To succeed in a business, one needs to be good at math. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In contemporary society, it is believed by some segments of the population that mastering maths act as a catalyst to achieve success. From my standpoint, I totally disagree with this point of view as there are other factors such as communication skills and luck contributes are the driving forces behind business excellence.
Advocators for maths is the pivotal factor to success typically point to the calculation and managing statistics skills are derived from mathematics. This can be attributed to the fact that while learning maths, the brain needs to keep switching and analyzing data continuously which stimulates the area of the brain responsible for memory, speech and sensory perception. As a consequence, being exposed to maths regularly consolidates the calculating ability and logical thinking, benefits for running business. Furthermore, proficiency in maths is the precursor for a flexible and critical mindset. This is supported by the fact that there were endless ways to answer a maths question, all of which sharpen our intellectual faculties to find out various measures and engage in multi-dimensional thinking to consider various factors and perspectives. For example, in order to start a professional firm, the directors not only consider the company’ profits but also need to take into account time constraints, resource allocation, and team dynamics.
However, I opine that maths is not the only sector that make the overall business successful. The first rational is the communication skills. This is evident that companies need to cooperate and team up with other companies to gain reputations and benefits, which requires the directors excellent diplomacy and communication skills. For example, the directors need to negotiate carefully to maximize the benefits to the companies and also balance between the companies profits and the satisfaction of stakeholder. Moreover, various external factors also play an integral role in smoothing operations such as fortune. Take Unilever as a prime example, which was predicted to be ruled out; however, the startup seize the fortune and improve this companies into a multinational business empire, becoming market leaders in many industries including real estate, fishery and forestry.
In conclusion, although statistical math could help make better decisions, I am of the opinion that communications skills and objective factors such as luck are vital to drive an enterprise to success. Therefore, young entrepreneurs should focus and foster overall skills, not just mathematic expertise.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"mastering maths act as a catalyst" -> "mastering mathematics serves as a catalyst"
Explanation: Adding "mathematics" corrects the grammatical error and enhances the formality of the phrase, aligning it with academic standards.
"I totally disagree" -> "I strongly disagree"
Explanation: "Totally" is somewhat informal and vague in this context. "Strongly" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing, conveying a clear level of disagreement.
"luck contributes are the driving forces" -> "luck is a driving force"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect. "Luck is a driving force" corrects the grammatical structure and simplifies the expression, making it more direct and clear.
"Advocators for maths is" -> "Advocates of mathematics argue that"
Explanation: "Advocators for maths" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Advocates of mathematics argue that" corrects the grammatical structure and uses the more formal term "mathematics" instead of "maths" in academic contexts.
"being exposed to maths regularly" -> "regular exposure to mathematics"
Explanation: "Being exposed to maths regularly" is somewhat informal and awkward. "Regular exposure to mathematics" is more formal and flows better in academic writing.
"benefits for running business" -> "benefits in running a business"
Explanation: "Benefits for running business" is grammatically incorrect. "Benefits in running a business" corrects the preposition and adds the article "a" for grammatical accuracy.
"the directors not only consider the company’ profits" -> "directors do not only consider the company’s profits"
Explanation: The original sentence lacks the necessary verb "do" for grammatical correctness. Adding "do" corrects this and maintains the formal tone.
"The first rational is" -> "The first reason is"
Explanation: "Rational" is incorrectly used here; "reason" is the correct term in this context, referring to a cause or explanation.
"This is evident that" -> "This is evident"
Explanation: The phrase "This is evident that" is redundant. Removing "that" simplifies the sentence and maintains clarity.
"the directors excellent diplomacy and communication skills" -> "the directors’ excellent diplomatic and communication skills"
Explanation: Adding the possessive "directors’" corrects the grammatical error, and "diplomatic" is the correct adjective form for "diplomacy" in this context.
"various external factors also play an integral role in smoothing operations such as fortune" -> "various external factors also play a crucial role in influencing operations, including fortune"
Explanation: "Smoothing operations" is unclear and informal. "Influencing operations, including fortune" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing, clarifying the impact of external factors.
"improve this companies into a multinational business empire" -> "transform this company into a multinational business empire"
Explanation: "Improve this companies" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Transform this company" corrects the plural error and clarifies the meaning, aligning with formal language standards.
"becoming market leaders in many industries including real estate, fishery and forestry" -> "becoming market leaders in various industries, including real estate, fisheries, and forestry"
Explanation: "Fishery" should be pluralized to "fisheries" for grammatical correctness, and "many" is vague; "various" is more precise and formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear disagreement with the notion that math is the sole key to business success. The writer acknowledges the importance of math but emphasizes other factors such as communication skills and luck. This dual approach demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic. The inclusion of examples, such as the reference to Unilever, supports the argument well. However, the essay could have benefited from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint, which would enhance the depth of the discussion.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer could explicitly outline the opposing viewpoint in a more structured manner, perhaps dedicating a paragraph to discussing why some believe math is essential. This would provide a more balanced view and strengthen the argument against it.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently arguing against the idea that math is the most important factor for business success. Phrases like "I totally disagree" and "I opine that maths is not the only sector" reinforce this stance. However, some sentences could be clearer; for instance, the phrase "the first rational is the communication skills" could be better articulated for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the writer should focus on refining sentence structure and word choice. For example, using "The first reason is communication skills" would improve clarity. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph clearly connects back to the main argument will help maintain a strong position throughout.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the importance of communication skills and external factors like luck, and supports them with relevant examples. The discussion around the cognitive benefits of math is well-articulated, and the example of Unilever effectively illustrates the role of luck. However, some points could be more fully developed; for instance, the discussion on communication skills could include more specific examples or scenarios to illustrate their importance in business contexts.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples or case studies, particularly for communication skills. Expanding on how these skills directly contribute to business success would add depth to the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the question of whether math is essential for business success. The writer successfully avoids irrelevant tangents and maintains focus on the main argument. However, there are moments where the connection between points could be clearer, such as the transition between discussing math and communication skills.
- How to improve: To improve focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly and logically to the next. Using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader and reinforce the relevance of each point to the overall argument.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-reasoned argument. With some refinements in structure, clarity, and depth of examples, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the notion that math is the sole determinant of business success. The introduction sets the stage by outlining the author’s disagreement and hinting at alternative factors. Each paragraph generally follows a logical progression, with the first discussing the importance of math and the subsequent paragraphs addressing communication skills and external factors like luck. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother, particularly when shifting from discussing math to communication skills. For instance, the phrase "However, I opine that maths is not the only sector that make the overall business successful" could be better connected to the previous paragraph’s conclusion.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that clearly indicate shifts in focus. For example, instead of "However," you might use "While math is important, it is equally crucial to recognize the role of communication skills." This will help guide the reader through the argument more seamlessly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, and the structure is generally consistent. However, some paragraphs could be more focused. For example, the second paragraph, while discussing math, also introduces the idea of critical thinking, which could be a separate point. This could lead to a more concise and focused argument.
- How to improve: Consider breaking down complex paragraphs into smaller, more focused ones. Each paragraph should ideally cover a single main idea. For instance, you could separate the discussion of math’s role in developing critical thinking into its own paragraph, allowing for a more in-depth exploration of that idea.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "for example," "however," and "moreover," which help connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "This is supported by the fact that…" could be replaced with a more varied expression to avoid repetition and enhance fluidity.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "conversely," "on the other hand," and "furthermore." Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can help maintain coherence without sounding repetitive. For instance, instead of repeating "maths," you could use "this discipline" or "numerical skills" in subsequent references.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially improving its overall score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of business and mathematics. Terms such as "catalyst," "proficiency," "critical mindset," and "multi-dimensional thinking" are effectively used to convey complex ideas. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "maths" and "business" could be diversified with synonyms or related terms to enhance lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer could incorporate synonyms such as "arithmetic" or "numeracy" for "maths," and "enterprise" or "firm" for "business." Additionally, using phrases like "strategic communication" instead of just "communication skills" could add depth to the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances of imprecise usage that could confuse the reader. For example, the phrase "the directors need to negotiate carefully to maximize the benefits to the companies" could be more clearly expressed as "the directors must negotiate carefully to maximize the benefits for their companies." Additionally, the phrase "the startup seize the fortune" should be "the startup seized the fortune" to maintain grammatical accuracy.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and ensure that phrases are structured clearly. Regularly reviewing grammar rules and practicing sentence construction can help improve clarity. Furthermore, using more specific terms, such as "financial acumen" instead of "maths," can enhance precision in conveying ideas.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "maths act" instead of "maths acts," "contributes are" instead of "contributes," and "companies profits" instead of "companies’ profits." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can lead to misunderstandings.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, ideally reading it aloud to catch errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and engaging in regular spelling practice can also be beneficial. Additionally, creating a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them can help reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary and generally effective usage, there are areas for improvement in lexical variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex structures is evident in sentences such as "This can be attributed to the fact that while learning maths, the brain needs to keep switching and analyzing data continuously…" This complexity adds depth to the argument. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the phrase "the directors need to negotiate carefully to maximize the benefits to the companies" could be restructured for greater impact.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more introductory phrases or clauses, as well as varying the placement of adverbials. For instance, instead of starting sentences with the subject, try beginning with an adverbial clause: "To maximize benefits, the directors must negotiate carefully." Additionally, using more passive constructions or conditional sentences can further diversify the writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from the overall quality. For instance, in the phrase "luck contributes are the driving forces," the verb form is incorrect; it should be "luck contributes to" or "luck is a contributing factor." Additionally, punctuation issues arise, such as the missing apostrophe in "company’ profits," which should be "company’s profits." These errors can lead to confusion and affect the clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully. Pay particular attention to subject-verb agreement and the correct use of prepositions. For punctuation, ensure that possessive forms are correctly punctuated and that commas are used appropriately to separate clauses. Practicing grammar exercises focused on common errors can also help reinforce correct usage. Additionally, reading the essay aloud may help identify awkward phrasing or grammatical mistakes that might be overlooked in silent reading.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, it is believed by some segments of the population that mastering mathematics serves as a catalyst to achieve success. From my standpoint, I strongly disagree with this point of view, as there are other factors, such as communication skills and luck, that are the driving forces behind business excellence.

Advocates of mathematics argue that it is the pivotal factor for success, typically pointing to the calculation and management skills derived from mathematics. This can be attributed to the fact that while learning mathematics, the brain needs to keep switching and analyzing data continuously, which stimulates the areas of the brain responsible for memory, speech, and sensory perception. As a consequence, regular exposure to mathematics consolidates calculating ability and logical thinking, which benefits running a business. Furthermore, proficiency in mathematics is the precursor to a flexible and critical mindset. This is supported by the fact that there are endless ways to answer a mathematics question, all of which sharpen our intellectual faculties to find various measures and engage in multi-dimensional thinking to consider multiple factors and perspectives. For example, in order to start a professional firm, the directors do not only consider the company’s profits but also need to take into account time constraints, resource allocation, and team dynamics.

However, I opine that mathematics is not the only sector that makes an overall business successful. The first reason is communication skills. This is evident as companies need to cooperate and team up with other companies to gain reputation and benefits, which requires the directors’ excellent diplomatic and communication skills. For example, the directors need to negotiate carefully to maximize the benefits to the companies while also balancing the companies’ profits and the satisfaction of stakeholders. Moreover, various external factors also play a crucial role in influencing operations, including fortune. Take Unilever as a prime example; it was predicted to be ruled out; however, the startup seized the fortune and transformed this company into a multinational business empire, becoming market leaders in various industries, including real estate, fisheries, and forestry.

In conclusion, although mastering mathematics could help make better decisions, I am of the opinion that communication skills and objective factors such as luck are vital to driving an enterprise to success. Therefore, young entrepreneurs should focus on fostering overall skills, not just mathematical expertise.