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University education should be free to everyone regardless of income. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

University education should be free to everyone regardless of income. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is common belief that all members of society should be given universal educational programs without any costs. Although I agree that free tuition could bring a lot of benefits, I still believe there are also remains some drawbacks.
On the one hand, disadvantage people might be supported from giving free tuition. Because nowadays a lot of students struggle with such finance problems as living costs including electric, water, food. This means that they are less likely to access universal environment and must go to work without any qualifications. If the government apply that policy instantly, this issue could reduce significantly. Another benefit is improving educational outcomes. Specifically, the more people go to university, the more well-educated workforce and society becomes more civilised and properous.
On the other hand, it still remains some negative aspects. On a personal level, some students certainly have a tendency to ignore the study and pay more attentions to earn money or entertain due to the fact that they believe they will have opputinity to study again and it is totally free. As a result, the quality of students and education system might be decreased. On the societal level, it directly influences on state budget as the political leaders allocate much public money on it, while environment, technology, food, health problems are still exist and must be addressed. As a consequense, citizen’s living condition might be unbalanced and lessened.
To summarize, I partly agree that providing free universal course for students might bring positive aspects, however I believe that the negative side outweigh them in the long term.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "It is common belief" -> "It is commonly believed"
    Explanation: "It is common belief" is somewhat awkward and informal. "It is commonly believed" is a more formal and grammatically correct way to express the same idea.

  2. "universal educational programs without any costs" -> "universal education without fees"
    Explanation: "Educational programs" is a bit redundant here. "Without any costs" can be replaced with "without fees" for conciseness without losing meaning.

  3. "there are also remains some drawbacks" -> "there still remain some drawbacks"
    Explanation: "There are also remains some drawbacks" is grammatically incorrect. "There still remain some drawbacks" maintains the intended meaning while correcting the grammar.

  4. "disadvantage people might be supported from giving free tuition" -> "disadvantaged individuals may benefit from free tuition"
    Explanation: "Disadvantage people might be supported from giving free tuition" is unclear and awkward. "Disadvantaged individuals may benefit from free tuition" clarifies the idea in a more concise and formal manner.

  5. "Because nowadays a lot of students struggle with such finance problems as living costs including electric, water, food." -> "As many students currently struggle with financial issues, such as living expenses covering electricity, water, and food."
    Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and contains informal language ("Because nowadays"). Rewording it to "As many students currently struggle with financial issues, such as living expenses covering electricity, water, and food" improves clarity and formality.

  6. "access universal environment" -> "access to a universal educational environment"
    Explanation: "Universal environment" is unclear and informal. "Access to a universal educational environment" is more precise and formal.

  7. "must go to work without any qualifications" -> "may have to seek employment without adequate qualifications"
    Explanation: "Must go to work without any qualifications" is somewhat informal. "May have to seek employment without adequate qualifications" maintains the meaning while sounding more formal.

  8. "If the government apply that policy instantly" -> "If the government were to implement that policy immediately"
    Explanation: "If the government apply that policy instantly" lacks grammatical correctness. "If the government were to implement that policy immediately" is a grammatically correct alternative.

  9. "prosperous" -> "prosperous"
    Explanation: "Properous" should be corrected to "prosperous" for proper spelling.

  10. "on a personal level" -> "individually"
    Explanation: "On a personal level" is somewhat informal. "Individually" is more concise and appropriate in this context.

  11. "some students certainly have a tendency to ignore the study" -> "some students may tend to neglect their studies"
    Explanation: "Ignore the study" is not idiomatic. "Neglect their studies" is a more natural and academically appropriate phrase.

  12. "and pay more attentions" -> "and pay more attention"
    Explanation: "Pay more attentions" is grammatically incorrect. "Pay more attention" is the correct form.

  13. "earn money or entertain due to the fact" -> "earn money or seek entertainment due to the belief"
    Explanation: "Entertain due to the fact" is awkward. "Seek entertainment due to the belief" is clearer and more formal.

  14. "oppurtinity" -> "opportunity"
    Explanation: "Oppurtinity" should be corrected to "opportunity" for proper spelling.

  15. "the quality of students and education system might be decreased" -> "the quality of students and the education system might decrease"
    Explanation: "Might be decreased" is unnecessarily wordy. "Might decrease" is a more concise alternative.

  16. "on the societal level" -> "at the societal level"
    Explanation: "On the societal level" can be replaced with "at the societal level" for a more formal tone.

  17. "it directly influences on state budget" -> "it directly impacts the state budget"
    Explanation: "Influences on" is awkward. "Impacts" is a more suitable verb in this context.

  18. "while environment, technology, food, health problems are still exist and must be addressed" -> "while environmental, technological, nutritional, and health challenges persist and require attention"
    Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and contains grammatical errors. Rewording it improves clarity and formal tone.

  19. "As a consequense" -> "As a consequence"
    Explanation: "Consequense" should be corrected to "consequence" for proper spelling.

  20. "citizen’s living condition might be unbalanced and lessened" -> "citizens’ living conditions may become imbalanced and deteriorate"
    Explanation: "Might be unbalanced and lessened" is unclear and redundant. "May become imbalanced and deteriorate" is clearer and more concise.

  21. "To summarize" -> "In conclusion"
    Explanation: "To summarize" is more appropriate for informal contexts. "In conclusion" is the preferred phrase in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument, discussing the benefits and drawbacks of providing free university education. It acknowledges the advantages such as increased accessibility and improved educational outcomes while also recognizing potential drawbacks like decreased student motivation and strain on the state budget.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the response, ensure that each aspect of the prompt is thoroughly explored. Provide more specific examples or evidence to support the arguments presented.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position by stating that while there are benefits to free university education, the negatives outweigh them in the long term. This stance is consistently maintained throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, consider explicitly stating the stance in the introduction and conclusion, and reinforcing it with stronger language throughout the body paragraphs.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks sufficient development and support. While it mentions both positive and negative aspects of free university education, there is limited elaboration on these points. Examples are somewhat vague and could be more detailed to provide stronger support for the arguments.
    • How to improve: To enhance idea presentation, extend each point by providing more specific examples, statistics, or case studies. Additionally, delve deeper into the implications of each argument to provide a more comprehensive analysis.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the issue of free university education and its implications. However, there are moments where the connection to the topic could be clearer, such as when discussing societal impacts.
    • How to improve: To ensure better focus, consistently tie each point back to the central theme of free university education. Avoid tangential discussions that may distract from the main argument.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument and presenting a clear position, there is room for improvement in providing more detailed support for ideas and maintaining a stronger focus on the topic throughout. Strengthening these aspects would enhance the overall coherence and persuasiveness of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organization, with distinct paragraphs addressing different aspects of the argument. The introduction presents the writer’s stance, followed by paragraphs discussing benefits and drawbacks in separate sections. However, within paragraphs, the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed, with transitions between sentences sometimes lacking coherence. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits to the drawbacks could be smoother to maintain a better logical progression.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, focus on maintaining a clear and consistent flow of ideas within each paragraph. Utilize transitional phrases to link sentences and paragraphs more effectively. For example, using phrases like "In addition," or "However," can help signal shifts in argumentation and improve coherence.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to structure its arguments, with distinct sections dedicated to presenting different viewpoints. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, such as benefits or drawbacks, which aids in readability. However, some paragraphs could be more developed to fully explore their respective points, and transitions between paragraphs could be smoother to ensure a seamless progression of ideas.
    • How to improve: Work on refining paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. Additionally, use transitional phrases at the end of paragraphs to smoothly transition to the next point. This will help maintain coherence and cohesion throughout the essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes some cohesive devices, such as conjunctions ("although," "however") and pronouns ("this," "it"). However, there is limited variety in cohesive devices, and their usage could be more strategic to improve coherence. Additionally, some sentences lack clear connections to preceding or following ideas, leading to instances of disjointedness.
    • How to improve: Aim to diversify the range of cohesive devices used throughout the essay, including transitional words and phrases, pronouns for reference, and parallel structures. This will help create stronger connections between ideas and improve the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used purposefully to enhance the flow of argumentation and maintain reader engagement.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, incorporating words such as "universal," "finance," "civilized," "prosperous," "opportunity," "ignored," "quality," "allocated," "environment," and "consequence." However, there is room for improvement in showcasing a wider variety of vocabulary to enhance the richness and depth of expression. For instance, using synonyms or related terms could add nuance and sophistication to the writing.
    • How to improve: To expand the range of vocabulary, the writer could incorporate synonyms or alternative expressions where appropriate. For example, instead of repeatedly using "free tuition," they could vary their phrasing with terms like "no-cost education," "tuition-free programs," or "fee-less learning." Additionally, introducing specialized vocabulary related to education, economics, and societal issues could elevate the discourse and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary with precision, such as "well-educated workforce," "state budget," and "living condition." However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise or accurate. For example, the phrase "society becomes more civilized and prosperous" could benefit from more specific descriptors to elucidate the intended meaning.
    • How to improve: To enhance precision in vocabulary usage, the writer should aim for clarity and specificity in their word choices. This can be achieved by selecting terms that precisely convey the intended meaning without ambiguity. Consulting a thesaurus or engaging in vocabulary-building exercises can help expand the repertoire of precise vocabulary at the writer’s disposal.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits acceptable spelling accuracy, with minor errors such as "opportunity" misspelled as "oppurtinity" and "consequence" misspelled as "consequense." While these errors do not significantly impede comprehension, improving spelling accuracy would enhance the overall professionalism and credibility of the writing.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should prioritize proofreading and editing their work carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools and seeking feedback from peers or instructors can help identify and correct spelling errors. Additionally, practicing spelling through activities like word games or flashcards can reinforce correct spelling patterns and reduce reliance on spell-checking software.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is room for improvement in the variety and complexity of structures used. For instance, the essay predominantly employs simple sentences, with limited use of complex sentence structures. There is also a lack of variety in sentence beginnings and structures, leading to a somewhat monotonous flow.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentence structures such as relative clauses, conditional sentences, and participial phrases. Varying the lengths and beginnings of sentences would also contribute to a more engaging and sophisticated writing style. Additionally, utilizing rhetorical devices such as parallelism or inversion can add depth to the essay’s structure and improve coherence.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally demonstrates a competent grasp of grammar and punctuation, there are notable instances of errors throughout the text. For example, there are errors in subject-verb agreement ("disadvantage people might be supported"), article usage ("the more well-educated workforce"), and punctuation errors (missing commas before introductory phrases, e.g., "On the one hand"). Additionally, there are inconsistencies in verb tense usage, which affect the overall clarity and coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and consistent verb tense throughout the essay. Proofreading the text carefully for punctuation errors, particularly commas and apostrophes, would help enhance clarity and readability. Additionally, revising sentence structures to simplify complex ideas and avoid run-on sentences can contribute to better overall grammatical accuracy. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also aid in identifying and correcting errors effectively.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is commonly believed that universal education without fees should be accessible to all members of society. While I agree that free tuition could bring numerous benefits, there still remain some drawbacks.

On the positive side, disadvantaged individuals may benefit from free tuition. As many students currently struggle with financial issues, such as covering living expenses including electricity, water, and food, they may have to seek employment without adequate qualifications. If the government were to implement that policy immediately, this issue could be significantly reduced. Additionally, providing access to a universal educational environment can lead to an increase in the number of well-educated individuals in society, ultimately contributing to a more prosperous and civilized society.

However, there are also some negative aspects to consider. Individually, some students may tend to neglect their studies and pay more attention to earning money or seeking entertainment due to the belief that they will always have the opportunity to study again for free. This could lead to a decrease in the quality of students and the education system overall. Furthermore, at the societal level, it directly impacts the state budget, diverting public funds away from addressing other pressing issues such as environmental, technological, nutritional, and health challenges. As a consequence, citizens’ living conditions may become imbalanced and deteriorate.

In conclusion, while providing free universal education for students may have its positive aspects, the negative side may outweigh them in the long term. It is essential to carefully consider the implications and potential consequences before implementing such a policy.

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