These days more and more people are going to other countries for a significant period of time to find a job. Many people appreciate this trend, but some others think that working in their country is still better. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In the past few years, working domestically or abroad has garnered great publicity. Some people believe that this development brings numerous positives to our lives while others hold the opinion that working in their original country is a better choice. Although the latter view is valid to an extent, I contend that pursuing a career in other countries still has more benefits.

On the one hand, I am convinced that people should work in their original country for several reasons. Firstly, people can easily access the culture of domestic companies because they are familiar with their country’s culture. Moreover, living in your original country means that you can be near to your family and your friends so that they can also help you whenever you have difficulties. Secondly, although the salary that domestic companies pay for you may be not as high as the salary you receive when you work abroad, it is enough for you to pay your life because the cost of domestic living is more reasonable. You can also choose a multinational corporation to have a higher salary if you are talented enough.

On the other hand, it is understandable why some people subscribe to the view that working abroad has various advantages. Firstly, going to a different country gives you more opportunities to broaden your mind. To explain, you can have chances to access a more contemporary culture and education condition, so that it helps you learn fast and go fast. For example, the USA is the dream country of many individuals, it is not only a multi-cultural nation but also owns the most developed economy. Secondly, high salary is one of the main reasons why people choose to work in a foreign country. The developed countries can bring more opportunities in work, even several jobs that are not popular in their own country. These countries gather many big corporations in the world, which provide thousands of jobs every year. Because of the development of the economy, individuals who work there often earn a high salary, sometimes you have to earn all your life to have this number if you choose to work domestically.

In conclusion, although there is some truth in the thinking that working domestically has many benefits, I contend that pursuing a career in a foreign country is a better choice because it is a good opportunity for you to broaden your mind and receive a higher salary.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"garnered great publicity" -> "received significant attention"
Explanation: "Garnered great publicity" is somewhat informal and vague. "Received significant attention" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.
"brings numerous positives" -> "offers numerous benefits"
Explanation: "Brings numerous positives" is colloquial and imprecise. "Offers numerous benefits" is more formal and specific, aligning with academic language.
"valid to an extent" -> "partially valid"
Explanation: "Valid to an extent" is somewhat redundant and informal. "Partially valid" is concise and maintains the intended meaning in a more formal tone.
"pursuing a career in other countries" -> "pursuing careers abroad"
Explanation: "Pursuing a career in other countries" is verbose and awkward. "Pursuing careers abroad" is more direct and streamlined, enhancing readability and formality.
"people can easily access the culture of domestic companies" -> "individuals can readily familiarize themselves with domestic companies’ cultures"
Explanation: "Easily access the culture of domestic companies" is awkward and unclear. "Readily familiarize themselves with domestic companies’ cultures" is more precise and formal, improving clarity and specificity.
"near to your family and your friends" -> "close to your family and friends"
Explanation: "Near to your family and your friends" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Close to your family and friends" corrects the grammar and maintains a formal tone.
"the salary that domestic companies pay for you" -> "the salaries offered by domestic companies"
Explanation: "The salary that domestic companies pay for you" is awkward and informal. "The salaries offered by domestic companies" is more formal and avoids the possessive construction, which is less typical in academic writing.
"it is enough for you to pay your life" -> "it suffices to cover living expenses"
Explanation: "It is enough for you to pay your life" is unclear and informal. "It suffices to cover living expenses" is precise and formal, better suited for academic discourse.
"going to a different country gives you more opportunities to broaden your mind" -> "traveling to a foreign country offers broader perspectives"
Explanation: "Going to a different country gives you more opportunities to broaden your mind" is verbose and informal. "Traveling to a foreign country offers broader perspectives" is concise and maintains a formal tone.
"you can have chances to access" -> "you may access"
Explanation: "You can have chances to access" is redundant and informal. "You may access" simplifies and formalizes the expression, improving clarity and formality.
"helps you learn fast and go fast" -> "facilitates rapid learning and advancement"
Explanation: "Helps you learn fast and go fast" is informal and unclear. "Facilitates rapid learning and advancement" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"the USA is the dream country of many individuals" -> "the United States is a dream destination for many"
Explanation: "The USA is the dream country of many individuals" is informal and slightly awkward. "The United States is a dream destination for many" is more formal and avoids colloquialisms.
"owns the most developed economy" -> "boasts the most developed economy"
Explanation: "Owns the most developed economy" is incorrect and informal. "Boasts the most developed economy" is grammatically correct and maintains a formal tone.
"high salary is one of the main reasons" -> "higher salaries are a primary reason"
Explanation: "High salary is one of the main reasons" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Higher salaries are a primary reason" corrects the grammar and enhances formality.
"sometimes you have to earn all your life to have this number if you choose to work domestically" -> "it may take a lifetime to achieve such salaries if one chooses to work domestically"
Explanation: "Sometimes you have to earn all your life to have this number if you choose to work domestically" is informal and awkward. "It may take a lifetime to achieve such salaries if one chooses to work domestically" is more formal and avoids the informal "you" construction.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both perspectives outlined in the prompt. It discusses the benefits of working in one’s home country and contrasts them with the advantages of working abroad. Each viewpoint is presented clearly and supported with relevant examples.
- How to improve: To further enhance this criterion, ensure that each perspective is balanced in depth. Provide more nuanced examples or considerations for each viewpoint to enrich the discussion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent stance throughout, clearly stating the author’s preference for working abroad. This position is evident from the introduction through to the conclusion, where the author reaffirms the advantages of working in a foreign country.
- How to improve: While clarity is maintained, consider acknowledging potential drawbacks of working abroad to strengthen the argument’s credibility, demonstrating a balanced evaluation.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented coherently, with examples provided to support each main point. For instance, the discussion on cultural familiarity and economic benefits is backed by specific examples, such as comparing salaries and access to multinational corporations.
- How to improve: To enhance this criterion, strive for deeper analysis and expansion of ideas. Connect examples more explicitly to broader arguments about cultural adaptation or economic opportunities to provide a more comprehensive exploration of the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly stays focused on the topic of comparing working domestically versus abroad. It explores relevant aspects such as cultural familiarity, economic considerations, and personal development.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all examples and discussions directly relate to the central theme. Avoid tangential points that do not directly contribute to the comparison of working environments.

In summary, while the essay effectively addresses the task requirements by discussing both perspectives and providing a clear stance, there are opportunities to further enrich the depth of analysis and balance of viewpoints. Enhancing the development of ideas with more nuanced examples and ensuring all content directly supports the central theme would strengthen overall coherence and argumentation.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a clear and effective organizational structure. It starts with an introduction that outlines both sides of the argument and the writer’s opinion, followed by two body paragraphs that each explore one viewpoint in detail. The conclusion neatly summarizes the main points and restates the writer’s opinion. Each paragraph logically progresses from one idea to the next, enhancing the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To further improve, ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus on one central idea and transitions smoothly to the next. Consider using more advanced linking phrases to strengthen connections between sentences and paragraphs.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to organize ideas. Each paragraph is dedicated to a specific aspect of the argument (e.g., benefits of working domestically versus abroad) and begins with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. This structured approach helps maintain coherence and readability.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraph effectiveness, ensure that each paragraph contains sufficient supporting details and examples to fully develop the main idea. Consider varying sentence structure within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement and flow.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: Cohesive devices such as linking words (e.g., "firstly," "on the other hand," "in conclusion") and pronouns ("these," "those") are effectively used throughout the essay. These devices help guide the reader through the argument, making connections between ideas and ensuring coherence.
- How to improve: While cohesive devices are generally well-utilized, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases (e.g., "furthermore," "conversely," "in addition") to add sophistication and nuance to the essay’s structure. Ensure that each cohesive device enhances clarity and logical progression.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of coherence and cohesion principles necessary for achieving a Band Score of 8. To continue improving, focus on refining paragraph development and using a broader array of cohesive devices to further enhance clarity and logical flow.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. It includes words and phrases like "garnered great publicity," "to an extent," "multinational corporation," "contemporary culture," and "developed economy." These contribute to conveying the writer’s ideas effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance the vocabulary range further, consider incorporating more nuanced and contextually appropriate synonyms or idiomatic expressions. For instance, instead of "garnered great publicity," using "has gained significant attention" might provide a more polished expression. Introducing domain-specific terms related to economics or sociology could also enrich the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary effectively, there are instances where the precision could be improved. For example, phrases like "easily access the culture" could be more precise by specifying how familiarity with domestic culture benefits someone professionally. On the other hand, terms like "multi-cultural nation" and "developed economy" are used accurately to convey specific ideas.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that precisely articulates your intended meaning without ambiguity. Instead of general statements, provide specific examples or detailed explanations that showcase a deeper understanding of the topic. For instance, rather than stating "multi-cultural nation," specify which cultures are involved and how they contribute to the workforce or society in a foreign country.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate. However, there are a few minor errors such as "contemporary culture and education condition" (should be "conditions"), and "you have to earn all your life" (could be clearer as "you may have to work your entire life").
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider proofreading more attentively for common mistakes such as subject-verb agreement and singular/plural forms. Using spell-check tools can also help in catching overlooked errors and refining the overall presentation of your ideas.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of vocabulary suitable for achieving a Band 6 score in Lexical Resource, focusing on enhancing both the range and precision of vocabulary, alongside meticulous attention to spelling, will contribute to further improving the clarity and sophistication of your writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences ("Some people believe that this development brings numerous positives to our lives"), conditional sentences ("If you are talented enough, you can also choose a multinational corporation"), and comparative structures ("The salary that domestic companies pay may not be as high as that abroad"). These structures enhance the clarity and sophistication of the essay, allowing for nuanced expression of ideas.
- How to improve: While the essay effectively employs a range of structures, further enhancing the use of advanced grammatical forms such as inversion ("Rarely do domestic salaries match those abroad") or passive voice constructions could add depth and precision to the argumentation.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay maintains a strong level of grammatical accuracy. Complex sentences are generally well-constructed, and punctuation is correctly applied to separate clauses and phrases. For instance, "On the one hand, I am convinced that people should work in their original country for several reasons" utilizes commas effectively to set off introductory phrases.
- How to improve: There are a few instances where subject-verb agreement could be tightened ("going to a different country gives you more opportunities"), and minor punctuation errors, such as inconsistent comma use in complex lists, could be addressed. Revising for these details will further refine the essay’s grammatical precision.

Overall, the essay exhibits a strong grasp of grammatical structures and punctuation conventions appropriate for a Band 7 score. Continued attention to sentence variety and meticulous grammar and punctuation usage will solidify the writer’s ability to achieve even higher band scores.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, the trend of working either domestically or abroad has received significant attention. While some argue that staying in one’s home country offers numerous benefits, others believe that pursuing careers abroad is preferable. Although the latter view is partially valid, I firmly believe that working in other countries offers more advantages.

On the one hand, there are compelling reasons why individuals might choose to work in their original country. Firstly, they can readily familiarize themselves with domestic companies’ cultures, benefiting from their familiarity with local customs. Additionally, staying close to family and friends provides a support network during challenging times. Secondly, while the salaries offered by domestic companies may not match those abroad, they typically suffice to cover living expenses, which are generally more reasonable locally. Moreover, talented individuals can access multinational corporations that offer higher salaries.

On the other hand, pursuing careers abroad offers broader perspectives. For instance, traveling to a foreign country facilitates rapid learning and advancement due to exposure to diverse cultures and educational opportunities. For example, the United States is a dream destination for many, boasting the most developed economy globally and offering myriad job opportunities not available domestically. Higher salaries are a primary reason individuals choose to work abroad, as the economic development in these countries supports lucrative career paths that may take a lifetime to achieve domestically.

In conclusion, while there are undeniable benefits to working domestically, I maintain that pursuing a career in a foreign country provides greater advantages. It allows individuals to broaden their perspectives and potentially achieve higher salaries, making it a compelling choice for career growth and personal development.