Why is finding a job is difficult for graduates?

The main reason why finding a job is difficult is due to the competition. Nowadays, there are so many graduates have a good background knowledge. For instance, some graduates graduated with high GPA, or lots of languages’ certificate like IELTS, HSK, TOEIC, etc. Some of them also came from prestigious universities, therefore, recruiters always put them first because of their high qualifications. As a result, graduates came from the other universities those will get less chance to find a job.
The solutions are that graduates should build more knowledge for their background. In addition, they can get a part time job based on their own major to learn more skills in life and get more experiences. Besides, the graduates need to have some languages’ certificate to expand their opportunities for fiding a job.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"finding a job is difficult" -> "securing employment is challenging"
Explanation: "Securing employment" is a more formal and precise term than "finding a job," and "challenging" is a more academically appropriate adjective than "difficult."
"there are so many graduates have a good background knowledge" -> "there are numerous graduates with a strong educational background"
Explanation: "Numerous" is more precise than "so many," and "with a strong educational background" is a clearer and more formal way to describe the graduates’ qualifications.
"some graduates graduated with high GPA" -> "some graduates have achieved high GPAs"
Explanation: "Have achieved" is more accurate and formal than "graduated with," which is redundant in this context.
"lots of languages’ certificate" -> "multiple language certifications"
Explanation: "Multiple language certifications" is more formal and precise than "lots of languages’ certificate," which is grammatically incorrect and informal.
"Some of them also came from prestigious universities, therefore, recruiters always put them first because of their high qualifications." -> "Some of these individuals also hail from prestigious universities, thereby, recruiters often prioritize them due to their exceptional qualifications."
Explanation: "Hail from" is more formal than "came from," and "thereby" is more appropriate than "therefore" in this context. "Prioritize" is more precise than "put them first," and "exceptional" is more formal than "high."
"graduates came from the other universities those will get less chance to find a job" -> "graduates from other universities face fewer opportunities for employment"
Explanation: "Face fewer opportunities for employment" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea than the original phrase, which is grammatically incorrect and awkward.
"The solutions are that" -> "The solutions involve"
Explanation: "Involve" is a more appropriate transitional phrase for introducing a solution in academic writing than "are that."
"build more knowledge for their background" -> "enhance their educational backgrounds"
Explanation: "Enhance their educational backgrounds" is more specific and academically appropriate than "build more knowledge for their background," which is vague and awkwardly phrased.
"get a part time job" -> "secure part-time employment"
Explanation: "Secure part-time employment" is more formal and precise than "get a part-time job."
"based on their own major" -> "aligned with their field of study"
Explanation: "Aligned with their field of study" is more formal and specific than "based on their own major."
"get more experiences" -> "gain more experience"
Explanation: "Gain more experience" is grammatically correct and more formal than "get more experiences."
"the graduates need to have some languages’ certificate" -> "graduates should acquire various language certifications"
Explanation: "Acquire various language certifications" is more formal and precise than "have some languages’ certificate," which is grammatically incorrect and informal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the main reason why finding a job is difficult for graduates, focusing on competition and qualifications. However, it lacks depth in exploring other potential factors, such as economic conditions, lack of experience, or networking issues. The response is somewhat limited, as it does not fully engage with the complexity of the question.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should consider discussing multiple factors that contribute to job search difficulties for graduates. This could include elaborating on the role of internships, the importance of networking, or the impact of economic fluctuations on job availability. Including a broader range of reasons would provide a more comprehensive answer.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position regarding the competitive nature of the job market. However, the transition to solutions is abrupt and lacks a clear connection to the initial argument. The phrase "the solutions are that graduates should…" suggests a shift that could be better integrated into the overall narrative.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should use transitional phrases that link the problem of competition to the proposed solutions. For example, stating how building knowledge and gaining experience directly addresses the competitive landscape would create a more cohesive argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are somewhat underdeveloped. While the mention of high GPAs and language certificates is relevant, the examples lack depth and do not sufficiently support the argument. The solutions offered are vague and do not provide specific strategies or examples of how graduates can enhance their employability.
- How to improve: To strengthen the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should provide more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, instead of simply stating that graduates should gain part-time jobs, the essay could elaborate on specific types of jobs that would be beneficial and how they relate to the skills needed in the job market. Additionally, citing statistics or studies about job market trends could lend credibility to the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the challenges graduates face in finding jobs. However, the solutions section feels somewhat disconnected from the initial discussion about competition, which may confuse readers regarding the main focus of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each part of the essay is clearly linked to the main topic. This can be achieved by reiterating the connection between the challenges discussed and the proposed solutions. A clear structure that follows the problem-solution format would help keep the essay on track and relevant to the prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic but requires more depth, clarity, and coherence to achieve a higher band score. Expanding on ideas, providing specific examples, and ensuring a logical flow will significantly improve the quality of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear main idea regarding the difficulty graduates face in finding jobs, primarily due to competition. However, the organization of information could be improved. The first paragraph discusses reasons for the difficulty, while the second paragraph shifts abruptly to solutions without a clear transition. For example, the transition from discussing competition to suggesting solutions lacks a linking sentence that would guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases or sentences that bridge the gap between paragraphs. For instance, after discussing the reasons for job scarcity, a sentence like "To address these challenges, graduates can take several proactive steps" would create a clearer connection to the solutions presented.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but the structure could be more effective. The first paragraph focuses on the reasons for job difficulties, while the second addresses potential solutions. However, the second paragraph could benefit from further subdivision to separate different types of solutions (e.g., gaining experience vs. obtaining language certifications). This would enhance clarity and allow for a more thorough exploration of each solution.
- How to improve: Consider structuring the second paragraph into two distinct sections: one focusing on gaining experience (e.g., part-time jobs) and another on educational qualifications (e.g., language certificates). This would help in organizing thoughts more clearly and making it easier for the reader to follow the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "for instance" and "besides," which help connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and the essay could benefit from more varied connectors. For example, the use of "therefore" and "as a result" is appropriate, but the essay could also incorporate other devices such as "furthermore," "in addition," or "on the other hand" to enhance the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, practice incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, when introducing a new solution, you could use "Moreover," or when contrasting two ideas, "Conversely," would provide a clearer distinction. This variety will help maintain the reader’s interest and improve the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, enhancing the logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a stronger overall coherence and cohesion score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary related to the topic of job searching for graduates. Phrases such as "high GPA," "prestigious universities," and "background knowledge" show an attempt to use varied vocabulary. However, the range is somewhat limited, and there are instances of repetition, such as the phrase "graduates" appearing frequently without synonyms or alternative expressions.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeating "graduates," you could use "job seekers," "alumni," or "young professionals." Additionally, using phrases like "academic achievements" or "educational credentials" could diversify the vocabulary further.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are also instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "graduates came from the other universities those will get less chance" is awkward and unclear. The term "those" does not correctly refer back to "universities," leading to confusion. Additionally, "fiding" is a misspelling of "finding," which detracts from the precision of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve precision, focus on sentence structure and clarity. Rephrase the problematic sentence to something like, "Graduates from less prestigious universities may have fewer opportunities." This not only clarifies the meaning but also improves the overall flow. Furthermore, ensure that all vocabulary is used correctly and contextually appropriate.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "fiding" instead of "finding" and "languages’ certificate" which should be "language certificates." These errors can distract the reader and undermine the credibility of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, practice proofreading your work before submission. Consider reading the essay aloud to catch errors, or use spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can help reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary related to the topic, there is significant room for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. Focusing on these areas will help elevate the Lexical Resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited variety of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking complexity. For example, the sentence "Nowadays, there are so many graduates have a good background knowledge" is awkwardly constructed and could be improved by using a more complex structure. Additionally, the use of phrases like "the solutions are that graduates should build more knowledge for their background" indicates a reliance on straightforward sentence forms without incorporating more varied grammatical structures such as relative clauses or conditional sentences.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice integrating complex sentences into their writing. For instance, instead of saying "Some graduates graduated with high GPA," they could say, "Many graduates, having achieved high GPAs, find themselves in a competitive job market." Incorporating a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences will improve the overall sophistication of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, the phrase "there are so many graduates have a good background knowledge" is grammatically incorrect; it should be "there are so many graduates who have a good background knowledge." Additionally, the sentence "those will get less chance to find a job" is awkward and should be rephrased for clarity, such as "who will have fewer chances of finding a job." Punctuation errors are also present, such as the misuse of apostrophes in "languages’ certificate," which should be "language certificates."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of relative clauses. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on writing can help identify and correct common mistakes. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly for apostrophes and commas, will enhance clarity and professionalism in writing.

In summary, while the essay addresses the prompt and presents relevant ideas, the limited range of sentence structures and grammatical inaccuracies contribute to the overall Band score of 5. By diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy, the writer can enhance the quality of their writing significantly.

Bài sửa mẫu

The main reason why finding a job is difficult is due to the competition. Nowadays, there are so many graduates with a good educational background. For instance, some graduates have achieved high GPAs or possess multiple language certifications like IELTS, HSK, TOEIC, etc. Some of these individuals also hail from prestigious universities; therefore, recruiters often prioritize them due to their exceptional qualifications. As a result, graduates from other universities face fewer opportunities for employment.

The solutions involve graduates enhancing their educational backgrounds. In addition, they can secure part-time employment aligned with their field of study to gain more experience and learn more skills in life. Besides, graduates should acquire various language certifications to expand their opportunities for finding a job.