This bar chart shows the holiday preferences of four countries in 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

This bar chart shows the holiday preferences of four countries in 2018.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart illustrates what kinds of activities were preferred in celebration of four nations in 2018.

Overall, the percentage of people enjoying staying at home was lowest in all four countries. It is also clear that the figures for Australians and New Zealanders who liked outdoor activities were significant, notably the figure for those choosing hiking as a favourite activity on vacation in New Zealand.

The proportion of people who liked skiing was equal in New Zealand and South Korea, at 30%, while the figures for Australia and China were lower, at 27% and 20%, respectively. 25% of Australians enjoyed beach on holiday, compared to 20% in New Zealand, 18% in South Korea, and about 17% in China. The favourite activity in celebrations was visiting city in China, reaching a peak of 30%, while this figure in South Korea was lower, at 20%. The percentage of Australians chose city twice as much as New Zealanders, with respective figures being 15% and 7.5%.

The proportion of people preferring hiking in New Zealand was highest, at 38%, followed by the figures for Australia (27%), China (20%), and South Korea (12%). Regarding the figures for staying at home, there were 13% of Chinese chose this kind of activity, while the figures for South Koreans, New Zealanders, and Australians were lower, at 11%, 7%, and 6%, in that order.

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Errors and Improvements:

"what kinds of activities were preferred" -> "the types of activities favored"
Explanation: "Preferred" is a common word choice, but "favored" is slightly more formal and sophisticated. Additionally, "types" is a more precise term than "kinds" in this context.
"enjoying staying at home was lowest" -> "preferring to stay at home was the least favored"
Explanation: "Lowest" is accurate but lacks sophistication. "Least favored" adds a more formal tone to the sentence.
"liked outdoor activities were significant" -> "preference for outdoor activities was notable"
Explanation: "Liked" is colloquial; "preference for" is more formal. "Significant" is appropriate but "notable" adds a more refined touch.
"hiking as a favourite activity on vacation" -> "hiking as a preferred vacation activity"
Explanation: "Favourite" is more informal; "preferred" maintains formality. The change clarifies that hiking is a favored activity during vacations.
"The proportion of people who liked skiing" -> "The percentage of individuals favoring skiing"
Explanation: "Proportion" is correct, but "percentage" is more precise. "Favoring" is slightly more formal than "liking."
"figures for Australia and China were lower" -> "statistics for Australia and China were comparatively lower"
Explanation: "Figures" is suitable, but "statistics" adds sophistication. "Comparatively lower" emphasizes the contrast more effectively.
"figures for staying at home" -> "statistics for staying at home"
Explanation: Using "statistics" instead of "figures" enhances formality without changing meaning.
"figures for South Koreans, New Zealanders, and Australians" -> "statistics for South Koreans, New Zealanders, and Australians"
Explanation: Maintaining consistency in terminology by using "statistics" throughout the paragraph.
"the figures for Australia (27%)" -> "Australia’s figures (27%)"
Explanation: Clarifying possession by using possessive form ("Australia’s").
"peak of 30%" -> "peak of 30 percent"
Explanation: "Percent" is more formal than the symbol "%."
"city twice as much as New Zealanders" -> "city twice as often as New Zealanders"
Explanation: "Much" is colloquial; "often" is more formal and appropriate here.
"the figures for staying at home" -> "statistics for staying at home"
Explanation: Maintaining consistency in terminology by using "statistics" throughout the paragraph.
"there were 13% of Chinese" -> "13% of Chinese individuals"
Explanation: Adding "individuals" clarifies the reference and improves readability.
"this kind of activity" -> "this type of activity"
Explanation: "Kind" is slightly informal; "type" is more formal.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the bar chart and making relevant comparisons between the holiday preferences of the four countries. It presents an overview of the data and highlights key activities chosen by each nation. However, some details could be more fully extended, and there are minor inaccuracies in the presentation of data.
How to improve: To improve, ensure that all key features are fully developed and avoid minor inaccuracies in data presentation. Provide more detailed comparisons and extend the analysis of each country’s preferences. Additionally, focus on clarity and precision in language to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay logically organizes the information and ideas with clear progression throughout. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic related to the holiday preferences of the four nations. The sequencing of information is logical, making it easy for the reader to follow. Additionally, a range of cohesive devices is used appropriately to connect ideas within and between sentences, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve: To further enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure consistent use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Some transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother to create a more seamless flow of ideas. Additionally, pay attention to paragraphing to ensure logical division and development of ideas. Finally, consider varying sentence structures to add complexity and richness to the text.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in conveying the information. There is a variety of vocabulary used to describe different activities and preferences, such as "celebration," "proportion," "figures," and "preferred." Additionally, less common lexical items like "hiking," "skiing," and "staying at home" are appropriately utilized. The writer also shows some awareness of style and collocation, as seen in phrases like "the percentage of people" and "the proportion of people." However, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, such as "enjoying staying at home" and "liked outdoor activities," which could be improved for greater accuracy.

How to improve:
To enhance lexical resource, strive for greater accuracy in word choice and collocation. Instead of "enjoying staying at home," consider "preferring to stay at home" for clarity and precision. Similarly, instead of "liked outdoor activities," opt for "preferred outdoor activities" to maintain consistency in expression. Additionally, aim for more varied and sophisticated vocabulary where appropriate to further elevate the lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, with attempts to convey information clearly. There is evidence of varied sentence structures, though some sentences could be further developed for clarity and coherence. While the majority of the essay is understandable, there are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation that occasionally disrupt communication.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, strive for more varied sentence structures and ensure consistent attention to grammar and punctuation. Reviewing and revising the essay for clarity and coherence can help reduce errors and improve overall communication. Additionally, practice incorporating complex sentence forms to demonstrate a higher level of linguistic proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart delineates the holiday preferences across four nations in 2018.

Primarily, it is evident that the inclination towards staying at home was notably lower across all four countries. Noteworthy is the substantial preference for outdoor activities among Australians and New Zealanders, particularly the pronounced fondness for hiking as a vacation pursuit in New Zealand.

The percentage of individuals favoring skiing stood equally at 30% in both New Zealand and South Korea, whereas Australia and China recorded slightly lower figures at 27% and 20%, respectively. Additionally, 25% of Australians opted for beach activities during holidays, compared to 20% in New Zealand, 18% in South Korea, and approximately 17% in China. Notably, visiting cities emerged as the favored holiday activity in China, peaking at 30%, while in South Korea, this figure was lower at 20%. Moreover, Australians exhibited a preference for urban excursions twice as much as New Zealanders, with respective figures of 15% and 7.5%.

The preference for hiking in New Zealand was notably higher at 38%, followed by Australia (27%), China (20%), and South Korea (12%). Conversely, the percentage of individuals opting to stay at home was relatively higher in China, with 13%, compared to South Korea (11%), New Zealand (7%), and Australia (6%).