Today, more people are traveling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of traveling for travelers?
It is true that people in the modern world travel more than ever before. There are many reasons why travelling is becoming more and more popular and it is impossible to deny the benefits that travel brings to travellers.
As human life is increasingly developing, the popularity of tourism can be anticipated. The main reason is the increase of affluence and education. Many countries have experienced economic growth, leading to higher incomes and improved education. This has empowered more people financially and intellectually, making travel more accessible. For example, after a series of hard working days combined with financial abundance, people often choose to travel for entertainment, to experience new things or to bond more with relatives.
There are several benefits that travel can do for the person who experiences it. Firstly, travelling allows individuals to experience and appreciate different cultures, traditions, and lifestyles. Exposure to diverse perspectives enhances cultural understanding and promotes Creativity. A second benefit would be for travellers to contribute to better physical health through activities such as hiking, walking, or exposure to sunlight and fresh air. Finally, travelling with friends, family, or even meeting new people during the journey can strengthen relationships and create lasting bonds.
In conclusion, there are many reasons why travelling develops and it brings various benefits for travellers.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"it is impossible to deny" -> "it is undeniable"
Explanation: Replacing "it is impossible to deny" with "it is undeniable" provides a more concise and assertive expression, aligning with formal language expectations.
"As human life is increasingly developing" -> "As human civilization advances"
Explanation: Substituting "life is increasingly developing" with "civilization advances" enhances the formality of the statement and better reflects the broader societal context.
"The main reason is the increase of affluence and education" -> "The primary factors are rising affluence and education levels"
Explanation: Changing "The main reason is the increase of affluence and education" to "The primary factors are rising affluence and education levels" offers a more structured and sophisticated presentation of the contributing factors.
"after a series of hard working days" -> "following a series of strenuous workdays"
Explanation: Replacing "after a series of hard working days" with "following a series of strenuous workdays" maintains formality and introduces a more nuanced description of the work period.
"bond more with relatives" -> "strengthen familial bonds"
Explanation: Substituting "bond more with relatives" with "strengthen familial bonds" elevates the language, providing a more precise and formal expression for the idea of enhancing family connections.
"there are several benefits that travel can do for the person who experiences it" -> "travel offers various benefits to individuals"
Explanation: Changing "there are several benefits that travel can do for the person who experiences it" to "travel offers various benefits to individuals" streamlines the sentence and removes redundancy for improved clarity.
"Exposure to diverse perspectives enhances cultural understanding and promotes Creativity." -> "Exposure to diverse perspectives enhances cultural understanding and fosters creativity."
Explanation: Correcting the capitalization of "Creativity" to "creativity" aligns with standard conventions, ensuring consistency and professionalism.
"better physical health through activities such as hiking, walking, or exposure to sunlight and fresh air" -> "improved physical health through activities such as hiking, walking, or exposure to sunlight and fresh air"
Explanation: Replacing "better physical health" with "improved physical health" maintains the positive connotation while adhering to a slightly more formal choice of words.
"travelling with friends, family, or even meeting new people during the journey" -> "traveling with friends, family, or forging new connections during the journey"
Explanation: Substituting "meeting new people" with "forging new connections" enhances the formality of the sentence, providing a more sophisticated expression for social interactions during travel.
"there are many reasons why travelling develops" -> "there are numerous factors contributing to the growth of travel"
Explanation: Changing "there are many reasons why travelling develops" to "there are numerous factors contributing to the growth of travel" introduces a more precise and comprehensive description of the factors influencing the development of travel.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8 – UNDER WORD
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does a commendable job of addressing both aspects of the prompt, discussing why people are traveling more and outlining the benefits for travelers. The reference to increased affluence and education is apt, and the examples provided support the points made.
- How to improve: To enhance completeness, consider delving deeper into the factors contributing to increased travel, such as technological advancements or changing societal attitudes. Additionally, provide more specific examples to illustrate the impact of financial abundance and education on travel choices.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout, asserting that increased affluence and education are the primary reasons for the rise in travel. The language is unequivocal, contributing to the overall clarity of the stance.
- How to improve: Continue to emphasize and reiterate the main argument throughout the essay to reinforce clarity. Consider acknowledging potential counterarguments and providing brief counterpoints to further strengthen the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas, such as the link between economic growth, education, and increased travel. However, some ideas, like the benefits of travel for physical health, could benefit from further elaboration and examples.
- How to improve: Extend the discussion on the benefits of travel for physical health by providing specific instances or studies supporting the claim. Elaborate more on how exposure to diverse cultures enhances cultural understanding and promotes creativity.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the reasons for increased travel and the benefits for travelers. However, there is a slight deviation in the conclusion, where the development of travel is mentioned without elaboration.
- How to improve: Ensure that all sections of the essay contribute directly to the main points established in the introduction. In the conclusion, briefly recap the key reasons for increased travel and the benefits mentioned in the body paragraphs.
In conclusion, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt, there is room for improvement in providing more depth to ideas, offering specific examples, and ensuring a seamless flow between sections. Consider expanding on key points and reinforcing the main argument for an even more robust response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It begins with a clear introduction stating the increasing trend of travel and its undeniable benefits. The body paragraphs explore reasons behind the rise in travel and the advantages for travelers. The conclusion summarizes the main points. However, there is room for improvement in the logical progression within paragraphs. For instance, the transition between the reasons for increased travel and the benefits of traveling could be smoother to enhance overall coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider refining transitions between ideas within paragraphs. Use linking words and phrases to guide the reader through the essay’s progression more smoothly. Ensure a clear and seamless connection between different aspects of the discussion.
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to organize its ideas, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the second paragraph is lengthy and covers multiple points, affecting its overall effectiveness. Breaking it down into smaller paragraphs could improve readability and help the reader follow the essay’s argument more easily.
- How to improve: Divide the second paragraph into smaller, focused paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the argument. This will enhance the structure and make it easier for the reader to navigate through the content.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as transition words like "firstly," "secondly," and "finally" to indicate the sequence of ideas. However, there is limited variety in the use of cohesive devices. Additionally, the connection between sentences and ideas could be strengthened to enhance overall coherence.
- How to improve: Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices, including synonyms for common transition words. Focus on maintaining a consistent and strong connection between sentences, ensuring that each idea logically follows the preceding one. This will contribute to a more cohesive and well-connected essay.
In summary, while the essay effectively organizes information and uses paragraphs, improvements in logical flow within paragraphs and the introduction of more varied cohesive devices would contribute to a higher coherence and cohesion score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While it addresses the topic adequately, there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary. For instance, the repetition of phrases like "more and more" and "for example" suggests a limited lexical variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the score in this criterion, the writer should incorporate a broader range of synonyms and expressions. Instead of repetitive phrases, consider using alternatives like "increasingly" or "for instance." Additionally, incorporating specific and varied vocabulary related to travel, such as "wanderlust" or "globetrotting," can enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately; however, there are instances where more precise word choices could enhance the clarity of expression. For example, the term "developing" may be more effectively replaced with "evolving" to convey a more nuanced meaning.
- How to improve: To improve precision, carefully choose words that precisely convey the intended meaning. In the case of "developing," consider alternatives like "evolving," "advancing," or "progressing" based on the context. This attention to detail will contribute to a more sophisticated and precise use of vocabulary.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances where minor errors, such as "Creativity" (should be "creativity"), are present. These do not significantly impede comprehension but indicate a need for greater attention to detail.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, proofreading is crucial. Carefully review the essay for common spelling errors, and consider using spelling and grammar checking tools. Additionally, cultivating a habit of revising written work with a focus on spelling will contribute to overall language precision.
In conclusion, while the essay successfully addresses the essay prompt and demonstrates a reasonable command of language, a more varied vocabulary, precise word choices, and meticulous attention to spelling details can further elevate the lexical resource score.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonably diverse range of sentence structures. The writer employs simple and compound sentences effectively. However, there is room for improvement in introducing more complex structures, such as compound-complex sentences or varied clause structures, to enhance overall sentence variety and sophistication.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, consider incorporating complex sentences with multiple clauses. For instance, instead of relying primarily on simple sentences, try combining ideas using subordination or coordination to create more intricate structures. This can elevate the overall quality of writing and demonstrate a higher command of syntax.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally accurate use of grammar and punctuation. However, there are some instances where sentence structure could be improved for clarity. For example, the phrase "Many countries have experienced economic growth, leading to higher incomes and improved education" could be rephrased to enhance coherence. Additionally, there are a few minor punctuation errors, such as missing commas in certain places, that slightly impact the overall precision.
- How to improve: To refine grammatical accuracy, carefully review sentence structures for coherence. Ensure that ideas are presented in a clear and organized manner. Regarding punctuation, pay close attention to comma usage, ensuring that they are appropriately placed to avoid ambiguity. A thorough proofreading of the essay can help identify and rectify such minor errors.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and a reasonable range of sentence structures, enhancing complexity and refining specific sentence constructions could contribute to achieving a higher score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.
Bài sửa mẫu
It is undeniable that, in the contemporary era, people are engaging in travel more frequently than ever before. As human civilization advances, the primary factors contributing to this phenomenon are rising affluence and education levels. The main reason behind the surge in travel is the increase in financial prosperity and educational opportunities. Many countries have witnessed economic growth, resulting in higher incomes and improved education. This, in turn, has empowered individuals both financially and intellectually, making travel more accessible to a broader audience. Following a series of strenuous workdays, individuals often opt for travel as a means of entertainment, to encounter new experiences, or to strengthen familial bonds.
The growth of travel is propelled by numerous factors. Firstly, travel provides individuals with the opportunity to explore and appreciate diverse cultures, traditions, and lifestyles. Exposure to various perspectives enhances cultural understanding and fosters creativity. Secondly, there are tangible health benefits associated with travel, such as improved physical health through activities like hiking, walking, and exposure to sunlight and fresh air. Lastly, whether traveling with friends, family, or forging new connections during the journey, the social aspect of travel plays a crucial role in strengthening relationships and creating lasting bonds.
In conclusion, as human civilization advances, the increase in affluence and education levels has contributed to the growing popularity of travel. The benefits of travel for individuals are multifaceted, encompassing cultural enrichment, improved physical well-being, and the forging of meaningful connections.