Topic 5 : There are those who consider work to be the paramount aspect of life, suggesting that without career success, life loses its meaning. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (Work)

It is undeniable that having a perfect work has a vital role in our life. Therefore, some people harbour a belief that life will become meaningless without succeeding work. Whereas, a section of society hold the opposites view point. From my perspective, I totally agree with the above statement. This essay will vividly explanation along with supporting the latter notions.

Without the required ambition in life, it directly will make life boring, the main arguments in favour of the connection between jobs and life meaning that individuals need ambition for life. Thus, it is obvious that one should have goals to achieve in one's life, otherwise, life will turn out to be tedious when they have no purpose . In other words, many the elderly feel pressure after retirement since they do not know what to do. Hence, work indeed influences everyone to a certain degree.

On the other hand, another reason is to enhance the importance of career success in one’s life. First and foremost, job achievement will raise one’s self-esteem when a person earns recognition from it. It is undoubted that succeeding in professional work plays a pivotal role in glad fulfilment. When he or she can find a job that they love, the considerable change can be life -long due to the enhancement of self-values. Secondly, in the above situation, they can earn more money, this is the main factor to live a fulfilling life. For instance, a teacher who is passionate about teaching and truly cares about their students, thereby significant credibility and enhanced respectfully by everyone.

In conclusion, even though work is a paramount play of life. What matters most is how it contributes to people’s sense of accomplishment, personal development and fulfilled satisfaction in their life. Therefore, this emphasizes that there is a strong correlation between life values and career advancement.

In short, even though work is a vital play of life, its profound effects are undeniable. What matters most is how it contributes to people's sense of achievement and personal growth and s. Therefore, there is a strong correlation between life values and career advancement.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"having a perfect work" -> "having an ideal job"
Explanation: "Perfect work" is ambiguous and sounds unnatural. "Ideal job" is more specific and commonly used in formal contexts to describe a highly suitable employment position.
"harbour a belief" -> "hold a belief"
Explanation: While "harbour a belief" is not incorrect, it is less common and may seem overly elaborate. "Hold a belief" is straightforward and more typical in academic writing.
"succeeding work" -> "successful careers"
Explanation: "Succeeding work" is grammatically awkward and unclear. "Successful careers" provides a clearer and more formal alternative that aligns with academic style.
"hold the opposites view point" -> "hold the opposite viewpoint"
Explanation: "Opposites view point" is grammatically incorrect. The correct phrase is "opposite viewpoint," which is concise and correct for formal writing.
"vividly explanation" -> "detailed explanation"
Explanation: "Vividly explanation" is grammatically incorrect. "Detailed explanation" is appropriate and fits the academic context, providing clarity and precision.
"supporting the latter notions" -> "supporting these notions"
Explanation: "The latter notions" is vague because it’s unclear which notions are referred to earlier in the sentence. "These notions" directly links the support to the notions discussed in the same sentence.
"it directly will make life boring" -> "it will directly make life boring"
Explanation: The placement of "directly" is awkward. Reordering the words improves the sentence’s flow while maintaining the intended meaning.
"many the elderly" -> "many elderly individuals"
Explanation: "Many the elderly" is grammatically incorrect. "Many elderly individuals" corrects the grammar and adds specificity, enhancing formality.
"job achievement will raise one’s self-esteem" -> "career success will enhance one’s self-esteem"
Explanation: "Job achievement" sounds less formal; "career success" is more commonly used in formal texts. "Enhance" is also more academic compared to "raise."
"glad fulfilment" -> "personal fulfillment"
Explanation: "Glad fulfilment" is an unusual and incorrect collocation. "Personal fulfillment" is widely recognized and appropriate in an academic context.
"enhanced respectfully by everyone" -> "respected by all"
Explanation: "Enhanced respectfully by everyone" is awkward and unclear. "Respected by all" is concise and clear, fitting the formal style better.
"paramount play of life" -> "crucial aspect of life"
Explanation: "Paramount play of life" is not a standard expression and is unclear. "Crucial aspect of life" is straightforward and better suited for formal academic writing.
"profound effects are undeniable" -> "significant effects are undeniable"
Explanation: While "profound" is not incorrect, "significant" may convey the intended meaning without the depth implied by "profound," which might suggest a deeper level of impact that needs more evidence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument by acknowledging the viewpoint that work is not the paramount aspect of life, but ultimately agrees with the idea that without career success, life loses its meaning. It discusses the significance of ambition and goals in life, as well as the importance of career success in enhancing self-esteem and financial stability.
- How to improve: The essay could improve by providing a more balanced discussion of both viewpoints before expressing agreement with one side. Additionally, it should delve deeper into the implications of each viewpoint to provide a more nuanced analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently arguing that work is indeed the paramount aspect of life and that career success is crucial for a meaningful existence.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the essay could strengthen its thesis statement in the introduction and ensure that each paragraph supports the overarching argument without veering off topic.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth and coherence in their development. It briefly discusses the importance of ambition, goals, self-esteem, and financial stability in relation to career success but fails to provide substantial evidence or elaboration.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should provide concrete examples, statistics, or personal anecdotes to support its claims. Additionally, it should extend its analysis by exploring counterarguments and addressing potential objections.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by addressing the relationship between work and the meaning of life. However, there are some instances of repetition and vague statements that could be more directly related to the prompt.
- How to improve: To stay more focused, the essay should carefully structure each paragraph to ensure that every point directly contributes to the discussion of the prompt. Additionally, it should avoid unnecessary repetition and strive for clarity and conciseness in expression.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. It begins with an introduction that presents the writer’s viewpoint and outlines the main arguments to be discussed. Each body paragraph focuses on a distinct reason supporting the idea that work is paramount for life meaning, followed by a counterargument paragraph. The conclusion summarizes the main points effectively. However, there are instances of repetition and redundancy, such as the repetition of the phrase "even though work is a paramount play of life" in both the body paragraphs and the conclusion, which slightly disrupts the logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, avoid repetitive phrases and ensure each paragraph contributes uniquely to the overall argument. Additionally, consider restructuring sentences for clarity and coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into paragraphs, which aids readability. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, although some paragraphs could be more effectively structured. For instance, the paragraph discussing the importance of ambition lacks a clear topic sentence, making it slightly unclear.
- How to improve: Ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. This will improve coherence and help readers follow the progression of the argument more easily.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices to connect ideas, such as transitional phrases like "on the other hand" and "in conclusion." However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the range of cohesive devices used. Additionally, some transitions could be smoother to enhance the overall coherence.
- How to improve: Incorporate a wider variety of cohesive devices, including conjunctions, transitional adverbs, and pronouns, to create smoother transitions between ideas. Pay attention to the placement and usage of these devices to ensure they effectively connect the various parts of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a broad vocabulary that aligns with the topic discussed. Terms such as "paramount," "fulfillment," and "pivotal role" contribute to a diverse lexical presence. However, the range is somewhat limited by repetitive phrases like "life will become meaningless without succeeding work" and "life will turn out to be tedious." The redundancy and overuse of certain phrases hinder the essay from achieving a higher lexical resource score.
- How to improve: To enhance the vocabulary range, the writer should seek synonyms and varied phrase structures. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "life will become meaningless," alternatives like "life may lack purpose" or "life seems unfulfilled" could be incorporated. Experimenting with synonyms and varying sentence structures can also prevent redundancy and make the essay more engaging.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a mix of precise and imprecise vocabulary usage. Phrases like "a vital role" and "succeeding work" are aptly used, fitting the context of work’s significance in life. However, there are imprecisions such as "vividly explanation" which should be "vivid explanation" and "glad fulfilment" which ideally would be "joyful fulfillment." These errors suggest a misunderstanding or confusion in word choice.
- How to improve: The author should focus on understanding the exact meanings of words and their appropriate contexts. Using resources like a thesaurus or dictionary can be beneficial. It’s also advisable to read extensively in English to see how certain words are used in different contexts. Practice rewriting sentences to use new vocabulary correctly will help solidify understanding and usage.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally good level of spelling, with most words spelled correctly, supporting the score of 6. However, there are minor spelling issues like "succeeding work" which might be a typo or a misused phrase, and "glad fulfilment" where "fulfillment" is misspelled.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, regular practice and proofreading are essential. Using spell check tools can help catch common errors, but relying solely on them is not advisable. Instead, keeping a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can be beneficial. Additionally, engaging in writing exercises and seeking feedback can help identify recurring mistakes.

This essay demonstrates potential in lexical resource usage but requires refinement in vocabulary precision and range to score higher. The writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary through reading and targeted learning while also being mindful of accuracy in both word choice and spelling.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is a tendency towards simpler sentence structures throughout the essay, with fewer instances of complex structures. For instance, "It is undeniable that having a perfect work has a vital role in our life" employs a simple sentence structure. While the essay attempts to vary structures, more complex sentences could enhance the sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating complex sentences with subordinate clauses or phrases. For example, instead of "Without the required ambition in life, it directly will make life boring," you could write, "The absence of ambition in life directly contributes to its monotony." Additionally, experiment with rhetorical devices such as parallelism or inversion to add variety and depth to your sentences.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a generally proficient command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are several instances of grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes throughout the text. For example, "Therefore, some people harbour a belief that life will become meaningless without succeeding work" should be corrected to "Therefore, some people harbor a belief that life will become meaningless without successful work." Additionally, there are inconsistencies in subject-verb agreement and article usage, such as "In other words, many the elderly feel pressure after retirement since they do not know what to do." Here, "the" before "elderly" is unnecessary.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, carefully review subject-verb agreement, article usage, and verb tense consistency. Consider utilizing grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers or teachers to identify and correct errors. Additionally, pay close attention to punctuation rules, particularly regarding commas and apostrophes, to ensure clarity and coherence in your writing. Practice proofreading your essays thoroughly before submission to identify and rectify any grammatical or punctuation errors.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is undeniable that having an ideal job holds a crucial role in our lives. Therefore, some people hold a belief that life loses its meaning without career success. Conversely, there are those who hold the opposite viewpoint. From my perspective, I wholeheartedly agree with the statement above. This essay will provide a detailed explanation along with supporting these notions.

Without the necessary ambition in life, it will directly make life boring. The main argument in favor of the connection between jobs and life meaning is that individuals need ambition to give their lives purpose. Thus, it is obvious that one should have goals to achieve; otherwise, life will turn out to be tedious without direction. In other words, many elderly individuals feel pressure after retirement since they do not know what to do. Hence, work indeed influences everyone to a certain degree.

On the other hand, another reason to emphasize the importance of career success in one’s life is to enhance self-esteem. First and foremost, job achievement will raise one’s self-esteem when a person earns recognition from it. It is undeniable that succeeding in professional work plays a pivotal role in personal fulfillment. When he or she can find a job that they love, the considerable change can be life-long due to the enhancement of self-values. Secondly, in the above situation, they can earn more money, which is the main factor to live a fulfilling life. For instance, a teacher who is passionate about teaching and truly cares about their students, thereby earns significant credibility and is respected by all.

In conclusion, even though work is a paramount aspect of life, what matters most is how it contributes to people’s sense of accomplishment, personal development, and fulfillment in their life. Therefore, this emphasizes that there is a strong correlation between life values and career advancement.

In short, even though work is a vital aspect of life, its significant effects are undeniable. What matters most is how it contributes to people’s sense of achievement and personal growth. Therefore, there is a strong correlation between life values and career advancement.