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Today, more people are traveling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of traveling for travelers?

Today, more people are traveling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of traveling for travelers?

There is an increasing number of people interested in traveling compared to the past. This essay will discuss the reasons for this trend and explain the benefits behind it.
Among several reasons that contribute to the growing number of travelers, globalization might play the most crucial role. The world today is connected in various ways—physically, virtually, and politically. Many parts of the world have been bridged due to recently built massive highways and affordable airline tickets. Moreover, thanks to numerous international corporations and collaborations, the world now agrees that we all live in peace. There is no longer a Cold War or hostility, and nations welcome visitors with open arms.
On the other hand, traveling is considered the most effective way of learning through first-hand experiences. Travelers are offered the chance to become acquainted with diverse traditions and cultures, expanding their knowledge of history and global understanding. For instance, when I first visited Vietnam, it was nothing like what people back in my country had described. I underwent a wide range of emotions while visiting their museum on that day. After that trip, I felt like a completely new person, and my perspective has greatly broadened since then.
In conclusion, globalization has brought the world together, enabling people like us to travel and explore. Traveling is not just about relaxation or spending money; it offers individuals a whole new world of knowledge and experiences to explore.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "There is an increasing number of people interested in traveling compared to the past." -> "There has been a growing interest in travel compared to the past."
    Explanation: The suggested improvement replaces the informal phrase "an increasing number of people" with a more formal expression, "there has been a growing interest," to enhance the academic tone.

  2. "This essay will discuss the reasons for this trend and explain the benefits behind it." -> "This essay will examine the factors contributing to this trend and elucidate the associated benefits."
    Explanation: The replacement of "discuss" with "examine" and "explain" with "elucidate" introduces more precise and formal language, aligning better with academic style.

  3. "Among several reasons that contribute to the growing number of travelers…" -> "Several factors contribute to the increasing number of travelers…"
    Explanation: The suggested change replaces the informal phrase "Among several reasons" with a more formal and concise expression, "Several factors," improving the academic tone.

  4. "Many parts of the world have been bridged due to recently built massive highways and affordable airline tickets." -> "Various regions of the world have become interconnected through the construction of extensive highways and the availability of affordable airline tickets."
    Explanation: The revised sentence uses more formal vocabulary like "various regions" and "interconnected," providing a more sophisticated expression and adhering to academic style.

  5. "Moreover, thanks to numerous international corporations and collaborations, the world now agrees that we all live in peace." -> "Furthermore, owing to extensive involvement by international corporations and collaborations, there is a prevailing acknowledgment that global peace is maintained."
    Explanation: The suggested alternatives replace the informal "thanks to" with "furthermore" and enhance the phrase "the world now agrees" with a more formal "there is a prevailing acknowledgment," improving the overall academic tone.

  6. "On the other hand, traveling is considered the most effective way of learning through first-hand experiences." -> "Conversely, travel is widely regarded as the most effective means of learning through direct experiences."
    Explanation: The replacement of "On the other hand" with "Conversely" and the use of more formal language like "widely regarded" contribute to a more academic and formal expression.

  7. "For instance, when I first visited Vietnam, it was nothing like what people back in my country had described." -> "For example, during my initial visit to Vietnam, it significantly differed from the descriptions provided by people in my home country."
    Explanation: The improved sentence employs the more formal "For example" and uses a more elaborate structure for expressing the contrast, enhancing the academic style.

  8. "I underwent a wide range of emotions while visiting their museum on that day." -> "I experienced a diverse range of emotions while visiting their museum that day."
    Explanation: The replacement of "underwent" with "experienced" and the use of "a diverse range of emotions" contribute to a more formal and precise expression.

  9. "After that trip, I felt like a completely new person, and my perspective has greatly broadened since then." -> "Following that journey, I underwent a transformative experience, and my perspective has significantly broadened."
    Explanation: The suggested changes introduce more formal language like "Following that journey" and "underwent a transformative experience," elevating the academic tone of the sentence.

  10. "In conclusion, globalization has brought the world together, enabling people like us to travel and explore." -> "In conclusion, globalization has fostered global interconnectedness, facilitating individuals like us to engage in travel and exploration."
    Explanation: The suggested improvements use more formal vocabulary like "fostered global interconnectedness" and "facilitating," enhancing the academic tone and precision of the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing the reasons for the increasing trend of travel and highlighting the benefits for travelers. However, the discussion on the reasons behind the trend is somewhat limited. It mentions globalization but could delve deeper into other factors contributing to the surge in travel.
    • How to improve: To improve, consider providing a more comprehensive exploration of the reasons for the increasing interest in travel. Discuss factors like improved economic conditions, increased leisure time, or the influence of social media on inspiring travel aspirations.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout by asserting that globalization is a crucial factor contributing to increased travel. The stance is consistent, and the essay avoids ambiguity.
    • How to improve: No improvement needed in terms of maintaining a clear position. However, to enhance the essay, consider providing a more nuanced perspective by acknowledging potential counterarguments or discussing other contributing factors to travel.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, especially regarding globalization as a driving force behind increased travel. However, some ideas could be extended further for a more in-depth analysis. For example, the impact of globalization on affordable airline tickets could be elaborated upon.
    • How to improve: To improve, extend discussions on key points, providing more examples or evidence to support arguments. Explore the consequences of globalization on travel in more detail, making the essay more comprehensive.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the reasons for the increased interest in travel and the benefits for travelers. However, there is a brief mention of peace and the absence of a Cold War, which, while relevant, could be more directly tied to the main theme of travel.
    • How to improve: To stay more closely on topic, connect the discussion of global peace directly to its impact on travel. Explain how a peaceful world fosters a sense of security and encourages people to explore different cultures.

In summary, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt, there is room for improvement in providing a more comprehensive analysis of the reasons for increased travel, extending ideas for a deeper understanding, and ensuring all details directly relate to the main topic of travel.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. The introduction sets the stage by mentioning the increasing interest in travel and the essay’s purpose. The body paragraphs explore the reasons behind the trend, with a focus on globalization and the benefits of traveling. The conclusion summarizes the main points effectively. However, there is room for improvement in the organization within paragraphs, as some ideas could be more seamlessly connected for smoother transitions.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider ensuring a smoother flow within paragraphs. Use transitional phrases or sentences to connect related ideas and improve the overall coherence within each section. For instance, in the second paragraph, connect the idea of globalization to the subsequent discussion on its impact on travel more explicitly.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to structure the content. Each paragraph has a clear focus, with the introduction and conclusion framing the discussion, and body paragraphs delving into specific aspects. However, the transitions between paragraphs could be refined for better cohesion.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph serves a distinct purpose and maintains a clear topic. Work on improving the transition between paragraphs by using transitional phrases or sentences that guide the reader through the progression of ideas. For example, consider enhancing the connection between the second and third paragraphs to make the transition smoother.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes cohesive devices, such as transitions (e.g., "On the other hand," "Moreover," "In conclusion"), effectively to connect ideas at a macro level. However, there is room for improvement in the use of cohesive devices within paragraphs to strengthen the micro-level cohesion. Some sentences lack explicit connective elements, making the progression between ideas less seamless.
    • How to improve: Strengthen cohesion within paragraphs by incorporating more cohesive devices like pronouns, transitional words, or repetition of key terms. For instance, in the second paragraph, use cohesive devices to better connect the idea of globalization to its impact on travel. This will enhance the clarity and coherence of the essay at both macro and micro levels.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as globalization, diverse, traditions, and cultures. However, there is room for improvement as some ideas are expressed using repetitive phrases (e.g., "wide range of emotions" and "new person"). Additionally, more sophisticated vocabulary could be employed to enhance the richness of expression.
    • How to improve: To elevate the range of vocabulary, consider introducing more diverse synonyms and exploring nuanced terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "wide range," experiment with alternatives like "extensive variety" or "diverse spectrum." Also, strive to incorporate more advanced vocabulary related to globalization and cultural exploration to convey a deeper understanding of the topic.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The vocabulary is generally precise, with clear communication of ideas. However, there are instances where more precise and varied word choices could enhance the overall quality. For example, the phrase "recently built massive highways" could be refined to specify the timeframe and nature of construction.
    • How to improve: Aim for greater specificity in vocabulary. Instead of "recently built massive highways," specify the timeframe (e.g., "modern infrastructure developed in the past decade"). This precision contributes to a more refined and nuanced expression, elevating the overall quality of the essay.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable level of spelling accuracy. There are no noticeable spelling errors, contributing to a clear and easily comprehensible text.
    • How to improve: Maintain the current standard of spelling accuracy. Regular proofreading and attention to detail are essential practices to sustain this level of proficiency. Consider using spelling and grammar tools to catch any potential errors that might be overlooked during manual review.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, earning a band score of 6. To improve further, focus on diversifying vocabulary, refining precision in word choices, and maintaining the high standard of spelling accuracy exhibited in the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple and complex sentences, contributing to overall coherence. However, there is a tendency to rely on straightforward sentence structures, and some sentences could be more complex to showcase a higher level of grammatical proficiency. For example, the use of compound-complex sentences or inversion could be incorporated to enhance variety.

    • How to improve: To elevate the essay’s grammatical range, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures. Introduce compound-complex sentences or employ inversion to add sophistication. For instance, instead of relying predominantly on simple sentences, experiment with combining ideas in a more intricate manner. This will not only demonstrate a broader grammatical range but also enhance the overall quality of expression.

  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy with few errors. However, there are instances where articles are omitted, leading to minor grammatical lapses. For example, "thanks to numerous international corporations and collaborations, the world now agrees that we all live in peace" could be improved by adding "the" before "world." Punctuation is generally accurate, but there are occasional lapses in comma usage that slightly affect readability.

    • How to improve: Pay close attention to articles to avoid omitting them, as this can impact the overall grammatical accuracy. Specifically, review sentences for the correct usage of definite and indefinite articles. Additionally, refine comma usage for better clarity. Consider revisiting sentences where commas are used, ensuring they enhance the flow of ideas without causing confusion. A thorough proofreading to catch these minor errors will contribute to an even higher level of grammatical accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

There has been a growing interest in travel compared to the past. This essay will examine the factors contributing to this trend and elucidate the associated benefits.

Several factors contribute to the increasing number of travelers, with globalization playing a crucial role. The world today is connected in various ways—physically, virtually, and politically. Many parts of the world have become interconnected through the construction of extensive highways and the availability of affordable airline tickets. Furthermore, owing to extensive involvement by international corporations and collaborations, there is a prevailing acknowledgment that global peace is maintained. There is no longer a Cold War or hostility, and nations welcome visitors with open arms.

Conversely, travel is widely regarded as the most effective means of learning through direct experiences. For example, during my initial visit to Vietnam, it significantly differed from the descriptions provided by people in my home country. I experienced a diverse range of emotions while visiting their museum that day. Following that journey, I underwent a transformative experience, and my perspective has significantly broadened.

In conclusion, globalization has fostered global interconnectedness, facilitating individuals like us to engage in travel and exploration. Traveling offers the opportunity to learn about diverse traditions and cultures firsthand, expanding one’s knowledge of history and global understanding. Travel is not just about relaxation or spending money; it provides individuals with a whole new world of knowledge and experiences to explore.

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