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Today, more people are traveling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of traveling for travelers?

Today, more people are traveling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of traveling for travelers?

The allure of exploration has reached new heights in recent years, with travel witnessing a surge unlike ever before. This essay delves into the underlying forces propelling this phenomenon and uncovers the enriching rewards reaped by those who embark on these journeys.
Several factors contribute to this booming travel trend. The rise of budget airlines has democratised travel, making adventure accessible to a wider spectrum of incomes. Globalisation has fueled this fire, driving companies to expand their reach, necessitating business trips across continents. Furthermore, in the face of ever-escalating work pressures, individuals are increasingly seeking solace in travel, leading to a significant rise in leisure trips.
The benefits of this wanderlust are manifold. Immersing oneself in unfamiliar cultures unlocks doors to new perspectives. Westerners visiting China, captivated by the ancient wonders like the Great Wall and Terracotta Army, return with a deeper appreciation for its rich history. Travel also serves as a potent stress reliever. For those caught in the whirlwind of city life, a rejuvenating escape to the countryside can work wonders in unwinding tense muscles and resetting the mind.
In conclusion, the world seems to be on the move, driven by a multitude of motives – from professional pursuits to personal rejuvenation. And as journeys unfold, so too do the rewards, enriching travellers with cultural understanding and well-deserved respite.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "The allure of exploration has reached new heights in recent years, with travel witnessing a surge unlike ever before." -> "The fascination with exploration has soared in recent years, as travel has experienced an unprecedented surge."
    Explanation: Replacing "allure" with "fascination" and "reached new heights" with "soared" elevates the sophistication of the language, aligning it more closely with academic formality.

  2. "Several factors contribute to this booming travel trend." -> "Numerous factors contribute to the burgeoning trend of travel."
    Explanation: Substituting "several" with "numerous" and "booming" with "burgeoning" enhances the precision and formality of the language, adhering better to academic style.

  3. "The rise of budget airlines has democratised travel, making adventure accessible to a wider spectrum of incomes." -> "The emergence of budget airlines has democratized travel, rendering adventure accessible to a broader range of income levels."
    Explanation: Changing "rise" to "emergence" and "making" to "rendering" refines the vocabulary, using more formal terms and maintaining an academic tone.

  4. "Globalisation has fueled this fire, driving companies to expand their reach, necessitating business trips across continents." -> "Globalization has fueled this phenomenon, compelling companies to broaden their reach, thereby necessitating business trips across continents."
    Explanation: Substituting "fire" with "phenomenon" and "driving" with "compelling" imparts a more formal and precise tone, aligning with academic writing conventions.

  5. "Furthermore, in the face of ever-escalating work pressures, individuals are increasingly seeking solace in travel, leading to a significant rise in leisure trips." -> "Moreover, amidst escalating work pressures, individuals are increasingly finding solace in travel, resulting in a notable increase in leisure trips."
    Explanation: Replacing "in the face of" with "amidst" and "leading to" with "resulting in" adds formality and precision to the language, contributing to a more academic style.

  6. "The benefits of this wanderlust are manifold." -> "The advantages of this desire for travel are manifold."
    Explanation: Substituting "wanderlust" with "desire for travel" maintains clarity while using a more formal and universally understood term, enhancing the academic tone.

  7. "immersing oneself in unfamiliar cultures unlocks doors to new perspectives." -> "Engaging deeply with unfamiliar cultures opens doors to new perspectives."
    Explanation: Replacing "immersing oneself" with "engaging deeply" and rephrasing the sentence enhances formality and readability without sacrificing clarity.

  8. "a rejuvenating escape to the countryside can work wonders in unwinding tense muscles and resetting the mind." -> "A revitalizing retreat to the countryside can have a profound effect in relaxing tense muscles and rejuvenating the mind."
    Explanation: Using "revitalizing" instead of "rejuvenating" and expressing the idea more elaborately enhances the formality and precision of the sentence, aligning it better with academic style.

  9. "And as journeys unfold, so too do the rewards, enriching travellers with cultural understanding and well-deserved respite." -> "As journeys unfold, they bring forth rewards, enriching travelers with cultural understanding and well-deserved respite."
    Explanation: Simplifying the sentence structure and removing unnecessary repetition improves the flow and formality, making it more suitable for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both aspects of the prompt. It discusses the reasons behind the increase in travel and explores the benefits for travelers. For instance, it mentions budget airlines, globalization, and work pressures as driving forces for increased travel. Additionally, it delves into the benefits such as cultural understanding and stress relief.
    • How to improve: While the essay does provide a comprehensive response, consider expanding on the idea of how globalization contributes to increased travel. Providing specific examples or statistics could enhance the depth of analysis.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, arguing that various factors, including budget airlines, globalization, and the desire for relaxation, contribute to the surge in travel. The stance is consistently presented and supported.
    • How to improve: No significant improvement is needed in this aspect. However, ensuring that each paragraph reinforces the main position can further strengthen the essay’s coherence.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas related to the reasons for increased travel and the benefits for travelers. It supports these ideas with examples, such as the impact of budget airlines and the stress-relieving benefits of travel.
    • How to improve: To enhance the essay, consider providing more varied examples or incorporating personal anecdotes to make the content more engaging. This can create a stronger connection between the reader and the essay’s arguments.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, focusing on the reasons behind the surge in travel and the benefits for travelers. However, there is a slight deviation in the conclusion where it mentions the "rewards" without specifying them.
    • How to improve: To address this, the conclusion could briefly reiterate the main rewards discussed in the body paragraphs. This ensures a more cohesive and focused ending, reinforcing the essay’s key points.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively addresses the criteria for Task Response. The suggested improvements are minor refinements that can enhance the essay’s depth and coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically. It begins with an introduction that sets the stage for discussing the reasons behind the surge in travel. The body paragraphs follow a clear structure, addressing factors contributing to the travel trend and subsequently exploring the benefits. However, there is room for improvement in the transition between ideas. The shift from discussing factors driving travel to the benefits could be smoother.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases to guide readers through the essay’s flow. For instance, use phrases like "Moreover," or "In addition to," to smoothly transition between ideas. This will create a more cohesive narrative, ensuring that the reader can follow the essay’s progression effortlessly.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect, such as the factors contributing to increased travel or the benefits of traveling. However, some paragraphs could be more developed. For instance, the paragraph discussing the benefits of travel is relatively short and could be expanded to provide more depth and examples.
    • How to improve: Work on paragraph development by elaborating on each point. Provide specific examples and details to support your arguments. This will not only enhance the depth of your analysis but also contribute to a more balanced and well-structured essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices, such as linking words (e.g., "Furthermore," "In conclusion") and referencing concepts (e.g., "the rise of budget airlines"). However, there is room for improvement in the variety of devices used. Consider incorporating more diverse cohesive devices, such as pronouns, synonyms, or parallel structures, to create a richer and more engaging writing style.
    • How to improve: Experiment with a broader array of cohesive devices. Use pronouns like "it" or "this" to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, ensuring a smoother flow. Additionally, explore the use of synonyms or parallel structures to add variety to your writing. This will make your essay more engaging and cohesive.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable range of vocabulary. There is a variety of words used to express ideas, such as "democratised," "propelling," "reaped," "manifold," "immersing," and "whirlwind." These choices contribute to a nuanced and engaging expression of the writer’s thoughts. For instance, the use of "democratised" effectively conveys the idea that budget airlines have made travel accessible to a broader range of incomes.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of vocabulary even further, consider incorporating more specific and contextually relevant terms. For example, instead of using a generic term like "benefits," you might employ more precise words such as "advantages" or "rewards" to convey a richer meaning.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision. For example, the word "democratised" accurately captures the idea of making travel accessible to a wider range of people. However, there are instances where more precise vocabulary could be employed. In the phrase "unlock doors to new perspectives," a more specific term than "doors" could be used to provide a clearer image.
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, be mindful of using more concrete and specific terms. For example, instead of "unlock doors," consider using "reveal insights" or "offer access to."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances where small errors are present, such as "democratised" (democratized) and "Terracotta" (Terracotta). These do not significantly impede understanding but should be addressed for a flawless presentation.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, proofread the essay carefully, paying close attention to details. Additionally, considering the British English spelling convention used (e.g., "democratised"), ensure consistency throughout the essay to maintain a professional and polished appearance.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable use of sentence structures, incorporating a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. There is a notable variety in sentence length and complexity, contributing to the overall fluency of the writing. For instance, the essay employs complex sentences when explaining the factors driving the travel trend and uses shorter, impactful sentences for summarizing the benefits of travel.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical range further, consider integrating more complex structures such as conditional sentences, inverted sentences, or parallelism. This can add sophistication to the essay and showcase a higher level of grammatical proficiency. Additionally, pay attention to sentence variety within paragraphs to maintain a smooth and engaging flow.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammar and punctuation. Sentences are generally well-constructed, with proper subject-verb agreement and clear punctuation. However, there are a few instances where the comma usage could be refined for more precise meaning, such as in the phrase "…fire, driving companies to expand their reach…"
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to comma usage, ensuring that commas are used appropriately to clarify meaning and avoid ambiguity. Consider reviewing rules related to restrictive and non-restrictive clauses to fine-tune comma placement. Additionally, proofread carefully to catch any minor grammatical errors that may have been overlooked, as these can impact the overall accuracy of the essay.

Overall, the essay exhibits a strong command of grammatical structures and accuracy. To elevate the score further, focus on incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures and refining punctuation to achieve a more nuanced and polished expression.

Bài sửa mẫu

The fascination with exploration has soared in recent years, as travel has experienced an unprecedented surge. This essay explores the reasons behind this trend and reveals the enriching rewards for those who embark on these journeys.

Numerous factors contribute to the burgeoning trend of travel. The emergence of budget airlines has democratized travel, making adventure accessible to a broader range of income levels. Globalization has fueled this phenomenon, compelling companies to broaden their reach, thereby necessitating business trips across continents. Moreover, amidst escalating work pressures, individuals are increasingly finding solace in travel, resulting in a notable increase in leisure trips.

The advantages of this desire for travel are manifold. Engaging deeply with unfamiliar cultures opens doors to new perspectives. A revitalizing retreat to the countryside can have a profound effect on relaxing tense muscles and rejuvenating the mind. As journeys unfold, they bring forth rewards, enriching travelers with cultural understanding and well-deserved respite.

In conclusion, the world seems to be on the move, driven by a multitude of motives – from professional pursuits to personal rejuvenation. And as journeys unfold, so too do the rewards, enriching travelers with cultural understanding and well-deserved respite.

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