Whether or not a person achieves their aims in life is mostly related to luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that the extent to which a person achieves their goals in life is largely dependent on luck. From my point of view, I completely disagree with this opinion and would argue that the extent to which one achieves one's goals in life largely depends on competition and effort.
Firstly, while luck can play a role in providing opportunities, it is the individual's effort and hard work that determine their ability to seize these opportunities. For instance, a person might be fortunate enough to receive a job offer, but without the necessary skills and dedication to perform well, they are unlikely to succeed in the long term. Effort is crucial in not only gaining the skills needed but also in maintaining and improving them. For example, this genius was born with a higher IQ than normal people, but he was not born knowing mathematical formulas, he still had to learn through studying.
Secondly, competition is another significant factor in achieving goals. In today's competitive world, simply being lucky is not enough. Individuals must constantly strive to outperform others in their field. This requires persistent effort, learning, and adaptation. For example, in the business world, companies continuously innovate and improve their products to stay ahead of competitors. Without effort and a competitive mindset, even the luckiest individuals or companies can quickly fall behind. Nokia is a typical example.
In conclusion, while luck may influence the opportunities a person encounters, it is ultimately their effort and ability to compete that determine their success in achieving their goals. Therefore, I strongly believe that the extent to which one achieves their goals in life is largely dependent on their own efforts and competitive spirit.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"From my point of view" -> "In my opinion"
Explanation: "In my opinion" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "From my point of view," which can sound slightly informal and less precise in an academic context.
"completely disagree" -> "strongly disagree"
Explanation: "Strongly disagree" is a more formal expression than "completely disagree," which can sound overly emphatic and less academic.
"competition and effort" -> "competition and diligence"
Explanation: "Diligence" is a more precise term than "effort" in this context, implying a sustained and careful application of effort, which is more suitable for an academic discussion.
"For instance, a person might be fortunate enough to receive a job offer" -> "For example, an individual may be fortunate enough to receive a job offer"
Explanation: "An individual" is a more formal term than "a person," and "may" is more appropriate than "might" in formal writing to express possibility.
"this genius" -> "this individual"
Explanation: "This individual" is more neutral and formal than "this genius," which can imply an exaggerated or subjective description.
"higher IQ than normal people" -> "higher IQ than the average"
Explanation: "The average" is a more precise and formal way to refer to the standard or typical level, avoiding the vague and potentially offensive term "normal people."
"he was not born knowing mathematical formulas" -> "he did not inherit innate knowledge of mathematical formulas"
Explanation: "Inherit innate knowledge" is a more precise and academically appropriate way to describe the idea that someone was not born with certain knowledge.
"In today’s competitive world" -> "In the contemporary competitive environment"
Explanation: "The contemporary competitive environment" is a more formal and precise phrase, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"simply being lucky is not enough" -> "merely relying on luck is insufficient"
Explanation: "Merely relying on luck is insufficient" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea that luck alone is insufficient.
"persistent effort, learning, and adaptation" -> "persistent effort, continuous learning, and adaptability"
Explanation: "Continuous learning" and "adaptability" are more specific and academically precise terms than "learning" and "adaptation," respectively.
"Without effort and a competitive mindset" -> "Without sustained effort and a competitive mindset"
Explanation: "Sustained effort" emphasizes the ongoing nature of the effort required, which is more precise and relevant in an academic context.
"Nokia is a typical example" -> "Nokia serves as a paradigmatic example"
Explanation: "Serves as a paradigmatic example" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "is a typical example," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"efforts and competitive spirit" -> "efforts and competitive drive"
Explanation: "Competitive drive" is a more precise term than "competitive spirit," which can be seen as less formal and more colloquial.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating the writer’s position against the idea that luck is the primary factor in achieving life goals. The introduction sets the stage for the argument, and the body paragraphs provide relevant examples to support the claim that effort and competition are more significant. However, the essay could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the role of luck, as it is mentioned but not deeply analyzed. For instance, acknowledging situations where luck can play a critical role in success could provide a more balanced perspective.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could include a brief discussion of how luck intersects with effort and competition. For example, they might mention scenarios where luck provided a crucial opportunity that required effort to capitalize on, thereby enriching the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position against the notion that luck is the primary determinant of success. The writer’s stance is evident from the introduction and is reinforced throughout the body paragraphs. The use of phrases like "I completely disagree" and "I strongly believe" emphasizes this clarity. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother to enhance the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the writer should ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that directly relates back to the thesis. Additionally, using linking words and phrases to connect ideas more fluidly would help maintain the reader’s focus on the central argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports its ideas well, particularly in the discussion of effort and competition. The examples provided, such as the necessity of skills for job success and the competitive nature of businesses, effectively illustrate the points made. However, the examples could be more varied and detailed to strengthen the argument further. For instance, the mention of Nokia is somewhat vague and could benefit from a more explicit connection to the argument about competition.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more specific examples and elaborate on them. For instance, discussing a particular case study of a successful individual or company that exemplifies the importance of effort and competition would add depth to the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the relationship between luck, effort, and competition in achieving goals. However, there are moments where the discussion could be tightened, particularly in the second body paragraph where the example of Nokia is introduced. The connection between Nokia’s situation and the broader argument about competition could be made clearer.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every example directly supports the main argument. They could also consider briefly summarizing how each example ties back to the thesis at the end of each paragraph, reinforcing the relevance of the discussion to the prompt.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-supported argument, it could be improved by incorporating a more nuanced view of luck, enhancing coherence between ideas, providing more specific examples, and ensuring that all points made are tightly connected to the central thesis.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the notion that luck is the primary determinant of success. The introduction effectively sets up the thesis statement, and the body paragraphs are logically structured, each addressing a specific point that supports the main argument. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the role of individual effort, while the second focuses on competition. This clear delineation aids in understanding the progression of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit linking phrases between points. For example, after discussing effort, a transitional phrase like "In addition to effort, competition also plays a crucial role" could strengthen the connection between paragraphs. Additionally, integrating a brief summary of each point at the end of the paragraphs could reinforce the logical structure.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, which is crucial for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a single aspect of the argument, making it easy for the reader to follow the writer’s line of reasoning. The introduction and conclusion are also well-defined, framing the argument neatly.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, the essay could benefit from more varied paragraph lengths. For instance, the first body paragraph is slightly longer than the second. Balancing paragraph lengths can improve readability. Additionally, consider starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea, which would further enhance clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a good range of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "In conclusion," which guide the reader through the argument. The use of examples, like the reference to Nokia and the discussion of IQ, also helps to connect ideas and illustrate points effectively.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of relying solely on "Firstly" and "Secondly," you could use alternatives like "Moreover," "In contrast," or "Conversely" to introduce new ideas or counterarguments. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can create a smoother flow and reduce repetition.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing ideas and using paragraphs and cohesive devices to support the argument. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and sophistication of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary. Terms like "achieves," "goals," "effort," "competition," "opportunities," and "innovate" are effectively utilized to convey the central argument. The use of phrases such as "persistent effort," "dedication," and "competitive mindset" showcases an ability to express complex ideas clearly. However, there are moments where the vocabulary could be more varied; for instance, the repeated use of "luck" and "effort" could be substituted with synonyms or paraphrased to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating synonyms or related terms to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly using "effort," you might use "endeavor," "persistence," or "diligence." Similarly, instead of "luck," you could use "chance," "fortune," or "serendipity." This will not only enrich your vocabulary but also keep the reader engaged.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying the intended meaning. However, there are instances of slightly imprecise usage, such as the phrase "this genius was born with a higher IQ than normal people." The term "genius" could be more specific, and the comparison could be clearer. Additionally, the phrase "normal people" is vague and could be seen as dismissive or overly broad.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, consider rephrasing to provide clearer comparisons or definitions. For example, instead of "this genius," you could specify "an individual with exceptional intelligence." Furthermore, avoid vague terms like "normal people" and instead use "the general population" or "individuals with average intelligence." This will clarify your argument and demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the subject.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words such as "opportunities," "dedication," "innovation," and "competitive" are all spelled correctly, reflecting a strong command of English spelling conventions.
- How to improve: While spelling is already strong, to maintain this level of accuracy, it is advisable to continue practicing through reading and writing exercises. Engaging with a variety of texts can help reinforce correct spelling patterns. Additionally, consider using spelling check tools as a supplementary measure, but be cautious as they may not catch every error, particularly with homophones or context-specific terms.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource, meriting a band score of 8. By focusing on expanding vocabulary variety, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can further elevate their performance in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "While luck can play a role in providing opportunities, it is the individual’s effort and hard work that determine their ability to seize these opportunities" showcases an ability to connect ideas effectively. Additionally, the essay employs a mix of simple and compound sentences, which contributes to a smooth flow of ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way arguments are introduced (e.g., "Firstly," "Secondly," "In conclusion").
- How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, consider varying the introductory phrases and using more complex structures. For example, instead of consistently using "Firstly" and "Secondly," you could use phrases like "To begin with," "Moreover," or "In addition to this." Additionally, incorporating more relative clauses or participial phrases could enhance the complexity of your sentences.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors present. For instance, the phrase "this genius was born with a higher IQ than normal people" could be improved for clarity and grammatical precision. The use of commas is generally effective; however, there are a few instances where additional punctuation could enhance clarity, such as in the sentence "he was not born knowing mathematical formulas, he still had to learn through studying," which would benefit from a semicolon or a conjunction to properly connect the two independent clauses.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay attention to sentence boundaries and ensure that independent clauses are properly connected. Review the rules for comma usage, particularly in complex sentences. Additionally, consider revising sentences for clarity and conciseness. For example, instead of saying "this genius was born with a higher IQ than normal people," you could say "this individual was born with a higher IQ than average," which is more precise and avoids informal language.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, achieving a Band Score of 8. By incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures and refining grammatical precision, the essay could reach an even higher level of proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

Firstly, while luck can play a role in providing opportunities, it is the individual’s effort and hard work that determine their ability to seize these opportunities. For instance, an individual may be fortunate enough to receive a job offer, but without the necessary skills and dedication to perform well, they are unlikely to succeed in the long term. Effort is crucial not only in gaining the skills needed but also in maintaining and improving them. For example, this genius was born with a higher IQ than the average, but he did not inherit innate knowledge of mathematical formulas; he still had to learn through studying.

Secondly, competition is another significant factor in achieving goals. In the contemporary competitive environment, merely relying on luck is insufficient. Individuals must constantly strive to outperform others in their field. This requires persistent effort, continuous learning, and adaptability. For example, in the business world, companies continuously innovate and improve their products to stay ahead of competitors. Without sustained effort and a competitive mindset, even the luckiest individuals or companies can quickly fall behind. Nokia serves as a paradigmatic example.

In conclusion, while luck may influence the opportunities a person encounters, it is ultimately their effort and ability to compete that determine their success in achieving their goals. Therefore, I strongly believe that the extent to which one achieves their goals in life is largely dependent on their own efforts and competitive drive.