what are the advantages and disadvantages of keeping animals in the zoo

It is the case that about conservation in the zoo. While there are some benefits related to this matter, I think that the drawbacks are much greater.
One the one hand, I think that the positively far reaching impact the risks involved when their function in conservation . To begin with , it is undoubted that zoo breeding programs help protect endangered species is the first advantage. For instance, thanks to these programs, there are a lots of species have been saved from the brink of extinction and have been given an alterations to be reintroduced into the wild . Futhermore, zoos also serveral as important educational. They provide opportunities for the public, especially children, to learn about animals and their habitats. This knowledge helps raise awareness and encourages support for conservation efforts. Another potential benefit could be zoos help the general public understand the importance of protecting the environment and its animal inhabitants.. To be more specific, zoos contribute to scientific research. They offer controlled environments where scientists can study animal behavior, genetics. In fact, these studies provide valuable information that can improve conservation strategies and wildlife management.
On the other hand, it is obvious that there are a number of significant disadvantages in related to issues is animal welfare. One of the most evident cons is that it animals in zoos are often restricted in their living space and cannot freely express their natural behaviors. Futhermore, keeping animals in zoos can send a misleading message about conservation . Another negative aspect that should not be overlooked is that it captivity can create an unnatural and unsuitable environment for animals . To be more specific, lack of space, unnatural social interactions, and exposure to humans can cause stress and behavioral issues in animals. . In fact send a misleading message about conservation.
In short, while there are some potential benefits of keeping animals in zoos . I think that the drawbacks are much more obvious

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is the case that about conservation in the zoo." -> "The topic of conservation in zoos is a matter of discussion."
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and vague. The revised version clarifies the subject and uses more formal language suitable for academic writing.
"I think that the drawbacks are much greater." -> "I contend that the drawbacks are significantly more significant."
Explanation: "I contend" is a more assertive and academic way to express personal opinion, and "significantly more significant" avoids redundancy while emphasizing the importance of the drawbacks.
"One the one hand" -> "On the one hand"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error for grammatical accuracy.
"the positively far reaching impact the risks" -> "the significant risks involved"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The revision clarifies the meaning and maintains a formal tone.
"it is undoubted that zoo breeding programs help protect endangered species is the first advantage." -> "it is undeniable that zoo breeding programs offer a significant advantage in protecting endangered species."
Explanation: "Undeniable" is more precise than "undoubted," and rephrasing clarifies the structure and emphasizes the advantage.
"there are a lots of species have been saved" -> "many species have been saved"
Explanation: "A lots" is a grammatical error; "many" is the correct form. Also, rephrasing for smoother flow.
"have been given an alterations to be reintroduced" -> "have been given the opportunity to be reintroduced"
Explanation: "Alterations" is incorrect in this context; "opportunity" is the correct term for the intended meaning.
"Futhermore" -> "Furthermore"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error.
"serveral" -> "several"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error.
"help the general public understand" -> "assist the general public in understanding"
Explanation: "Assist" is more formal than "help," and "in understanding" is grammatically correct.
"it is obvious that there are a number of significant disadvantages in related to issues is animal welfare." -> "it is evident that there are numerous significant disadvantages related to animal welfare."
Explanation: Corrects grammatical errors and clarifies the sentence structure for better readability and formality.
"it animals in zoos are often restricted" -> "animals in zoos are often restricted"
Explanation: Removes unnecessary "it" for grammatical correctness.
"Futhermore" -> "Furthermore"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error.
"keeping animals in zoos can send a misleading message about conservation" -> "keeping animals in zoos may convey a misleading message about conservation"
Explanation: "May convey" is more precise and formal than "can send," and aligns better with academic style.
"In fact send a misleading message about conservation" -> "In fact, this can convey a misleading message about conservation"
Explanation: Adds a comma for clarity and corrects the verb tense for consistency.
"I think that the drawbacks are much more obvious" -> "I contend that the drawbacks are more evident"
Explanation: "Contend" is more formal than "think," and "more evident" is a more precise term than "much more obvious."

These changes enhance the formal tone, improve grammatical accuracy, and clarify the meaning of the essay, making it more suitable for an academic context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of keeping animals in zoos, which is essential for a complete response to the prompt. The advantages discussed include conservation efforts, educational opportunities, and contributions to scientific research. However, the disadvantages are less clearly articulated, particularly the discussion on animal welfare, which could be expanded. For instance, the mention of "misleading messages about conservation" lacks depth and could benefit from further explanation.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each advantage and disadvantage is thoroughly explored. This could involve providing more specific examples or statistics related to the benefits of zoos and a more detailed analysis of the ethical implications of animal captivity.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that the drawbacks of keeping animals in zoos outweigh the advantages. This stance is maintained throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion. However, the transition between discussing advantages and disadvantages could be smoother, as the abrupt shift may confuse readers about the writer’s overall stance.
- How to improve: To maintain clarity and consistency, the writer should use transitional phrases to signal shifts in argument. For example, phrases like "Despite these benefits" or "Conversely" can help guide the reader through the essay’s structure and reinforce the writer’s position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to both the advantages and disadvantages of zoos. However, some points lack sufficient elaboration. For instance, the idea that zoos contribute to scientific research is mentioned but not fully developed. The discussion on animal welfare also needs more supporting details, as it currently presents a list of issues without deeper analysis.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should aim to extend each idea with examples, explanations, or relevant studies. For instance, when discussing the impact of zoos on animal behavior, the writer could include specific studies that illustrate the effects of captivity on certain species.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the advantages and disadvantages of zoos. However, there are moments where the writing strays slightly, such as the phrase "send a misleading message about conservation," which is repeated and could be more clearly articulated. Additionally, some sentences are convoluted, which can detract from the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each sentence directly relates to the main argument. Simplifying complex sentences and avoiding repetition will help keep the writing clear and relevant. Additionally, reviewing the essay for coherence and clarity can help eliminate any off-topic statements.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and presents a clear argument, but it would benefit from more detailed exploration of ideas, smoother transitions, and clearer articulation of points.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow is occasionally disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear connections between ideas. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of zoo breeding programs to educational opportunities lacks a smooth connection, making it harder for the reader to follow the argument. Additionally, the conclusion reiterates the main point but does not effectively summarize the key arguments presented.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the thesis. Additionally, employing transitional phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "In addition," "Conversely") can help guide the reader through the argument. A more cohesive conclusion that encapsulates the main points would also strengthen the overall structure.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with one paragraph dedicated to advantages and another to disadvantages. However, some paragraphs are overly long and contain multiple ideas that could be better organized. For example, the paragraph discussing advantages mixes several points without clear delineation, which can confuse the reader. The paragraph on disadvantages also suffers from a lack of clear separation between different issues.
- How to improve: Aim for clearer paragraphing by ensuring that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Use topic sentences to introduce the main point of each paragraph and follow it with supporting details. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones to improve readability and clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "for instance" and "to be more specific," which help in linking ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some phrases are used repetitively. For example, "to be more specific" appears multiple times, which can detract from the overall fluency of the essay. Additionally, there are instances where cohesive devices are missing, leading to abrupt transitions between ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "additionally," "on the contrary," "however," and "in summary." This will not only enhance the flow of the essay but also make the argument more engaging. Practicing the use of different cohesive devices in various contexts can help improve overall coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, focusing on improving logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance the clarity and effectiveness of the argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it lacks variety and sophistication in some areas. For example, phrases like "positively far reaching impact" and "a lots of species" are somewhat awkward and could be expressed more clearly. The use of "undoubted" is also less common and could be replaced with "undoubtedly" for better fluency.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "benefit" and "drawback," consider alternatives like "advantage," "merit," "disadvantage," or "downside." Additionally, using phrases like "significantly contribute" instead of "help" would elevate the lexical quality.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that hinder clarity. For example, the phrase "the risks involved when their function in conservation" is confusing and lacks clarity. The term "serveral" is a misspelling of "several," which detracts from the overall precision. The phrase "is the first advantage" is also vague and could be better articulated.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness in word choice. For example, rephrasing "the risks involved when their function in conservation" to "the potential risks associated with conservation efforts" would enhance clarity. Additionally, proofreading for spelling errors and ensuring that phrases are complete and coherent will improve overall precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "Futhermore" (should be "Furthermore"), "serveral" (should be "several"), and "alterations" (should be "opportunity"). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the writer’s credibility.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify errors. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and employs some relevant vocabulary, it requires improvements in range, precision, and spelling to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("It is the case that about conservation in the zoo.") and compound sentences ("While there are some benefits related to this matter, I think that the drawbacks are much greater."). However, the range is limited, and many sentences are awkwardly constructed or unclear. For instance, "One the one hand, I think that the positively far reaching impact the risks involved when their function in conservation" is confusing and lacks clarity. The use of phrases like "to be more specific" is repetitive and does not contribute to a diverse structure.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider using more complex sentences that combine clauses effectively. For example, instead of saying "Futhermore, zoos also serveral as important educational," you could say, "Furthermore, zoos serve as important educational resources, providing insights into animal behavior and conservation." Additionally, incorporating more transitional phrases and varying the sentence beginnings can help create a more engaging flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "One the one hand" should be "On the one hand," and "is that it animals in zoos are often restricted" should be "is that animals in zoos are often restricted." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as misplaced commas and periods, which disrupt the reading flow. The phrase "Futhermore, keeping animals in zoos can send a misleading message about conservation ." has an unnecessary space before the period.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and article usage. It may be helpful to read the essay aloud to catch awkward phrasing and punctuation mistakes. Additionally, practicing specific grammar rules, such as the correct use of commas and conjunctions, can strengthen overall accuracy. Consider revising sentences that are unclear or overly complex to ensure they convey the intended meaning clearly. For instance, rephrase "In fact send a misleading message about conservation" to "In fact, this can send a misleading message about conservation efforts."

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The topic of conservation in zoos is a matter of discussion. While there are some benefits related to this matter, I contend that the drawbacks are significantly more pronounced.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that zoo breeding programs offer a significant advantage in protecting endangered species. For instance, thanks to these programs, many species have been saved from the brink of extinction and have been given the opportunity to be reintroduced into the wild. Furthermore, zoos also serve as important educational institutions. They provide opportunities for the public, especially children, to learn about animals and their habitats. This knowledge helps raise awareness and encourages support for conservation efforts. Another potential benefit is that zoos assist the general public in understanding the importance of protecting the environment and its animal inhabitants. To be more specific, zoos contribute to scientific research by offering controlled environments where scientists can study animal behavior and genetics. In fact, these studies provide valuable information that can improve conservation strategies and wildlife management.

On the other hand, it is evident that there are numerous significant disadvantages related to animal welfare. One of the most apparent drawbacks is that animals in zoos are often restricted in their living space and cannot freely express their natural behaviors. Furthermore, keeping animals in zoos may convey a misleading message about conservation. Another negative aspect that should not be overlooked is that captivity can create an unnatural and unsuitable environment for animals. To be more specific, the lack of space, unnatural social interactions, and exposure to humans can cause stress and behavioral issues in animals. In fact, this can convey a misleading message about conservation.

In short, while there are some potential benefits of keeping animals in zoos, I contend that the drawbacks are more evident.