Today more people are overweight than ever before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this? What are the main effects of this epidemic?

Nowadays, there are a significant number of Individuals being diagnosed with obesity in comparison with people in the past. There are several potential reasons for this trend and a number of possible effects on society.
The primary cause of this problem could be machly distributed to style. This is partly because along with the development of urbanization, the demand of the economy is boosted so more and more people have hectic work schedules and do not spend time preparing a meal and doing exercise. This results in burning fewer calories. Another issue is that individuals consume " large amounts of high calories food. For example, the tendency of people working late has increased to more than 80% so they often eat packaged food outside.
As a result, eating canned food is not good for your health.
The far-reaching consequences on this epidemic are affecting mental health and suffering from toxic verbal. Firstly, being overweight raises concerns about ill – health such as diabetes, cancer and heart – related diseases. In fact, WHO recorded more than 2 million deaths because of obesity – related illness. Secondly, fat people usually receive sarcastic remarks about their appearance and they feel unconfident about their body. That can make them depressed.
In conclusion, being overweight is occurred more than in the past which is a matter of worry. Obesity is characterized by eating too much unhealthy food and an inactive lifestyle. From what have been discussed, this result in impacting mental health and physical health.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."
"a significant number of Individuals" -> "a substantial number of individuals"
Explanation: "Substantial" is more precise and formal than "significant" in this context, and removing the capitalization of "Individuals" corrects the grammatical error.
"machly distributed to style" -> "attributed to lifestyle"
Explanation: "Attributed to lifestyle" is a more accurate and formal expression than "machly distributed to style," which is unclear and incorrect.
"the demand of the economy is boosted" -> "economic demand has increased"
Explanation: "Economic demand has increased" is a more precise and formal way to describe the impact of urbanization on the economy.
"do not spend time preparing a meal and doing exercise" -> "do not allocate time for meal preparation and exercise"
Explanation: "Allocate time for" is a more formal and precise phrase than "spend time," and it better fits the context of prioritization.
"large amounts of high calories food" -> "large amounts of high-calorie foods"
Explanation: "High-calorie foods" is the correct term, and the hyphenation is necessary for "high-calorie" to form a compound adjective.
"tendency of people working late has increased" -> "tendency for people to work late has increased"
Explanation: Adding "to" and "for" corrects the grammatical structure and clarifies the meaning.
"eating canned food is not good for your health" -> "consuming canned foods is detrimental to health"
Explanation: "Detrimental to health" is a more formal and precise way to express the negative impact on health.
"suffering from toxic verbal" -> "suffering from verbal abuse"
Explanation: "Verbal abuse" is the correct term for the type of negative communication being referred to, and it is more specific and formal.
"being overweight raises concerns about ill – health" -> "being overweight raises concerns about ill health"
Explanation: Correcting the hyphenation error in "ill-health" and removing the space between the words improves readability and formality.
"WHO recorded more than 2 million deaths because of obesity – related illness" -> "WHO reported more than 2 million deaths attributed to obesity-related illnesses"
Explanation: "Reported" is more precise than "recorded" in this context, and "attributed to" is more formal than "because of," and "illnesses" should be plural to match the context.
"fat people usually receive sarcastic remarks about their appearance" -> "overweight individuals often receive sarcastic remarks about their appearance"
Explanation: "Overweight individuals" is a more respectful and medically accurate term than "fat people," and "often" is more appropriate than "usually" in formal writing.
"That can make them depressed" -> "This can lead to depression"
Explanation: "This can lead to depression" is a more formal and precise way to express the causal relationship, avoiding the colloquial "make them depressed."
"being overweight is occurred more than in the past" -> "overweight is more prevalent than in the past"
Explanation: "More prevalent" is a more accurate and formal term than "is occurred," which is grammatically incorrect and awkward.
"eating too much unhealthy food and an inactive lifestyle" -> "consuming excessive unhealthy food and engaging in an inactive lifestyle"
Explanation: "Consuming excessive" and "engaging in" are more precise and formal expressions than "eating too much" and "an inactive lifestyle," respectively.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by identifying causes and effects of obesity. However, it lacks depth in exploring the primary causes and effects. For instance, while it mentions urbanization and hectic work schedules as causes, it does not elaborate on how these factors specifically contribute to obesity. Similarly, the effects discussed are limited, primarily focusing on health issues and mental health without exploring broader societal implications or other potential effects.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer should expand on each cause and effect. For example, they could discuss how advertising influences food choices or how socioeconomic factors contribute to obesity. Additionally, including more varied effects, such as economic costs to healthcare systems or impacts on productivity, would enhance the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a general position regarding the causes and effects of obesity, but it lacks clarity and consistency. Phrases like "the primary cause of this problem could be machly distributed to style" are vague and do not clearly articulate the author’s stance. The conclusion also reiterates the issue without strongly reinforcing the main arguments made in the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should explicitly state their opinion in the introduction and consistently refer back to it throughout the essay. Using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader and reinforce the main argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas related to the causes and effects of obesity, but these ideas are not well-developed or supported with sufficient evidence. For example, the statement about "eating large amounts of high calories food" is mentioned but not supported with specific examples or statistics that would strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To effectively present, extend, and support ideas, the writer should provide specific examples, data, or studies that illustrate their points. For instance, they could cite statistics on calorie consumption or studies linking obesity to mental health issues. Additionally, elaborating on each point with explanations and examples will help to create a more compelling argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing obesity and its causes and effects. However, some sentences, such as "As a result, eating canned food is not good for your health," feel disconnected from the main argument and do not contribute meaningfully to the discussion.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that every sentence directly relates to the main topic. They can achieve this by reviewing each point made and asking whether it contributes to the overall argument about obesity. Removing any off-topic statements and ensuring that all examples are relevant will strengthen the essay’s coherence.

Overall, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should focus on expanding their ideas, providing specific support for their arguments, and ensuring clarity and consistency throughout the essay. Additionally, addressing all parts of the prompt in greater depth will enhance the overall quality of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear introduction that outlines the topic and the main points to be discussed. The causes of obesity are presented in a logical sequence, starting with lifestyle changes due to urbanization and followed by dietary habits. However, the transition between the causes and effects could be more fluid. For instance, the shift from discussing causes directly into the effects feels abrupt, lacking a clear linking statement to guide the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the causes to the effects. For example, after discussing the causes, a sentence like "These lifestyle changes not only contribute to weight gain but also lead to significant health issues" could serve as a bridge to the next section. Additionally, structuring the essay with clear topic sentences for each paragraph can help reinforce the logical flow.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into paragraphs, which is a strength. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic. However, the first paragraph could be more focused; it combines the introduction with the causes, which may confuse the reader. The effects are also somewhat mixed within the same paragraph, making it less clear where one idea ends and another begins.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea. The introduction should be a standalone paragraph, while subsequent paragraphs should each focus on either causes or effects. For example, create a separate paragraph for each cause and another for each effect. This will enhance clarity and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "as a result" and "for example," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences feel disjointed. For instance, the phrase "This results in burning fewer calories" could be better connected to the preceding sentence for smoother reading.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases such as "furthermore," "in addition," "consequently," and "however." For example, when transitioning from causes to effects, you might say, "In addition to lifestyle changes, the consumption of unhealthy foods also plays a critical role in the obesity epidemic." This will not only improve the flow but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant points, focusing on enhancing logical transitions, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will help elevate the coherence and cohesion to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary related to the topic of obesity, such as "obesity," "urbanization," "calories," and "mental health." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive. For instance, the phrase "more and more people" could be replaced with alternatives like "an increasing number of individuals" to enhance variety. Additionally, terms like "canned food" and "packaged food" are used without variation, which could make the writing feel monotonous.
- How to improve: To improve lexical range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "obesity," they could use "overweight," "excess weight," or "obese condition." Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises can help expand their word choice.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from the clarity of the essay. For example, the phrase "machly distributed to style" is unclear and likely a typographical error. It seems the writer intended to convey that lifestyle choices are a primary cause of obesity. Additionally, the phrase "toxic verbal" is vague and does not clearly communicate the intended meaning; it could refer to "verbal abuse" or "negative comments."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness in word choice. They should review their sentences for potential ambiguities and replace vague terms with more specific language. For instance, clarifying "toxic verbal" to "verbal abuse" would improve understanding. Regularly practicing writing with a focus on clarity can help in this area.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "machly" (likely intended to be "mainly"), "high calories food" (should be "high-calorie food"), and "unconfident" (more commonly expressed as "insecure"). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in proofreading their work before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can enhance spelling skills over time.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and employs some relevant vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in terms of lexical range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on expanding their vocabulary, ensuring clarity in word choice, and enhancing spelling practices, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("There are several potential reasons for this trend") and compound sentences ("This is partly because along with the development of urbanization, the demand of the economy is boosted so more and more people have hectic work schedules"). However, the range is limited, and many sentences lack complexity. For instance, the phrase "eating canned food is not good for your health" is a simple statement that could be expanded for greater depth and sophistication.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that combine independent and dependent clauses. For example, instead of saying "Another issue is that individuals consume large amounts of high calories food," the writer could say, "Another significant issue arises from individuals consuming large amounts of high-calorie food, which often leads to detrimental health effects." Additionally, using conditional sentences (e.g., "If people were to prioritize healthy eating, they might reduce obesity rates") could also add variety and depth.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "machly distributed to style" seems to be a typographical error or misuse of "mainly" and "lifestyle." Additionally, phrases like "high calories food" should be corrected to "high-calorie food" for proper adjective usage. There are also punctuation errors, such as missing commas in complex sentences and incorrect spacing around punctuation (e.g., "sarcastic remarks about their appearance and they feel unconfident about their body" should be restructured for clarity).
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review basic grammar rules, particularly concerning adjective forms and subject-verb agreement. Practicing sentence restructuring can help clarify meaning and improve flow. For punctuation, the writer should focus on using commas correctly in compound and complex sentences to enhance readability. A thorough proofreading process, perhaps with the help of grammar-checking tools, could help identify and correct these issues before submission.

Overall, while the essay presents relevant ideas and arguments, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will significantly enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, there is a substantial number of individuals being diagnosed with obesity in comparison to people in the past. There are several potential reasons for this trend and a number of possible effects on society.

The primary cause of this problem could be attributed to lifestyle. This is partly because, along with the development of urbanization, economic demand has increased, so more and more people have hectic work schedules and do not allocate time for meal preparation and exercise. This results in burning fewer calories. Another issue is that individuals consume large amounts of high-calorie foods. For example, the tendency for people to work late has increased to more than 80%, so they often eat packaged food outside. As a result, consuming canned foods is detrimental to health.

The far-reaching consequences of this epidemic are affecting mental health and suffering from verbal abuse. Firstly, being overweight raises concerns about ill health, such as diabetes, cancer, and heart-related diseases. In fact, the WHO reported more than 2 million deaths attributed to obesity-related illnesses. Secondly, overweight individuals often receive sarcastic remarks about their appearance, and they feel unconfident about their bodies. This can lead to depression.

In conclusion, being overweight is more prevalent than in the past, which is a matter of concern. Obesity is characterized by consuming excessive unhealthy food and engaging in an inactive lifestyle. From what has been discussed, this results in impacting mental health and physical health.