What intended to do this year or next year

This year , I am a sophomore of highschool and just one year. I'm going to apply for university and my choice is university of social sciences and humanities Hanoi and my majored in psychology. I probably feel interesting with psychology. I like learning about psychology myself . Patients with axiety and have attitude stress and have some patients have stereotype . I want to use empathy with them . Special that I want to become a good psychological investigator

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Errors and Improvements:

"This year" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "This year" is too informal for academic writing. "Currently" is more suitable and maintains a formal tone.
"just one year" -> "only one year away"
Explanation: "Just one year" is colloquial; "only one year away" is more formal.
"my choice is university of social sciences and humanities Hanoi" -> "I have chosen the University of Social Sciences and Humanities in Hanoi"
Explanation: The original phrasing is awkward. The revised version is clearer and more formal.
"and my majored in psychology" -> "with a major in psychology"
Explanation: "my majored" is incorrect; "with a major in psychology" is the correct phrase.
"I probably feel interesting with psychology" -> "I find psychology intriguing"
Explanation: "I probably feel interesting with psychology" is awkward and lacks clarity. "I find psychology intriguing" is more concise and clear.
"I like learning about psychology myself" -> "I enjoy studying psychology"
Explanation: "I like learning about psychology myself" is awkward and can be simplified to "I enjoy studying psychology" for clarity.
"Patients with axiety and have attitude stress and have some patients have stereotype" -> "Patients experiencing anxiety, stress, and stereotyping"
Explanation: The original phrasing is incorrect and lacks clarity. The revised version is more concise and grammatically correct.
"I want to use empathy with them" -> "I aim to empathize with them"
Explanation: "I want to use empathy with them" is somewhat awkward. "I aim to empathize with them" is more formal and concise.
"Special that I want to become a good psychological investigator" -> "Specifically, I aspire to become a skilled psychological investigator"
Explanation: "Special that" is incorrect. "Specifically, I aspire to become a skilled psychological investigator" is more formal and precise.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses the question by discussing the author’s plans for the current and upcoming year, specifically regarding university application and their chosen major in psychology. However, there is limited detail and coherence in the response. The essay fails to fully explore the intentions for the mentioned period.
- How to improve: To enhance task response, it’s essential to delve deeper into the specific goals, plans, and aspirations for the current and next year. Providing more clarity on why the University of Social Sciences and Humanities Hanoi was chosen and how the author plans to pursue their interest in psychology would strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to convey a position regarding the author’s interest in psychology and desire to become a psychological investigator. However, the expression lacks coherence and clarity. There is inconsistency in maintaining a clear stance throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency in position, ensure that each paragraph and sentence aligns with the central theme. Clearly state intentions and ambitions regarding the chosen field of study and career path from the outset, and reinforce this stance throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay briefly presents ideas related to the author’s interest in psychology and desire to work as a psychological investigator. However, these ideas lack elaboration and supporting details. There is minimal development of thoughts, leading to a lack of depth in the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance idea presentation, extension, and support, elaborate on experiences, motivations, and aspirations related to psychology. Provide specific examples or anecdotes to illustrate how the author’s interest in psychology has developed and how they plan to pursue this field in the future.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay loosely stays on the topic of the author’s intentions for the current and upcoming year, primarily focusing on university application and their interest in psychology. However, there are instances of tangential discussion, such as mentioning empathy and patient stereotypes, which distract from the main theme.
- How to improve: To maintain focus on the topic, ensure that all content directly relates to the author’s plans and intentions for the specified timeframe. Avoid introducing unrelated topics or details that do not contribute to the central narrative of the essay.

Overall, while the essay addresses some aspects of the prompt, it lacks depth, coherence, and focus. To improve, the author should provide more detailed and coherent explanations of their intentions for the current and upcoming year, maintain a consistent position throughout the essay, elaborate on ideas with supporting details, and ensure all content aligns closely with the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 3

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 3

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to present the author’s plans for the upcoming year but lacks a clear and coherent organizational structure. Ideas are presented in a somewhat disjointed manner, making it challenging for the reader to follow a logical progression of thoughts. For instance, the essay starts with the author’s current academic level and then jumps to their university choice and desired major without establishing a smooth transition between these points. Additionally, the essay lacks a conclusion, leaving the reader without a satisfying resolution.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow and organization of the essay, it’s essential to structure the content in a more cohesive manner. Begin with a clear introduction that introduces the topic and outlines the main points to be discussed. Then, organize subsequent paragraphs logically, perhaps starting with the author’s current academic status, followed by their university choice and reasons for selecting that particular institution and major. Ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea and transitions smoothly to the next to maintain coherence throughout the essay. Finally, provide a concise conclusion that summarizes the main points and reinforces the author’s intentions for the upcoming year.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks effective paragraphing, as it is presented as a single block of text without clear breaks or transitions between ideas. This makes it difficult for the reader to distinguish between different points and results in a lack of coherence within the essay. Furthermore, the absence of paragraph breaks hinders the overall readability of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, it’s crucial to divide the essay into distinct paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the author’s plans for the upcoming year. Start a new paragraph for each new idea or topic, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main point. Additionally, use transitions between paragraphs to establish connections between ideas and guide the reader through the essay more smoothly. Breaking the text into paragraphs will not only enhance coherence but also improve readability and overall comprehension.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks diversity in cohesive devices, resulting in a repetitive and monotonous writing style. While some cohesive devices, such as pronouns ("I," "my"), are used sporadically, there is a notable absence of other cohesive devices, such as conjunctions, transitional phrases, and logical connectors, which are essential for creating cohesion and linking ideas together effectively.
- How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, strive for variety in sentence structures and employ a range of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Integrate transitional words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "however," "therefore," "in addition," etc., to connect ideas and create a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, use conjunctions like "and," "but," "so," "because," etc., to establish relationships between clauses and enhance the coherence of the essay. By diversifying the use of cohesive devices, the essay will become more cohesive and engaging for the reader.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, covering topics such as education ("sophomore of high school," "university"), career aspirations ("psychological investigator"), and psychology-related terms ("anxiety," "empathy"). However, there are instances where more precise or varied vocabulary could enhance the depth of expression and clarity of ideas.
- How to improve: To further enrich the vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "psychology" or "psychological," explore synonyms like "mental health" or "behavioral science." Additionally, introduce specific terminology related to psychology, such as "cognitive biases," "therapeutic techniques," or "clinical assessments," to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the subject matter.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, which slightly affects the clarity and effectiveness of communication. For example, the phrase "just one year" lacks specificity and clarity regarding the timeframe being referred to. Additionally, the term "interesting" could be replaced with a more descriptive adjective to convey the level of enthusiasm or fascination more vividly.
- How to improve: Aim for precision in vocabulary selection to convey ideas more accurately. Instead of "just one year," specify the timeframe, such as "in my sophomore year." Replace vague terms like "interesting" with more descriptive alternatives like "intrigued," "fascinated," or "captivated." This enhances the clarity and engagement of the essay, providing a clearer picture of your intentions and aspirations.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, which impact the overall readability and professional presentation. Examples include "axiety" (anxiety), "attitude" (altitude), and "stereotype" (stereotypes). These errors detract from the coherence and professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, utilize tools such as spell-checkers and proofreading techniques before submitting your work. Pay close attention to commonly misspelled words, particularly those related to academic or specialized vocabulary. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to identify and correct spelling errors effectively. Practicing consistent proofreading habits will contribute to improved spelling accuracy in future writing endeavors.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to vary sentence structures, although the range is somewhat limited. Simple and compound sentences dominate, with occasional complex structures attempted. For instance, simple sentences like "This year, I am a sophomore of high school and just one year" and compound sentences such as "I like learning about psychology myself" are prevalent. However, there is a lack of sophisticated structures like conditional sentences or complex clauses.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence constructions. Introduce conditional sentences to express possibilities or hypothetical situations, such as "If I pursue psychology, I could explore various fields within the discipline." Additionally, experiment with compound-complex sentences to convey nuanced ideas, such as "While I am intrigued by psychology, I am also aware of the challenges it entails, such as understanding diverse patient needs."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits noticeable grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies that affect its clarity and coherence. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("I am a sophomore of high school and just one year"), article usage ("Patients with axiety"), and sentence structure ("I like learning about psychology myself"). Furthermore, punctuation marks such as commas are inconsistently used, leading to disjointed sentences and ambiguity.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy and punctuation precision, consider revising the essay with a focus on fundamental grammar rules and punctuation conventions. Review the appropriate use of articles (‘a’, ‘an’, ‘the’), subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure to ensure coherence and clarity. Additionally, pay attention to punctuation rules, especially regarding comma usage to separate clauses and indicate pauses. Proofreading the essay meticulously before submission can help identify and rectify such errors effectively.

Bài sửa mẫu

This year, I am a sophomore in high school, just one year away from applying to university. My choice is the University of Social Sciences and Humanities in Hanoi, where I plan to major in psychology. Psychology has always fascinated me; I enjoy learning about it on my own. I am particularly interested in working with patients who experience anxiety, stress, and stereotypes. I aim to use empathy to connect with them. Ultimately, my goal is to become a skilled psychological investigator.