from our parents and family have greater influence on our future success than knowledge and skills we learn at school. Agree or disagee?

Success in life is a multifaceted concept influenced by various factors, including the values instilled by our parents and family, as well as the knowledge and skills acquired at school. I partially agree with the statement that the values learned from our parents and family have a greater influence on our future achievements than the education received at school, but I believe both aspects are crucial in shaping an individual's success.

Firstly, the values imparted by parents and family play a fundamental role in a person's upbringing. Traits such as honesty, perseverance, respect, and empathy are often taught at home and form the foundation of an individual's character. These values guide one's behavior and decision-making processes throughout life. For instance, a person who has been taught the importance of hard work and determination from a young age is likely to apply these principles in their professional life, leading to potential success. Moreover, family support and encouragement can boost an individual's confidence and motivation, which are essential for overcoming challenges and achieving goals.

On the other hand, the knowledge and skills acquired at school are indispensable for professional success in today's competitive world. Formal education provides individuals with specialized knowledge, critical thinking abilities, and practical skills that are necessary for career advancement. For example, fields such as medicine, engineering, and information technology require extensive education and training that can only be obtained through academic institutions. Furthermore, school also offers opportunities for socialization, teamwork, and exposure to diverse perspectives, all of which contribute to personal growth and the development of essential life skills.

In conclusion, while the values learned from parents and family undoubtedly have a significant impact on an individual's character and personal development, the knowledge and skills gained from school are equally important for professional success. Therefore, I believe that both aspects are integral and complement each other in shaping a well-rounded and successful individual. Balancing these influences can lead to a more holistic approach to achieving future success.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Success in life is a multifaceted concept" -> "Success is a multifaceted concept"
Explanation: Removing "in life" simplifies the phrase without losing meaning, making it more concise and formal.
"values instilled by our parents and family" -> "values instilled by parents and family"
Explanation: Removing "our" makes the phrase more impersonal and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"the knowledge and skills acquired at school" -> "the knowledge and skills acquired through formal education"
Explanation: "Formal education" is a more precise term than "school," which broadens the context beyond just traditional schooling.
"I partially agree" -> "I concur partially"
Explanation: "Concur partially" is a more formal expression that enhances the academic tone.
"but I believe" -> "however, I contend"
Explanation: "However, I contend" is a more formal and assertive way to introduce a contrasting viewpoint in academic writing.
"Traits such as honesty, perseverance, respect, and empathy" -> "traits including honesty, perseverance, respect, and empathy"
Explanation: "Including" is more precise and formal than "such as," which can imply a non-exhaustive list.
"form the foundation of an individual’s character" -> "serve as the foundation of an individual’s character"
Explanation: "Serve as" is a more formal and precise verb choice than "form," which is somewhat colloquial.
"boost an individual’s confidence and motivation" -> "enhance an individual’s confidence and motivation"
Explanation: "Enhance" is a more formal synonym for "boost," fitting better in an academic context.
"are indispensable for professional success" -> "are essential for professional success"
Explanation: "Essential" is a more formal synonym for "indispensable," aligning better with academic style.
"fields such as medicine, engineering, and information technology" -> "fields including medicine, engineering, and information technology"
Explanation: "Including" is more precise and formal than "such as," which can be vague.
"can only be obtained through academic institutions" -> "can only be acquired through formal education"
Explanation: "Acquired" is more formal than "obtained," and "formal education" is a more precise term than "academic institutions."
"all of which contribute to personal growth and the development of essential life skills" -> "all of which contribute to personal growth and the development of fundamental life skills"
Explanation: "Fundamental" is a more formal synonym for "essential," and it maintains the academic tone.
"Balancing these influences can lead to a more holistic approach to achieving future success" -> "Balancing these influences can foster a more holistic approach to achieving future success"
Explanation: "Foster" is a more formal verb than "lead," and it suggests nurturing or promoting, which is more precise in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument presented in the prompt. It acknowledges the importance of values learned from parents and family, but also argues for the significance of knowledge and skills acquired at school. Specific examples are used to illustrate these points, demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of the question.
- How to improve: To further enhance the response, consider ensuring that each paragraph explicitly ties back to the prompt. This could involve more direct reference to the prompt’s language throughout the essay, reinforcing how each discussed point relates back to the broader question.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that while values from family are influential, education from school is equally crucial to success. This stance is consistently supported throughout the essay with well-developed arguments and examples.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, ensure that the introduction and conclusion explicitly state the essay’s position right from the outset and reiterate it clearly in the conclusion. This helps to avoid any ambiguity and reinforces the essay’s main argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented logically and coherently. Each paragraph introduces a new aspect of the argument and supports it with relevant examples (e.g., traits taught by family, benefits of formal education). The essay effectively extends these ideas through detailed explanations and examples.
- How to improve: To further develop ideas, consider incorporating a wider range of examples or perspectives where possible. This could involve exploring contrasting viewpoints or providing more nuanced examples that illustrate the complexities of the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, consistently discussing how family values and school education contribute to future success. There are no significant deviations from the central theme of the prompt.
- How to improve: Maintain this focus by periodically referencing back to the prompt within paragraphs to ensure all discussions directly relate to the question at hand. This reinforces coherence and relevance in the essay structure.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively argues its position, improvements can be made by more explicitly tying each paragraph to the prompt, reinforcing clarity of position throughout, further developing ideas with richer examples, and consistently maintaining focus on the topic. These adjustments will enhance the overall coherence and depth of the essay, potentially raising the score to an even higher band level.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear and logical organization throughout. It begins with a clear introduction that introduces the topic and states the writer’s position. Each paragraph thereafter focuses on distinct aspects: the influence of family values, the importance of education from school, and a concluding paragraph summarizing the essay’s stance. This structure effectively guides the reader through the writer’s arguments and conclusions.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow further, consider ensuring that each paragraph’s topic sentences clearly relate back to the thesis statement and contribute directly to the overall argument. This reinforcement can strengthen the coherence and unity of the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is appropriately structured into paragraphs, each focusing on a single main idea. Topic sentences introduce the central theme of each paragraph, followed by supporting details and examples that develop the argument logically.
- How to improve: While the essay effectively employs paragraphs, ensuring each paragraph remains focused and cohesive could be strengthened. Reviewing each paragraph to ensure all sentences directly support the main idea can help maintain clarity and coherence throughout the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: Cohesive devices such as transition words (e.g., "firstly," "on the other hand," "in conclusion") effectively connect ideas and paragraphs. Additionally, the use of pronouns ("these values," "these principles") helps maintain coherence by referencing previously discussed concepts.
- How to improve: To further enrich the essay’s cohesion, consider incorporating a wider variety of cohesive devices such as synonyms, parallel structures, or more varied transitions. This can add sophistication and fluidity to the essay’s structure, enhancing overall coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of coherence and cohesion, evidenced by its clear organization, effective use of paragraphs, and cohesive devices. Continuing to refine these aspects with a focus on reinforcing the central thesis and enhancing paragraph cohesion will support further improvement.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. It effectively uses terms such as "multifaceted," "indispensable," "competitive," and "character" to discuss various aspects of success and education. For instance, phrases like "formal education," "career advancement," and "personal growth" indicate a breadth of vocabulary suitable for the essay’s argument.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource further, consider incorporating more nuanced vocabulary that reflects deeper insight into the topic. For example, instead of using common terms like "significant impact," explore synonyms such as "profound influence" or "considerable effect" to add richness and precision to your ideas.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately to convey meaning, such as describing success as "multifaceted" and emphasizing the "indispensable" nature of skills learned at school. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise, such as in the phrase "formal education provides individuals with specialized knowledge." Here, using more specific terms like "specialized expertise" or "domain-specific skills" could enhance clarity and precision.
- How to improve: Aim to use specialized vocabulary that precisely fits the context of your arguments. For instance, when discussing the impact of family values, consider terms like "core principles" or "foundational beliefs" to articulate ideas with greater specificity and depth.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally accurate spelling throughout. There are no glaring spelling errors that detract from readability or comprehension. However, it’s essential to remain vigilant about minor errors (e.g., "perserverance" instead of "perseverance"), which, though infrequent, can affect the overall impression of language proficiency.
- How to improve: Continuously review spelling and consider using spelling check tools or proofreading techniques to catch any potential errors. Developing a habit of revising for spelling accuracy can further enhance the clarity and professionalism of your writing.

Overall, the essay exhibits a commendable grasp of vocabulary suitable for an IELTS Band 6 level, with minor areas for refinement to elevate the lexical richness and precision of expression. These improvements can contribute to a more polished and sophisticated presentation of ideas in future writing endeavors.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. It employs complex sentences alongside simpler ones effectively. For instance, it uses conditional sentences ("If…then…") to speculate on outcomes ("For instance, a person who has been taught…"). Additionally, it utilizes parallel structures ("Formal education provides… specialized knowledge, critical thinking abilities, and practical skills") to articulate multiple points succinctly and clearly.
- How to improve: To further enhance, consider integrating more varied introductory clauses (e.g., "Despite…", "In contrast…") to introduce different perspectives or contrasting ideas. Additionally, employing rhetorical questions or exclamatory sentences strategically can add emphasis and engage the reader more actively.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy. Sentences are well-structured with clear subject-verb agreement and appropriate use of tense throughout. For instance, phrases like "the values imparted by parents and family play a fundamental role" demonstrate a strong command of grammatical structures. Punctuation marks, such as commas and semicolons, are used correctly to clarify relationships between ideas and to separate items in lists ("medicine, engineering, and information technology").
- How to improve: While the overall accuracy is solid, attention to minor errors, such as consistency in hyphenation (e.g., "well-rounded" vs. "career advancement") and ensuring parallelism in lists (e.g., maintaining consistent use of nouns or verb forms), can further refine the essay’s clarity and coherence. Additionally, reviewing the use of complex compound sentences to avoid potential run-on issues could strengthen overall sentence structure.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a proficient level of grammatical range and accuracy, supporting its Band 7 score effectively. Continuing to refine sentence variety and meticulous attention to grammatical details will contribute to even greater clarity and impact in future writing endeavors.

Bài sửa mẫu

Success in life is a multifaceted concept influenced by various factors, including the values instilled by our parents and family, as well as the knowledge and skills acquired at school. I concur partially with the statement that parental and familial values play a greater role in shaping future achievements than school education alone, but I contend that both are pivotal in shaping an individual’s success.

Firstly, traits such as honesty, perseverance, respect, and empathy, taught at home, form the foundation of one’s character. These values guide decisions and behavior throughout life. For example, a person taught the importance of diligence and determination early on is likely to apply these principles in their professional life, potentially leading to success. Moreover, family support and encouragement can enhance an individual’s confidence and motivation, essential for overcoming challenges and achieving goals.

However, the knowledge and skills gained through formal education are indispensable in today’s competitive world. Fields like medicine, engineering, and information technology necessitate specialized education that school provides. This education equips individuals with critical thinking abilities and practical skills crucial for career advancement. Furthermore, school fosters socialization, teamwork, and exposure to diverse viewpoints, all contributing to personal growth and essential life skills development.

In conclusion, while parental and familial values significantly influence character and personal development, school education is equally vital for professional success. Thus, both aspects are integral and complementary in shaping a well-rounded and accomplished individual. Achieving a balance between these influences is key to a holistic approach toward future success.