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When you travel to a new area, you should follow the new customs and traditions. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

When you travel to a new area, you should follow the new customs and traditions. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Thanks to Perhaps a universal wish is for global integration, to turn into a reality and this could be the reason why international tourism has been advancing ceaselessly. However, although the merits of this particular industry are indisputable, I do believe that sometimes it causes conflict between people of different cultures. Great!

Most importantly, international tourism encourages cross-cultural understanding. What you witness on social media might wrongly reflect the place’s culture and this these could do serious harm to the area's image their a. Additionally, just because the governments are constantly at war with each other does not doesn’t mean we civilians ought to have an unpleasant impression of others’. In fact, A real-life visit to the country is likely to develop your sense of empathy, therefore putting yourself in their shoes helping you get rid of all those stereotypes instilled in your mind. Moreover, experiencing an ordinary life of another country may broaden your knowledge or even teach you how to embrace the indispensable presence of diversity on our planet.

Unfortunately, the bright sides of the tourism sector pale in comparison to the dark ones. First of all, language barrier, unintentionally, creates an invisible wall preventing the process of conveying ideas from going smoothly. Even if you have some knowledge of the local language, there’s no guarantee that the word choice and pronunciation are perfect, thus leading to undesirable misunderstandings. Aside from that, ignorance toward the foreign country’s cultural beliefs including body gestures will undoubtedly result in yet another failed communication. That you haven’t done it on purpose, in all likelihood, doesn’t matter to the natives, hence why tension is inevitable in these situations. A thorough insight to the country’s culture is the ultimate resolution here and always bear in mind that you’re on a foreign land so under no circumstances should you disrespect the people there.

Controversies are bound to happen once things get popularized; therefore, the issue regarding international tourism is something we can’t avoid and this is more or less tourists’ responsibility due to their oblivion to varying cultures. Still, it’s thanks to this industry that every nation has formed an intangible connection with others consistently and sooner or later, this sector will bring us together and solving existent misconceptions.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Thanks to Perhaps a universal wish is for global integration" -> "Perhaps, there is a universal aspiration for global integration."
    Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The suggested alternative introduces proper punctuation and rephrases the sentence for better clarity and formality.

  2. "this could be the reason why international tourism has been advancing ceaselessly" -> "This could explain the continuous growth of international tourism."
    Explanation: The original phrase is wordy and lacks precision. The suggested alternative simplifies the expression while maintaining a formal tone.

  3. "However, although the merits of this particular industry are indisputable, I do believe that sometimes it causes conflict between people of different cultures. Great!" -> "Nevertheless, while the undeniable benefits of this industry are acknowledged, it can, at times, lead to cultural conflicts."
    Explanation: The original text is informal and includes an unnecessary interjection. The suggested alternative maintains a formal tone and improves the structure of the sentence.

  4. "What you witness on social media might wrongly reflect the place’s culture and this these could do serious harm to the area’s image their a." -> "Social media depictions may inaccurately represent a place’s culture, causing significant harm to its image."
    Explanation: The original sentence is unclear and contains grammatical errors. The suggested alternative provides a more concise and grammatically correct expression.

  5. "In fact, A real-life visit to the country is likely to develop your sense of empathy, therefore putting yourself in their shoes helping you get rid of all those stereotypes instilled in your mind." -> "Indeed, a visit to the country can enhance empathy by allowing you to experience life from their perspective, thereby dispelling stereotypes."
    Explanation: The original sentence is convoluted and lacks proper structure. The suggested alternative rephrases the idea more clearly and concisely.

  6. "Moreover, experiencing an ordinary life of another country may broaden your knowledge or even teach you how to embrace the indispensable presence of diversity on our planet." -> "Furthermore, immersing yourself in the everyday life of another country can enhance your understanding and foster an appreciation for the indispensable diversity on our planet."
    Explanation: The suggested alternative maintains a formal tone and provides a more precise expression of the idea.

  7. "First of all, language barrier, unintentionally, creates an invisible wall preventing the process of conveying ideas from going smoothly." -> "Firstly, language barriers inadvertently create an invisible barrier hindering the smooth exchange of ideas."
    Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and informal. The suggested alternative improves clarity and formality.

  8. "That you haven’t done it on purpose, in all likelihood, doesn’t matter to the natives, hence why tension is inevitable in these situations." -> "The fact that it wasn’t intentional is likely irrelevant to the natives, hence tension becomes inevitable in these situations."
    Explanation: The original sentence is wordy and lacks precision. The suggested alternative simplifies the expression while maintaining a formal tone.

  9. "A thorough insight to the country’s culture is the ultimate resolution here and always bear in mind that you’re on a foreign land so under no circumstances should you disrespect the people there." -> "Gaining a thorough understanding of the country’s culture is the key resolution, and always bear in mind that you are in a foreign land, so under no circumstances should you disrespect its inhabitants."
    Explanation: The suggested alternative provides a clearer and more concise expression of the idea while maintaining a formal tone.

  10. "Controversies are bound to happen once things get popularized; therefore, the issue regarding international tourism is something we can’t avoid and this is more or less tourists’ responsibility due to their oblivion to varying cultures." -> "Controversies are likely to arise as things become more popularized; therefore, the challenges associated with international tourism are inevitable. It is, to a large extent, the responsibility of tourists due to their lack of awareness of diverse cultures."
    Explanation: The suggested alternative improves the structure and formality of the sentence, providing a clearer expression of the idea.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "Thanks to Perhaps a universal wish is for global integration, to turn into a reality and this could be the reason why international tourism has been advancing ceaselessly. However, although the merits of this particular industry are indisputable, I do believe that sometimes it causes conflict between people of different cultures. Great!"

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction lacks clarity and coherence. It appears fragmented and somewhat unclear in expressing the writer’s position on the topic. To enhance this, it is advisable to rephrase the introduction for better coherence and explicitly state whether you agree or disagree with the prompt. For instance, you can say, "Global integration is a universal aspiration, and international tourism plays a pivotal role in realizing this dream. While the benefits of the industry are undeniable, it occasionally sparks conflicts between individuals from diverse cultures. In this essay, I will explore the complexities of this issue."
    • Improved example: "Global integration, a universal aspiration, finds expression through the ceaseless advancement of international tourism. Despite the indisputable merits of this industry, it sometimes leads to conflicts between people of different cultures. In this essay, I will delve into the complexities of this issue."
  2. Quoted text: "Most importantly, international tourism encourages cross-cultural understanding. What you witness on social media might wrongly reflect the place’s culture and this these could do serious harm to the area’s image their a. Additionally, just because the governments are constantly at war with each other does not doesn’t mean we civilians ought to have an unpleasant impression of others’. In fact, A real-life visit to the country is likely to develop your sense of empathy, therefore putting yourself in their shoes helping you get rid of all those stereotypes instilled in your mind. Moreover, experiencing an ordinary life of another country may broaden your knowledge or even teach you how to embrace the indispensable presence of diversity on our planet."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While the paragraph attempts to highlight the positive aspects of international tourism, it lacks precision and coherence. The ideas are presented in a somewhat convoluted manner, making it challenging for the reader to follow the argument. It is essential to structure the sentences more clearly and provide concrete examples or personal experiences to support the points made. For instance, you can say, "International tourism serves as a catalyst for cross-cultural understanding. Contrary to the misleading portrayals on social media, a firsthand visit to a country fosters genuine empathy and dispels stereotypes. During such experiences, individuals gain insights into the everyday lives of other cultures, contributing to a broader understanding and appreciation of diversity."
    • Improved example: "International tourism serves as a catalyst for cross-cultural understanding. Contrary to the misleading portrayals on social media, a firsthand visit to a country fosters genuine empathy and dispels stereotypes. During such experiences, individuals gain insights into the everyday lives of other cultures, contributing to a broader understanding and appreciation of diversity."
  3. Quoted text: "Unfortunately, the bright sides of the tourism sector pale in comparison to the dark ones. First of all, language barrier, unintentionally, creates an invisible wall preventing the process of conveying ideas from going smoothly. Even if you have some knowledge of the local language, there’s no guarantee that the word choice and pronunciation are perfect, thus leading to undesirable misunderstandings. Aside from that, ignorance toward the foreign country’s cultural beliefs including body gestures will undoubtedly result in yet another failed communication. That you haven’t done it on purpose, in all likelihood, doesn’t matter to the natives, hence why tension is inevitable in these situations. A thorough insight to the country’s culture is the ultimate resolution here and always bear in mind that you’re on a foreign land so under no circumstances should you disrespect the people there."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: This paragraph effectively addresses the challenges of international tourism, but the expression is convoluted. The ideas could be presented more clearly, and the paragraph lacks specific examples or personal experiences to illustrate the points. It is advisable to structure the sentences more coherently and provide concrete examples to support the argument. For instance, you can say, "Despite the positive aspects, international tourism brings challenges, notably the language barrier. Miscommunications may arise even if one has some knowledge of the local language due to pronunciation differences. Additionally, ignorance of cultural beliefs, including body gestures, can lead to unintended conflicts. To navigate these challenges, gaining a thorough insight into the host country’s culture becomes imperative, fostering smoother interactions and avoiding unintentional disrespect."
    • Improved example: "Despite the positive aspects, international tourism brings challenges, notably the language barrier. Miscommunications may arise even if one has some knowledge of the local language due to pronunciation differences. Additionally, ignorance of cultural beliefs, including body gestures, can lead to unintended conflicts. To navigate these challenges, gaining a thorough insight into the host country’s culture becomes imperative, fostering smoother interactions and avoiding unintentional disrespect."

Overall, the essay shows potential but requires clearer expression, better organization, and more specific examples to support the argument effectively.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas, maintaining clear progression throughout. The introduction and conclusion contribute to the overall coherence. There is effective use of cohesive devices, such as pronouns and transitional phrases, though some instances of under- and over-use are noticeable. The central topic within each paragraph is generally clear. However, there are areas where paragraphing could be improved for more logical flow, and a few instances of faulty cohesion and mechanical phrasing are present.

How to improve:

  1. Paragraphing: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus and logical progression of ideas. Some paragraphs appear abrupt, and restructuring could enhance coherence.
  2. Cohesive Devices: While the essay employs cohesive devices, be cautious not to overuse them. Maintain a balance to prevent the text from sounding repetitive or mechanical.
  3. Language Precision: Address language barriers by striving for precision in word choice and pronunciation. This will minimize the risk of misunderstandings and improve overall communication.
  4. Cultural Sensitivity: Emphasize the importance of cultural understanding in communication. Highlight specific examples of cultural beliefs or body gestures to showcase a more nuanced understanding of diversity.
  5. Proofreading: Review the essay for grammatical errors and ensure a consistent tone throughout. This will contribute to a more polished and professional presentation.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and attempts to use less common lexical items. There is a sufficient variety of words, and the writer shows awareness of style and collocation, enhancing the overall lexical resource. The essay successfully conveys the message with clarity and coherence, and occasional errors in word choice and spelling do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve:
To move to a higher band score, the writer could focus on refining word choice and avoiding occasional inaccuracies. Additionally, paying attention to grammatical structures and sentence complexity would enhance the overall language sophistication. Proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors would contribute to a more polished piece.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt at a mix of sentence structures, incorporating both simple and complex forms. There’s an effort to convey complex ideas, although the accuracy is inconsistent. There are frequent grammatical errors throughout the essay, including issues with subject-verb agreement, word choice, sentence structure, and punctuation. The language barriers, misused phrases, and unclear expressions hinder communication.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on developing a more consistent and varied sentence structure. Work on mastering grammatical rules and sentence construction. Aim for clearer and more concise expression of ideas, paying close attention to grammar, vocabulary usage, and sentence coherence. Practicing writing with a focus on grammatical accuracy will significantly elevate the quality of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

“Perhaps a universal desire for global integration propels the continual growth of international tourism, but this phenomenon, while undoubtedly beneficial in many ways, can occasionally provoke conflicts among people of diverse cultures.

One of the paramount benefits of international tourism is its potential to foster cross-cultural understanding. Often, depictions of a place on social media can inaccurately represent its true cultural essence, potentially harming its image. It is through real-life experiences in a country that one can develop genuine empathy, shedding preconceived stereotypes and gaining a deeper understanding. Furthermore, immersing oneself in the daily life of another country can significantly expand one’s knowledge and cultivate an appreciation for the invaluable diversity prevalent on our planet.

However, alongside these merits come significant challenges. The language barrier, for instance, inadvertently erects barriers to effective communication. Even with some grasp of the local language, difficulties in word choice and pronunciation can lead to unintended misunderstandings. Moreover, ignorance of cultural norms and body language can further impede effective interaction, often resulting in tension and discord. Resolving such issues necessitates a thorough understanding and respect for the cultural nuances of the foreign land one is visiting.

Undeniably, the rise of international tourism introduces controversies, mainly stemming from tourists’ unawareness of diverse cultures. Nonetheless, this industry plays a crucial role in establishing intangible connections among nations, fostering relationships that transcend boundaries and potentially rectifying prevalent misconceptions.

In conclusion, while international tourism undoubtedly presents both advantages and challenges, it remains integral in fostering global connections. However, it is imperative for travelers to approach new cultures with respect, understanding, and a willingness to embrace diversity for this integration to be truly fruitful and harmonious.”

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