"Today more and more tourists are visiting places where condition are difficult, such as Sahara desert or the Antarctic. What are the benefits and disadvantages gor tourists who visit such places?”.

With the development of society. Today, there are many problems in life waiting for us to solve. The development of science and technology are expanding all over the world. Along with that is the development of computer technology. Therefore, we need to learn more knowledge and skills to keep up with the development of society. I think that would be good for everyone.

Nowadays, everything can be solved via computer. We can use the computer to study, play and work. We can apply technology to solve problems in life. For me, I can apply science, technology and use computers to solve many problems. I will use the computer to find information and learn about all the problems you bring to me. Including today is problem.

Resolve argument "Today more and more tourists are visiting places where condition are difficult, such as Sahara desert or the Antarctic. What are the benefits and disadvantages gor tourists who visit such places?”. I need to find more information, read more articles. After that, I will filter the information and come to a conclusion.

Currently, this issue is also one of the issues that many people are concerned about. In this essay, I will present my thoughts on the problem you posed. In my opinion, there will be people who think this problem is the benefits. But besides, there will be people who think this problem is disadvantages. We will not easily conclude which opinion is correct. Because every problem has its right side and its wrong side.

Take everything into consideration, in my views. I think everything has the benefits and disadvantages. Our job is to remain neutral, not taking sides at all. We need to consider many aspects of the problem. Besides, we have to be very careful and slowly. We have to go from step to step, go from the smallest step to the biggest step. Then go through everything over and over and make a choice. Everyone will have their own ideas, their own thoughts. And I am sure everyone will have their own answer. In short, nothing is perfect. And you, what do you think about this, I want to listen and learn. Thank you very much.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"Today, there are many problems in life waiting for us to solve." -> "Currently, numerous societal challenges necessitate solutions."
Explanation: Replacing "problems in life" with "societal challenges" and "waiting for us to solve" with "necessitate solutions" enhances the formality and clarity of the statement.
"The development of science and technology are expanding all over the world." -> "Advancements in science and technology are proliferating globally."
Explanation: "Development" is replaced with "advancements" for specificity, and "are expanding" is changed to "are proliferating" for a more concise and formal expression.
"Along with that is the development of computer technology." -> "Concomitant with this is the evolution of computer technology."
Explanation: "Along with that" is replaced with "Concomitant with this" for a more formal transition, and "development" is substituted with "evolution" for variation in vocabulary and specificity.
"Therefore, we need to learn more knowledge and skills to keep up with the development of society." -> "Hence, there is a necessity to acquire additional knowledge and skills to keep pace with societal progress."
Explanation: Replacing "learn more knowledge and skills" with "acquire additional knowledge and skills" and restructuring the sentence enhances formality and clarity.
"Nowadays, everything can be solved via computer." -> "Presently, computers have become integral in problem-solving across various domains."
Explanation: The phrase "everything can be solved via computer" is rephrased for clarity and formality, emphasizing the significance of computers in contemporary problem-solving.
"I can apply science, technology and use computers to solve many problems." -> "I can leverage science, technology, and computer resources to address numerous challenges."
Explanation: "Apply" is replaced with "leverage" for a more sophisticated term, and "solve many problems" is replaced with "address numerous challenges" for clarity and formality.
"I will use the computer to find information and learn about all the problems you bring to me." -> "I will utilize the computer to access information and acquaint myself with the issues you present."
Explanation: "Find information" is replaced with "access information" for precision, and "learn about all the problems" is substituted with "acquaint myself with the issues" for clarity and formality.
"Currently, this issue is also one of the issues that many people are concerned about." -> "Presently, this matter garners considerable attention from the populace."
Explanation: "Currently" is replaced with "Presently" for a more formal expression, and the sentence is rephrased for clarity and conciseness.
"In my opinion, there will be people who think this problem is the benefits." -> "In my opinion, some may perceive advantages in this situation."
Explanation: "This problem is the benefits" is corrected to "some may perceive advantages in this situation" for grammatical correctness and clarity.
"But besides, there will be people who think this problem is disadvantages." -> "Conversely, others may view this situation as disadvantageous."
Explanation: "But besides" is replaced with "Conversely" for coherence and formality, and "this problem is disadvantages" is corrected to "this situation as disadvantageous" for grammatical accuracy and clarity.
"We will not easily conclude which opinion is correct." -> "Determining the veracity of either perspective is not straightforward."
Explanation: "We will not easily conclude" is replaced with "Determining the veracity" for conciseness and formality, enhancing clarity and precision.
"Take everything into consideration, in my views." -> "Considering all aspects, in my perspective."
Explanation: "Take everything into consideration" is replaced with "Considering all aspects" for conciseness and formality, and "in my views" is corrected to "in my perspective" for grammatical accuracy.
"Our job is to remain neutral, not taking sides at all." -> "Our responsibility is to maintain neutrality, abstaining from partiality."
Explanation: "Job" is replaced with "responsibility" for formality, and "not taking sides at all" is substituted with "abstaining from partiality" for clarity and sophistication.
"We have to consider many aspects of the problem." -> "We must consider various facets of the issue."
Explanation: "Many aspects of the problem" is replaced with "various facets of the issue" for variation and clarity.
"And I am sure everyone will have their own answer." -> "I am confident that individuals will hold diverse perspectives."
Explanation: "And I am sure everyone will have their own answer" is rephrased for clarity and formality, emphasizing the diversity of opinions.
"In short, nothing is perfect." -> "In essence, perfection eludes us."
Explanation: "In short, nothing is perfect" is replaced with "In essence, perfection eludes us" for formality and clarity.
"And you, what do you think about this, I want to listen and learn." -> "Furthermore, I am eager to hear your thoughts on this matter and expand my understanding."
Explanation: The sentence is rephrased for clarity and formality, avoiding the use of informal expressions like "And you, what do you think about this."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 2

Band Score for Task Response: 2

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does not fully address all parts of the question. While it attempts to discuss the benefits and disadvantages of tourists visiting difficult places, such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctic, the discussion lacks depth and specificity. The essay focuses more on general statements about the development of society and technology, rather than directly addressing the prompt.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should directly address each part of the question. It should clearly discuss the specific benefits and disadvantages that tourists might experience when visiting challenging locations, providing concrete examples and explanations.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a clear and consistent position. While it briefly mentions that there are both benefits and disadvantages to visiting difficult places, it does not clearly present a stance or argument on the issue.
- How to improve: To present a clear position, the essay should clearly state whether the benefits outweigh the disadvantages or vice versa. It should then provide strong arguments and evidence to support this position throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but does not extend or support them effectively. The discussion is vague and lacks specific examples or evidence to support the points made.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should provide more detailed and specific examples to support its ideas. It should also extend its ideas by providing more thorough explanations and analysis.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay struggles to stay on topic. While it attempts to discuss the benefits and disadvantages of visiting difficult places, such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctic, it often veers off into general discussions about society and technology.
- How to improve: To stay on topic, the essay should focus more closely on the specific benefits and disadvantages of visiting challenging locations. It should avoid generalizations and tangential discussions.

Overall, to improve the score, the essay should focus more closely on the specific prompt, providing a clear and comprehensive discussion of the benefits and disadvantages of tourists visiting difficult places. It should present a clear position and support it with specific examples and evidence. Additionally, the essay should stay focused on the topic and avoid veering off into unrelated discussions.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 4

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a clear organizational structure, leading to confusion and disjointedness in the presentation of ideas. It begins with a general statement about societal development, then shifts abruptly to discussing computer technology without establishing a clear connection to the essay prompt. The central argument about the benefits and disadvantages of tourists visiting challenging destinations is only vaguely addressed towards the end, without a coherent progression of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, start by introducing the topic in a clear and focused manner, providing an overview of the main points to be discussed. Each paragraph should develop a single idea or aspect related to the prompt, with smooth transitions between them. Consider outlining the essay before writing to ensure a logical flow of ideas from introduction to conclusion.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks proper paragraphing, as it consists of one lengthy paragraph with no clear division of ideas. This lack of structure makes it difficult for the reader to follow the progression of arguments and discern key points.
- How to improve: Break down the essay into paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the prompt or supporting a distinct argument. Begin each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. Ensure that there is a logical progression from one paragraph to the next, maintaining coherence and cohesion throughout the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks cohesive devices to connect ideas and create coherence. There is a lack of transition words, phrases, or cohesive devices that would help guide the reader through the essay and establish relationships between different parts of the text.
- How to improve: Incorporate a variety of cohesive devices such as conjunctions (e.g., however, therefore, in addition), transitional phrases (e.g., on the other hand, similarly, as a result), and pronouns (e.g., this, these, those) to clarify relationships between sentences and paragraphs. Use them strategically to signal shifts in focus, introduce examples, contrast ideas, and reinforce connections between arguments. This will improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary. There is repetition of phrases such as "development of society," "science and technology," and "solve problems," which diminishes the variety and richness of vocabulary. Additionally, some words are used incorrectly, like "gor" instead of "for" and "resolve argument" instead of "address the argument."
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, it’s essential to explore synonyms and varied expressions for commonly used phrases. Additionally, incorporating more specific and contextually relevant terminology related to the essay topic, such as "tourism attractions" or "challenging environments," can enrich the vocabulary. Reading extensively and actively learning new words will also aid in expanding lexical resources.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks precision in vocabulary usage. For instance, phrases like "problems in life" and "many problems" are vague and could be replaced with more specific terms. Furthermore, the phrase "computer technology" could be more precise, such as "digital technology" or "information technology."
- How to improve: Aim for clarity and precision by selecting words that accurately convey the intended meaning. Instead of using broad terms like "problems," specify the nature of the challenges being discussed. Additionally, strive for accuracy by using domain-specific terminology when appropriate, ensuring that the vocabulary aligns with the context of the essay topic.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "condition" instead of "conditions," "gor" instead of "for," and "resolve argument" instead of "address the argument." These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it’s beneficial to utilize spell-check tools and proofread carefully before submitting the essay. Additionally, practicing spelling through activities such as word games or writing exercises can help reinforce correct spelling patterns. Developing a habit of double-checking spelling during the writing process will also contribute to improved accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

**Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy**: 4

- **Use a Wide Range of Structures**: 
  - **Detailed explanation**: The essay uses basic sentence structures with little variation. Most of the sentences are simple or compound, with limited use of complex structures. There is a noticeable repetition of sentence beginnings and overall sentence patterns, which reflects a lack of grammatical range.
  - **How to improve**: To improve the variety of sentence structures, the writer should focus on incorporating more complex and compound-complex sentences. This can be achieved by using different types of clauses, such as relative, conditional, or subordinate clauses. Additionally, using a greater variety of conjunctions and transitions can help create more sophisticated sentence structures.

- **Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately**: 
  - **Detailed explanation**: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. Some common mistakes include subject-verb agreement errors ("the development of science and technology are expanding"), inappropriate use of articles, and run-on sentences ("With the development of society. Today, there are many problems"). There are also instances of unclear phrasing and lack of coherence in sentence structure.
  - **How to improve**: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on basic grammar rules, such as subject-verb agreement, correct use of articles, and avoiding run-on sentences. It's helpful to review each sentence for grammatical consistency and punctuation. A grammar check or review by a peer or tutor can be beneficial. Practicing writing complex sentences and seeking feedback can also help to reduce grammatical errors and improve coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

With the advancement of society, numerous problems arise, prompting us to seek solutions. The expansion of science and technology globally, along with the development of computer technology, requires us to continually acquire new knowledge and skills. I believe this is beneficial for everyone.

In today’s world, many issues can be resolved using computers. We use technology for studying, playing, and working. Personally, I apply science and technology, especially computers, to address various problems. For instance, I use computers to gather information and learn about the issues presented, including today’s topic.

The question at hand is: “Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara Desert or the Antarctic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places?” To address this, I plan to research more, read articles, and then filter this information to form a conclusion.

This issue is a concern for many people. In this essay, I will share my thoughts on the matter. Some people may see the benefits of visiting these challenging destinations, while others might view them as disadvantages. It is not easy to conclude definitively because every issue has its pros and cons.

Considering everything, from my perspective, everything has benefits and disadvantages. Our role is to remain neutral and not take sides. We need to examine various aspects of an issue carefully and methodically. This involves progressing from smaller to larger steps, reviewing each step thoroughly before making a decision. Everyone has their own opinions and ideas, and I believe everyone will come up with their own answers. In conclusion, nothing is perfect. What are your thoughts on this matter? I am eager to hear and learn from you. Thank you very much.

“Today more and more tourists are visiting places where condition are difficult, such as Sahara desert or the Antarctic. What are the benefits and disadvantages gor tourists who visit such places?”.