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When designing a building, the most important factor is the intended use of the building rather than its outward appearance. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

When designing a building, the most important factor is the intended use of the building rather than its outward appearance.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The most crucial aspect when constructing a building is the intended use of the building. While this could be justifiable in some aspects, there are more reasonable grounds that the external appearance plays an important role in creating a new building. Therefore, I agree with the statement that the overall appearance of a building should be more highly valued than a construction’s purpose.

On this hand, the construction’s purpose is crucial for a number of reasons. To begin with, buildings should be built to meet the individual’s needs. In other words, the construction after building should address the problem in regular life such as housing. For example, a building apartment is constructed to provide accommodation for people have a need for buying an apartment. In addition, considering the intended use of the construction can also assist architects in making a plan to build that construction. This means that the architects can add more specialized facilities or adjust the design of the construction in order to improved the function of that construction.

On the other hand, the argument that the interior design of a building should be highly considered is more reasonable. The external design of a building can contribute to the overall beauty of a city. For example, Landmark 81, is considered as a symbol of Ho Chi Minh City due to its unique design. This skyscraper is known to be one of the most beautiful attractions, which attracts a lot of foreign tourists to visit and observe. Besides, buildings that have appealing external design may have higher value when compared to other buildings. Such buildings may be evaluated higher and gain more attraction by the inhabitants and customers, which is beneficial to the investors to resell these buildings.

In conclusion, although the intended purpose should be considered to a certain extent, there are more compelling reasons why the exterior design should be highly evaluated. It is suggested that the architects should pay more attention to the overall design of a building.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "the intended use of the building" -> "the designated purpose of the building"
    Explanation: Replacing "intended use" with "designated purpose" enhances formality and precision, aligning with academic style.

  2. "could be justifiable in some aspects" -> "may be justifiable in certain respects"
    Explanation: Substituting "some aspects" with "certain respects" adds formality and precision to the statement, maintaining a more academic tone.

  3. "more reasonable grounds" -> "more justifiable reasons"
    Explanation: Replacing "reasonable grounds" with "justifiable reasons" elevates the formality of the expression while retaining clarity and specificity.

  4. "external appearance" -> "outward aesthetic"
    Explanation: Substituting "external appearance" with "outward aesthetic" introduces a more sophisticated term without sacrificing clarity, aligning with formal language expectations.

  5. "overall appearance of a building should be more highly valued" -> "greater emphasis should be placed on the overall aesthetic of a building"
    Explanation: Replacing "more highly valued" with "greater emphasis should be placed on" enhances formality and precision, ensuring a more academically appropriate tone.

  6. "On this hand" -> "On the one hand"
    Explanation: "On this hand" is not a conventional expression; replacing it with "On the one hand" aligns with formal language usage.

  7. "For example, a building apartment" -> "For instance, a residential complex"
    Explanation: Substituting "building apartment" with "residential complex" offers a more precise and formal term, contributing to a higher level of academic language.

  8. "people have a need for buying an apartment" -> "individuals seeking to purchase a residence"
    Explanation: Replacing "people have a need for buying" with "individuals seeking to purchase" provides a more formal and refined expression.

  9. "in order to improved the function" -> "to enhance the functionality"
    Explanation: Correcting the grammar by replacing "in order to improved" with "to enhance" results in a more academically appropriate structure.

  10. "On the other hand" -> "Conversely"
    Explanation: "On the other hand" can be replaced with "Conversely" for a more formal transition between paragraphs.

  11. "highly considered" -> "highly regarded"
    Explanation: Substituting "highly considered" with "highly regarded" maintains formality while conveying the idea that interior design should be given significant importance.

  12. "considered as a symbol" -> "recognized as a symbol"
    Explanation: Replacing "considered as" with "recognized as" adds formality and precision, aligning with academic language expectations.

  13. "attracts a lot of foreign tourists to visit and observe" -> "draws a substantial number of international tourists for visits and observations"
    Explanation: Enhancing the phrase by replacing "attracts a lot of" with "draws a substantial number of" contributes to a more formal and descriptive expression.

  14. "appealing external design" -> "captivating exterior design"
    Explanation: Substituting "appealing external design" with "captivating exterior design" introduces a more sophisticated term while maintaining clarity and formality.

  15. "may be evaluated higher" -> "may receive higher evaluations"
    Explanation: Replacing "may be evaluated higher" with "may receive higher evaluations" improves the formality of the statement, adhering to academic language standards.

  16. "gain more attraction" -> "garner more attention"
    Explanation: Substituting "gain more attraction" with "garner more attention" offers a more formal and precise expression.

  17. "It is suggested" -> "It is recommended"
    Explanation: Replacing "It is suggested" with "It is recommended" contributes to a more formal and authoritative tone, aligning with academic writing conventions.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the question. It discusses both the importance of the intended use of the building and argues that the external appearance should be more highly valued. The discussion is well-balanced, providing examples and reasons to support the stance.
    • How to improve: No specific improvement is necessary in this aspect. The essay successfully analyzes and responds to all components of the prompt.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the external appearance of a building is more important than its intended use. The stance is evident in the introduction, and the subsequent paragraphs consistently support this perspective.
    • How to improve: The clarity of the position is commendable. To enhance, ensure that each body paragraph explicitly reinforces the overall stance to strengthen the cohesiveness of the argument.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. It elaborates on the importance of the intended use of a building and provides specific examples, such as housing needs. Additionally, it discusses the significance of external appearance with the example of Landmark 81.
    • How to improve: While the essay already provides good examples, consider expanding on the reasons supporting the stance. Providing additional specific instances or data could further enhance the depth of the argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the central theme of the importance of intended use versus external appearance. However, the mention of Landmark 81 seems slightly disconnected from the primary focus.
    • How to improve: To maintain a tighter focus, ensure that all examples directly relate to the comparison between intended use and external appearance. If using an example like Landmark 81, explicitly tie it back to the argument, emphasizing how its external appearance outweighs its intended use.

In conclusion, the essay effectively responds to the prompt, presenting a well-structured argument with clear positions and supporting details. To improve further, consider strengthening the connection between examples and the main argument, providing more detailed reasons, and ensuring a consistent reinforcement of the overall stance throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonably logical organization. The introduction presents a clear stance, and each subsequent paragraph delves into specific aspects of the argument. However, there is room for improvement in the overall coherence, as the transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the importance of a building’s purpose to the external design could be more seamless.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases or sentences to smoothly guide the reader from one point to the next. For instance, introducing the shift in focus on the external design with a sentence like "However, while the purpose of a building is essential, it is equally important to acknowledge the impact of its external design."
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately uses paragraphs to separate different ideas. However, the structure within paragraphs could be refined. In some instances, ideas within a paragraph seem loosely connected, affecting the overall coherence. For example, the paragraph discussing the importance of a building’s purpose could benefit from a clearer structure.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details. In the paragraph discussing the construction’s purpose, start with a sentence that succinctly outlines the main point of that paragraph, such as "The primary consideration in constructing a building is its intended use, addressing the basic needs of individuals."
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, including transitional words and phrases (e.g., "To begin with," "On the other hand," "In conclusion"). However, there is room for improvement in the seamless integration of these devices. Some transitions are abrupt, affecting the flow of the essay.
    • How to improve: Work on creating smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. For instance, use cohesive devices not only at the beginning of paragraphs but also within sentences to establish better connections between ideas. Instead of starting a paragraph with "On the other hand," consider incorporating it into the preceding paragraph for a more coherent flow.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a reasonably good level of coherence and cohesion, refining the organization, paragraph structure, and seamless use of cohesive devices can elevate it to a higher band score. Paying attention to these aspects will enhance the overall clarity and effectiveness of your essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While it covers the main points adequately, it could benefit from incorporating more diverse and sophisticated vocabulary to enhance precision and depth. For instance, the repeated use of the term "construction" might be replaced with synonyms such as "structure" or "edifice" for variety. Additionally, the essay could introduce more specialized terms related to architecture and design.
    • How to improve: To improve, consider exploring a broader vocabulary related to architecture and construction. Introduce terms specific to the field, such as "architectural aesthetics," "structural integrity," or "urban planning." This will not only showcase a more extensive lexicon but also add depth to your arguments.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally employs imprecise vocabulary, impacting the clarity of expression. For instance, the term "on this hand" is not idiomatic; "on the one hand" or "conversely" would be more appropriate. Additionally, phrases like "more reasonable grounds" could be replaced with terms such as "compelling reasons" for greater precision.
    • How to improve: Aim for precision by using established phrases and avoiding vague expressions. Utilize transitional phrases like "on the one hand" and "on the other hand" to signal shifts in your argument. Revisit sentences to ensure each word accurately conveys your intended meaning. This will enhance the overall clarity and coherence of your essay.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally accurate spelling level. However, there are a few instances of minor errors, such as "more specialized facilities or adjust the design," where "adjust" should be adjusted to "adjusting." While these errors do not significantly impede comprehension, a more thorough proofreading would enhance the overall spelling accuracy.
    • How to improve: To further enhance spelling accuracy, develop a meticulous proofreading routine. Pay close attention to verb forms, plurals, and other common pitfalls. Consider using spelling and grammar check tools to catch any overlooked errors. This will ensure a polished final draft and contribute to an overall improvement in language precision.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates proficiency in lexical resource, refining and diversifying the vocabulary, using precise language, and fine-tuning spelling accuracy will elevate the essay to a more sophisticated and coherent level.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. While there is some variation in sentence length and complexity, the predominant structure is simple. Complex structures, such as compound and complex sentences, are present but could be used more strategically to enhance coherence and depth.
    • How to improve: To improve the range of structures, consider incorporating a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. Utilize sentence structures to convey nuanced ideas and relationships between points. For instance, introduce subordination to connect ideas more seamlessly within sentences.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay displays a satisfactory level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are instances of minor grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues and awkward phrasing. Punctuation is generally correct, but a few areas could benefit from more precise usage.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure consistency in verb tenses. Additionally, review sentence structures to avoid ambiguous or awkward phrasing. Regarding punctuation, focus on the proper use of commas, especially in complex sentences, to clarify meaning and improve readability.

In the introduction, the thesis statement is clear and aligns with the writer’s position, providing a solid foundation for the essay. The body paragraphs effectively present arguments, supporting details, and examples, contributing to overall coherence. Transitions between paragraphs are generally smooth, aiding the logical flow of ideas. However, it’s advisable to refine the use of linking words to create more nuanced connections between sentences and ideas.

In the conclusion, the writer effectively restates the main point and provides a concise summary of the key arguments. The conclusion serves its purpose in reinforcing the position taken throughout the essay.

Overall, this essay demonstrates proficiency in grammatical range and accuracy, with room for refinement in sentence structures and minor grammatical details. With focused attention on sentence variety and careful proofreading, the essay could achieve an even higher level of precision and sophistication.

Bài sửa mẫu

The most crucial aspect when constructing a building is the intended use of the building. While this could be justifiable in some aspects, there are more reasonable grounds that the external appearance plays an important role in creating a new building. Therefore, I agree with the statement that the overall appearance of a building should be more highly valued than a construction’s purpose.

On the one hand, the construction’s purpose is crucial for a number of reasons. To begin with, buildings should be built to meet the individual’s needs. In other words, the construction should address problems in regular life, such as housing. For instance, a residential complex is constructed to provide accommodation for individuals seeking to purchase a residence. Additionally, considering the intended use of the construction can also assist architects in making a plan to enhance the functionality of that construction. This means that architects can add more specialized facilities or adjust the design of the construction to improve its overall function.

Conversely, the argument that the outward aesthetic of a building should be highly considered is more reasonable. The exterior design of a building can contribute to the overall beauty of a city. For instance, Landmark 81 is highly regarded as a symbol of Ho Chi Minh City due to its captivating exterior design. This skyscraper is recognized as one of the most beautiful attractions, drawing a substantial number of international tourists for visits and observations. Moreover, buildings with appealing external designs may receive higher evaluations and garner more attention. Such buildings may be evaluated higher and gain more attraction from inhabitants and customers, which is beneficial to investors looking to resell these buildings.

In conclusion, although the intended purpose should be considered to a certain extent, there are more compelling reasons why greater emphasis should be placed on the overall aesthetic of a building. It is recommended that architects pay more attention to the overall design of a building.

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