The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend.

Do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, the idea of shortening the workweek and extending the length of the weekend has gained a lot of attention. Personally, I fully endorse the sentiment and this essay will discuss the advantages of that viewpoint, focusing on maintaining life balance as well as ensuring workers’ mental and physical health.

To begin with, having a longer weekend is conducive for the employees to allocate their leisure time into other activities such as spending time with family and developing personal skills. For example, parents can use their weekend to help their children with homework, or just simply have a quality time with them, subsequently fostering family bonds. The implication of this is that the employees would have more motivation and positive energy to work. Furthermore, this also exerts a considerable influence on job satisfaction and loyalty as well as mitigates the turnover rate.

Additionally, fewer work days play a pivotal role in addressing mental and physical health issues. It is undeniable that fewer working days have a positive impact on individuals’ mental well-being by alleviating the effect of the constant stress and other health issues caused by long working days. Particularly, reducing work days allows people to spend their time to relax and engage in physical activities such as sports or exercises, which both enhance physical and mental health. Moreover, work productivity will improve because the employed no longer suffer from the tiredness and unpleasantness due to long working days.

In conclusion, the aforementioned merits of modifying work weeks shorter such as reducing stress and balancing life have reinforced that I concur with the given viewpoint.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In recent years" -> "In recent times"
Explanation: "In recent times" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "In recent years," which is somewhat colloquial and less precise.
"gained a lot of attention" -> "received significant attention"
Explanation: "Received significant attention" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquialism of "a lot of."
"Personally, I fully endorse the sentiment" -> "I strongly support this perspective"
Explanation: "I strongly support this perspective" is more formal and avoids the personal pronoun "Personally," which can be seen as too informal for academic writing.
"focusing on maintaining life balance" -> "focusing on maintaining a balance in life"
Explanation: "Maintaining a balance in life" is grammatically correct and more formal than "maintaining life balance."
"ensuring workers’ mental and physical health" -> "ensuring the mental and physical well-being of workers"
Explanation: "Ensuring the mental and physical well-being of workers" is more formal and precise, replacing the less formal "health."
"having a longer weekend" -> "having extended weekends"
Explanation: "Extended weekends" is a more precise and formal term than "a longer weekend."
"allocate their leisure time into other activities" -> "allocate their leisure time to other activities"
Explanation: "Allocate their leisure time to other activities" is grammatically correct and more formal than "into."
"just simply have a quality time with them" -> "simply spend quality time with them"
Explanation: "Spend quality time with them" is grammatically correct and more formal than "have a quality time."
"The implication of this is that" -> "This implies that"
Explanation: "This implies that" is a more concise and formal way to introduce the consequence of a statement.
"mitigates the turnover rate" -> "reduces the turnover rate"
Explanation: "Reduces" is a more direct and formal term than "mitigates," which can be seen as overly complex for this context.
"fewer work days" -> "fewer working days"
Explanation: "Fewer working days" is grammatically correct and more specific than "fewer work days."
"have a positive impact on individuals’ mental well-being" -> "positively impact individuals’ mental well-being"
Explanation: "Positively impact" is a more direct and formal expression than "have a positive impact."
"reducing work days" -> "reducing working days"
Explanation: "Reducing working days" is grammatically correct and more formal than "reducing work days."
"the employed no longer suffer from the tiredness and unpleasantness" -> "employees no longer experience fatigue and discomfort"
Explanation: "Employees no longer experience fatigue and discomfort" is more precise and formal, avoiding the colloquial "tiredness and unpleasantness."
"modifying work weeks shorter" -> "shortening workweeks"
Explanation: "Shortening workweeks" is a more formal and precise term than "modifying work weeks shorter."
"reducing stress and balancing life" -> "reducing stress and achieving a better work-life balance"
Explanation: "Achieving a better work-life balance" is a more specific and formal phrase than "balancing life," which is vague and informal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all aspects of the prompt by discussing the benefits of a shorter workweek and longer weekends. It covers the advantages for personal life balance, family time, job satisfaction, and mental/physical health.
- How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, consider exploring potential drawbacks or counterarguments to provide a more balanced view. This could strengthen the overall argumentation.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, consistently advocating for the benefits of a shorter workweek and longer weekends. Each paragraph reinforces this viewpoint with examples and explanations.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph directly ties back to and reinforces the main thesis statement. This could involve more explicit linking of each example or argument to the central stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents and supports its ideas with relevant examples (e.g., family time, mental health benefits). Each idea is developed sufficiently to illustrate its importance and relevance.
- How to improve: To further extend ideas, consider delving deeper into the societal or economic impacts of a shorter workweek, such as potential effects on businesses or economic productivity. This could enrich the depth of analysis.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay consistently stays on topic by focusing on the advantages of a shorter workweek and longer weekends. It avoids significant deviations or tangential discussions.
- How to improve: While maintaining focus, ensure that all examples directly support the central argument without introducing unnecessary details. This can help maintain clarity and relevance.

Overall, the essay effectively argues in favor of a shorter workweek and longer weekends, demonstrating a strong grasp of the topic with well-supported points and coherent structure. To improve further, consider broadening the perspective by incorporating counterarguments and exploring deeper implications of the proposed changes.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization. It begins with an introduction that clearly states the writer’s position and outlines the essay’s focus on benefits to life balance and worker health. Each paragraph progresses logically, with the first discussing benefits to family life and motivation, while the second addresses health benefits. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points without introducing new information.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical flow, consider explicitly linking ideas between paragraphs. For instance, connecting how improved family time in the first paragraph relates to increased job satisfaction mentioned in the second would strengthen coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas: the first paragraph discusses family and motivation, while the second addresses health benefits. Each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence and develops its main idea cohesively.
- How to improve: Ensure consistency in paragraph length to avoid potential imbalance; the second paragraph is noticeably longer than the first. Consider balancing paragraph lengths for aesthetic coherence and to maintain reader engagement.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: Cohesive devices such as ‘to begin with’, ‘furthermore’, ‘additionally’, ‘moreover’, and ‘in conclusion’ are used effectively to signal the progression of ideas and reinforce connections between paragraphs. These devices aid in guiding the reader through the argument and contribute to overall coherence.
- How to improve: Introduce a wider variety of cohesive devices beyond introductory phrases. Incorporate pronouns (‘this’, ‘these’, ‘those’) and synonyms (‘further’, ‘likewise’, ‘in addition’) to diversify sentence structures and enhance coherence further.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, supported by a clear organizational structure and effective paragraphing. Enhancing explicit connections between ideas and further diversifying cohesive devices would elevate the coherence and cohesion to an even higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of vocabulary. There is effective use of words like "conducive," "fostering," "implication," "mitigates," "alleviating," and "reinforced," which contribute to clarity and coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary further, consider integrating more sophisticated synonyms or alternative phrases where appropriate. For instance, instead of "reinforced," one might use "solidified" or "strengthened," adding nuance and depth to the argument.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The vocabulary usage is generally precise, with terms like "job satisfaction," "loyalty," "mental well-being," and "work productivity" effectively conveying specific meanings.
- How to improve: Ensure consistency in using precise vocabulary throughout the essay. For instance, in the phrase "developing personal skills," consider a more precise term like "enhancing" or "cultivating," which aligns more closely with the context of personal growth.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally good, with no major errors observed in the provided essay.
- How to improve: Maintain this level of accuracy by reviewing and editing essays for spelling errors before submission. Consider using spell-check tools and proofreading techniques to catch any potential mistakes.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of vocabulary usage and spelling accuracy, contributing to a well-structured argument. Continuing to expand vocabulary range with nuanced synonyms and ensuring precision in word choice will further enhance the lexical resource score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of sentence structures. It includes simple sentences, compound sentences, and complex sentences. For instance, simple sentences like "Personally, I fully endorse the sentiment" are effectively contrasted with complex sentences such as "To begin with, having a longer weekend is conducive for the employees to allocate their leisure time into other activities." This variety enhances readability and coherence.
- How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence constructions, such as using subordinate clauses or varying sentence lengths to create more nuanced arguments. For example, integrating conditional or concessive clauses could add depth to your reasoning and strengthen your overall argumentation.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy. There are instances where minor errors occur, such as in the phrase "the employees would have more motivation and positive energy to work," where a more precise article choice ("to work" vs. "for work") could enhance clarity. Punctuation usage is adequate, though there are sporadic instances where commas could be used more effectively to clarify sentence structure or to set off non-restrictive clauses.
- How to improve: Focus on refining article usage and ensuring consistency in verb forms and tenses throughout the essay. For instance, revising sentences to ensure subject-verb agreement and choosing appropriate prepositions can bolster overall grammatical precision. Additionally, pay attention to comma usage for clarity and coherence, particularly around introductory phrases and clauses.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of sentence structures and grammatical accuracy, continued attention to sentence variety and meticulous grammar usage can elevate the clarity and sophistication of your writing to achieve an even higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent times, the idea of reducing the workweek and extending weekends has received significant attention. I strongly support this perspective and this essay will discuss the advantages of that viewpoint, focusing on maintaining a balance in life and ensuring the mental and physical well-being of workers.

To start with, having extended weekends allows employees to allocate their leisure time to other activities, such as simply spending quality time with their family. This implies that employees would have more motivation and positive energy at work. Additionally, this can reduce the turnover rate and increase job satisfaction and loyalty.

Furthermore, fewer working days play a crucial role in improving mental and physical health. It is clear that reducing working days positively impacts individuals’ mental well-being by reducing stress and achieving a better work-life balance. Having fewer working days also allows people to engage in physical activities, which positively impacts their overall health. Moreover, employees no longer experience fatigue and discomfort caused by longer workweeks, which can further enhance work productivity.

In conclusion, reducing the number of working days and extending weekends can significantly improve individuals’ mental and physical well-being, reduce stress, and achieve a better work-life balance. Therefore, I agree with the viewpoint that advocates for shorter workweeks and longer weekends.