Topic : scientists predict in the near future, cars will be driven by computers, not people. Why? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?
Topic : scientists predict in the near future, cars will be driven by computers, not people. Why? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?
In the technologically fast-paced world, traditional drivers will be predicted to be soon superseded by autonomous cars in the future. In my personal view, there are underlying motives for this tendency, and I believe that such phenomenon is a positive development as its benefits are significant.
There emerge several reasons for free-driving cars= automatic vehicles= automated cars= computer-driven cars in the future. The first obvious driving force is the relentless development of technology. Technological advances have starkly encroached almost aspects in humans’ life only in a few decades, ranging from automation in agriculture to business or in daily life. Such advent of technological in almost all fields has clearly reflected the satiable desire of scientists and engineers in bettering humans’ life. Other future innovations, including computer-driven cars, therefore, are surely the next ambitions. Another justification greatly contributing to the appearance of automated cars is the need of human’s beings. The more modern life is, the more convenience of life people aspire, giving rise to high possibility of cars without drivers to render humans’ life more convenient.
It seems to me that the tendency of driverless cars is a positive development, albeit its drawbacks. Firstly, people are free from daily tedious tasks when having automated cars. Once driving is controlled by automated computer systems, drivers especially elderly people or disabled ones instead can spend time doing their favorite tasks such as reading newspaper in the cars or have some sources of relaxation. This really help spare people in a commonly hectic lifestyle. In addition, as reported, most of the accidents on the road are due to human errors. Automated cars greatly help reduce road accidents as a result of reckless behaviors or bad driving of humans.
In conclusion, I think that the need of people and the non-stop improvement of technology are the most common drivers for the advent of automated cars in the future, and this tendency, in my perspective, is a good development if its hurdles such as bad facility or humans’ fear in face of technology can be handled.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"In the technologically fast-paced world" -> "In the rapidly evolving technological landscape"
Explanation: The phrase "rapidly evolving technological landscape" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence. -
"will be predicted to be soon superseded" -> "are likely to soon supplant"
Explanation: "Are likely to soon supplant" simplifies and clarifies the prediction, making it more direct and formal. -
"In my personal view" -> "From my perspective"
Explanation: "From my perspective" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "In my personal view," which can sound overly casual. -
"such phenomenon" -> "this phenomenon"
Explanation: "This phenomenon" is more direct and appropriate in academic writing, avoiding the vague and less formal "such phenomenon." -
"There emerge several reasons" -> "Several reasons emerge"
Explanation: Reordering the words to "Several reasons emerge" improves the flow and clarity of the sentence, aligning better with formal academic style. -
"free-driving cars= automatic vehicles= automated cars= computer-driven cars" -> "autonomous vehicles"
Explanation: Using "autonomous vehicles" as a single term simplifies and clarifies the description, avoiding redundancy and enhancing readability. -
"relentless development of technology" -> "unrelenting technological advancements"
Explanation: "Unrelenting technological advancements" is a more precise and formal way to describe the continuous and intense progress in technology. -
"starkly encroached almost aspects in humans’ life" -> "significantly impacted various aspects of human life"
Explanation: "Significantly impacted various aspects of human life" is more precise and grammatically correct, avoiding the awkward and incorrect "starkly encroached almost aspects in humans’ life." -
"Such advent of technological in almost all fields" -> "The advent of technology in almost all fields"
Explanation: Correcting the grammatical error and using "technology" instead of "technological" improves clarity and formality. -
"satiable desire" -> "sustainable desire"
Explanation: "Sustainable desire" is the correct term, replacing the incorrect "satiable," which is not a recognized word. -
"computer-driven cars" -> "computer-controlled vehicles"
Explanation: "Computer-controlled vehicles" is a more precise and formal term than "computer-driven cars," aligning better with academic style. -
"need of human’s beings" -> "needs of human beings"
Explanation: Correcting the possessive form and pluralizing "human" to "human beings" fixes grammatical errors and improves formality. -
"convenience of life people aspire" -> "convenience people aspire to"
Explanation: Reordering the phrase to "convenience people aspire to" corrects the awkward and grammatically incorrect original structure. -
"This really help spare people" -> "This really helps spare people"
Explanation: Adding the verb "helps" corrects the grammatical error and improves the sentence structure. -
"bad facility" -> "poor infrastructure"
Explanation: "Poor infrastructure" is a more precise and formal term than "bad facility," which is vague and informal. -
"humans’ fear in face of technology" -> "fear of technology"
Explanation: Simplifying to "fear of technology" removes unnecessary words and enhances clarity and formality.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt: it explains why scientists predict that cars will be driven by computers and provides the author’s opinion on whether this is a positive or negative development. The reasons given for the shift towards autonomous vehicles include technological advancements and the increasing demand for convenience in modern life. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit connection between these reasons and the prediction itself, as well as a more thorough exploration of the implications of this shift.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should ensure that each reason clearly ties back to the prediction about autonomous cars. Additionally, including more specific examples or evidence to support the claims would strengthen the argument. For instance, mentioning specific technological innovations or studies on the effectiveness of autonomous vehicles could provide a more robust foundation for the predictions made.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that the development of driverless cars is positive. This stance is maintained throughout the essay, with supporting arguments related to convenience and safety. However, the introduction could be clearer in stating the position upfront, and the conclusion could more decisively reinforce the positive viewpoint.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should explicitly state their position in the introduction and ensure that it is reflected consistently in each paragraph. Using phrases like "I strongly believe" or "In my opinion" at the beginning of the conclusion can help reinforce the position taken throughout the essay.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the benefits of convenience and safety associated with autonomous vehicles. However, some points are not fully developed. For example, while the essay mentions that automated cars can reduce accidents, it does not elaborate on how this can be achieved or provide statistics to support this claim. The use of vague phrases like "the satiable desire of scientists and engineers" detracts from the clarity and strength of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples. For instance, discussing specific technologies that enable autonomous driving or citing studies that show a decrease in accidents due to automation would provide stronger support for the claims made. Additionally, avoiding vague language and using precise terminology will improve the overall clarity of the arguments.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, discussing the reasons for the shift towards autonomous vehicles and the author’s opinion on this development. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharper, such as the phrase "the need of human’s beings," which could be more directly related to the topic of autonomous driving rather than general human needs.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central topic of autonomous vehicles. Avoiding generalizations and instead focusing on specific aspects of the topic will help keep the essay relevant and on track. Additionally, using topic sentences that clearly relate to the prompt at the beginning of each paragraph can guide the reader and reinforce the essay’s focus.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear opinion, there are areas for improvement in terms of clarity, depth of argumentation, and focus. By addressing these points, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their response and potentially achieve a higher band score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the future of autonomous cars and their implications. The introduction sets the stage by outlining the author’s perspective and the reasons behind the trend. However, the organization within paragraphs could be improved. For example, the second paragraph introduces multiple reasons for the rise of autonomous cars but lacks a clear structure, making it somewhat difficult to follow. The ideas about technological advancement and human needs are somewhat jumbled together without distinct separation.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, each reason should be clearly delineated. Consider using a topic sentence for each paragraph that summarizes the main point, followed by supporting details. For instance, separate the discussion of technological advancements and human needs into distinct paragraphs, each with its own focus.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but the structure within them could be more effective. The first body paragraph attempts to cover two main ideas (technological advancement and human needs) without clear transitions or separations, which can confuse the reader. The second body paragraph is more focused but could benefit from clearer topic sentences and transitions.
- How to improve: Implement a clearer paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph has a single main idea. Start with a topic sentence that introduces the idea, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on it. For example, the first body paragraph could begin with a statement like, "The relentless development of technology is a primary driver for the emergence of autonomous cars," followed by specific examples and explanations.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "In addition," and "In conclusion," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat repetitive, and there are instances where transitions between ideas are lacking, leading to abrupt shifts in thought. For example, the phrase "Another justification greatly contributing to the appearance of automated cars is the need of human’s beings" could be better connected to the previous sentence to enhance flow.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeating "Another justification," you might use "Furthermore" or "Additionally" to introduce new ideas. Also, ensure that transitions between sentences and paragraphs are smooth by using phrases that relate the ideas more explicitly, such as "This leads to the conclusion that…" or "Consequently, this trend suggests that…"
By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially improving the overall band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "autonomous cars," "technological advances," and "automated systems." However, there is a tendency to repeat phrases and synonyms (e.g., "automated cars," "computer-driven cars," "free-driving cars") without adding substantial variety or nuance. The use of "satiable desire" is also somewhat awkward and not commonly used in this context, which detracts from the overall effectiveness.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate more varied expressions and synonyms that convey specific meanings. For instance, instead of repeating "automated cars," the writer could use "self-driving vehicles" or "driverless technology." Additionally, integrating idiomatic expressions or more sophisticated vocabulary related to technology and societal changes could elevate the essay.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage, such as "the need of human’s beings," which should be "the needs of human beings." The phrase "the satiable desire of scientists" is also imprecise; "satiable" is not commonly used and may confuse readers. Furthermore, "the appearance of automated cars" could be better articulated as "the emergence of automated cars."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing word choices and considering their common usage in context. Using a thesaurus to find synonyms that fit better or consulting a dictionary for definitions can help ensure that the vocabulary used is appropriate and clear.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "humans’ life" (should be "human life") and "help spare people in a commonly hectic lifestyle" (should be "helps spare people"). The phrase "the need of human’s beings" also contains an error in possessive form. These errors can distract the reader and undermine the writer’s credibility.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, practicing spelling through exercises focused on commonly misspelled words or vocabulary relevant to the essay topic can be beneficial.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and a reasonable use of vocabulary, improvements in variety, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For example, phrases like "In my personal view, there are underlying motives for this tendency" and "Once driving is controlled by automated computer systems, drivers especially elderly people or disabled ones instead can spend time doing their favorite tasks" show an effective use of subordinate clauses and varied sentence beginnings. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as the frequent use of "the more… the more…" construction, which can limit the overall range.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more diverse introductory phrases and transition words. For instance, using phrases like "Moreover," or "In addition to this," can help to create more complex sentence forms. Additionally, varying the length and type of sentences (e.g., using more questions or exclamatory sentences) can add interest and complexity to the writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally good command of grammar, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "the need of human’s beings" should be corrected to "the needs of human beings." Additionally, the sentence "Such advent of technological in almost all fields has clearly reflected the satiable desire of scientists and engineers in bettering humans’ life" contains awkward phrasing and grammatical inaccuracies, such as "the satiable desire" which should be "the insatiable desire." Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are instances where commas could improve readability, such as after introductory phrases.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help solidify these concepts. For punctuation, the writer should review rules regarding the use of commas, especially in complex sentences, to enhance the flow and clarity of their writing. Reading more academic texts can also provide examples of correct grammar and punctuation usage.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the identified weaknesses will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
In the rapidly evolving technological landscape, traditional drivers are likely to soon be supplanted by autonomous vehicles in the near future. From my perspective, there are underlying motives for this phenomenon, and I believe that such a development is positive, as its benefits are significant.
Several reasons emerge for the rise of computer-controlled vehicles in the future. The first obvious driving force is the unrelenting technological advancements we have witnessed. These advancements have significantly impacted various aspects of human life over just a few decades, ranging from automation in agriculture to improvements in business and daily living. The advent of technology in almost all fields clearly reflects the sustainable desire of scientists and engineers to enhance human life. Consequently, innovations such as autonomous vehicles are surely the next ambitions on the horizon. Another justification greatly contributing to the emergence of automated cars is the needs of human beings. As modern life progresses, people increasingly aspire to greater convenience, which raises the likelihood of driverless cars making life more manageable.
It seems to me that the trend towards driverless cars is a positive development, despite its drawbacks. Firstly, individuals are freed from the daily tedious tasks associated with driving when using automated vehicles. Once driving is managed by computer systems, drivers—especially the elderly or disabled—can instead spend their time engaging in enjoyable activities, such as reading newspapers or finding sources of relaxation. This really helps spare people from the pressures of a commonly hectic lifestyle. Additionally, as reported, most road accidents are caused by human errors. Autonomous vehicles can significantly reduce road accidents resulting from reckless behavior or poor driving skills.
In conclusion, I think that the needs of people and the continuous improvement of technology are the primary drivers behind the advent of automated cars in the future. This trend, in my perspective, represents a positive development, provided that its challenges—such as inadequate infrastructure and the fear of technology—can be effectively addressed.