university students should pay the full cost of their studies because a university education benefits individuals rather than society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

It is argued that scholarships for university education are not necessary because they are useless for society. I agree that it is an essential thing because of the income tax for the individuals and the promotion of the learners.

First, everyone is required to pay income tax to the government once they start earning, and students are no exception. Once they enter their careers, their tax contributions support the national budget, which in turn funds public services and infrastructure improvements. This is essential for the overall development of society, making scholarships a sound investment in future taxpayers.

Furthermore, scholarships act as a form of encouragement from universities or governments, motivating students to work harder in their studies. This leads to better academic performance, raising the overall quality of graduates. In turn, businesses and organizations benefit from a more qualified workforce, driving economic and societal progress. If students were required to pay the full cost of their studies, higher education might become inaccessible for lower-income individuals, deepening social inequality.

Therefore, while individuals certainly benefit from higher education, the societal advantages are too significant to ignore, making it reasonable for governments or society to share the cost of education.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is argued that" -> "It is contended that"
Explanation: "Contended" is a more formal and precise term than "argued," which is often used in academic discourse to introduce a proposition or viewpoint.
"scholarships for university education are not necessary because they are useless for society" -> "scholarships for university education are deemed unnecessary as they do not contribute to societal benefit"
Explanation: Replacing "not necessary because they are useless" with "deemed unnecessary as they do not contribute to societal benefit" refines the statement by using more formal language and specifying the nature of the contribution.
"it is an essential thing" -> "it is a crucial aspect"
Explanation: "A crucial aspect" is more precise and formal than "an essential thing," which is vague and colloquial.
"the income tax for the individuals" -> "individual income tax"
Explanation: "Individual income tax" is a more direct and formal way to refer to the tax paid by individuals.
"the promotion of the learners" -> "the advancement of students"
Explanation: "The advancement of students" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "the promotion of the learners," which is vague and less formal.
"everyone is required to pay income tax" -> "all individuals are obligated to pay income tax"
Explanation: "All individuals are obligated to pay income tax" uses more formal language and clarifies the scope of the obligation.
"their tax contributions support the national budget" -> "their tax contributions fund the national budget"
Explanation: "Fund" is a more precise verb than "support" in this context, indicating a direct financial contribution.
"This is essential for the overall development of society" -> "This is crucial for societal development"
Explanation: "Crucial for societal development" is more concise and formal, enhancing the academic tone.
"making scholarships a sound investment in future taxpayers" -> "rendering scholarships a prudent investment in future taxpayers"
Explanation: "Render" and "prudent" are more formal and precise, fitting the academic style better than "making" and "sound."
"scholarships act as a form of encouragement" -> "scholarships serve as an incentive"
Explanation: "Serve as an incentive" is a more precise and formal way to describe the motivational role of scholarships.
"This leads to better academic performance" -> "This results in enhanced academic performance"
Explanation: "Results in enhanced academic performance" is more formal and specific than "leads to better."
"raising the overall quality of graduates" -> "enhancing the overall quality of graduates"
Explanation: "Enhancing" is a more precise and formal verb than "raising" in this context, indicating a more deliberate and systematic improvement.
"If students were required to pay the full cost of their studies" -> "If students were compelled to bear the full cost of their studies"
Explanation: "Compelled to bear" is more formal and precise than "required to pay," and "bear" is a more academic term than "pay" in this context.
"making it reasonable for governments or society to share the cost of education" -> "justifying government or societal investment in education"
Explanation: "Justifying government or societal investment" is a more formal and precise way to conclude the argument, emphasizing the rationale behind the sharing of educational costs.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by arguing against the idea that university students should pay the full cost of their studies. However, it does not fully engage with the prompt’s requirement to discuss the extent of agreement or disagreement. The essay states a position but lacks a nuanced exploration of the implications of this stance. For instance, while it mentions the benefits of scholarships, it does not sufficiently analyze the potential drawbacks of not having students pay for their education or the counterarguments to its position.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly state the extent of their agreement or disagreement with the prompt. This could involve acknowledging the merits of the opposing view and then providing a balanced discussion that weighs both sides before concluding with a clear position.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that scholarships are beneficial, but the clarity of this position is somewhat muddled. The initial statement suggests that scholarships are unnecessary, which contradicts the later argument advocating for their importance. This inconsistency can confuse the reader about the writer’s true stance.
- How to improve: The writer should ensure that the thesis statement clearly reflects their position and remains consistent throughout the essay. A strong opening sentence that directly addresses the prompt, followed by a clear outline of the argument, would help maintain clarity. Additionally, reiterating the main position in the conclusion would reinforce the essay’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the benefits of income tax contributions and the encouragement provided by scholarships. However, these points are not fully developed or supported with sufficient detail. For example, the connection between tax contributions and societal benefits could be elaborated with specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument. The essay also lacks depth in exploring how scholarships specifically impact lower-income students.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made, providing specific examples, data, or anecdotes that support their claims. This could involve discussing real-world cases of scholarship recipients who have made significant contributions to society or detailing how access to education can transform lives.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the implications of university funding and scholarships. However, there are moments where the argument strays slightly, particularly when discussing the benefits of a qualified workforce without directly linking it back to the main argument about funding education.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly ties back to the central argument regarding whether students should pay for their education. This can be achieved by consistently linking supporting ideas back to the main thesis and avoiding tangential discussions that do not directly contribute to the argument.

In summary, to improve the essay’s score, the writer should ensure a clear and consistent position, fully address all parts of the prompt, develop and support ideas with specific examples, and maintain focus on the topic throughout the essay. Additionally, addressing the word count issue is crucial, as being under the required word count can significantly impact the overall band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the necessity of scholarships, structured around the benefits of education to both individuals and society. The introduction outlines the position, while the body paragraphs provide supporting arguments. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing tax contributions to the encouragement provided by scholarships feels abrupt, lacking a clear connection between the two points.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link ideas. For example, after discussing tax contributions, a phrase like "In addition to this financial contribution, scholarships also…" could help create a smoother transition. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that reflects the main idea will strengthen the overall coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the second paragraph could be further divided to clarify the distinct points being made about academic performance and societal benefits. This would help in emphasizing the importance of each argument.
- How to improve: Consider breaking the second paragraph into two: one focusing on the motivational aspect of scholarships and the other on the societal benefits derived from a more educated workforce. This would allow for a more detailed exploration of each point and improve readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first," "furthermore," and "therefore," which help in guiding the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "this is essential for the overall development of society" could benefit from a more explicit link to the previous sentence.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a variety of linking words and phrases, such as "moreover," "in addition," "consequently," and "on the other hand." Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can enhance cohesion. For example, instead of repeating "scholarships," you could use "these financial aids" in subsequent mentions to maintain flow.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, with terms such as "scholarships," "income tax," "encouragement," and "qualified workforce." However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive. For instance, the term "benefit" appears multiple times without variation, which detracts from the overall lexical richness.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "benefit," alternatives like "advantage," "gain," or "positive impact" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases like "financial support" or "educational funding" instead of "cost of their studies" could diversify the language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys its ideas clearly, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "they are useless for society" is overly strong and could be misleading. It suggests that scholarships have no value, which contradicts the argument presented later in the essay.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should choose words that accurately reflect their intended meaning. Instead of "useless," a more nuanced term like "less impactful" or "not as beneficial" could be used. Additionally, clarifying phrases such as "essential thing" could be replaced with "crucial aspect" to better articulate the argument.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "scholarships" and "essential," which are misspelled in the context of their usage. These errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and may impact the reader’s perception of the writer’s language proficiency.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, focusing on expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and improving spelling will contribute to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of the complex sentence "Once they enter their careers, their tax contributions support the national budget, which in turn funds public services and infrastructure improvements" effectively links ideas and shows a clear relationship between concepts. However, the essay could benefit from more varied sentence openings and transitions to enhance the flow and coherence of ideas. For instance, starting multiple sentences with "This" or "Furthermore" can make the writing feel repetitive.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider using introductory phrases or clauses, such as "In addition to this," or "Moreover," to start new points. Incorporating more varied transition words and phrases can also help create a smoother flow between ideas. Practicing the use of different sentence types, such as conditional sentences or passive voice, can further enhance the range.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, with few noticeable errors. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and punctuation issues. For example, the phrase "they are useless for society" could be more effectively expressed as "they do not provide significant benefits to society." Additionally, the sentence "This is essential for the overall development of society, making scholarships a sound investment in future taxpayers" could benefit from clearer punctuation to separate the two independent clauses.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on refining sentence construction to avoid awkward phrasing. Reading the essay aloud can help identify sentences that may not flow well. For punctuation, ensure that clauses are properly connected, and consider using semicolons or conjunctions to clarify relationships between ideas. Reviewing common punctuation rules, especially regarding commas in complex sentences, can also enhance clarity and coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, but with targeted efforts to diversify sentence structures and refine grammatical precision, it can achieve an even higher score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is contended that scholarships for university education are deemed unnecessary as they do not contribute to societal benefit. I agree that they are a crucial aspect of the education system due to individual income tax obligations and the advancement of students.

First, all individuals are obligated to pay income tax to the government once they start earning, and students are no exception. Once they enter their careers, their tax contributions fund the national budget, which in turn supports public services and infrastructure improvements. This is crucial for societal development, rendering scholarships a prudent investment in future taxpayers.

Furthermore, scholarships serve as an incentive from universities or governments, motivating students to work harder in their studies. This results in enhanced academic performance, thereby enhancing the overall quality of graduates. In turn, businesses and organizations benefit from a more qualified workforce, driving economic and societal progress. If students were compelled to bear the full cost of their studies, higher education might become inaccessible for lower-income individuals, deepening social inequality.

Therefore, while individuals certainly benefit from higher education, the societal advantages are too significant to ignore, justifying government or societal investment in education.