There should be strict laws banning people from talking photographs of people under 18 to protect young celebrities and the children of celebrities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

All children need to enjoy life as a child. However , everyone is interested in children especially childs star and celebrities 's kids . This is important and essential to protect them and the laws should prevent activities taking photographs of people under 18 years old , also ensuring young people 's safe. Therefore, I strongly agree with this statement .
In reality , we can not negate that most of people tent to like seeing or searching usual photos of celebrities even their children because people want to jugde if they look like their well-known parents . Nevertheless, taking photographs the celebrities or their children if they do not allow so can make them to be lost their individual private . Moreover , the celebrities even be joking and the worst thing is that some kind of peope will offense them on internet or some kinds of website , that is so terrbile with celebrities even their children or childs star . They are too young to understand negative things and they can be hurt about mental side . That is why famous parents do not want to bring the appearance of their children publicly on social media even real life because they want to protect the private of their little one.
Additionally , famous people can not live the way they like because audients always want to see the best emergence of celebrities . That means they have to be conscious about what type of clothes , makeup , hair styles they putting on after going out . That will make them feel inconvient specially when they are ill or blue . They have to concentrate about that because paparazies tent to be around famous people to do their tasks . For young stars or celebrities 's children feel so complicated , that even impact on the awareness and also their childhood , They can not live in a worry-free way and innocently as another chids who is the same age with them.In additon, taking and posting famous people’s photographs under 18 years old on social media or some types of websites widely . That can lead to be unsafe in their life because many people know them . Therefore , they will be violated personal privacy in a very early age .
In conclusion , I understand that photos of well known children sell newspaper . However, I think such photos should be banned to protect their welfare.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"All children need to enjoy life as a child." -> "All children should be allowed to enjoy their childhood."
Explanation: The phrase "enjoy life as a child" is vague and informal. "Be allowed to enjoy their childhood" is more precise and formal, emphasizing the right to a carefree childhood.
"everyone is interested in children especially childs star and celebrities ‘ kids" -> "many people are fascinated by the children of celebrities and child stars"
Explanation: "Everyone" is too broad and informal; "many people" is more accurate. "Childs star" is a typographical error and should be "child stars." The phrase is also awkwardly structured; rephrasing improves clarity and formality.
"This is important and essential to protect them and the laws should prevent activities taking photographs of people under 18 years old" -> "This is crucial to protect them, and laws should prohibit the taking of photographs of individuals under 18 years old"
Explanation: "Important and essential" is redundant; "crucial" is more concise and formal. "Activities taking photographs" is awkward; "the taking of photographs" is more direct and formal.
"ensuring young people ‘ safe" -> "ensuring the safety of young people"
Explanation: "Young people ‘ safe" is grammatically incorrect; "the safety of young people" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"we can not negate" -> "we cannot deny"
Explanation: "Can not" is a less formal contraction; "cannot" is preferred in academic writing. "Negate" is somewhat misused here; "deny" is more appropriate in this context.
"most of people tent to like" -> "most people tend to like"
Explanation: "Most of people" is grammatically incorrect; "most people" is correct. "Tent" is a typographical error; "tend" is the correct word.
"jugde if they look like their well-known parents" -> "judge whether they resemble their famous parents"
Explanation: "Jugde" is a typographical error; "judge" is correct. "Look like" is informal; "resemble" is more precise and formal.
"taking photographs the celebrities or their children if they do not allow so can make them to be lost their individual private" -> "taking photographs of celebrities or their children without permission can result in the loss of their privacy"
Explanation: "Taking photographs the celebrities" is grammatically incorrect; "taking photographs of celebrities" is correct. "Do not allow so" is awkward and unclear; "without permission" is more direct and formal.
"the worst thing is that some kind of peope will offense them on internet or some kinds of website" -> "the worst aspect is that some individuals may offend them on the internet or on certain websites"
Explanation: "The worst thing is" is informal; "the worst aspect is" is more formal. "Some kind of peope" is a typographical error and grammatically incorrect; "some individuals" is correct. "Offense them" is grammatically incorrect; "offend them" is correct.
"terrbile with celebrities even their children or childs star" -> "terrifying for celebrities, including their children and child stars"
Explanation: "Terrorbile" is a typographical error; "terrifying" is correct. "Even their children or childs star" is awkward and grammatically incorrect; "including their children and child stars" is clearer and grammatically correct.
"audients always want to see the best emergence of celebrities" -> "audiences always seek the best performances of celebrities"
Explanation: "Emergence" is incorrect in this context; "performances" is the correct term. "Audients" is a typographical error; "audiences" is correct.
"They have to be conscious about what type of clothes, makeup, hair styles they putting on" -> "They must be mindful of the type of clothing, makeup, and hairstyles they wear"
Explanation: "Conscious about" is informal; "mindful of" is more formal. "Clothes, makeup, hair styles" is informal and lacks proper punctuation; "clothing, makeup, and hairstyles" is correct and formal.
"They have to concentrate about that because paparazies tent to be around famous people to do their tasks" -> "They must focus on this because paparazzi often surround famous individuals to complete their tasks"
Explanation: "Concentrate about" is awkward and informal; "focus on" is more direct and formal. "Paparazies" is a typographical error; "paparazzi" is correct. "Famous people" is less formal; "famous individuals" is more precise.
"They can not live in a worry-free way and innocently as another chids who is the same age with them" -> "They cannot live without worry and innocently like other children of the same age"
Explanation: "Can not" is less formal; "cannot" is preferred. "Worry-free way and innocently" is awkward and informal; "without worry and innocently" is clearer and more formal. "Chids" is a typographical error; "children" is correct. "Who is the same age with them" is grammatically incorrect; "of the same age" is correct.
"In additon" -> "In addition"
Explanation: "In additon" is a typographical error; "In addition" is correct.

These corrections and suggestions aim to enhance the formality, clarity, and precision of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of protecting young celebrities and children of celebrities through strict laws banning the taking of photographs of individuals under 18. It acknowledges the potential harm and invasion of privacy that can result from such actions.
- How to improve: To further enhance the response, consider delving deeper into the implications of violating the privacy of young individuals and provide more specific examples or scenarios to strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance in agreement with the statement that strict laws should be in place to protect young celebrities and children of celebrities. The position is evident from the introduction to the conclusion.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, ensure that the thesis statement explicitly states the position and consistently reinforces it throughout the essay with supporting arguments and evidence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about the importance of protecting young celebrities and children of celebrities from privacy violations. It elaborates on the potential negative consequences of unauthorized photography and the impact on the well-being of these individuals.
- How to improve: To enhance idea development, consider providing more detailed examples, statistics, or research findings to strengthen the argument and offer a more comprehensive analysis of the issue.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by discussing the need for strict laws to prevent the unauthorized photography of individuals under 18, particularly focusing on the impact on young celebrities and children of celebrities.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all points made directly relate to the central argument of protecting the privacy and well-being of young individuals in the public eye.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and effectively argues in favor of implementing laws to safeguard young celebrities and children of celebrities from privacy violations. To improve the response, consider providing more in-depth analysis, specific examples, and maintaining a consistent focus on the central argument throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

ize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of logical organization. The introduction presents the writer’s stance clearly, followed by body paragraphs that provide supporting arguments. However, there are instances of repetition and lack of smooth transitions between ideas, impacting the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, focus on developing a clear structure for each paragraph. Ensure that each paragraph has a topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. Use transition words and phrases to connect ideas and create a cohesive narrative.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, but the structure within each paragraph can be improved. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas without clear separation, leading to confusion for the reader.
- How to improve: Work on refining paragraph structure by focusing on one main idea per paragraph. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence that introduces the central point, followed by supporting evidence or examples. Use transitions to guide the reader through the progression of ideas within each paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as pronouns ("they," "their") and conjunctions ("however," "additionally"). However, there is a limited variety of cohesive devices employed throughout the essay, affecting the overall coherence.
- How to improve: Expand the use of cohesive devices to create stronger connections between sentences and paragraphs. Incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "on the other hand," to enhance the flow of ideas and improve coherence. Additionally, consider using referencing words to connect back to previously mentioned points for a more cohesive argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with words like "celebrities," "individual private," "offense," "awareness," and "violated personal privacy." These terms contribute to the overall clarity and depth of the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary related to the topic. For instance, instead of using "usual photos," you could use "mundane photographs" or "commonplace images." This will elevate the quality of your vocabulary and strengthen your argument.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances where more precise language could be employed. For example, the phrase "feel so complicated" could be replaced with "experience complexity," which would convey the idea more precisely.
- How to improve: Pay close attention to the specific meanings of words and phrases to ensure they align perfectly with your intended message. Utilize a thesaurus to explore synonyms and choose the most fitting terms for your essay.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "childs" instead of "children," "peope" instead of "people," and "terrbile" instead of "terrible." These errors can detract from the overall professionalism and credibility of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-check tools or proofreading your work carefully before submission. Additionally, practice spelling commonly misspelled words to enhance your overall writing quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of sentence structures, including simple and complex sentences. There is an attempt to vary sentence length and complexity, but some sentences could be further diversified to enhance the overall fluency and coherence of the essay. For example, the essay could benefit from the use of more compound or compound-complex sentences to add depth and sophistication to the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the range of structures, try incorporating more complex sentence structures such as using subordinating conjunctions (e.g., although, while, because) to connect ideas within a sentence. Additionally, consider varying the sentence beginnings and lengths to create a more engaging and cohesive flow throughout the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows some grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies throughout. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure coherence. Punctuation marks such as commas and periods are sometimes missing or misplaced, affecting the clarity and readability of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, ensuring that they match in number and person. Review the use of articles (a, an, the) to ensure they are appropriately placed before nouns. Work on structuring sentences cohesively to avoid run-on sentences or sentence fragments. Practice using commas and periods correctly to separate ideas and improve the overall readability of the essay. Consider revising sentences for clarity and precision to convey ideas more effectively.

Bài sửa mẫu

All children should be allowed to enjoy their childhood. However many people are fascinated by the children of and child stars. This is crucial to protect them, and laws should prohibit the taking of photographs of individuals under 18 years old, the safety of young people. Therefore, I strongly agree with this statement.

In reality, we cannot deny that most people tend to like seeing or searching for photos of celebrities, even their children, because they want to judge whether they resemble their famous parents. Nevertheless, taking photographs of celebrities or their children without permission can result in the loss of their privacy. Moreover, the worst aspect is that some individuals may offend them on the internet or on certain websites, which is terrifying for celebrities, including their children and child stars. They are too young to understand negative things and can be hurt mentally. That is why famous parents do not want to bring the appearance of their children publicly on social media or in real life because they want to protect their little one’s privacy.

Additionally, famous people cannot live without worry and innocently like other children of the same age because audiences always seek the best performances of celebrities. They must be mindful of the type of clothing, makeup, and hairstyles they wear when going out. This can make them feel uncomfortable, especially when they are feeling unwell or sad. They must focus on this because paparazzi often surround famous individuals to complete their tasks. For young stars or celebrities’ children, this can be very complicated and impact their awareness and childhood. They cannot live worry-free and innocently like other children of the same age. In addition, taking and posting photographs of famous people under 18 years old on social media or certain websites widely can lead to unsafe situations in their lives because many people know them. Therefore, their personal privacy can be violated at a very early age.

In conclusion, I understand that photos of well-known children sell newspapers. However, I believe such photos should be banned to protect their well-being.