When you travel to a new area, you should follow the new customs and traditions. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
When you travel to a new area, you should follow the new customs and traditions. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
There has been growing concern over that it is vital for travelers to follow the local traditions and customs when visiting the other countries . While I agree that visitors should fit in with local people , I still believe that people need to maintain their national identity .
It is crucial to acknowledge that culture awareness of each foreign visitors is a fundamental contributor to the enjoyable journey to the different countries with the variety of fascinating and memorable experiences .The reason why I believe is that it can help the travelers to fit in with the local people , easily communicating and integrating into the local community activities.Moreover , the tourists can also explore new cultures and taste the new cuisines which are provided by the local inhabitants. As a result, embracing the customs and traditions of different countries broadens travelers' knowledge, making the trip extremely meaningful .
However, it is imperative to recognize that maintaining people's national identity is also crucial .To avoid the conflict with the nation host, it is vital for the travelers to be culturally sensitive.However, their attitudes and behaviors need to be consistent with their national identity , avoiding breaking the laws and disrespect behaviors with their cultures. As a result, the enmity between different nations can be avoided .
In conclusion , while I agree with the belief that following the local customs and traditions of other countries is vital for the travelers to experience the wonderful trips , I still believe that the national identity of each travelers also plays a fundamental role in avoiding conflicting with different cultures.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"growing concern over that" -> "growing concern that"
Explanation: The phrase "over that" is unnecessary and makes the sentence less concise. Removing it maintains clarity and improves the sentence’s flow. -
"fit in with local people" -> "adapt to local customs and norms"
Explanation: "Fit in with" is slightly informal. "Adapt to local customs and norms" conveys the same idea in a more formal and precise manner, aligning better with academic style. -
"people need to maintain their national identity" -> "individuals should uphold their national identity"
Explanation: "People need to maintain" can be refined for a more formal tone. "Individuals should uphold" maintains clarity while enhancing the formality of the statement. -
"culture awareness of each foreign visitors" -> "cultural awareness of foreign visitors"
Explanation: "Each" before "foreign visitors" is redundant. Removing it improves the sentence’s conciseness without altering its meaning. -
"enjoyable journey to the different countries" -> "enriching experience in diverse destinations"
Explanation: "Enjoyable journey to the different countries" can be replaced with a more descriptive and sophisticated phrase. "Enriching experience in diverse destinations" conveys a similar idea with more nuance and depth. -
"easily communicating and integrating into the local community activities" -> "facilitating communication and integration into local community activities"
Explanation: "Easily communicating and integrating into" can be streamlined for clarity and formality. "Facilitating communication and integration into" maintains the meaning while improving the sentence’s structure. -
"tourists can also explore new cultures and taste the new cuisines" -> "travelers can also immerse themselves in diverse cultures and sample local cuisines"
Explanation: "Tourists" is a bit informal; "travelers" is more appropriate in academic writing. "Explore new cultures and taste the new cuisines" can be refined for greater sophistication and precision. -
"However, it is imperative to recognize that maintaining people’s national identity is also crucial" -> "However, it is imperative to acknowledge the importance of preserving individuals’ national identity"
Explanation: "Recognize" can be replaced with "acknowledge" for a more formal tone. "Maintaining people’s national identity" can be refined to "preserving individuals’ national identity" for clarity and precision. -
"conflict with the nation host" -> "conflict with the host nation"
Explanation: "Nation host" is not a conventional term. "Host nation" is a more standard and appropriate phrase. -
"cultural sensitive" -> "culturally sensitive"
Explanation: "Cultural" should be used as an adverb to modify "sensitive." -
"their attitudes and behaviors need to be consistent with their national identity" -> "their attitudes and behaviors should reflect their national identity"
Explanation: The phrase "consistent with" can be replaced with "reflect" for a more concise expression without altering the meaning. -
"disrespect behaviors with their cultures" -> "disrespectful behaviors towards their cultures"
Explanation: "Disrespect behaviors with" is awkward phrasing. "Disrespectful behaviors towards" is more grammatically correct and clearer. -
"the enmity between different nations can be avoided" -> "this can help prevent hostility between nations"
Explanation: "Enmity" is somewhat formal and might be overly strong in this context. "Prevent hostility" is a more neutral and appropriate term. -
"following the local customs and traditions of other countries is vital for the travelers to experience the wonderful trips" -> "adhering to local customs and traditions enhances travelers’ experiences"
Explanation: "Following the local customs and traditions of other countries" can be replaced with "adhering to local customs and traditions" for a more formal expression. "To experience the wonderful trips" is simplified to "enhances travelers’ experiences" for clarity and conciseness. -
"national identity of each travelers" -> "national identity of each traveler"
Explanation: "Each travelers" should be corrected to "each traveler" for grammatical agreement. -
"avoiding conflicting with different cultures" -> "avoiding conflicts with diverse cultures"
Explanation: "Avoiding conflicting with" is grammatically incorrect. "Avoiding conflicts with" is a more precise and grammatically correct phrase.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument. It acknowledges the importance of adhering to local customs and traditions while also emphasizing the significance of maintaining one’s national identity.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, ensure that each point is developed with more depth and clarity. Provide specific examples or scenarios where following local customs and maintaining national identity might intersect or conflict.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, advocating for both following local customs and preserving national identity. However, the introduction could have presented the writer’s position more explicitly.
- How to improve: Start the essay with a clear thesis statement that outlines the writer’s stance on the issue. This will provide a strong foundation for the rest of the essay and prevent any ambiguity regarding the writer’s viewpoint.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas effectively but lacks depth in elaboration and support. While it briefly discusses the benefits of following local customs and maintaining national identity, more detailed examples or explanations would strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: Provide specific examples or anecdotes to illustrate the benefits and challenges of adhering to local customs and preserving national identity. Additionally, elaborate on how these concepts impact travelers’ experiences and interactions in foreign countries.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing the importance of following local customs and traditions in the context of travel. However, there are minor instances of tangential discussion, such as mentioning conflict avoidance between nations.
- How to improve: Maintain a laser focus on the prompt throughout the essay. Avoid introducing tangential topics that distract from the main argument. If relevant, ensure that any additional points directly contribute to the central thesis of the essay.
Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a coherent argument, there is room for improvement in providing more detailed explanations, supporting examples, and maintaining a consistent focus on the topic. Strengthening these aspects would elevate the essay’s clarity and persuasiveness.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a clear attempt at logical organization by presenting an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the organization could be improved for better coherence. The introduction sets up the argument but lacks clarity due to awkward phrasing and a lack of a clear thesis statement. The body paragraphs discuss the importance of both adapting to local customs and maintaining national identity, but the transition between these ideas could be smoother. The conclusion briefly restates the main points but could summarize the argument more effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, start with a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the main points of the essay. Ensure that each body paragraph focuses on one main idea, with clear topic sentences and smooth transitions between paragraphs. In the conclusion, summarize the main arguments and provide a concise closing statement that reinforces the thesis.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs to separate different ideas, but the structure is inconsistent. Each paragraph should ideally focus on one main idea, but some paragraphs contain multiple ideas, leading to confusion. For example, the first body paragraph discusses the benefits of cultural awareness, but it also touches on the importance of fitting in with local people and exploring new cultures. This lack of clear paragraph structure affects the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: Aim for clear and cohesive paragraph structure by focusing on one main idea per paragraph. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence that introduces the main point, followed by supporting details and examples. Ensure that there is a logical flow between paragraphs to maintain coherence and clarity.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices to link ideas within and between sentences, such as transitional phrases like "however" and "moreover." However, there is limited variety in cohesive devices, leading to repetitive usage and a lack of sophistication. Additionally, some transitions between ideas are abrupt, impacting the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: Increase the variety of cohesive devices used throughout the essay to improve coherence and fluency. Incorporate a range of linking words and phrases such as "furthermore," "in addition," "conversely," and "on the other hand" to connect ideas more effectively. Ensure that transitions between ideas are smooth and logical to maintain coherence and improve the overall flow of the essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "crucial," "acknowledge," "contributor," "enjoyable," "integrating," "embracing," "imperative," and "conflicting," among others. These words contribute to a generally coherent expression of ideas and arguments.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety further, consider incorporating more sophisticated synonyms or alternative expressions where appropriate. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "crucial" and "vital," explore synonyms like "essential," "integral," or "paramount" to enrich the vocabulary without sacrificing clarity.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs vocabulary with varying degrees of precision. For example, phrases like "culture awareness" could be refined to "cultural awareness" for greater accuracy. Additionally, some expressions lack precision, such as "fit in with local people," which could be replaced with more precise terms like "assimilate" or "adapt to local customs and norms."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, strive for clarity and specificity in word choice. Replace ambiguous or imprecise phrases with more exact alternatives. Utilize dictionaries, thesauruses, and context-appropriate vocabulary to select the most fitting terms for conveying nuanced meanings.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several spelling errors, including "enmity" spelled as "enemy," "trips" spelled as "trip," and "travelers" spelled inconsistently as "travelers" and "travellers." While these errors do not significantly impede understanding, they detract from the overall professionalism and coherence of the writing.
- How to improve: Enhance spelling accuracy by employing spell-check tools, proofreading meticulously, and familiarizing yourself with common spelling patterns and rules. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing language-learning resources to address recurring spelling issues effectively.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. It employs simple, compound, and complex sentences, albeit with some repetition in structure. For instance, there’s frequent use of introductory phrases followed by a comma, which can make the prose feel somewhat repetitive. However, there are attempts at using more complex structures, such as conditional sentences ("To avoid the conflict with the nation host, it is vital…") and relative clauses ("which are provided by the local inhabitants"). These efforts contribute to coherence and variety, though further diversification would enhance the overall quality.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer can incorporate a broader array of sentence types, including compound-complex sentences, inverted sentences, and rhetorical questions. Varying the placement of dependent clauses and experimenting with different sentence lengths can also add depth to the writing. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases and clauses can improve the flow between ideas, creating a smoother reading experience.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally accurate grammar and punctuation, though there are noticeable errors throughout. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("culture awareness of each foreign visitors"), article usage ("the enjoyable journey to the different countries"), and tense consistency ("it is vital for the travelers to be culturally sensitive"). Additionally, there are instances of missing or misplaced punctuation marks, such as missing commas after introductory phrases and inconsistent capitalization of proper nouns. While these errors do not severely impede comprehension, they detract from the overall clarity and precision of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on reviewing and practicing key grammar rules, particularly those related to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and tense consistency. Proofreading carefully for errors in each draft can help identify and correct recurring mistakes. Additionally, consulting grammar resources or seeking feedback from peers or instructors can provide valuable insights for improvement. Regarding punctuation, paying close attention to the proper use of commas, periods, and apostrophes can help refine the writer’s skills in punctuating sentences effectively.
Bài sửa mẫu
There is a growing concern that travelers should adapt to local customs and norms when visiting other countries. While I agree that individuals should uphold their national identity, I also believe it’s important to embrace the cultural awareness of foreign visitors.
It is essential to acknowledge that cultural awareness enhances the experience of traveling to diverse destinations. By adapting to local customs and traditions, travelers can facilitate communication and integration into local community activities. Additionally, immersing oneself in diverse cultures and sampling local cuisines enriches the travel experience, making it more meaningful and enjoyable.
However, it is imperative to recognize the importance of preserving individuals’ national identity. This not only helps to avoid conflicts with the host nation but also ensures that travelers remain culturally sensitive. It is crucial that their attitudes and behaviors reflect their national identity, thus avoiding disrespectful behaviors towards other cultures. By doing so, hostility between nations can be prevented.
In conclusion, while adhering to local customs and traditions enhances travelers’ experiences, it is equally important to maintain one’s national identity to avoid conflicts with diverse cultures. Finding a balance between embracing new customs and traditions while staying true to one’s identity is key to fostering positive interactions between travelers and the cultures they encounter.
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