With growing population in cities around the world, many people are living in small homes that do not have outdoor spaces. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

With growing population in cities around the world, many people are living in small homes that do not have outdoor spaces.
Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In today’s world, a constant increase in the population of different cities worldwide leads to the fact that many citizens have to live in small shelters that lack outdoor spaces. Although some clear pros can be seen in this practice, in my opinion, this definitely has more drawbacks.

The obvious benefit of living in such places is that people don’t have to pay much for renting or maintenance. As a result, less stress will be put on the income distribution, people can now spend their money on hobbies or save it for other purposes. Therefore living in a humble size apartment can be an optimal plan for people who have limited income.

However, the problem of having limited outdoor spaces in your living environment is the lack of fresh air, which can have a detrimental effect on health. Inhaling air that consists of more carbon dioxide than normal can cause breathing problems such as: asthma, lung cancer,…People are more likely to feel stressed due to the lack of oxygen. This is especially true in Japan where the dweller have to stay in cramped places after working heavily, result in the suicide rate going up, being ranked third globally.

In conclusion, the downside of living in an outdoor spaces lacking environment while also carrying the risk of having health problems clearly outweighs the sole benefit of it is to save money.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In today’s world" -> "In the contemporary world"
   Explanation: "In the contemporary world" is a more formal and precise phrase that enhances the academic tone of the essay.

2. "leads to the fact that" -> "results in the fact that"
   Explanation: "Results in" is a more direct and formal expression than "leads to," which is more commonly used in academic writing.

3. "small shelters" -> "small dwellings"
   Explanation: "Dwellings" is a more formal and precise term than "shelters," which is often associated with emergency or temporary housing.

4. "clear pros" -> "clear advantages"
   Explanation: "Advantages" is a more formal term than "pros," which is colloquial and less suitable for academic writing.

5. "definitely has more drawbacks" -> "undoubtedly presents more drawbacks"
   Explanation: "Undoubtedly" is a stronger, more academic adverb than "definitely," and "presents" is a more formal verb choice than "has" in this context.

6. "people don’t have to pay much" -> "individuals incur minimal costs"
   Explanation: "Individuals incur minimal costs" is more formal and precise than "people don’t have to pay much," which is informal and vague.

7. "less stress will be put on the income distribution" -> "less pressure is placed on income distribution"
   Explanation: "Pressure is placed" is a more formal and accurate way to express the impact on income distribution, replacing the less formal "stress will be put on."

8. "optimal plan" -> "optimal strategy"
   Explanation: "Strategy" is a more precise and formal term than "plan" in this context, fitting better in an academic discussion about living arrangements.

9. "humble size apartment" -> "modest-sized apartment"
   Explanation: "Modest-sized" is a more precise and formal adjective than "humble," which can be seen as colloquial and less specific.

10. "the problem of having limited outdoor spaces" -> "the issue of limited outdoor spaces"
    Explanation: "Issue" is a more formal synonym for "problem," and removing "of having" simplifies the phrase without losing meaning.

11. "can have a detrimental effect on health" -> "may have a detrimental impact on health"
    Explanation: "May have" is more cautious and academically appropriate than "can," and "impact" is a more formal synonym for "effect" in this context.

12. "Inhaling air that consists of more carbon dioxide than normal" -> "Breathing air with higher carbon dioxide levels"
    Explanation: "Breathing air with higher carbon dioxide levels" is a more precise and scientifically accurate way to describe the condition, replacing the less formal "inhaling air that consists of more carbon dioxide than normal."

13. "People are more likely to feel stressed" -> "Individuals are more susceptible to stress"
    Explanation: "Individuals are more susceptible to stress" is a more formal and precise way to express the likelihood of experiencing stress, replacing the more casual "People are more likely to feel stressed."

14. "the dweller have to stay" -> "residents must remain"
    Explanation: "Residents must remain" is more formal and precise than "the dweller have to stay," which is grammatically incorrect and informal.

15. "result in the suicide rate going up" -> "result in an increase in the suicide rate"
    Explanation: "Result in an increase in the suicide rate" is a more formal and precise way to describe the consequence, avoiding the colloquial "going up."

16. "it is to save money" -> "it is primarily to reduce costs"
    Explanation: "Primarily to reduce costs" is a more formal and specific reason for living in small spaces, replacing the vague and informal "to save money."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of living in small homes without outdoor spaces. However, it primarily focuses on the disadvantages, which may lead to an unbalanced response. The essay mentions one clear advantage (cost savings) but does not explore other potential benefits, such as convenience or urban lifestyle benefits. Additionally, the conclusion reiterates the disadvantages without sufficiently weighing them against the advantages.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both sides of the argument are explored more thoroughly. This could involve providing additional advantages, such as the benefits of living closer to urban amenities or the potential for community engagement in densely populated areas. A more balanced discussion would help to directly address the prompt’s requirement to assess whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that the disadvantages of living in small homes without outdoor spaces outweigh the advantages. However, this position could be articulated more consistently throughout the essay. The introduction states the writer’s opinion, but the body paragraphs could better reinforce this stance by explicitly linking back to the overall argument after discussing each point.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently refer back to their main argument after each point made. Phrases like "This supports my view that…" or "Despite this advantage, the following disadvantage is more significant…" would help reinforce the central argument and ensure clarity throughout the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the financial benefits of smaller living spaces and the health risks associated with limited outdoor access. However, these ideas are not sufficiently extended or supported with detailed examples or evidence. For instance, the mention of Japan’s suicide rate is a strong point but lacks sufficient context or data to substantiate the claim.
  • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should provide more detailed explanations and examples. This could include statistical data, studies, or personal anecdotes that illustrate the points made. Additionally, expanding on the implications of each point would strengthen the overall argument and provide a more compelling case.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the implications of living in small homes without outdoor spaces. However, some sentences could be seen as slightly off-topic or lacking direct relevance to the main argument, such as the mention of income distribution without a clear connection to the overall discussion of advantages and disadvantages.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the advantages or disadvantages of living in small homes without outdoor spaces. Reviewing each paragraph to confirm that it supports the main argument can help keep the essay on track. Additionally, avoiding tangential statements will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic but requires more depth and balance to achieve a higher band score. Addressing these areas will lead to a more comprehensive and effective response to the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the advantages and disadvantages of living in small homes without outdoor spaces. The introduction effectively sets up the discussion by stating the issue and the writer’s position. The first body paragraph discusses the benefits of lower costs associated with small living spaces, while the second body paragraph addresses the health risks related to limited outdoor access. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother, as the shift from financial benefits to health concerns feels somewhat abrupt.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the writer could include transitional phrases that connect the ideas more clearly. For example, after discussing the financial benefits, a sentence like "While financial savings are significant, it is essential to consider the potential health implications that arise from such living conditions" would create a more cohesive transition to the next point.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses the advantages, while the second addresses the disadvantages. However, the conclusion is somewhat weak, as it does not effectively summarize the key points made in the body paragraphs or reinforce the writer’s opinion.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the conclusion, the writer should briefly restate the main points discussed in the body paragraphs before reiterating their stance. For instance, summarizing the benefits of cost savings and contrasting them with the health risks would provide a more comprehensive closure to the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "as a result," and "therefore," which help to connect ideas within and between sentences. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and the essay could benefit from more varied expressions to enhance cohesion.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate phrases such as "on the other hand," "in addition," or "consequently" to create more nuanced connections between ideas. For example, when transitioning from the benefits to the drawbacks, using "On the other hand, it is crucial to acknowledge the serious drawbacks associated with limited outdoor spaces" would improve the flow and coherence of the argument.

In summary, while the essay achieves a solid Band 7 for coherence and cohesion, there are opportunities for improvement in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested strategies, the writer can enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "detrimental," "cramped," and "optimal plan" showcasing some variety. However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "living in small shelters" and "limited outdoor spaces." This repetition can detract from the overall impression of lexical variety.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "small shelters," you could alternate with "compact living spaces," "tiny homes," or "restricted accommodations." Additionally, incorporating more descriptive adjectives and adverbs can enrich the language.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the dweller have to stay in cramped places" contains a grammatical error ("dweller" should be pluralized to "dwellers"). Furthermore, the phrase "living in an outdoor spaces lacking environment" is awkward and unclear, making it difficult for the reader to grasp the intended meaning.
  • How to improve: Focus on ensuring grammatical accuracy and clarity in vocabulary choices. For instance, rephrase the awkward sentence to something like "living in environments that lack outdoor spaces." Additionally, practice using vocabulary in context to ensure that it conveys the intended meaning accurately.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "asthma" (which is spelled correctly) but lacks clarity in punctuation and spacing, particularly in the list of health issues ("asthma, lung cancer,…"). The ellipsis is not appropriate in this context and could confuse readers.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling and punctuation accuracy, consider proofreading the essay carefully. Use tools like spell checkers or grammar checkers, and read the essay aloud to catch any errors. Additionally, familiarize yourself with common spelling rules and practice writing to reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of lexical resource, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the introductory sentence effectively uses a complex structure: "In today’s world, a constant increase in the population of different cities worldwide leads to the fact that many citizens have to live in small shelters that lack outdoor spaces." This showcases the writer’s ability to convey complex ideas. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied. For instance, the phrase "the downside of living in an outdoor spaces lacking environment" could have been rephrased for clarity and variety.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence openings and transition phrases. For example, instead of starting sentences with "the problem of" or "the obvious benefit," the writer could use participial phrases or adverbial clauses to create more dynamic sentence beginnings. Additionally, using conditional sentences or rhetorical questions could further diversify the structure.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary world, a constant increase in the population of various cities worldwide results in the fact that many citizens have to live in small dwellings that lack outdoor spaces. Although some clear advantages can be seen in this practice, in my opinion, it undoubtedly presents more drawbacks.

The obvious benefit of living in such places is that individuals incur minimal costs for renting or maintenance. As a result, less pressure is placed on income distribution, allowing people to spend their money on hobbies or save it for other purposes. Therefore, residing in a modest-sized apartment can be an optimal plan for individuals with limited income.

However, the issue of limited outdoor spaces in one’s living environment leads to a lack of fresh air, which may have a detrimental impact on health. Breathing air with higher carbon dioxide levels can cause respiratory problems such as asthma and lung cancer. Furthermore, individuals are more susceptible to stress due to the lack of oxygen. This is especially true in Japan, where residents must remain in cramped places after working long hours, resulting in an increase in the suicide rate, which is ranked third globally.

In conclusion, the downsides of living in an environment devoid of outdoor spaces, while also carrying the risk of health problems, clearly outweigh the sole benefit of reducing costs.