Traffic and accommodation problems are increasing and the government should encourage some businesses to move from cities to rural areas. Does the advantage outweigh the disadvantages?

There is a proposal that the authorities should spur enterprises to relocate their address to ourskirts from urban zones because of the proliferation in traffic and housing issues. While acknowledging the drawbacks behind this suggestion, I do advocate the advantages are much greater than the disadvantages due to the reasoning outlined in this essay.
Indeed, opponents who oppose my viewpoint expose that transferring business’ location from cities to rural areas can bring about several difficulties. Chief of which is this action can augment the haulage costs. Particularly, the potential markets are likely to appear in metropolises which have a dense population. If firms desire to remain and push their sales after having moved to suburbs, they ought to be responsible for delivering cost arising. However, this extra problem is not too severe to declare the demerits outweigh the merits. This is because the situation can be tackled by the additional payment from customers. In each bill, there seems to be a small amount of cost for delivering, used as compensation for companies avoiding capital loss.
Beside that, compared to the insignificant drawback mentioned, the merits seem to be greater because of two main justifications. The conspicuous one is that once changing places to outskirts, firms can help reduce the traffic pressure in cities. Specifically, the less population is, the clearer the urban roads are. This can lead to the decline in traffic accident’s rate and congestion at rush hours. Furthermore, another benefit is that this relocating action can make way for more inhabitants’ houses. This is because once factories or firms are transferred to outskirts from cities, urban residents can have more vacant lands to erect buildings and habit, and accommodation issues including slums, explosion of real estate prices can also be decreased.
In conclusion, although the disadvantage of this suggestion can be partially affected to enterprises, it is more beneficial that the government encourage companies to change their location from cities to suburbs due to the two mentioned rationales.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"spur enterprises to relocate their address to ourskirts" -> "encourage businesses to relocate to the outskirts"
Explanation: "Spur" is somewhat informal and vague in this context. "Encourage" is more precise and appropriate for formal academic writing. Additionally, "ourskirts" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "outskirts."
"acknowledging the drawbacks behind this suggestion" -> "acknowledging the potential drawbacks of this proposal"
Explanation: "Behind" is less formal and can be vague; "of" is more precise and commonly used in academic writing. "Proposal" is a more formal term than "suggestion."
"the advantages are much greater than the disadvantages" -> "the benefits outweigh the drawbacks"
Explanation: "Outweigh" is a more precise and formal term than "are much greater than," which is somewhat colloquial.
"transferring business’ location" -> "transferring the location of businesses"
Explanation: "Business’" is possessive and less formal; "the location of businesses" is more grammatically correct and formal.
"haulage costs" -> "transportation costs"
Explanation: "Haulage" is less commonly used and can be confusing; "transportation" is a more standard term in formal writing.
"the potential markets are likely to appear" -> "potential markets may emerge"
Explanation: "Are likely to appear" is less formal and slightly awkward; "may emerge" is more concise and academically appropriate.
"delivering cost arising" -> "incurring additional costs"
Explanation: "Delivering cost arising" is awkward and unclear; "incurring additional costs" is clearer and more formal.
"Beside that" -> "Furthermore"
Explanation: "Beside that" is informal and less precise; "Furthermore" is a more formal transitional phrase suitable for academic writing.
"the merits seem to be greater" -> "the benefits appear to outweigh"
Explanation: "Seem to be greater" is vague and informal; "appear to outweigh" is more precise and formal.
"traffic pressure in cities" -> "urban congestion"
Explanation: "Traffic pressure" is less specific; "urban congestion" is a more precise and commonly used term in academic discussions about urban issues.
"decline in traffic accident’s rate" -> "reduction in traffic accident rates"
Explanation: "Decline" is less formal and "accident’s" is possessive; "reduction" and "accident rates" are more formal and grammatically correct.
"make way for more inhabitants’ houses" -> "create space for additional housing"
Explanation: "Make way for more inhabitants’ houses" is awkward and informal; "create space for additional housing" is clearer and more formal.
"habit, and accommodation issues including slums, explosion of real estate prices" -> "housing shortages, including the proliferation of slums and rising real estate prices"
Explanation: "Habit" is incorrect and unclear; "housing shortages" is a precise term. "Explosion" is too informal and dramatic; "proliferation" is more appropriate for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of moving businesses from urban to rural areas. The author acknowledges the drawbacks, such as increased haulage costs and potential market limitations, before arguing that the advantages outweigh these issues. However, the exploration of disadvantages is somewhat limited, which could lead to an incomplete understanding of the topic. The essay does mention the benefits, such as reduced traffic and increased housing availability, but does not fully explore how these advantages can be realized or their broader implications.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should provide a more balanced discussion of the disadvantages, perhaps by elaborating on other potential issues such as the impact on employment in urban areas or the challenges businesses might face in rural settings. Additionally, including specific examples or data could strengthen the argument and provide a more comprehensive view of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that the advantages of relocating businesses outweigh the disadvantages. The author consistently supports this stance throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion. However, the phrasing in some areas, such as "the drawbacks behind this suggestion," could be clearer. The transition between discussing disadvantages and advantages could also be smoother to reinforce the author’s position.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the author should ensure that transitions between points are logical and cohesive. Using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help maintain focus on the central argument. Additionally, reinforcing the position with stronger concluding statements in each section can help solidify the overall stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the reduction of traffic and increased housing availability, but the development of these ideas is somewhat superficial. For instance, while the author mentions that moving businesses can reduce traffic, there is little elaboration on how this would occur or the potential long-term effects. The supporting arguments, such as the mention of delivery costs being passed to customers, lack depth and could be more thoroughly explained.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the author should aim to elaborate on each point made. This could involve providing examples, statistics, or case studies that illustrate the benefits of relocating businesses. Additionally, discussing potential counterarguments in more detail could strengthen the overall argument and show a deeper understanding of the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the relocation of businesses and its implications. However, there are moments where the argument could be more tightly focused. For example, the phrase "the situation can be tackled by the additional payment from customers" introduces a new concept that could distract from the main argument about the advantages of relocation.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all points made directly relate to the central argument of the essay. Avoiding tangential ideas and ensuring that each paragraph contributes to the overall thesis will help keep the essay on track. Additionally, reviewing the essay for any off-topic statements before finalizing it can help enhance coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the advantages and disadvantages of relocating businesses from urban to rural areas. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, outlining both sides of the argument. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from the disadvantages to the advantages could be smoother. The paragraph discussing the disadvantages feels somewhat isolated and could benefit from a clearer connection to the subsequent paragraph that discusses the advantages.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link the disadvantages to the advantages. For example, after discussing the drawbacks, you could introduce the advantages with a phrase like, "Despite these challenges, the benefits of such a relocation are significant." This would create a more cohesive narrative throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, making it easier for the reader to follow. However, the paragraphs could be better structured. For instance, the first paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on the disadvantages and the other on the advantages. This would allow for a more balanced presentation of both sides.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. For example, the paragraph discussing disadvantages could start with, "One significant disadvantage of relocating businesses is the increased haulage costs." This would clarify the focus of the paragraph and help guide the reader through the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Indeed," "However," and "Furthermore," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and some transitions could be more varied. For instance, the phrase "this is because" is repeated, which can make the writing feel monotonous.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "this is because," you could use alternatives like "as a result," "consequently," or "thus." Additionally, using more complex cohesive devices, such as "on the other hand" or "in contrast," can help to create a more nuanced discussion of the advantages and disadvantages.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, there are opportunities for improvement in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. By addressing these areas, the coherence and cohesion of the essay can be significantly enhanced.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, utilizing terms such as "proliferation," "augment," "metropolises," and "insignificant." These choices reflect a good understanding of the topic and an ability to express complex ideas. However, some phrases, such as "spurring enterprises" and "relocate their address," could be more naturally expressed. The phrase "relocate their address" is somewhat awkward and could be simplified to "relocate their operations" or "move their businesses."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeating "disadvantages," they could use "drawbacks," "downsides," or "negative aspects." Additionally, exploring idiomatic expressions or collocations related to business and urban planning could enrich the essay further.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary effectively, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, "the haulage costs" could be better expressed as "transportation costs" to encompass all forms of delivery, not just freight. The phrase "the decline in traffic accident’s rate" incorrectly uses the possessive form; it should be "the decline in the rate of traffic accidents." Such inaccuracies can detract from the clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on the correct grammatical forms and ensure that the vocabulary chosen accurately conveys the intended meaning. Regularly reviewing and practicing the use of collocations and common phrases in context can help solidify this skill.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a good level of spelling accuracy overall, with only a few minor errors. For instance, "ourskirts" is a typographical error and should be "outskirts." Additionally, "habit" should be "habitat" in the context used, as "habit" refers to a routine or behavior, while "habitat" refers to a living environment. Such mistakes can undermine the professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on commonly misspelled words and ensuring that they are using the correct terms in context. Utilizing spell-check tools and engaging in spelling exercises can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary with a band score of 7, there are areas for improvement in the range, precision, and spelling of vocabulary. By incorporating more varied expressions, ensuring precise usage, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and some use of conditional phrases. For instance, the phrase "While acknowledging the drawbacks behind this suggestion, I do advocate the advantages are much greater than the disadvantages" showcases an introductory dependent clause followed by an independent clause. However, the essay tends to rely on similar structures, particularly in the way arguments are presented. For example, the repeated use of "this is because" and "the conspicuous one is that" indicates a lack of variety in transitional phrases.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more varied sentence beginnings and transitions. Using different conjunctions (e.g., "although," "however," "in addition") and varying the length and complexity of sentences can add interest. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "this is because," the writer could employ phrases like "one reason for this is" or "an additional factor to consider is." Additionally, incorporating passive voice or more complex clauses could further diversify the sentence structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a good command of grammar, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "the potential markets are likely to appear in metropolises which have a dense population" could be improved by using "that" instead of "which" to introduce a restrictive clause. Additionally, the use of apostrophes in "business’ location" is incorrect; it should be "businesses’ location" or "business location." Punctuation is generally accurate, but there are instances where commas are either missing or misused, such as in "the decline in traffic accident’s rate," where it should be "traffic accident rate" without the possessive form.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on common pitfalls such as subject-verb agreement and the correct use of possessives. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on complex sentences and punctuation rules, can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation and grammatical errors before submission can help catch mistakes. It may also be helpful to read the essay aloud, as this can reveal awkward phrasing or grammatical inconsistencies that might not be immediately apparent when reading silently.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical precision. By addressing these areas, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a proposal that the authorities should spur enterprises to relocate their operations to the outskirts from urban zones because of the proliferation of traffic and housing issues. While acknowledging the potential drawbacks of this suggestion, I do advocate that the advantages are much greater than the disadvantages due to the reasoning outlined in this essay.

Indeed, opponents who oppose my viewpoint argue that transferring the location of businesses from cities to rural areas can bring about several difficulties. Chief among these is that this action can augment transportation costs. Particularly, potential markets are likely to emerge in metropolises which have a dense population. If firms desire to remain competitive and push their sales after moving to the suburbs, they ought to be responsible for incurring additional costs. However, this extra problem is not too severe to declare that the demerits outweigh the merits. This is because the situation can be tackled by the additional payment from customers. In each bill, there seems to be a small amount of cost for delivery, used as compensation for companies avoiding capital loss.

Besides that, compared to the insignificant drawbacks mentioned, the merits seem to be greater because of two main justifications. The most conspicuous one is that once businesses change locations to the outskirts, they can help reduce traffic pressure in cities. Specifically, the fewer people there are, the clearer the urban roads become. This can lead to a reduction in traffic accident rates and congestion during rush hours. Furthermore, another benefit is that this relocating action can create space for additional housing. This is because once factories or firms are transferred to the outskirts from cities, urban residents can have more vacant land to erect buildings and homes, and housing shortages, including the proliferation of slums and rising real estate prices, can also be decreased.

In conclusion, although the disadvantages of this suggestion can partially affect enterprises, it is more beneficial for the government to encourage companies to change their location from cities to suburbs due to the two mentioned rationales.