These days, more and more people are going to other countries for significant periods of time, either to find a job or to study. There are clearly many benefits to doing this, but people who live abroad can also face some difficulties. Do you think its advantages will outweigh the disadvantages?

These days, more and more people are going to other countries for significant periods of time, either to find a job or to study. There are clearly many benefits to doing this, but people who live abroad can also face some difficulties.
Do you think its advantages will outweigh the disadvantages?

It is believed that more and more people lean toward studying and working abroad for significant periods of time. In my view, whereas this method has some drawbacks, the benefits are more considerable.

On the one hand, I have to admit that this method may result in undesired results. Firstly, people who study abroad may face strange legal and administrative challenges. For example, in Vietnam people always walk and hike in the right lane, while the opposite is true for almost all European countries such as England and Germany, where they walk in the left one. As a consequence, these people may feel harsh when they have a responsibility to cope with the policy of strange countries early, resulting in trauma and stress for them. Secondly, the barrier of language and customs may serve as a deterrent to the integration of these people. In overseas countries, they must dedicate themselves to using a new language fluently to cater for their needs, such as buying medicine, food or other essential items. Therefore, this seems sensible that the life of people studying abroad can be challenging.

However, despite the possible disadvantages mentioned above, I am more convinced of the advantages of living abroad in terms of their characteristics and their job opportunities when they trace back to their domestic countries. Living abroad makes people more independent since they have to do all tasks themselves during the time they studying and living aboard. For example, in an overseas country, they must live on their own finance without food, finance, or medicine supplies for their family as well as fix essential things there such as domestic households when these tools are broken up. As a result, they can firm their independence, fostering their independence and well-being so that they can adapt to other alternatives in their life quickly. Moreover, the top-north education and experiments there cause these individuals can open doors to exciting professional opportunities. Some countries may have a high demand for specific skills, offering better job prospects and potential for career advancement. For example, people entering a study or job course in England or Germany can easily find job opportunities in their domestic country due to their redundant knowledge and experience.

In conclusion, despite the disadvantages of moving abroad in terms of cultural norms and strange policy and administrative barriers. I am completely in favour of this approach since its benefits are considerable.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "lean toward studying and working abroad" -> "tend to study and work abroad"
   Explanation: "Lean toward" is somewhat informal and vague in this context. "Tend to" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.

2. "significant periods of time" -> "extended periods of time"
   Explanation: "Significant" can imply importance or magnitude, which may not be the intended meaning here. "Extended" is more specific and appropriate for describing the duration of time spent abroad.

3. "I have to admit" -> "I acknowledge"
   Explanation: "I have to admit" can sound slightly informal and conversational. "I acknowledge" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.

4. "face strange legal and administrative challenges" -> "encounter unfamiliar legal and administrative challenges"
   Explanation: "Strange" can be seen as informal and subjective. "Unfamiliar" is more neutral and academically appropriate, emphasizing the novelty rather than the strangeness.

5. "walk and hike in the right lane" -> "walk on the right side of the road"
   Explanation: "Hike" is typically used for outdoor activities, not walking on roads. "Walk on the right side of the road" is more accurate and clear.

6. "harsh when they have a responsibility" -> "difficult when they face responsibilities"
   Explanation: "Harsh" is an emotional term that is not typically used in formal academic writing. "Difficult" is more neutral and appropriate.

7. "cope with the policy of strange countries" -> "adjust to the policies of unfamiliar countries"
   Explanation: "Cope with" can imply struggling or dealing with difficulties, which may not be the intended meaning. "Adjust to" is more neutral and precise.

8. "dedicate themselves to using a new language" -> "strive to master a new language"
   Explanation: "Dedicate themselves to using" is somewhat awkward and informal. "Strive to master" is more direct and academically formal.

9. "seems sensible that the life of people studying abroad can be challenging" -> "it is reasonable to assume that the lives of individuals studying abroad can be challenging"
   Explanation: "Seems sensible" is informal and vague. "It is reasonable to assume" provides a more formal and assertive tone.

10. "makes people more independent" -> "enhances their independence"
    Explanation: "Makes people more independent" is a bit simplistic and informal. "Enhances their independence" is more precise and formal.

11. "do all tasks themselves" -> "manage all tasks independently"
    Explanation: "Do all tasks themselves" is informal and lacks specificity. "Manage all tasks independently" is more formal and clearly conveys the level of autonomy.

12. "live on their own finance" -> "support themselves financially"
    Explanation: "Live on their own finance" is awkward and unclear. "Support themselves financially" is more direct and formal.

13. "fix essential things there" -> "address essential issues there"
    Explanation: "Fix essential things" is informal and vague. "Address essential issues" is more precise and formal.

14. "broken up" -> "broken"
    Explanation: "Broken up" is incorrect in this context. "Broken" is the correct term for describing something that is damaged or inoperable.

15. "firm their independence" -> "strengthen their independence"
    Explanation: "Firm their independence" is not a standard phrase. "Strengthen their independence" is the correct and more formal expression.

16. "top-north education" -> "top-tier education"
    Explanation: "Top-north" is unclear and incorrect. "Top-tier" is the correct term for referring to the highest level of quality or ranking.

17. "cause these individuals can open doors" -> "enable these individuals to open doors"
    Explanation: "Cause these individuals can open doors" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Enable these individuals to open doors" corrects the grammar and enhances clarity.

18. "redundant knowledge and experience" -> "redundant skills and expertise"
    Explanation: "Knowledge and experience" is somewhat vague and informal. "Skills and expertise" are more specific and formal terms in academic contexts.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of living abroad, which is essential for a balanced response. The writer acknowledges the drawbacks, such as legal challenges and language barriers, before emphasizing the benefits, including independence and job opportunities. However, the discussion of disadvantages could be more comprehensive, as it primarily focuses on cultural and administrative challenges without exploring other potential issues like homesickness or financial strain.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to provide a more balanced view by elaborating on additional disadvantages. Including examples of emotional or social challenges faced by expatriates would create a more nuanced argument. Furthermore, the conclusion could reiterate the main points made about both sides to reinforce the overall assessment.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The writer clearly states their position in favor of the advantages of living abroad in the introduction and maintains this stance throughout the essay. However, the transition from discussing disadvantages to advantages could be smoother to enhance clarity. The phrase "despite the possible disadvantages mentioned above" could be more explicitly connected to the advantages that follow.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer could use more transitional phrases that explicitly link the disadvantages to the advantages. For example, after discussing the drawbacks, a phrase like "Nevertheless, these challenges are outweighed by…" would help maintain a clear argumentative flow.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the independence gained from living abroad and the enhanced job prospects. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For instance, the point about independence is mentioned but lacks specific examples or deeper exploration of how this independence translates into personal growth or professional success.
  • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, when discussing independence, they could elaborate on specific skills gained or experiences that contribute to personal development. Additionally, providing statistics or studies related to job opportunities for expatriates could lend further support to the claims made.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the advantages and disadvantages of living abroad. However, there are moments where the relevance could be sharpened. For example, the mention of "strange legal and administrative challenges" could be more directly tied to the overall theme of how these challenges impact the decision to live abroad.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central question of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. This could involve explicitly linking each disadvantage discussed to how it might affect the overall experience of living abroad, thus reinforcing the argument throughout the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a clear position, there are areas for improvement in terms of depth of analysis, clarity of transitions, and the development of supporting ideas. By addressing these aspects, the writer could enhance their score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. The argument is generally coherent, with the writer effectively contrasting the drawbacks and benefits of living abroad. However, some points could be better connected. For instance, the transition from discussing disadvantages to advantages could be smoother to enhance the overall flow. The use of phrases like "On the one hand" and "However" helps signal shifts in the argument, but further elaboration on how these points relate to the central thesis could strengthen the logical organization.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing disadvantages, a sentence summarizing these points before introducing the advantages could provide a clearer link. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that clearly states its main idea will help guide the reader through the argument.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on either the disadvantages or advantages of living abroad. However, the paragraph discussing disadvantages could be more concise, as it includes some repetitive phrases and ideas that could be streamlined for clarity. The advantages paragraph is more developed but could benefit from clearer topic sentences to guide the reader.
  • How to improve: Aim for a more balanced development of ideas across paragraphs. For instance, the disadvantages could be condensed to focus on the most significant points, allowing for a more detailed exploration of the advantages. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea, which will help the reader follow the argument more easily.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "However," which help to structure the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some phrases are used repetitively, which can detract from the overall quality of the writing. For example, the phrase "these people" appears multiple times in a similar context, which could be varied to enhance readability.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "In addition," "Conversely," or "On the contrary." This will not only improve the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency. Additionally, varying the subjects and phrases used to refer back to previously mentioned concepts will help maintain reader interest and clarity.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially improving the overall band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "undesired results," "legal and administrative challenges," and "top-north education." These phrases show an attempt to use varied vocabulary. However, some expressions are somewhat repetitive or lack sophistication. For instance, the phrase "strange legal and administrative challenges" could be enhanced by using synonyms or more precise terms to avoid redundancy and elevate the language.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate more synonyms and less common expressions. For example, instead of repeating "strange," they could use "unfamiliar" or "foreign." Additionally, exploring idiomatic expressions or collocations related to studying and working abroad could enrich the essay further.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "people may feel harsh" is awkward; "harsh" is not typically used to describe feelings. A more precise term could be "overwhelmed" or "daunted." Furthermore, the phrase "the top-north education" is unclear and could be better articulated as "top-notch education."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. They can benefit from reviewing vocabulary in context and ensuring that the words chosen fit the situation. Utilizing a thesaurus to find more suitable alternatives for vague terms can also help enhance clarity.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays good spelling, but there are a few errors that detract from the overall quality. For instance, "finance" is used correctly in some contexts, but in the phrase "live on their own finance," it would be more appropriate to say "financial resources." Additionally, "top-north" is a misspelling of "top-notch."
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, ideally reading it aloud to catch any errors. They could also practice spelling commonly used academic vocabulary and utilize tools like spell checkers or language learning apps that focus on spelling.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary suitable for a Band 7, there are areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional phrases. For instance, the use of "whereas this method has some drawbacks, the benefits are more considerable" effectively contrasts two ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way ideas are introduced and developed. For example, phrases like "may result in" and "may face" are used multiple times, which could limit the overall range.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more diverse introductory phrases and clauses. Using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences can help. For example, instead of repeatedly using "may," the writer could vary this with phrases like "could potentially" or "is likely to." Additionally, integrating more varied linking words and phrases (e.g., "in addition," "furthermore," "on the contrary") can help to create a more dynamic flow of ideas.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay shows a good level of grammatical accuracy overall, but there are notable errors that detract from its clarity. For instance, the phrase "the life of people studying abroad can be challenging" is grammatically correct, but the preceding sentence contains awkward constructions, such as "may result in undesired results," which could be more concisely expressed. Punctuation is generally correct, but there are instances where commas are missing, particularly in complex sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences. For example, "In Vietnam people always walk and hike in the right lane" should have a comma after "Vietnam" to separate the introductory phrase.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and sentence fragments. It would also be beneficial to practice using punctuation correctly, especially in complex sentences. A good strategy is to read the essay aloud to identify areas where pauses (commas) are needed for clarity. Additionally, revisiting the rules of conjunctions and relative clauses can help refine sentence construction and enhance overall coherence.

Overall, while the essay achieves a Band 7 for Grammatical Range and Accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation accuracy will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is believed that more and more people tend to study and work abroad for extended periods of time. In my view, while this approach has some drawbacks, the benefits are more significant.

On the one hand, I acknowledge that this method may lead to some undesirable outcomes. Firstly, individuals who study abroad may encounter unfamiliar legal and administrative challenges. For example, in Vietnam, people typically walk on the right side of the road, whereas the opposite is true for many European countries such as England and Germany, where they walk on the left. As a consequence, these individuals may feel overwhelmed when they have the responsibility to adjust to the policies of unfamiliar countries early on, resulting in stress and anxiety. Secondly, the barriers of language and customs may serve as a deterrent to their integration. In foreign countries, they must strive to master a new language to cater to their needs, such as purchasing medicine, food, or other essential items. Therefore, it is reasonable to assume that the lives of individuals studying abroad can be challenging.

However, despite the possible disadvantages mentioned above, I am more convinced of the advantages of living abroad, particularly regarding personal growth and job opportunities when they return to their home countries. Living abroad enhances their independence, as they must manage all tasks independently during their time studying and living overseas. For instance, in a foreign country, they need to support themselves financially without relying on family for food, finances, or medical supplies, as well as address essential issues when things break down. As a result, they can strengthen their independence and well-being, allowing them to adapt to various situations in their lives more quickly. Moreover, the top-tier education and experiences they gain abroad enable these individuals to open doors to exciting professional opportunities. Some countries may have a high demand for specific skills, offering better job prospects and potential for career advancement. For example, individuals who pursue studies or jobs in England or Germany can easily find job opportunities in their home countries due to their valuable knowledge and expertise.

In conclusion, despite the disadvantages of moving abroad in terms of cultural norms and unfamiliar legal and administrative barriers, I am completely in favor of this approach, as its benefits are considerable.