Today many countries import food from different parts of the world. Is this a positive or negative development?
The globalization of trade has led many countries to import a significant portion of their food from multiple regions across the globe. From my perspective, although this trend can yield a myriad of benefits, its drawbacks are far more significant.
On the one hand, the favourable impacts of importing food overseas are self-evident. Firstly, importing food from other regions can diversify a country's food supply, mitigating its reliance on domestic production alone. This can be especially beneficial in areas where certain crops may not thrive due to climate constraints or limited agricultural resources. By embracing imports, countries can access a broader range of food products, offering consumers more choices and enhancing culinary experiences. Additionally, importing food can stimulate economic growth by generating more jobs in the import and distribution sectors, as observed in countless people who can earn a living by undertaking the delivery of import foodstuffs. More importantly, tax revenues stemming from food imports also make a greater contribution to the national country.
Irrespective of the aforementioned reasoning, these upsides of this phenomenon pale in comparison with the downsides. To begin with, over-reliance on imports may contribute to a country’s higher susceptibility to fluctuations in international markets, leading to potential supply chain disruptions and price volatility. It could also result in a loss of self-sufficiency in food production, undermining the resilience of domestic agriculture. Aside from this, importing food can take a heavy toll on the environment. This can primarily be attributed to food miles, which is the driving force behind greenhouse gas emissions and increases the overall carbon footprint of the importing nation. This transportation can also translate into higher fuel consumption and air pollution.
In conclusion, importing food can not only diversify food options but also foster international trade; however its merits, including the decline in domestic agricultural and environmental issues, eclipse its mentioned demerits.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"From my perspective" -> "From a comprehensive standpoint"
Explanation: Replacing the colloquial expression "From my perspective" with "From a comprehensive standpoint" adds formality and objectivity to the statement, aligning it more closely with academic style.
"myriad of benefits" -> "a multitude of advantages"
Explanation: Substituting "myriad of benefits" with "a multitude of advantages" maintains the meaning while using a more refined and precise phrase, adhering to a formal tone.
"On the one hand" -> "On the positive side"
Explanation: Replacing the informal transitional phrase "On the one hand" with "On the positive side" contributes to a more academic and structured flow in presenting arguments.
"self-evident" -> "evident"
Explanation: The term "self-evident" is slightly redundant; using "evident" alone maintains clarity and eliminates unnecessary repetition.
"Firstly" -> "First and foremost"
Explanation: Substituting "Firstly" with "First and foremost" adds emphasis and formality to the enumeration of points, enhancing the academic tone.
"by undertaking the delivery of import foodstuffs" -> "through the distribution of imported food items"
Explanation: Replacing the informal and lengthy phrase "by undertaking the delivery of import foodstuffs" with "through the distribution of imported food items" conveys the same idea in a more formal and concise manner.
"Irrespective of the aforementioned reasoning" -> "However, despite the aforementioned rationale"
Explanation: Substituting "Irrespective of the aforementioned reasoning" with "However, despite the aforementioned rationale" maintains coherence while using more formal and structured language.
"upsides of this phenomenon" -> "positive aspects of this trend"
Explanation: The term "upsides" is relatively informal; substituting it with "positive aspects" maintains clarity and aligns with academic language.
"To begin with" -> "First and foremost"
Explanation: Replacing "To begin with" with "First and foremost" contributes to a more formal and structured transition in presenting counterarguments.
"self-sufficiency in food production" -> "autonomy in food cultivation"
Explanation: Substituting "self-sufficiency in food production" with "autonomy in food cultivation" provides a more precise and formal expression, avoiding repetition of the word "production."
"This can primarily be attributed to" -> "This is primarily attributed to"
Explanation: Simplifying the phrase "This can primarily be attributed to" to "This is primarily attributed to" maintains clarity and formality.
"eclipse its mentioned demerits" -> "outweigh its acknowledged drawbacks"
Explanation: Replacing "eclipse its mentioned demerits" with "outweigh its acknowledged drawbacks" maintains clarity and uses more formal language to convey the idea of one set of factors being more significant than the other.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Task Response: 6
Answer All Parts of the Question:
Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the prompt by discussing both positive and negative aspects of countries importing food from different parts of the world. The writer provides reasoning for the benefits and drawbacks of this trend.
How to improve: While the essay covers both sides, a more explicit acknowledgment of the positive and negative aspects in the introduction could enhance clarity. Also, ensure that each paragraph ties back explicitly to the prompt to maintain a clear connection.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance that the drawbacks of importing food outweigh the benefits. The position is evident throughout the essay, and each paragraph contributes to reinforcing this perspective.
How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, consider explicitly stating the writer’s viewpoint in the introduction. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph consistently supports the chosen position without introducing ambiguity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas and supports them with specific examples. Each point is developed with relevant reasoning and examples, such as the impact on the environment and the potential benefits of diversifying the food supply.
How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, consider providing more depth in the analysis of each supporting point. Elaborate on the potential economic impacts of importing food and delve deeper into the environmental consequences.
Stay on Topic:
Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the positive and negative aspects of countries importing food. However, there is a slight deviation in the concluding sentence, where it introduces "mentioned demerits," which may cause confusion.
How to improve: Ensure that the conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points without introducing new elements. Use it as an opportunity to reinforce the essay’s position on whether importing food is a positive or negative development.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively presents arguments. To improve, focus on refining the introduction for explicitness, maintaining consistency in supporting the chosen position, and providing more in-depth analysis for each supporting point. Additionally, be vigilant about staying on topic in the conclusion.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a logical organization by presenting a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph discusses a specific aspect of the topic, such as the benefits and drawbacks of importing food. However, there are instances where the flow could be improved. For example, the transition between the positive impacts and negative impacts could be smoother, providing a more seamless transition for the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider using transitional phrases or sentences that guide the reader from one point to the next. For instance, use phrases like "On the one hand," and "Despite these benefits," to signal shifts in focus and maintain a cohesive narrative.
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to organize ideas. Each paragraph addresses a specific point and contributes to the overall development of the argument. However, there is room for improvement in terms of paragraph length and coherence. Some paragraphs are lengthy, and breaking them down into smaller, more focused paragraphs could enhance readability.
- How to improve: Aim for a balance between paragraph length and content. Break down longer paragraphs into more concise and focused ones, each addressing a single idea. This will improve the overall structure and make it easier for readers to follow the essay’s progression.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices such as "On the one hand," "Firstly," "Additionally," and "In conclusion," which contribute to the overall coherence. However, there is a slight repetition of phrases like "importing food" that could be diversified to enhance cohesion.
- How to improve: Introduce a wider variety of cohesive devices to avoid repetition. Consider using synonyms or alternative transitional phrases to maintain the reader’s interest. Additionally, ensure that the relationship between ideas is consistently clear to strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion. To improve, focus on refining the transitions between ideas, optimizing paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices. These adjustments will contribute to a more polished and effectively organized essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary. It employs varied terminology, showcasing a diverse lexical resource. For instance, phrases like "myriad of benefits," "climate constraints," "culinary experiences," "upsides," and "demerits" contribute to a nuanced expression of ideas.
- How to improve: While the vocabulary usage is extensive, integrating specialized or more context-specific terms related to international trade, environmental impact, or economic aspects could enhance the depth of expression. For instance, using domain-specific vocabulary like "tariffs," "agricultural subsidies," or "carbon footprint analysis" can further enrich the discussion on trade and environmental consequences.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, conveying intended meanings effectively. However, in a few instances, there is potential for more precise word choices. For example, the use of "self-evident" may be slightly overstated; considering the complexity of the issue, using a phrase like "apparent" or "obvious" might align better with the context.
- How to improve: To refine precision, consider using synonyms or more context-specific terms where appropriate. In instances where a simpler term suffices, opt for clearer expressions without compromising the intended meaning. Thoroughly review each word choice to ensure it precisely captures the intended nuance or concept.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling accuracy in the essay is generally strong. However, a few minor errors are present, such as "import foodstuffs," where a space between "import" and "foodstuffs" is needed ("imported foodstuffs"). Another instance is "culinary experiences," where "culinary" is spelled correctly but could be complemented with an article, such as "a variety of culinary experiences."
- How to improve: Utilize proofreading tools or allocate additional time for meticulous proofreading to catch minor spelling errors. Additionally, revisiting sentence structures and phrasings can assist in identifying areas where small spelling or grammatical mistakes might have been overlooked.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of vocabulary, effectively conveying ideas with a rich lexical range. To elevate the lexical resource further, precision in word choice and meticulous proofreading for spelling accuracy are recommended. Integrating specialized terms related to the essay’s themes would also enhance the depth of expression.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay showcases a commendable variety of sentence structures. There’s effective use of complex sentences, compound sentences, and varied phrases that enhance readability and coherence. For instance, the essay utilizes compound-complex sentences ("From my perspective, although this trend can yield a myriad of benefits, its drawbacks are far more significant") and employs introductory phrases ("On the one hand," "To begin with") to present contrasting ideas.
- How to improve: To further diversify structures, consider integrating conditional sentences (if-then constructs) or inverted sentences to add complexity. Additionally, incorporating rhetorical questions or parallel structures might enhance the essay’s overall fluency and depth.
Use Grammar Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates proficient grammatical accuracy overall. However, there are a few areas where minor improvements can be made. For example, there’s a slight inconsistency in subject-verb agreement in phrases like "countless people who can earn a living" (where ‘who’ refers to ‘people’ – a plural subject, requiring ‘can’ to be ‘can earn’). Additionally, there’s a small redundancy in "its merits, including the decline," where ‘including’ might be more suitably replaced by ‘resulting in’ or ‘leading to’ for clarity.
- How to improve: To refine accuracy, pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement, especially in complex sentences. Also, strive for precision in word choice to avoid redundancy or ambiguity in expressing ideas.
Use Correct Punctuation:
- Detailed explanation: Punctuation is predominantly accurate, aiding in the essay’s readability. However, there are a few instances that could be refined. For instance, consider using semicolons or commas more effectively in lengthy sentences for clearer segmentation of ideas. One instance is in the sentence "This can primarily be attributed to food miles, which is the driving force behind greenhouse gas emissions and increases the overall carbon footprint of the importing nation," where a semicolon or a clearer comma placement might enhance readability.
- How to improve: Practice using semicolons to connect closely related independent clauses. Additionally, focus on the precise placement of commas to avoid potential run-on sentences or ambiguity.
Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and a commendable range of sentence structures. To elevate the score further, concentrate on refining minor grammatical inconsistencies and fine-tuning punctuation usage for greater clarity and coherence.
Bài sửa mẫu
The global trade landscape has prompted numerous nations to import a substantial portion of their food from various corners of the world. From a comprehensive standpoint, while this trend boasts a multitude of advantages, its drawbacks are evident and should not be overlooked.
On the positive side, the benefits of importing food from abroad are quite apparent. First and foremost, this practice can diversify a country’s food supply, lessening its dependence on domestic production alone. This is especially advantageous in regions where certain crops face challenges due to climate limitations or limited agricultural resources. By embracing imports, nations can expand their range of available food products, providing consumers with more choices and enriching culinary experiences. Furthermore, importing food has the potential to spur economic growth by creating additional jobs in the import and distribution sectors, as seen in numerous instances where individuals earn a livelihood through the delivery of imported food items. Importantly, tax revenues generated from food imports also make a substantial contribution to the national economy.
However, despite the aforementioned rationale, the positive aspects of this trend are overshadowed by its drawbacks. First and foremost, over-reliance on imports may expose a country to heightened vulnerability due to fluctuations in international markets, leading to potential disruptions in the supply chain and price volatility. It may also result in a loss of autonomy in food cultivation, undermining the resilience of domestic agriculture. In addition, importing food takes a toll on the environment, primarily attributed to food miles, which drive greenhouse gas emissions and increase the overall carbon footprint of the importing nation. This transportation also contributes to higher fuel consumption and air pollution.
In conclusion, while importing food can diversify options and stimulate international trade, its merits, including the decline in domestic agriculture and environmental issues, outweigh its acknowledged drawbacks. It is imperative for nations to strike a balance that ensures the positive aspects of importing food are harnessed without compromising self-sufficiency and environmental sustainability.