When you travel to a new area, you should follow the new customs and traditions. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Migration is the most common solution for each family to improve their life quality. However, since people have stayed in that area for a long period of time, they are likely to forget their hometown's customs. Therefore, besides being adapted to the new traditions, I believe that it is also crucial to preserve the original roots and identities.

On the one hand, every nation appreciates its own practices which also means that the authority wants their residents – including new arrivals – tto respect and follow their country's customs rituals. Hence, changing ourselves to the new environment helps us to get closer to the natives and not to be isolated by them. As a result, this will assist the government in managing the country better as there will be no conflicts between the foreign and the host. Moreover, this will be a chance for travellers to explore new communities and witness their traditions. For example, the USA is a combination of mixed races and religions from distinguished continents like Asia.

On the one hand, individuals still need to preserve their ancestor's traditions in order to prevent the gradual loss of their family's roots. If migrants are not determined to teach children about their origins, the next generation will not be able to feel a sense of belonging to their hometown whenever they get back. In addition, passing those traditions from generation to generation assists the culture to be

well-known all over the world. For instance, when Vietnamese students study abroad in Australia, America, etc., they still celebrate the Lunar New Year by buying ingredients to create dishes such as sugar-coated fruits or even Chung cake. Additionally, some students still try to remember Vietnamese by listening to Vietnamese songs or calling back home.

In conclusion, it is true that foreigners should get used to the new practices in order not to be outcasted. However, people should also cherish their real identity so as not to mitigate their own culture by themselves.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"each family" -> "every family"
Explanation: "Each" often refers to individual members within a group. "Every" better signifies all families collectively, aligning with a more formal tone suitable for academic writing.
"since people have stayed" -> "as people have resided"
Explanation: "Stayed" is more informal; "resided" is a formal alternative, conveying a more precise sense of living in a place.
"crucial to preserve" -> "essential to maintain"
Explanation: "Crucial" is slightly informal; "essential" maintains formality while "maintain" is a suitable synonym indicating the act of keeping something in its existing state.
"On the one hand" (repetition) -> Remove one instance for coherence.
Explanation: Repetition can disrupt the flow. Removing one instance maintains coherence without affecting the essay’s structure.
"nation appreciates its own practices" -> "nation values its indigenous practices"
Explanation: "Appreciates" is slightly casual; "values" conveys a deeper sense of importance. "Indigenous" implies native or original, enhancing precision.
"the authority wants their residents" -> "the authorities expect their residents"
Explanation: "Wants" can be perceived as less formal. "Expects" better reflects the authority’s perspective in a more formal context.
"changing ourselves" -> "adapting ourselves"
Explanation: "Changing" is slightly vague; "adapting" implies adjusting while maintaining suitability in a new environment.
"not to be isolated by them" -> "to avoid isolation"
Explanation: Restructuring for clarity and formality; "to avoid isolation" offers a more direct and formal expression.
"travellers" -> "travelers"
Explanation: "Travellers" is the British spelling; "travelers" is the American spelling, generally more accepted in academic writing.
"a chance for travellers" -> "an opportunity for travelers"
Explanation: "Chance" might seem less formal; "opportunity" is more fitting in an academic context.
"individuals still need to preserve" -> "individuals must still uphold"
Explanation: "Preserve" is acceptable, but "uphold" emphasizes the active maintenance of traditions, adding a more assertive tone.
"gradual loss" -> "gradual erosion"
Explanation: "Erosion" maintains the idea of a slow decline while adding a nuanced variation.
"well-known all over" -> "widely recognized across"
Explanation: "Well-known" can be replaced with "widely recognized," maintaining formality and adding variety to the expression.
"the culture to be well-known" -> "the culture’s recognition"
Explanation: Rearranging for clarity and formality; "recognition" presents a more direct and concise term.
"when Vietnamese students study abroad in Australia, America, etc.," -> "when Vietnamese students study abroad in countries like Australia and America,"
Explanation: Clarifying the sentence structure by specifying the countries explicitly instead of using "etc."
"by buying ingredients to create dishes such as sugar-coated fruits or even Chung cake" -> "by preparing traditional dishes like sugar-coated fruits or Chung cake using specific ingredients"
Explanation: Expanding the description for clarity and precision, specifying the act of preparing traditional dishes.
"still try to remember Vietnamese" -> "make efforts to maintain their connection to Vietnam"
Explanation: "Remember Vietnamese" lacks precision; "maintain their connection to Vietnam" specifies a clearer intention.
"calling back home" -> "calling their homeland"
Explanation: "Calling back home" is slightly informal; "calling their homeland" maintains formality and precision.
"outcasted" -> "ostracized"
Explanation: "Outcasted" is less formal; "ostracized" is a more precise and elevated term for being excluded or marginalized.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

"Migration is the most common solution for each family to improve their life quality. However, since people have stayed in that area for a long period of time, they are likely to forget their hometown’s customs. Therefore, besides being adapted to the new traditions, I believe that it is also crucial to preserve the original roots and identities."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction provides a clear stance on the importance of preserving one’s cultural identity while adapting to new traditions. However, it lacks a concise outline of the main points to be discussed in the essay, which could enhance the structure and coherence.
- Improved example: "While migration often improves families’ quality of life, prolonged stays in new areas may lead to the erosion of one’s connection to their hometown customs. Therefore, it’s imperative not only to embrace new traditions but also to safeguard and pass down original roots and identities. This essay will delve into the significance of cultural preservation amidst adaptation to new environments."
"On the one hand, every nation appreciates its own practices which also means that the authority wants their residents – including new arrivals – to respect and follow their country’s customs rituals."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The point presented here concerning the importance of respecting a country’s customs is well-stated. However, to bolster this argument, it would be beneficial to provide an example or two to illustrate the potential consequences of disregarding or disrespecting a nation’s customs. This would further reinforce the significance of adhering to local traditions.
- Improved example: "Each nation values its unique customs, which are also essential to the authorities’ expectations of residents, including newcomers, to honor and adopt their country’s cultural rituals. For instance, failing to observe traditional customs might lead to cultural misunderstandings or even conflicts, undermining social integration and harmony within the community."
"If migrants are not determined to teach children about their origins, the next generation will not be able to feel a sense of belonging to their hometown whenever they get back."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: This point emphasizes the importance of passing down traditions to subsequent generations. To strengthen this argument, consider expanding on how a lack of connection to one’s roots might affect individuals’ identities and relationships within their original community upon returning.
- Improved example: "Failure to instill knowledge about their origins in children may result in the subsequent generation feeling disconnected from their hometown, leading to a diminished sense of belonging when they return. This disconnection might hinder their ability to integrate seamlessly into the community and participate in cultural events, potentially impacting their relationships and identity."

Overall, the essay effectively argues for the necessity of balancing adaptation to new customs with preserving one’s cultural heritage. To improve, the essay would benefit from enhanced structure through introductory summaries and further elaboration on certain points using relevant examples to strengthen the presented arguments.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a coherent structure overall, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The ideas are presented in a logical sequence, and there is a general progression of thought throughout the essay. The use of cohesive devices is effective, but there are instances where cohesion within sentences and between ideas may be somewhat faulty or mechanical. The essay uses referencing fairly well, although there are areas where it could be clearer and more precise. Paragraphing is generally logical, but there are instances where it could be improved for better organization.

How to improve:

Enhance Cohesion: Pay close attention to the use of cohesive devices within sentences and between ideas. Ensure that the connections between sentences are seamless and contribute to the overall flow of the essay.
Refine Referencing: While the essay does make use of referencing, strive for greater clarity and precision. Make sure that the references to ideas and examples are explicit and directly support the overall argument.
Improve Paragraphing: While paragraphing is generally logical, there are areas where it could be refined for better organization. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and contributes cohesively to the development of the essay.

By focusing on these aspects, the essay can further enhance its coherence and cohesion, potentially achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, allowing for some flexibility and precision in expression. The writer uses less common lexical items with an awareness of style and collocation. There are occasional errors in word choice and word formation, but they do not significantly impede communication.

The essay effectively presents arguments on both sides of the issue, discussing the importance of adapting to new customs while also emphasizing the need to preserve one’s cultural roots. The vocabulary is varied and includes some less common lexical items, such as "outcasted," "collocation," and "ancestor’s traditions." However, there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, as seen in the phrase "changing ourselves to the new environment," where a more accurate expression might be "adapting to the new environment." Additionally, there are instances of minor errors in word formation, such as "tto" instead of "to" and incomplete sentences, like "For example, the USA is a combination of mixed races and religions from distinguished continents like Asia."

Despite these minor errors, the essay effectively conveys its message and demonstrates a satisfactory command of vocabulary for the task.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource and move to a higher band score, the writer should focus on refining word choice and collocation. Additionally, paying attention to sentence structure and avoiding incomplete sentences will contribute to a smoother and more polished expression. Proofreading for minor errors, such as the misspelling of "tto" instead of "to," will further strengthen the lexical accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: This essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, but there are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation throughout. While communication is generally maintained, these errors can hinder clarity and impact. There is an attempt to use a variety of structures, but the accuracy is inconsistent.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on refining complex sentence structures and work on grammatical accuracy. Review sentence construction, paying close attention to subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and punctuation. Practice more varied sentence structures to elevate the overall language sophistication.

Bài sửa mẫu

Migration is a common choice for families seeking to enhance their quality of life. However, extended stays in a new area may lead individuals to forget their hometown’s customs. Therefore, while adapting to new traditions is essential, I firmly believe it is equally important to preserve one’s original roots and identities.

On one hand, each nation values its unique practices, signifying that authorities desire residents, including newcomers, to respect and adhere to their country’s customs and rituals. Adapting to the new environment fosters closer connections with natives, reducing the likelihood of isolation. Consequently, this fosters better governance, minimizing conflicts between foreigners and locals. Additionally, it provides travelers with the opportunity to explore diverse communities and witness their traditions. For example, the USA, a melting pot of races and religions from various continents like Asia, exemplifies the rich tapestry of customs.

On the other hand, individuals must strive to preserve their ancestors’ traditions to prevent the gradual loss of their family’s roots. Failure to pass down these traditions to future generations may result in a lack of connection to their hometown. Moreover, perpetuating these traditions across generations contributes to global cultural awareness. For instance, Vietnamese students studying abroad in countries like Australia or America continue to celebrate the Lunar New Year, preparing traditional dishes such as sugar-coated fruits or Chung cake. Some also maintain ties to their language and culture by listening to Vietnamese songs or staying connected with their homeland.

In conclusion, while it is essential for newcomers to embrace new practices to avoid isolation, it is equally crucial for individuals to cherish their genuine identity. Striking a balance ensures the preservation of one’s culture and prevents self-imposed dilution of their heritage.