This is an IELTS writing task 1 sample answer essay on the topic of the share of income earned by the top 1 percent from 1975 to 2015.

The given line graph illustrates how the proportion of share of revenues gained by the top 1% changed in seven distinctive nations, namely the United States, Canada, Italy, Germany, the United Kingdom, France and Japan in every five years from 1975 to 2015. Units are measured in percent.

Overall, while the percentage of sharing income earned in the US, Canada, Italy and Germany witnessed a significant increase, the remaining rose slightly. Remarkably, there was no data for the UK until 1990.

Now, turning to the detail, the US, Canada, Italy and Germany witnessed their rate of share of profits soared tremendously over the given period. At the outset, the figure for the US was in third place, at 7%. Afterward, its percentage increased by 1% and started significantly fluctuating but still in the upward pattern and reached a peak at nearly 20% in the last surveyed year. Likewise, the proportion of share of income earned by the top 1% of Canada and Germany also increased, though albeit to a lesser extent. In 1975, the data on Germany was the highest, about more than 10%, followed by Canada at 7%. Despite fluctuating over the period of forty years, both figures increasingly soared to about 13%, occupying the second top together.

In terms of remaining nations, all of them had a little change. The share of income earned by the top 1% of France registered to be in second place with 8% while the data on the others were the lowest, recorded at 7%. Noticeably, France' s share of profit earned top 1% went through fluctuation and decreased by 1% and then came back to the beginning point in 2013. Meanwhile, the figure for the United Kingdom and Japan fluctuated and accounted for around 9% in 2010, only higher than France.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The given line graph illustrates" -> "The line graph depicts"
Explanation: "Depicts" is more precise and academically appropriate than "illustrates" in this context, as it directly relates to the visual representation of data.
"proportion of share of revenues gained" -> "proportion of revenue share"
Explanation: The phrase "proportion of share of revenues gained" is redundant and awkward. "Proportion of revenue share" simplifies and clarifies the meaning.
"distinctive nations" -> "distinct countries"
Explanation: "Distinctive" is not typically used to describe countries; "distinct" is more appropriate and commonly used in academic contexts to describe countries.
"rose slightly" -> "increased marginally"
Explanation: "Increased marginally" is a more formal and precise term than "rose slightly," which is somewhat colloquial.
"there was no data for the UK until 1990" -> "no data was available for the UK until 1990"
Explanation: The passive construction "no data was available" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than the active "there was no data."
"its percentage increased by 1%" -> "its percentage rose by 1%"
Explanation: "Rose" is a more specific verb for describing changes in percentages, aligning better with the context of statistical data.
"started significantly fluctuating" -> "began to fluctuate significantly"
Explanation: "Begun to fluctuate significantly" is more grammatically correct and formal, improving the flow and clarity of the sentence.
"soared tremendously" -> "increased significantly"
Explanation: "Soared" is an emotional and less formal term; "increased significantly" maintains an objective tone suitable for academic writing.
"Likewise, the proportion of share of income earned by the top 1% of Canada and Germany also increased, though albeit to a lesser extent." -> "Similarly, the proportion of income share earned by the top 1% in Canada and Germany also increased, albeit to a lesser extent."
Explanation: "Similarly" is more appropriate than "Likewise" for comparisons within the same text, and removing "of share" corrects the redundancy in the original phrase.
"all of them had a little change" -> "all showed minimal change"
Explanation: "Showed minimal change" is more precise and formal than "had a little change," which is vague and informal.
"registered to be in second place with 8%" -> "ranked second with 8%"
Explanation: "Ranked" is a more direct and formal term than "registered," which is less commonly used in this context.
"Noticeably, France’ s share of profit earned top 1%" -> "Notably, France’s share of profit among the top 1%"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error "France’ s" to "France’s" and clarifies the phrase to "among the top 1%," which is more precise and appropriate for describing a subset within a larger group.
"fluctuated and accounted for around 9%" -> "fluctuated, reaching approximately 9%"
Explanation: "Reaching approximately" is a more formal and precise way to describe the endpoint of fluctuation, improving the academic tone of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task and presents an overview of the information in the graph. The essay highlights the key features of the graph, such as the overall trend of increasing income share for the top 1% in some countries and the lack of data for the UK until 1990. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features and includes some irrelevant details, such as the specific percentage figures for each country in 1975.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more detailed analysis of the key features of the graph. For example, the essay could discuss the rate of increase in income share for the top 1% in the US, Canada, Italy, and Germany, and compare this to the rate of increase in the other countries. The essay could also provide more specific examples of the fluctuations in income share for each country.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay presents information with some organization, but there are issues with overall progression and cohesion. The introduction attempts to provide an overview, but the expression is somewhat unclear and could be more precise. The essay jumps between countries and years without a smooth flow, affecting coherence. There is an attempt to use cohesive devices (e.g., transition words like "now," "likewise," "meanwhile"), but they are used inconsistently and sometimes incorrectly. Paragraphing is somewhat logical but could be better structured to aid clarity and progression of ideas.

How to improve:

Clear Structure: Ensure a clear introduction that summarizes the main points and a conclusion that wraps up the discussion.
Logical Progression: Maintain a clear chronological or thematic order when discussing different countries and time periods.
Cohesive Devices: Use cohesive devices consistently and accurately to link ideas and sentences. Avoid overuse or misuse of transition words.
Paragraphing: Ensure each paragraph focuses on a clear central topic related to the overall theme of income distribution.

Improving these areas will help strengthen coherence and cohesion in the essay, potentially raising its band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a somewhat limited range of vocabulary, often relying on repetitive and basic expressions. There are instances of imprecise word choices ("revenues gained," "fluctuating but still in the upward pattern") that hinder clarity. There are also noticeable errors in word formation and spelling ("France’ s" should be "France’s," "top 1%" should ideally be "top 1 percent"). These issues occasionally affect readability and understanding, though they do not completely obstruct communication.

How to improve:

Expand Vocabulary: Use a wider variety of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and effectively.
Accuracy in Word Choice: Pay closer attention to word choice to ensure clarity and appropriateness.
Correct Spelling and Word Formation: Review spelling and ensure correct word forms to enhance the coherence of the essay.

This analysis provides constructive feedback to improve lexical resource performance toward a higher band score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, including both simple and complex forms. There is an effort to present a range of information with some complexity, although some sentences are less accurate and may hinder clarity.

How to improve:

Sentence Structure: Work on using a wider variety of sentence structures to enhance complexity and coherence.
Accuracy: Focus on improving grammatical accuracy, particularly in verb tenses and sentence structure to reduce errors.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided line graph depicts changes in the share of income earned by the top 1% in seven distinct countries — the United States, Canada, Italy, Germany, the United Kingdom, France, and Japan — over five-year intervals from 1975 to 2015, measured in percentages.

Overall, the proportion of income captured by the top 1% in the US, Canada, Italy, and Germany saw significant increases, while the others experienced more modest changes. Notably, data for the UK was absent until 1990.

Starting with the US, where the share of income for the top 1% began at 7% in 1975, it steadily increased to nearly 20% by 2015, with notable fluctuations along the way. Similarly, Canada and Germany also saw their shares rise, albeit to a lesser degree. Germany began at over 10% in 1975, climbing to around 13% by the end of the period, alongside Canada, which started at 7% and also reached about 13%.

Conversely, France held the second-highest position with 8% in 1975, experiencing fluctuations that led to a slight decrease and eventual return to its starting point by 2013. The UK and Japan, with their shares fluctuating, hovered around 9% by 2010, slightly surpassing France but remaining lower than the US, Canada, Italy, and Germany.

In summary, the US, Canada, Italy, and Germany showed substantial increases in the share of income for the top 1%, while the UK, France, and Japan exhibited more modest changes over the 40-year span, with France experiencing slight decreases before returning to initial levels by 2013.