Write 2 body paragraphs for the topic below: Some people believe that everyone has a right to have access to university education and that governments should make it free for all students no matter what financial background they have. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Write 2 body paragraphs for the topic below:
Some people believe that everyone has a right to have access to university education and that governments should make it free for all students no matter what financial background they have.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The primary reason for supporting this argument is that the right of education to every learner offers equal opportunities. Students can excel in any field upon obtaining a university degree and a significant number of job vacancies could be filled. This can result in a more educated workforce and a more equitable society. Moreover, there are economic benefits to providing equal access to education irrespective of their financial background. Free university education can yield long term economic benefits by creating more knowledge and skilled workers, thereby contributing to a country's overall development and innovation. However, I believe providing free school to students has some potential drawbacks such as strain on the government's budget as well as compromised quality of teaching.
The primary reason for not supporting this argument is a strain on the government budget. Providing free learning to students can create havoc in the national budgets. For example, the government may hire a large number of professors to be able to teach the large number of enrolled students. In addition, if there are many students participating in postgraduate education, classrooms will be extremely crowded with learners and the government will tend to build more universities. Furthermore, the quality of teaching is another concern. Everyone will get the free-of-cost study material and sources which will impact the teacher's ability to deliver lectures due to overcrowded classroom because everyone is getting

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "The primary reason for supporting this argument is that" -> "The primary justification for this stance is that"
   Explanation: Replacing "argument" with "stance" refines the language to better suit an academic context, where "stance" typically refers to a position or viewpoint in a more formal and precise manner.

2. "the right of education to every learner offers equal opportunities" -> "the right to education for every learner provides equal opportunities"
   Explanation: Changing "the right of education to every learner" to "the right to education for every learner" corrects the grammatical structure and clarifies the meaning, making it more direct and formal.

3. "Students can excel in any field upon obtaining a university degree and a significant number of job vacancies could be filled" -> "Students can excel in any field upon obtaining a university degree, thereby potentially filling a significant number of job vacancies"
   Explanation: This revision clarifies the relationship between the university degree and job vacancies, enhancing the sentence’s coherence and formality.

4. "This can result in a more educated workforce and a more equitable society" -> "This can lead to a more educated workforce and a more equitable society"
   Explanation: Replacing "result in" with "lead to" provides a more precise and formal verb choice, enhancing the academic tone.

5. "there are economic benefits to providing equal access to education" -> "there are economic benefits associated with providing equal access to education"
   Explanation: Adding "associated with" specifies the relationship between equal access to education and the economic benefits, making the statement more precise and formal.

6. "Free university education can yield long term economic benefits" -> "Free university education can yield long-term economic benefits"
   Explanation: Capitalizing "long-term" corrects the grammatical error and aligns with formal writing standards.

7. "compromised quality of teaching" -> "compromised teaching quality"
   Explanation: Rearranging the phrase to "compromised teaching quality" improves the flow and clarity of the sentence, making it more direct and formal.

8. "The primary reason for not supporting this argument is a strain on the government budget" -> "The primary reason for opposing this stance is the strain on the government budget"
   Explanation: Replacing "not supporting this argument" with "opposing this stance" uses more precise and formal language, and "the strain on the government budget" is grammatically correct.

9. "Providing free learning to students can create havoc in the national budgets" -> "Providing free education to students can significantly strain national budgets"
   Explanation: Replacing "create havoc" with "significantly strain" uses more precise and formal language, avoiding the colloquialism "create havoc."

10. "the government may hire a large number of professors to be able to teach the large number of enrolled students" -> "the government may need to hire a large number of professors to accommodate the large number of enrolled students"
    Explanation: This revision clarifies the necessity and purpose of hiring more professors, enhancing the sentence’s clarity and formality.

11. "classrooms will be extremely crowded with learners" -> "classrooms will become extremely crowded with students"
    Explanation: Replacing "learners" with "students" uses a more specific and formal term, and "become" is more appropriate than "will be" in this context.

12. "the government will tend to build more universities" -> "the government may need to establish additional universities"
    Explanation: Replacing "will tend to build" with "may need to establish" introduces a more cautious and formal tone, suitable for academic writing.

13. "the quality of teaching is another concern" -> "the quality of teaching is another significant concern"
    Explanation: Adding "significant" emphasizes the importance of the concern, enhancing the formality and specificity of the statement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both the benefits and drawbacks of free university education. However, it does not fully explore the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement. The first paragraph presents arguments in favor of free education, while the second paragraph lists some drawbacks, but the essay lacks a clear stance on whether the author agrees or disagrees with the proposition. For example, phrases like "I believe providing free school to students has some potential drawbacks" suggest a partial agreement but do not clarify the author’s overall position.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should explicitly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. They could use phrases like "I strongly agree" or "I partially disagree" to clarify their stance. Additionally, they should ensure that both sides of the argument are balanced and that the conclusion reflects their overall viewpoint on the extent of their agreement or disagreement.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a consistent and clear position throughout. While it begins with a supportive argument for free education, it quickly shifts to discussing the drawbacks without a clear transition or indication of how these drawbacks affect the author’s overall stance. The phrase "However, I believe providing free school to students has some potential drawbacks" introduces confusion regarding the author’s position.
  • How to improve: The author should maintain a clear position by consistently linking their arguments back to their main viewpoint. They could use transitional phrases to signal shifts in perspective and clarify how each point relates to their overall argument. For instance, if they agree with the benefits of free education but acknowledge drawbacks, they should explain how these drawbacks can be mitigated or why the benefits outweigh them.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some relevant ideas regarding the benefits of free education, such as equal opportunities and economic benefits. However, these ideas are not fully developed or supported with specific examples or evidence. For instance, the mention of "a significant number of job vacancies could be filled" lacks concrete examples or data to substantiate this claim. The drawbacks are also mentioned but not elaborated upon, leading to a lack of depth in the argument.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the author should provide specific examples, statistics, or case studies that illustrate their points. For instance, they could cite a country that has successfully implemented free university education and the positive outcomes that resulted. Additionally, they should elaborate on the drawbacks by discussing potential solutions or ways to address the concerns raised.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the implications of free university education. However, some sentences become convoluted, making it difficult to follow the main argument. For example, the sentence about "overcrowded classrooms" and "the quality of teaching" could be more clearly articulated to maintain focus on the topic.
  • How to improve: The author should aim for clarity and conciseness in their writing. They can achieve this by breaking down complex ideas into simpler sentences and ensuring that each sentence directly contributes to the main argument. Regularly revisiting the prompt while writing can help maintain focus and coherence throughout the essay.

Overall, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the author should work on clearly stating their position, developing their ideas with specific examples, and ensuring clarity and coherence throughout their writing. Additionally, addressing the word count issue is crucial, as being under the required word count can significantly impact the overall score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of free university education, followed by a counter-argument regarding its drawbacks. The first body paragraph effectively outlines the benefits of equal access to education, emphasizing opportunities and economic advantages. However, the transition to the second paragraph could be smoother, as it abruptly shifts to the drawbacks without a clear linking sentence that connects the two ideas. This can disrupt the logical flow of the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using a transitional phrase at the beginning of the second paragraph, such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely," to signal the shift in perspective. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea, which will help the reader follow the argument more easily.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, with one paragraph dedicated to supporting the argument and another to opposing it. However, the second paragraph lacks a concluding sentence that summarizes the main point or provides a transition to the next idea, which can leave the reader feeling that the argument is incomplete.
  • How to improve: Incorporate a concluding sentence at the end of the second paragraph that reinforces the main argument against free university education. This could be a summary of the drawbacks discussed or a statement that indicates the need for a balanced approach to education funding. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph contains a mix of supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "moreover," "however," and "for example," which help to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be clearer. For instance, the phrase "can create havoc in the national budgets" could be better linked to the preceding sentence to clarify the cause-and-effect relationship.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "furthermore," "consequently," and "therefore." This will help to clarify relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately and enhances the clarity of the argument rather than distracting from it.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will help to elevate the overall coherence and cohesion of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "equal opportunities," "educated workforce," and "economic benefits." However, it tends to rely on common phrases and lacks more sophisticated vocabulary that could enhance the overall quality. For instance, the phrase "strain on the government’s budget" is effective but could be varied with synonyms like "financial burden" or "fiscal pressure" to showcase a broader lexical range.
  • How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate more varied and advanced vocabulary. This can be achieved by reading academic articles or essays on similar topics to identify and learn new expressions. Additionally, practicing paraphrasing common phrases can help diversify word choice.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "providing free learning to students can create havoc in the national budgets" uses "havoc" in a context that may not clearly convey the intended meaning. A more precise term like "disruption" or "imbalance" would better articulate the potential issues with budget management.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on understanding the nuances of words and their appropriate contexts. This can be practiced by using a thesaurus to find synonyms but ensuring they fit the context of the sentence. Additionally, revising sentences for clarity and specificity can help in selecting the most suitable vocabulary.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains correct spelling, but there are minor errors that detract from the overall quality. For example, "free-of-cost study material and sources" could be more clearly expressed as "free study materials and resources." The phrase "due to overcrowded classroom because everyone is getting" is incomplete and could lead to confusion, indicating a lack of attention to spelling and grammar in the final sentence.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, ideally reading it aloud to catch errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Furthermore, completing sentences fully and ensuring grammatical accuracy will enhance clarity and professionalism in writing.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences like "Moreover, there are economic benefits to providing equal access to education irrespective of their financial background" showcases the writer’s ability to convey nuanced ideas. However, there is a tendency to rely on similar sentence patterns, particularly in the second body paragraph, where phrases like "providing free learning to students" and "the government may hire a large number of professors" are somewhat repetitive in structure.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases, use different conjunctions to connect ideas, and experiment with the placement of clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "The primary reason for," the writer could use alternatives such as "One compelling argument is that…" or "An additional factor to consider is…" This would enhance the overall flow and engagement of the essay.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are several instances where punctuation and grammatical structures could be improved. For example, in the sentence "Providing free learning to students can create havoc in the national budgets," the phrase "create havoc" is somewhat informal and could be expressed more academically as "lead to significant challenges." Additionally, there are issues with comma usage, particularly in the phrase "due to overcrowded classroom because everyone is getting," which lacks a comma before "because" and should be rephrased for clarity.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences. Additionally, proofreading for clarity and formality in word choice would be beneficial. For instance, replacing informal phrases with more precise academic language can elevate the overall tone of the essay. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can also help in identifying and correcting recurring errors.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

The primary reason for supporting this argument is that the right to education for every learner offers equal opportunities. Students can excel in any field upon obtaining a university degree, thereby potentially filling a significant number of job vacancies. This can result in a more educated workforce and a more equitable society. Moreover, there are economic benefits associated with providing equal access to education irrespective of financial background. Free university education can yield long-term economic benefits by creating more knowledgeable and skilled workers, thereby contributing to a country’s overall development and innovation. However, I believe providing free education to students has some potential drawbacks, such as strain on the government’s budget as well as compromised teaching quality.

The primary reason for opposing this stance is the strain on the government budget. Providing free education to students can significantly strain national budgets. For example, the government may need to hire a large number of professors to accommodate the large number of enrolled students. In addition, if many students participate in postgraduate education, classrooms will become extremely crowded with learners, and the government may need to establish additional universities. Furthermore, the quality of teaching is another significant concern. Everyone will receive free study materials and resources, which will impact the teacher’s ability to deliver lectures effectively due to overcrowded classrooms.