Why we should protect the environment?

Protecting the environment is essential for a variety of reasons, two of which are to prevent global warming and create a better place for animals to live. The first point we should mention is that littering can contribute to global warming, which is a major problem all over the world. This is because littering can lead to several detrimental consequences, including pollution, which means people can not live in a clean and comfortable atmosphere. Secondly, preserving the environment can give animals great habitats to survive. The explanation for this is that with careless waste disposal, many animals’ homes can be decimated, and thus they no longer have anywhere to live.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Protecting the environment is essential" -> "The protection of the environment is crucial"
Explanation: Using "the protection of the environment" instead of "protecting the environment" makes the phrase more formal and passive, which is often preferred in academic writing to emphasize the action rather than the doer.
"two of which are to prevent global warming and create a better place for animals to live" -> "two primary objectives are to mitigate global warming and enhance habitats for animals"
Explanation: "Mitigate" is a more precise term than "prevent" in the context of environmental issues, and "enhance habitats" is more specific and formal than "create a better place for animals to live."
"The first point we should mention is that littering can contribute to global warming" -> "It is noteworthy that littering contributes to global warming"
Explanation: Replacing "The first point we should mention" with "It is noteworthy that" removes the informal and conversational tone, making the statement more objective and suitable for academic writing.
"which is a major problem all over the world" -> "which is a pervasive global issue"
Explanation: "Pervasive global issue" is more precise and formal than "major problem all over the world," which is somewhat colloquial.
"people can not live in a clean and comfortable atmosphere" -> "residents cannot inhabit a clean and comfortable environment"
Explanation: "Residents" is more specific than "people," and "inhabit" is more formal than "live." Additionally, "environment" is preferred over "atmosphere" in environmental contexts.
"preserving the environment can give animals great habitats to survive" -> "environmental preservation can provide animals with suitable habitats"
Explanation: "Environmental preservation" is a more formal term than "preserving the environment," and "provide animals with suitable habitats" is more precise and formal than "give animals great habitats to survive."
"with careless waste disposal, many animals’ homes can be decimated" -> "with inadequate waste management, many animals’ habitats may be destroyed"
Explanation: "Inadequate waste management" is a more precise term than "careless waste disposal," and "may be destroyed" is more cautious and formal than "can be decimated," which is somewhat dramatic and less precise.
"and thus they no longer have anywhere to live" -> "resulting in the loss of their habitats"
Explanation: "Resulting in the loss of their habitats" is more concise and formal, avoiding the conversational tone of "and thus they no longer have anywhere to live."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by identifying two reasons for protecting the environment: preventing global warming and creating better habitats for animals. However, it does not fully explore the significance of these reasons or provide a comprehensive discussion on why environmental protection is crucial. The points made are somewhat superficial and lack depth, which limits the overall effectiveness of the response.
- How to improve: To better answer all parts of the question, the essay should include additional reasons for protecting the environment, such as the impact on human health or biodiversity. Each reason should be elaborated with examples or statistics to strengthen the argument. A more thorough exploration of the consequences of environmental neglect would also enhance the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that emphasizes the importance of environmental protection, but the clarity of this position is undermined by a lack of cohesive argumentation. The transition between points is abrupt, and the essay does not consistently reinforce the main argument throughout.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the essay should include a strong thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the main arguments. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that relates back to the thesis, and transitions between points should be smoother to enhance coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are basic and not sufficiently developed. For instance, the discussion of littering and its effects on global warming is vague and lacks supporting evidence. The mention of animal habitats is also underexplored, with no specific examples or explanations provided.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the essay should include specific examples, such as statistics on pollution or case studies of species affected by habitat destruction. Each point should be elaborated upon with explanations that connect back to the importance of environmental protection, thereby extending the discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the reasons for protecting the environment. However, the lack of depth in the discussion leads to a somewhat disjointed exploration of the topic, which can distract from the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the essay should avoid introducing unrelated ideas or tangents. Each paragraph should directly relate to the central theme of environmental protection, and the writer should ensure that all points made contribute to the overall argument. Regularly revisiting the main question throughout the essay can help maintain this focus.

Overall, to improve the essay and achieve a higher band score, the writer should aim for a more comprehensive exploration of the topic, clearer organization, and stronger support for their ideas. Additionally, ensuring that the essay meets the required word count is crucial for achieving a better score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument for protecting the environment, starting with the issue of global warming and then transitioning to the impact on animal habitats. This logical progression helps the reader follow the author’s reasoning. However, the connection between littering and global warming could be more explicitly articulated. For instance, while the author mentions pollution as a consequence of littering, further elaboration on how this specifically contributes to global warming would strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using topic sentences that clearly outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, providing more detailed explanations or examples for each point would create a stronger link between ideas. For instance, elaborating on how pollution from littering leads to global warming would clarify the relationship and enhance the overall argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into two main points, but it lacks clear paragraphing. The ideas are somewhat jumbled together, making it difficult for the reader to distinguish between the two arguments. Each point should ideally be presented in its own paragraph to improve clarity and focus.
- How to improve: Implement a clear paragraph structure by starting a new paragraph for each main idea. For example, the first paragraph could focus solely on global warming and its connection to littering, while the second paragraph could address the impact on animal habitats. This separation will help the reader digest each argument more effectively.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first" and "secondly," to indicate the order of points. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive and less engaging. For example, using phrases like "in addition," "furthermore," or "on the other hand" could enhance the connections between ideas and provide smoother transitions.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases throughout the essay. This can include using synonyms or related phrases to avoid repetition and enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, consider using cohesive devices to connect sentences within paragraphs, ensuring that each sentence builds on the previous one for a more coherent argument.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially reaching a band score of 9.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, employing terms like "global warming," "littering," "pollution," and "habitats." However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited and lacks variety. For example, the repetition of "environment" and "live" indicates a reliance on basic vocabulary. The phrases "great habitats" and "detrimental consequences" show some attempt at complexity, but overall, the lexical choices do not fully showcase a wide range.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms and more sophisticated phrases. For instance, instead of repeating "environment," alternatives like "ecosystem" or "natural surroundings" could be used. Additionally, varying sentence structures and using more descriptive adjectives would enrich the text.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances of imprecision. For example, the phrase "can not live in a clean and comfortable atmosphere" could be more effectively expressed. The term "comfortable atmosphere" is vague and does not clearly convey the intended meaning regarding environmental quality.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should aim for clarity in word choice. Instead of "comfortable atmosphere," a more precise phrase like "healthy living conditions" would better capture the essence of environmental quality. Encouraging the use of context-specific vocabulary related to environmental issues can also enhance clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is mostly accurate, with no glaring errors that impede understanding. However, the phrase "can not" should be corrected to "cannot," which is the standard spelling in formal writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should practice proofreading their work or use tools like spell checkers. Additionally, familiarizing themselves with commonly misspelled words and their correct forms can help reduce errors in future essays.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of vocabulary related to the topic, there is room for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By expanding vocabulary, refining word choices for clarity, and ensuring correct spelling, the writer can elevate their lexical resource score in future IELTS writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of "Protecting the environment is essential for a variety of reasons" showcases a clear introductory structure. Additionally, the sentence "This is because littering can lead to several detrimental consequences, including pollution, which means people can not live in a clean and comfortable atmosphere" employs a complex structure effectively. However, the essay primarily relies on straightforward constructions, which limits the overall range.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences and varied clauses. For example, using conditional sentences (e.g., "If we do not protect the environment, we risk losing biodiversity") or participial phrases (e.g., "Having recognized the importance of clean habitats, we must act now") can add depth and complexity to the writing. Additionally, varying the sentence openings can create a more engaging flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains good grammatical accuracy, with few errors. However, there are minor issues, such as the phrase "which means people can not live in a clean and comfortable atmosphere," where "can not" should be written as "cannot" for standard usage. The punctuation is mostly correct, but the essay could benefit from more varied punctuation, such as semicolons or dashes, to enhance clarity and flow.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on common pitfalls, such as the correct usage of contractions and ensuring subject-verb agreement. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help solidify these concepts. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially for complex sentences, can aid in creating clearer and more sophisticated writing. For example, breaking up longer sentences with appropriate punctuation can improve readability and coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, but there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

Protecting the environment is crucial for a variety of reasons, two of which are to mitigate global warming and enhance habitats for animals. The first point to consider is that littering contributes to global warming, which is a pervasive global issue. This occurs because littering can lead to several detrimental consequences, including pollution, which means residents cannot inhabit a clean and comfortable environment. Secondly, environmental preservation can provide animals with suitable habitats to thrive. The reason for this is that with inadequate waste management, many animals’ habitats may be destroyed, resulting in the loss of their homes.