These days, more and more young people are going to other countries for significant period of time, either to find a job or study. Do you think the advantages of this development out weights the disadvantages.

These days, more and more young people are going to other countries for significant period of time, either to find a job or study.
Do you think the advantages of this development out weights the disadvantages.

Nowadays, living and working abroad is becoming increasingly popular. There are both pros and cons to decide to do. In this essay, I will discuss some of the reasons why heading into foreign countries are so popular and some of the challenges of this.
Let's begin by looking at the advantages of moving away. Firstly, one of the main advantages is to broaden your horizons. What I mean is that you will be able to learn new different skills, and you meet with new people who are from different cultures. This can make you rounded as a person. Secondly, if you work abroad, you have better quality occupations and good job.In addition, by living overseas you can improve your better work-life balance.
Turning to the side of the argument, the major problem is cultural shock. Many people who are moving to the other country find it much more difficult to learn a foreign language and different cultural foods.These lead to homesickness among people. Another issue is that it can start a new life from scratch. Besides, they should make new friends and find their place in another community.
All things considered, starting life in a foreign country is never easy. Individuals should weigh up the pros of a better lifestyle, a change of scenery and the cons of the language barrier and culture shock. In my opinion, I believe that the benefits of living overseas outweigh the negatives.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Nowadays" -> "Currently"
   Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."

2. "living and working abroad is becoming increasingly popular" -> "living and working abroad has become increasingly popular"
   Explanation: The verb "has become" is more grammatically correct and formal than "is becoming," which is more commonly used in informal contexts.

3. "There are both pros and cons to decide to do." -> "There are both advantages and disadvantages to consider."
   Explanation: "Advantages and disadvantages" is a more formal and precise term than "pros and cons," and "consider" is more appropriate than "decide to do," which is awkward and unclear.

4. "heading into foreign countries are so popular" -> "moving to foreign countries is so popular"
   Explanation: "Moving to" is a more specific and formal phrase than "heading into," and "is" agrees with the singular subject "moving."

5. "broaden your horizons" -> "expand your horizons"
   Explanation: "Expand" is a more formal synonym for "broaden" and is commonly used in academic contexts.

6. "What I mean is that you will be able to learn new different skills" -> "This means you will acquire new skills"
   Explanation: "This means" is more direct and formal than "What I mean is," and "acquire" is more precise than "learn new different."

7. "you meet with new people" -> "you meet new people"
   Explanation: "Meet with" is redundant; "meet" is sufficient and more concise.

8. "This can make you rounded as a person" -> "This can make you a more well-rounded individual"
   Explanation: "Well-rounded" is the correct adjectival form, and "individual" is more formal than "person."

9. "better quality occupations and good job" -> "better job opportunities and improved employment"
   Explanation: "Job opportunities" and "improved employment" are more formal and specific than "better quality occupations and good job."

10. "improve your better work-life balance" -> "enhance your work-life balance"
    Explanation: "Enhance" is more formal and precise than "improve," and "work-life balance" is a standard term in academic and professional contexts.

11. "the major problem is cultural shock" -> "a significant challenge is cultural adaptation"
    Explanation: "Cultural adaptation" is a more precise term than "cultural shock," which can be misleading and informal.

12. "Many people who are moving to the other country find it much more difficult" -> "Many individuals relocating to another country often find it significantly more challenging"
    Explanation: "Individuals relocating" is more formal than "people moving," and "significantly more challenging" is more precise than "much more difficult."

13. "These lead to homesickness among people" -> "This can lead to homesickness among individuals"
    Explanation: "This" is more appropriate than "These" for referring to the previous point, and "individuals" is more formal than "people."

14. "it can start a new life from scratch" -> "it requires starting anew"
    Explanation: "Requires starting anew" is more concise and formal than "can start a new life from scratch."

15. "Besides, they should make new friends and find their place in another community" -> "Additionally, they must establish new friendships and integrate into the local community"
    Explanation: "Additionally" is more formal than "Besides," and "establish new friendships and integrate into the local community" is more precise and formal than "make new friends and find their place."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of young people moving abroad. However, it does not clearly articulate whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, which is a critical aspect of the question. The phrase "In my opinion, I believe that the benefits of living overseas outweigh the negatives" is too vague and does not provide a strong argument or evidence to support this claim.
  • How to improve: To better answer all parts of the question, the writer should explicitly state their position early in the essay and reinforce it throughout. They should include specific examples and evidence that clearly illustrate how the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, rather than just listing points.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position at the end, but it lacks clarity and consistency throughout. The introduction suggests a discussion of both sides, but the conclusion does not effectively summarize or reinforce the argument that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. The position feels somewhat tacked on rather than integrated into the overall argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should state their viewpoint in the introduction and consistently refer back to it in each paragraph. Using phrases like "This supports my argument that…" can help tie back the discussion to the main thesis.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as broadening horizons and cultural shock, but they are not sufficiently developed or supported. For instance, the claim that living abroad can lead to a better work-life balance is mentioned but not explained or illustrated with examples. Similarly, the points about cultural shock and homesickness are introduced but lack depth.
  • How to improve: The writer should aim to elaborate on each point with specific examples and explanations. For instance, they could provide a personal anecdote or a statistic about the benefits of working abroad or detail how cultural shock can manifest in daily life. This would strengthen the argument and make it more persuasive.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally stays on topic, there are moments where the focus shifts. For example, the discussion about "better quality occupations" is vague and could be more directly related to the advantages of living abroad. Additionally, the mention of "finding their place in another community" could be more clearly tied to the disadvantages of moving abroad.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point directly relates back to the advantages or disadvantages as outlined in the prompt. They could use topic sentences in each paragraph that clearly state how the following content relates to the main argument.

Overall, the essay needs to be more structured and focused on directly addressing the prompt with clear arguments and supporting details. Expanding on ideas and ensuring a consistent position throughout will significantly improve the Task Response score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs are logically divided into pros and cons. However, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages could be smoother. For example, the phrase "Turning to the side of the argument" is somewhat abrupt and could benefit from a more seamless transition that connects the two sections more fluidly.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that indicate a shift in focus, such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely." Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea, which will help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with separate sections for advantages and disadvantages. Each paragraph contains relevant information; however, the second paragraph discussing advantages could be more focused. For instance, the ideas about broadening horizons and improving work-life balance could be elaborated upon with more specific examples or explanations, which would strengthen the argument.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraph effectiveness, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. Consider using a more structured approach within paragraphs, such as starting with a topic sentence, followed by explanations and examples. This will help maintain clarity and focus throughout the essay.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "In addition," which help to organize the information. However, there is a limited range of cohesive devices used, and some sentences lack clear connections. For example, the phrase "These lead to homesickness among people" could be better connected to the previous sentence to clarify the cause-and-effect relationship.
  • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," "In contrast," and "As a result." Additionally, ensure that each sentence logically follows from the previous one by using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a balanced view of the topic. By focusing on improving transitions, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can elevate their score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "broaden your horizons," "cultural shock," and "work-life balance" being effectively used. However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety. For instance, the phrase "moving away" is used in a similar context without variation, and terms like "pros and cons" could be replaced with synonyms such as "advantages and disadvantages" or "benefits and drawbacks" to enhance lexical diversity.
  • How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "new," they could use "novel," "fresh," or "unfamiliar." Additionally, exploring more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "globalization," "cultural exchange," or "employment opportunities," would enrich the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "you will be able to learn new different skills" is awkwardly constructed; "new" and "different" are redundant together. The term "cultural shock" is also commonly referred to as "culture shock," which is the correct term. Furthermore, "better quality occupations" could be more accurately expressed as "higher quality job opportunities."
  • How to improve: To enhance precision in vocabulary usage, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness. They should revise phrases to eliminate redundancy and ensure the correct terms are used. For example, changing "new different skills" to "new skills" or "varied skills" would improve clarity. Additionally, reviewing common collocations and idiomatic expressions can help ensure that vocabulary is used appropriately.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from the overall quality. For instance, "out weights" should be "outweighs," and "cultural shock" should be "culture shock." There are also issues with spacing, such as "good job.In addition," which should have a space after the period. These errors can disrupt the flow of reading and affect the clarity of the message.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy after completing their essay. This could involve reading the essay aloud to catch errors or using spelling and grammar checking tools. Additionally, practicing spelling common IELTS vocabulary and terms related to the essay topic can help reinforce correct spelling in future writings.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of lexical resource, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. Focusing on these areas will help elevate the essay to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of "Firstly" and "Secondly" to introduce points showcases an attempt to organize ideas clearly. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as "you will be able to" and "you can," which could be diversified further. The phrase "living and working abroad is becoming increasingly popular" is effective, but the overall sentence variety could be enhanced.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that combine ideas. For instance, instead of saying "you can improve your better work-life balance," you might say, "By living overseas, individuals not only improve their work-life balance but also gain exposure to diverse lifestyles." Additionally, varying the use of transition phrases and conjunctions can help create a more engaging flow.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation errors that detract from the overall clarity. For instance, the phrase "to decide to do" is awkward and should be rephrased for clarity, perhaps to "to consider." The sentence "you meet with new people who are from different cultures" is grammatically correct but could be more fluid as "you meet new people from diverse cultures." Punctuation issues include the lack of commas in compound sentences, such as "Many people who are moving to the other country find it much more difficult to learn a foreign language and different cultural foods," which would benefit from a comma before "and."
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, careful proofreading is essential. Focus on common grammatical structures that often lead to errors, such as subject-verb agreement and article usage. For example, "the major problem is cultural shock" should be "the major problem is culture shock." Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding commas in complex sentences, will improve clarity. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents clear arguments, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will enhance the overall quality and coherence of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, living and working abroad has become increasingly popular. There are both pros and cons to consider. In this essay, I will discuss some of the reasons why moving to foreign countries is so popular and some of the challenges associated with this.

Let’s begin by looking at the advantages of moving away. Firstly, one of the main advantages is that it broadens your horizons. What I mean is that you will be able to learn new skills, and you will meet new people from different cultures. This can make you a more well-rounded individual. Secondly, if you work abroad, you have better job opportunities and improved employment prospects. In addition, by living overseas, you can enhance your work-life balance.

Turning to the other side of the argument, a significant challenge is cultural adaptation. Many individuals relocating to another country often find it much more difficult to learn a foreign language and adjust to different cultural foods. This can lead to homesickness among individuals. Another issue is that it requires starting anew. Additionally, they must establish new friendships and integrate into the local community.

All things considered, starting life in a foreign country is never easy. Individuals should weigh up the pros of a better lifestyle and a change of scenery against the cons of the language barrier and culture shock. In my opinion, I believe that the benefits of living overseas outweigh the negatives.