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Today, more people are traveling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of traveling for travelers?

Today, more people are traveling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of traveling for travelers?

Today, due to the development of advanced air and ground transportation, people tend to travel more than those in the past for many reasons. This essay will explore the increasing trend of travel and discuss the benefits that travelers can derive from it.
There are thousands of reasons why more and more people travel nowadays. Firstly, an increasing number of people choose to relocate from rural areas to big cities for a better job opportunity and living standard. Big cities frequently offer a greater range of employment options than the countryside with higher salaries, complemented by state-of-the-art educational and healthcare systems that fulfill people's needs. Besides, traveling has become a popular way for people to refresh their minds and unwind from their busy lives and routine. Additionally, people are earning greater revenues these days so they can afford the expenses associated with traveling. Airfares are now decreasing, making travel even more convenient for individuals.
In fact, traveling has many advantages. Travel broadens knowledge and fosters familiarity with diverse global cultures. People have a chance to immerse themselves in the traditions as well as many cultures and the way of living of many nations around the world. Another merit of exploring other places is that it promotes personal growth and creativity. People have to come out of their comfort zones, experience and sometimes foster their creativity and innovation.
In conclusion, increasing wealth, declining airfares, and higher work-related stress are all contributing factors to the rise in travel. This is beneficial since it allows travelers to refresh themselves, expand horizons and have many memorable experiences.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Today, due to the development of advanced air and ground transportation, people tend to travel more than those in the past for many reasons." -> "Presently, owing to advancements in air and ground transportation, individuals are inclined to travel more than their predecessors, driven by various factors."
    Explanation: Replacing "Today" with "Presently" and restructuring the sentence with more formal language enhances the academic tone. Also, the phrase "tend to" is replaced with "are inclined to" for precision.

  2. "There are thousands of reasons why more and more people travel nowadays." -> "Numerous factors contribute to the contemporary surge in travel among individuals."
    Explanation: The phrase "thousands of reasons" is overly informal. Replacing it with "Numerous factors" maintains clarity while adopting a more sophisticated expression.

  3. "Big cities frequently offer a greater range of employment options than the countryside with higher salaries, complemented by state-of-the-art educational and healthcare systems that fulfill people’s needs." -> "Metropolitan areas often provide a broader spectrum of employment opportunities, offering higher salaries than rural regions. Moreover, they boast state-of-the-art educational and healthcare systems that cater to the diverse needs of the populace."
    Explanation: The phrase "Big cities" is replaced with "Metropolitan areas" for a more formal tone. Additionally, the sentence is restructured for clarity and conciseness.

  4. "traveling has become a popular way for people to refresh their minds and unwind from their busy lives and routine." -> "Travel has emerged as a favored means for individuals to rejuvenate their minds and break free from the demands of their hectic lives and routines."
    Explanation: The word "traveling" is replaced with "Travel" for consistency. The phrase is also reworded for a more formal expression.

  5. "Additionally, people are earning greater revenues these days so they can afford the expenses associated with traveling." -> "Furthermore, individuals are experiencing increased financial earnings in contemporary times, enabling them to meet the expenses related to travel."
    Explanation: The term "greater revenues" is replaced with "increased financial earnings" for precision, and the sentence is rephrased to align with academic style.

  6. "In fact, traveling has many advantages." -> "Indeed, travel presents numerous advantages."
    Explanation: The phrase "In fact" is replaced with "Indeed" for a more formal and confident expression.

  7. "People have to come out of their comfort zones, experience and sometimes foster their creativity and innovation." -> "Individuals are compelled to step out of their comfort zones, engaging in experiences that may foster creativity and innovation."
    Explanation: The sentence is rephrased for clarity and to avoid the informal tone of "People have to."

  8. "This is beneficial since it allows travelers to refresh themselves, expand horizons and have many memorable experiences." -> "This proves advantageous as it enables travelers to rejuvenate, broaden their horizons, and accumulate numerous memorable experiences."
    Explanation: The sentence is refined for formality and precision, avoiding overly simplistic language.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay thoroughly addresses both aspects of the prompt – why more people are traveling today and the benefits of traveling for individuals. The reasons for increased travel are well-explained, covering economic factors, lifestyle changes, and the affordability of travel. The benefits of traveling, such as broadening knowledge, experiencing diverse cultures, and promoting personal growth, are also adequately discussed.
    • How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, consider providing a brief mention of potential drawbacks or challenges associated with increased travel. This would add depth to the analysis.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout. The introduction explicitly states the intention to explore the reasons for increased travel and the benefits it brings. The subsequent paragraphs effectively support and extend this position with well-developed arguments.
    • How to improve: Continue to use clear topic sentences and transitions between paragraphs to ensure the logical flow of ideas. This will further enhance the overall clarity of the essay.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are well-elaborated and supported with relevant examples. For instance, the discussion on the reasons for increased travel is supported by examples of job opportunities in big cities, higher salaries, and improved living standards. Similarly, the benefits of travel are illustrated through examples of cultural exposure and personal growth.
    • How to improve: Consider providing more detailed examples or personal anecdotes to further strengthen the arguments and make the essay more engaging.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the given topic throughout its entirety. It consistently explores the reasons for increased travel and the benefits for travelers without straying into unrelated discussions.
    • How to improve: Continue to maintain a strong connection between each paragraph and the main topic. Avoid introducing any information that does not directly contribute to the discussion on increased travel and its benefits.

In conclusion, the essay effectively addresses the prompt’s requirements, offering a comprehensive analysis of the reasons behind increased travel and the advantages it brings to individuals. To improve, consider briefly acknowledging potential drawbacks of increased travel and providing more detailed examples to enhance the overall depth of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically. The introduction clearly introduces the topic, and each body paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the reasons for increased travel and its benefits. The progression of ideas is easy to follow, contributing to the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider providing smoother transitions between paragraphs. For instance, explicitly linking the reasons for increased travel to the subsequent benefits can strengthen the overall coherence. Use transition words or phrases to guide the reader through the flow of ideas more seamlessly.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs, with distinct ideas presented in each paragraph. However, some paragraphs could benefit from further development to provide more depth and elaboration on the points presented.
    • How to improve: Consider expanding on key points within each paragraph, providing specific examples or evidence to support the arguments. This will not only improve paragraph structure but also contribute to a more comprehensive and well-supported essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases, to connect ideas within and between sentences. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the types of cohesive devices used.
    • How to improve: Introduce a wider variety of cohesive devices, including pronouns, synonyms, and parallel structures, to create a richer and more varied linguistic flow. This can contribute to a more sophisticated and cohesive presentation of ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid level of coherence and cohesion, earning a band score of 7. To further improve, focus on refining transitions between paragraphs, expanding on key points for more depth, and incorporating a broader range of cohesive devices for a nuanced and varied expression of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with varied terms like "development of advanced air and ground transportation," "relocate," "employment options," "state-of-the-art," "refresh their minds," and "immersed themselves." However, there is room for improvement as some words and phrases are repeated, such as "traveling" and "people," which could limit the overall variety.

    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of vocabulary, consider using synonyms and exploring different expressions. For instance, instead of frequently using "travel," try alternatives like "journey," "explore," or "voyage." Also, varying pronouns and employing more descriptive terms can contribute to a richer lexical resource.

  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately; however, there are instances where more precise word choices could be employed. For example, the phrase "declining airfares" could be refined to "affordable airfares" for better specificity.

    • How to improve: Aim for precision by choosing words that accurately convey your intended meaning. Consider synonyms that might carry a more nuanced or accurate representation of the idea. In this case, replacing "declining" with "affordable" could provide a clearer picture of the impact on airfares.

  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally satisfactory. However, there is a minor spelling error in the phrase "fulfill people’s needs," where "fulfill" should be spelled as "fulfil."

    • How to improve: Pay close attention to spelling details during proofreading. Utilize tools like spell-check and take the time to review each word carefully. Developing a habit of proofreading can help in catching and rectifying such minor errors.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a commendable use of vocabulary, there is an opportunity to enhance variety and precision. Additionally, maintaining strict attention to spelling details will contribute to an even stronger lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a satisfactory range of sentence structures, including simple and complex sentences. It effectively utilizes various sentence structures, such as compound and complex sentences, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. However, there is room for improvement in the variety of sentence types, and the essay tends to rely on simple sentence structures more than necessary.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences and varying the length of sentences. Introduce rhetorical devices such as parallelism or inversion to add sophistication to your writing. This will contribute to a more engaging and dynamic essay.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally accurate use of grammar and punctuation. Most sentences are grammatically correct, and punctuation is appropriately employed. However, there are instances where subject-verb agreement and article usage could be refined for greater precision. For example, in the sentence "This essay will explore the increasing trend of travel," the singular subject "essay" should match with "explores" for correct subject-verb agreement.
    • How to improve: Review and revise for consistency in subject-verb agreement. Pay attention to articles (a, an, the) and ensure they are used appropriately. Proofread the essay carefully to identify and correct any grammatical inaccuracies. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-check tools to refine your writing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, but refining sentence structures and addressing specific grammatical nuances will contribute to a more polished and sophisticated piece of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Today, due to advancements in air and ground transportation, individuals are inclined to travel more than their predecessors, driven by various factors. This essay will explore the increasing trend of travel and discuss the benefits that travelers can derive from it.

Numerous factors contribute to the contemporary surge in travel among individuals. Firstly, metropolitan areas often provide a broader spectrum of employment opportunities, offering higher salaries than rural regions. Moreover, they boast state-of-the-art educational and healthcare systems that cater to the diverse needs of the populace. People choose to relocate from rural areas to big cities for better job opportunities and an enhanced living standard.

Travel has emerged as a favored means for individuals to rejuvenate their minds and break free from the demands of their hectic lives and routines. Additionally, individuals are experiencing increased financial earnings in contemporary times, enabling them to meet the expenses related to travel. The decreasing airfares also make travel more convenient for individuals, contributing to the growing trend.

Indeed, travel presents numerous advantages. Individuals are compelled to step out of their comfort zones, engaging in experiences that may foster creativity and innovation. This proves advantageous as it enables travelers to rejuvenate, broaden their horizons, and accumulate numerous memorable experiences.

In conclusion, the rise in travel can be attributed to increasing wealth, declining airfares, and higher work-related stress. Nevertheless, this trend is beneficial as it allows travelers to refresh themselves, expand horizons, and have many memorable experiences.

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