Today, the quality of life in large cities is decreasing. What could be the reasons behind this? What measures can be taken to resolve this problem?
Recent years have witnessed a significant deterioration in the quality of life for mega cities' residents. This essay will outline the underlying causes of this phenomenon before proposing some viable solutions to alleviate it.
The declining quality of urban life is largely attributed to the consequences of the urbanization revolutions, including overpopulation and air pollution.
“The allure of prosperity and employment opportunities in large cities often compels rural residents to migrate in search of better lives. For instance, individuals from agricultural communities may be drawn to the promise of stable employment and improved living standards in urban areas. This influx, however, leads to overpopulation, subsequently making cities more expensive, competitive, and chaotic.
Concerning the former, the economic prospects and opportunities in the huge metropolis have provoked rural-to-urban migration in search of better employment, paradoxically creating challenges for the populace. Due to these population surges, cities become costly, competitive, and chaotic. Growing competition increases exorbitant property rent, makes employment more challenging, and places a heavy financial burden on those who resort to working long hours to afford their basic necessities, resulting in potential disruptions to a healthy equilibrium and cause them to suffer from stress diseases and depression. The second factor is that the rising number of vehicles on civic roads has posed a significant environmental threat. Since most such vehicles run on fossil fuels, they release a greater amount of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere. This, combined with gas emissions from neighboring industrial factories, has been a major cause of air pollution in these areas, increasing the risk of lung cancer and other respiratory diseases.
Various measures, nevertheless, can be adopted by governments to address these issues. The first workable remedy is that authorities should engage the assistance of foreign and local organizations in the construction of social housing for low-income laborers. Coupled with this is a relocation plan of industrial areas to the outskirts to regulate this migratory influx, by making jobs available in smaller towns as well, people living nearby will not have to move into large cities. Furthermore, increasing investments in efficient public transportation systems can play a pivotal role in addressing environmental concerns. For example, enhancing bus and subway networks can provide citizens with convenient alternatives to personal vehicles, leading to a significant reduction in individual carbon footprints. This, in turn, contributes to improved air quality and a decreased prevalence of respiratory diseases in urban areas.
In conclusion, the decline in the standard of living in large municipalities can be traced back to the consequences of urbanization. However, practical measures, such as social housing construction, industrial area relocation, and greater investments in public transportation, can effectively mitigate these drawbacks.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"Recent years have witnessed a significant deterioration" -> "In recent years, there has been a notable decline"
Explanation: The suggested improvement maintains formality while providing a more precise expression of the timeframe and nature of the decline.
"This essay will outline the underlying causes" -> "This essay will elucidate the fundamental causes"
Explanation: Replacing "outline" with "elucidate" adds sophistication to the language, aligning with academic style, and conveys a deeper level of explanation.
"The declining quality of urban life" -> "The deteriorating quality of urban life"
Explanation: "Deteriorating" is a more formal term that fits well in an academic context, enhancing the overall tone of the statement.
"urbanization revolutions" -> "processes of urbanization"
Explanation: "Processes of urbanization" is a more precise and conventional term, avoiding the informal and exaggerated connotation associated with "urbanization revolutions."
"Concerning the former" -> "Regarding the former"
Explanation: "Regarding" is a more formal alternative to "Concerning," maintaining the formality of the language.
"provoked rural-to-urban migration" -> "induced rural-urban migration"
Explanation: "Induced" is a more precise term that aligns with academic writing standards, conveying a cause-and-effect relationship more formally.
"exorbitant property rent" -> "skyrocketing property rental prices"
Explanation: "Skyrocketing" is a more vivid and academically suitable term to describe a rapid increase in property rental prices.
"makes employment more challenging" -> "renders employment more challenging"
Explanation: "Renders" is a more formal term that adds nuance to the sentence, contributing to the overall academic tone.
"civic roads" -> "urban roads"
Explanation: "Urban roads" is a more precise and formal term, avoiding the colloquial tone associated with "civic roads."
"increasing the risk of lung cancer" -> "heightening the risk of lung cancer"
Explanation: "Heightening" is a more formal and sophisticated term, enhancing the overall academic tone of the statement.
"Nevertheless, can be adopted by governments" -> "Nevertheless, governments can adopt"
Explanation: Inverting the sentence structure improves clarity and aligns with a more formal style by placing the subject (governments) at the beginning.
"engage the assistance of foreign and local organizations" -> "collaborate with foreign and local organizations"
Explanation: "Collaborate" is a more formal and precise term, maintaining the academic tone of the sentence.
"Coupled with this is a relocation plan of industrial areas" -> "Additionally, there should be a relocation plan for industrial areas"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality while maintaining the intended meaning.
"by making jobs available in smaller towns as well" -> "ensuring job opportunities in smaller towns as well"
Explanation: "Ensuring" is a more assertive and formal term, enhancing the overall tone of the sentence.
"bus and subway networks" -> "public transportation networks, including buses and subways"
Explanation: Expanding and specifying the terms for clarity without sacrificing formality.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does well in addressing both aspects of the prompt. It identifies the reasons behind the decreasing quality of life in large cities (overpopulation and air pollution) and suggests measures to resolve the issue (construction of social housing, relocation of industrial areas, and investments in public transportation). The essay consistently addresses each part of the question throughout its body paragraphs.
- How to improve: While the essay adequately covers the elements of the prompt, it could enhance its depth by providing more nuanced insights into the reasons behind urbanization and its consequences. Additionally, ensuring that every point made directly relates to the prompt will strengthen the overall response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout, asserting that the decline in the quality of life in large cities is primarily due to urbanization. The thesis is evident in the introduction and reinforced in each body paragraph.
- How to improve: To further enhance clarity, the essay could explicitly state its main argument in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. This ensures that the reader is consistently aware of the author’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports its ideas. It provides examples and details to support each point, such as the impact of overpopulation on living costs and the environmental consequences of increased vehicular traffic. The use of specific examples enhances the essay’s overall persuasiveness.
- How to improve: While the essay is strong in presenting ideas, further elaboration on the potential counterarguments and their rebuttals could strengthen the depth of the analysis.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, focusing on the causes of the declining quality of life in large cities and proposing solutions. However, there are some instances where the connection between urbanization and air pollution could be more explicitly articulated.
- How to improve: The essay could benefit from explicitly connecting the consequences of urbanization, such as overpopulation, to the specific issues mentioned, such as increased pollution. This would reinforce the essay’s cohesiveness and relevance to the prompt.
Overall, the essay effectively addresses the key components of the prompt, presenting a well-structured response with clear ideas and supporting details. To improve, it can deepen its analysis, explicitly state its main argument, elaborate on potential counterarguments, and ensure a more explicit connection between urbanization and the stated consequences.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It follows a clear introduction, body, and conclusion structure. Each paragraph is dedicated to a specific aspect of the argument, with a smooth transition between ideas. For example, the first paragraph introduces the issue, the second and third delve into the reasons, and the fourth discusses potential solutions.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider providing smoother transitions between paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows a coherent internal structure.
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to structure the content. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point and contributes to the overall argument. For instance, the first paragraph introduces the problem, and subsequent paragraphs elaborate on the causes and solutions. However, the second paragraph is dense and might benefit from further subdivision for clarity.
- How to improve: Break down complex paragraphs into smaller ones to improve readability. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports the overall argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases (e.g., "however," "furthermore") and pronouns, to link ideas and ensure smooth connectivity between sentences and paragraphs. This contributes to the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: While cohesive devices are used effectively, consider incorporating a broader range of linking words to add nuance and depth to the connections between ideas. Additionally, pay attention to the consistency of pronoun usage for clarity and coherence.
In summary, the essay demonstrates a solid level of coherence and cohesion, earning a band score of 7. To improve, focus on refining paragraph structures, enhancing transitions, and diversifying cohesive devices for a more nuanced and cohesive presentation of ideas.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "urbanization revolutions," "influx," "exorbitant," and "paradoxically." This adds depth to the essay and showcases the writer’s ability to use a wide range of vocabulary.
- How to improve: To further enhance the range of vocabulary, consider introducing specialized terms or more nuanced expressions in certain contexts. For instance, exploring synonyms for commonly used words can contribute to a more sophisticated lexical repertoire.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The vocabulary is generally precise, with effective use of terms like "migratory influx," "carbon footprints," and "respiratory diseases." However, there are instances where the language could be more concise and specific. For example, in the sentence, "Due to these population surges, cities become costly, competitive, and chaotic," the terms "costly" and "competitive" could be refined for greater precision.
- How to improve: Strive for precision by selecting words that precisely convey the intended meaning. In this case, considering words like "expensive" for "costly" and "cutthroat" for "competitive" could enhance clarity and specificity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling is generally accurate throughout the essay. However, there are a few instances where minor errors are present, such as "coupled" instead of "coupling." These instances, while not pervasive, impact the overall spelling accuracy.
- How to improve: Pay meticulous attention to spelling, especially in cases where similar-sounding words might be confused. Proofreading the essay before submission can help identify and rectify such minor spelling errors.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of vocabulary and lexical resources, contributing to its effective communication of ideas. To further elevate the lexical quality, focus on precision in word choice and maintain consistent attention to spelling accuracy.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences, contributing to a smooth flow of ideas. For instance, the essay employs complex sentences when discussing the consequences of rural-to-urban migration, enhancing the depth of the analysis.
- How to improve: To further enrich the essay, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures in the introduction and conclusion. This can elevate the overall sophistication of the writing and engage the reader from the beginning to the end.
Use Grammar Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of grammatical accuracy. Sentences are well-constructed, and there are minimal grammatical errors. For instance, the use of verb tenses is consistent throughout the essay, contributing to the clarity of the message.
- How to improve: While the essay is grammatically sound, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, especially in complex sentences. Ensure that the verb aligns correctly with the subject to maintain precision and coherence.
Use Correct Punctuation:
- Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally accurate, enhancing the clarity of the essay. Commas, periods, and other punctuation marks are appropriately used to separate ideas and guide the reader. However, there are a few instances where the placement of commas could be refined for smoother readability.
- How to improve: Review the use of commas, especially in complex sentences, to ensure that they enhance rather than interrupt the flow. Consider utilizing semicolons or dashes where appropriate to add variety and sophistication to the punctuation style.
Overall, the essay is well-crafted with a strong command of grammatical structures and accuracy. To enhance the band score further, focus on incorporating more complex sentence structures in strategic places, refining subject-verb agreement, and polishing punctuation for a seamless reading experience.
Bài sửa mẫu
In recent years, there has been a notable decline in the quality of life for residents in major cities. This essay will elucidate the fundamental causes behind this decline and propose plausible solutions to address these pressing issues.
The deteriorating quality of urban life can be primarily attributed to the impacts of rapid urbanization, particularly overpopulation and air pollution. The allure of better opportunities and prosperity in large cities induces rural residents to migrate in search of improved livelihoods. This influx of people, however, leads to overpopulation, rendering cities more expensive, competitive, and disorderly.
Regarding the former cause, the economic prospects in big cities provoke rural-to-urban migration, creating challenges for the populace. The surge in population drives up property rental prices, making employment more challenging and financially burdensome for many, resulting in stress-related health issues and depression. Additionally, the escalating number of vehicles on urban roads contributes significantly to environmental degradation. Most vehicles run on fossil fuels, emitting substantial amounts of carbon dioxide, which, combined with emissions from nearby industrial factories, contributes significantly to air pollution, heightening the risk of lung cancer and other respiratory diseases.
Nevertheless, governments can adopt measures to address these challenges. Collaborating with both foreign and local organizations, authorities can work on constructing social housing for low-income laborers. Simultaneously, developing a relocation plan for industrial areas to outskirts can regulate migratory influx, ensuring job opportunities in smaller towns as well. Furthermore, investing in efficient public transportation networks, including buses and subways, can significantly reduce individual carbon footprints, improving air quality and decreasing respiratory illnesses in urban areas.
In conclusion, the decline in the standard of living in large cities is a consequence of urbanization. However, practical measures such as social housing construction, industrial area relocation, and greater investments in public transportation can effectively mitigate these challenges.