With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered as they lose their habitat and some are even threatened to the point of extinction. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What measured can be taken to deal with this problem?

With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered as they lose their habitat and some are even threatened to the point of extinction. Do you think it is important to protect animals?
What measured can be taken to deal with this problem?

The crisis of animal endangerment is a pressing global issue with far-reaching consequences. As each species plays a vital role in the intricate tapestry of our planet's ecosystems, their decline poses a significant threat to biodiversity and environmental stability。 By understanding the critical role of animals in our world and taking decisive steps to safeguard their well-being, we can work towards a more sustainable and harmonious future for all. The urgent need to save endangered species and workable solutions to their risks will be discussed in the article.
Although the boon of animals has been known for decades, governments and the public alike should have emphasized the need to protect current species. A more proactive and concerted effort is needed to prevent further extinctions. The argument for animal preservation rests on several fundamental pillars. To begin with, the loss of a single species can trigger a cascade effect, disrupting entire food webs and impacting ecosystem stability. Moreover, the intrinsic value of each species, irrespective of its utilitarian function, demands our ethical responsibility to protect it from extinction. Failure to act decisively will result in irreversible damage to the planet's natural heritage.
Effective conservation strategies require a multi-pronged approach. Habitat preservation is paramount, involving the establishment and management of protected areas, the restoration of degraded habitats, and the mitigation of human-induced environmental pressures such as pollution and deforestation. Simultaneously, combating illegal wildlife trade and poaching is crucial, demanding stricter enforcement of existing laws and international cooperation to disrupt criminal networks. Furthermore, educating the public about the importance of conservation and promoting sustainable practices is essential for long-term success.

To conclude, the ongoing extinction crisis demands a global commitment to animal preservation. By understanding the interconnectedness of ecosystems, the intrinsic value of species, and the numerous benefits biodiversity provides to humans, we can recognize the urgency of this issue. Through a combination of habitat protection, the suppression of illegal wildlife trade, public education, and sustainable practices, we can strive to safeguard biodiversity and ensure the long-term survival of countless animal species, which is essential to mitigate the devastating effects of species loss and safeguard the planet's rich biodiversity for future generations. Failure to act decisively will lead to irreversible damage to our planet's natural heritage and the delicate balance of life it supports.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "crisis of animal endangerment" -> "crisis of animal endangerment"
   Explanation: The term "crisis of animal endangerment" is already precise and formal, so no change is necessary. However, if a revision is desired, "crisis of animal endangerment" could be replaced with "animal endangerment crisis" for a slightly different emphasis on the severity of the issue.

2. "plays a vital role" -> "plays a crucial role"
   Explanation: "Crucial" is more specific and academically appropriate than "vital" in this context, emphasizing the importance of the role animals play in ecosystems.

3. "decline poses a significant threat" -> "decline poses a substantial threat"
   Explanation: "Substantial" is a more precise term than "significant" in academic writing, as it implies a measurable and quantifiable impact.

4. "urgent need to save" -> "pressing need to conserve"
   Explanation: "Conserve" is more specific and formal than "save," which is somewhat vague and colloquial in this context. "Pressing" also adds a sense of urgency appropriate for academic writing.

5. "boon of animals" -> "benefits of animals"
   Explanation: "Boon" is somewhat informal and less precise than "benefits," which is more commonly used in academic discourse to describe the advantages or advantages of something.

6. "should have emphasized" -> "should have prioritized"
   Explanation: "Prioritized" is more specific and formal than "emphasized," which is more commonly used in casual language. "Should have prioritized" better conveys the idea of allocating resources effectively.

7. "proactive and concerted effort" -> "proactive and concerted efforts"
   Explanation: Adding the plural form "efforts" aligns with the plural subject "governments and the public alike," enhancing grammatical accuracy and formality.

8. "trigger a cascade effect" -> "trigger a cascading effect"
   Explanation: "Cascading" is a more precise term in ecological contexts, indicating a gradual and continuous process, which is more appropriate than the less formal "cascade effect."

9. "irrespective of its utilitarian function" -> "regardless of its utilitarian function"
   Explanation: "Regardless" is a more formal alternative to "irrespective," which is slightly less common in academic writing.

10. "Failure to act decisively will result in" -> "Inaction will lead to"
    Explanation: "Inaction" is a more concise and formal term than "failure to act decisively," and "will lead to" is a more direct and academic way of expressing causality.

11. "combating illegal wildlife trade" -> "combating the illegal wildlife trade"
    Explanation: Adding "the" before "wildlife trade" clarifies the noun phrase and enhances the formality of the sentence.

12. "stricter enforcement of existing laws" -> "more stringent enforcement of existing laws"
    Explanation: "Stringent" is a more precise and formal adjective than "stricter," which is somewhat informal and less commonly used in academic writing.

13. "public education" -> "public awareness campaigns"
    Explanation: "Public awareness campaigns" is a more specific and formal term than "public education," which is broader and less precise in this context.

14. "sustainable practices" -> "sustainable practices and behaviors"
    Explanation: Adding "behaviors" specifies the types of actions being referred to, enhancing clarity and formality.

These changes refine the vocabulary to better suit an academic tone, ensuring precision, formality, and clarity in the essay.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 9

Band Score for Task Response: 9

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt. It clearly articulates the importance of protecting animals, emphasizing their role in ecosystems and the ethical responsibility humans have towards them. The essay also outlines specific measures to combat the problem, such as habitat preservation and combating illegal wildlife trade. Each part of the question is thoroughly explored, demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of the issues at hand.
  • How to improve: While the essay is strong, it could benefit from more specific examples or case studies to illustrate the points made. Including real-world instances of successful conservation efforts or the consequences of inaction could enhance the argument’s persuasiveness.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position on the necessity of animal protection throughout. The introduction sets the tone, and each subsequent paragraph reinforces this stance. The conclusion succinctly reiterates the urgency of the issue, ensuring that the reader is left with a strong understanding of the author’s viewpoint.
  • How to improve: To further solidify the position, the author could incorporate counterarguments and refute them. Addressing potential opposing views would not only strengthen the essay’s argument but also demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: Ideas are well-presented and supported with logical reasoning. The essay discusses the ecological and ethical implications of species loss and outlines effective conservation strategies. Each point is extended with relevant explanations, making the argument robust and compelling.
  • How to improve: To enhance the depth of the analysis, the author could integrate more statistical data or research findings that underscore the urgency of the issue. This would provide a stronger empirical foundation for the claims made and further engage the reader.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, with each paragraph contributing to the overall argument. There are no deviations from the central theme of animal protection and conservation measures. The logical flow of ideas ensures that the reader can easily follow the author’s line of reasoning.
  • How to improve: Although the essay stays on topic, the author could enhance clarity by using subheadings or transitional phrases to guide the reader through the different sections. This would improve the overall structure and make the argument even more accessible.

In summary, this essay demonstrates a high level of proficiency in addressing the Task Response criteria for IELTS. It effectively answers the prompt, maintains a clear position, supports ideas with logical reasoning, and stays focused on the topic. With minor enhancements such as the inclusion of specific examples, counterarguments, and empirical data, the essay could reach an even higher level of sophistication.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the importance of animal preservation and the consequences of their endangerment. The body paragraphs logically follow, each focusing on specific arguments related to the need for conservation and the strategies to achieve it. For example, the transition from discussing the consequences of species loss to outlining effective conservation strategies is smooth and maintains the reader’s understanding. However, some ideas could be better connected to enhance the overall flow, particularly between the introduction and the first body paragraph.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that explicitly link back to the thesis statement. Additionally, employing transitional phrases at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively. For instance, after discussing the importance of species, a transition such as "Building on this understanding, it is crucial to explore…" could strengthen the connection to the subsequent paragraph.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the topic, such as the importance of species preservation and specific conservation strategies. However, the conclusion could be more distinct from the body paragraphs. Currently, it feels somewhat repetitive and could benefit from a more concise summary of the key points rather than reiterating previous statements.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph not only introduces a new idea but also concludes with a sentence that ties back to the overall argument. In the conclusion, aim for a synthesis of the main points rather than a repetition of earlier content. This can be achieved by summarizing the arguments succinctly and emphasizing their implications for future action.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions and referencing, which help to connect ideas within and between sentences. Phrases like "To begin with" and "Moreover" effectively signal the introduction of new points. However, the essay could benefit from a wider variety of cohesive devices to avoid repetition and enhance fluency. For instance, the use of synonyms or pronouns to refer back to previously mentioned concepts can improve cohesion.
  • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating more varied linking words and phrases, such as "In addition," "Consequently," or "On the other hand," where appropriate. Additionally, using synonyms for frequently repeated terms (e.g., "endangered species" could be varied with "threatened wildlife") can enhance the overall cohesiveness of the essay. Practicing the use of different cohesive devices in writing exercises can help develop this skill further.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, focusing on enhancing logical flow, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to achieving a higher band score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, employing terms such as "intricate tapestry," "cascade effect," and "multi-pronged approach." These expressions not only convey complex ideas but also enhance the overall sophistication of the writing. The use of phrases like "ethical responsibility" and "irreversible damage" further illustrates the writer’s ability to articulate nuanced arguments effectively.
  • How to improve: While the vocabulary range is strong, there are opportunities to incorporate even more varied synonyms or phrases to avoid repetition. For instance, the term "endangered species" appears multiple times; using alternatives like "threatened wildlife" or "vulnerable species" could enhance lexical diversity. Additionally, consider integrating more idiomatic expressions or collocations relevant to conservation to further enrich the vocabulary.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary accurately, with terms like "conservation strategies," "habitat preservation," and "illegal wildlife trade" used in context. However, the phrase "the boon of animals" is somewhat imprecise; "boon" typically refers to a benefit, which may not align with the intended meaning of discussing the importance of animals in ecosystems.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, consider replacing "boon" with "importance" or "value," which more accurately reflects the intended message. Additionally, ensure that all terms are contextually appropriate; for example, "mitigation of human-induced environmental pressures" could be simplified to "reducing human impact on the environment" for clarity.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors throughout the text. Words such as "biodiversity," "ecosystems," and "conservation" are spelled correctly, demonstrating the writer’s attention to detail.
  • How to improve: To maintain this level of spelling accuracy, continue to proofread essays carefully. Utilizing tools such as spell checkers or writing software can also help catch any potential errors. Additionally, practicing spelling for less common or technical vocabulary related to environmental topics can further enhance confidence in spelling accuracy.

In summary, the essay showcases a strong command of lexical resource, with a wide range of vocabulary and a high degree of spelling accuracy. By focusing on enhancing vocabulary diversity, ensuring precise word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can further elevate their writing to achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "Although the boon of animals has been known for decades, governments and the public alike should have emphasized the need to protect current species" effectively convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the use of varied sentence beginnings, such as "To begin with" and "Moreover," enhances the flow and coherence of the argument. However, while the range is impressive, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the latter paragraphs, which could detract from the overall dynamism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences and varying the placement of clauses. For example, instead of consistently starting with "Moreover" or "Furthermore," try beginning with an impactful statement or question to engage the reader. Additionally, using more active voice constructions can enhance clarity and immediacy.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors. For instance, the phrase "the intrinsic value of each species, irrespective of its utilitarian function, demands our ethical responsibility to protect it from extinction" is grammatically sound and effectively punctuated. However, there is a notable punctuation error in the first paragraph where a full stop is incorrectly replaced by a Chinese punctuation mark (。), which disrupts the flow and could confuse readers.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is crucial to proofread the essay for typographical errors, particularly with punctuation. Familiarizing oneself with the standard punctuation marks used in English writing can help avoid such mistakes. Additionally, practicing sentence diagramming can aid in recognizing and correcting complex sentence structures that may lead to grammatical errors.

Overall, the essay reflects a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a Band Score of 8. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and maintaining meticulous attention to punctuation, the writer can elevate their writing to an even higher standard.

Bài sửa mẫu

The crisis of animal endangerment is a pressing global issue with far-reaching consequences. As each species plays a crucial role in the intricate tapestry of our planet’s ecosystems, their decline poses a substantial threat to biodiversity and environmental stability. By understanding the critical role of animals in our world and taking decisive steps to safeguard their well-being, we can work towards a more sustainable and harmonious future for all. The urgent need to save endangered species and workable solutions to their risks will be discussed in this essay.

Although the benefits of animals have been recognized for decades, governments and the public alike should have prioritized the need to protect current species. A more proactive and concerted effort is needed to prevent further extinctions. The argument for animal preservation rests on several fundamental pillars. To begin with, the loss of a single species can trigger a cascading effect, disrupting entire food webs and impacting ecosystem stability. Moreover, the intrinsic value of each species, regardless of its utilitarian function, demands our ethical responsibility to protect it from extinction. Inaction will lead to irreversible damage to the planet’s natural heritage.

Effective conservation strategies require a multi-pronged approach. Habitat preservation is paramount, involving the establishment and management of protected areas, the restoration of degraded habitats, and the mitigation of human-induced environmental pressures such as pollution and deforestation. Simultaneously, combating the illegal wildlife trade and poaching is crucial, demanding more stringent enforcement of existing laws and international cooperation to disrupt criminal networks. Furthermore, public awareness campaigns about the importance of conservation and promoting sustainable practices and behaviors are essential for long-term success.

To conclude, the ongoing extinction crisis demands a global commitment to animal preservation. By understanding the interconnectedness of ecosystems, the intrinsic value of species, and the numerous benefits biodiversity provides to humans, we can recognize the urgency of this issue. Through a combination of habitat protection, the suppression of illegal wildlife trade, public education, and sustainable practices, we can strive to safeguard biodiversity and ensure the long-term survival of countless animal species. This is essential to mitigate the devastating effects of species loss and protect the planet’s rich biodiversity for future generations. Failure to act decisively will lead to irreversible damage to our planet’s natural heritage and the delicate balance of life it supports.