Write a paragraph about a counterfeit product.

Chanel handbags are great accessories for staying fashionable, however, it is important to be cautious as there is a proliferation of fake Chanel being sold in stores. Previously, about 8 months ago, my mother bought a Chanel handbag from an online shop. When she first received it after waiting for about a week, she did not realise that the handbag was a fake product. This was because nearly all parts of it were outstandingly well-executed even the Chanel logo on it, which is regarded as so hard to duplicate. Another thing was that that shop sold this bag for only US$200, much cheaper than the average usual. However, after just a couple a months, the bag turned out to be really terrible. The hardware on it, especially the zippers, did not work properly, they were so difficult to pull and eventually being broken because the teeth cannot match each other. Moreover, the faux leather of the bag began to send out a disgusting smell and it caused a splitting headache for my mother. From then on, she did not dare to put in on she cannot use the zippers to lock the bag. Until now, she is still remorseful for buying it because it wasted a lot of money and did not worth it.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"Chanel handbags are great accessories for staying fashionable" -> "Chanel handbags are esteemed accessories for maintaining fashionability"
Explanation: The phrase "great accessories for staying fashionable" is somewhat informal and lacks the precision expected in academic writing. "Esteemed accessories for maintaining fashionability" elevates the formality and specificity of the statement.
"it is important to be cautious" -> "it is imperative to exercise caution"
Explanation: "It is important to be cautious" is a bit too conversational for an academic context. "It is imperative to exercise caution" not only sounds more formal but also emphasizes the necessity of the caution.
"there is a proliferation of fake Chanel being sold in stores" -> "there is a widespread distribution of counterfeit Chanel products in the marketplace"
Explanation: "Proliferation" and "fake" are correct but could be enhanced for academic tone. "Widespread distribution" and "counterfeit" are more precise and elevate the formality of the statement.
"my mother bought a Chanel handbag" -> "my mother purchased a Chanel handbag"
Explanation: "Bought" is perfectly correct but "purchased" is more formal and thus more suitable for an academic context.
"she did not realise" -> "she failed to recognize"
Explanation: "Did not realise" is a bit informal and lacks the academic tone. "Failed to recognize" is more formal and implies a more critical evaluation of the situation.
"outstandingly well-executed" -> "exceptionally well-crafted"
Explanation: "Outstandingly well-executed" is slightly awkward and informal. "Exceptionally well-crafted" maintains the intended meaning while enhancing the formality of the language.
"much cheaper than the average usual" -> "significantly less expensive than the typical market price"
Explanation: "Much cheaper than the average usual" is repetitive and informal. "Significantly less expensive than the typical market price" is more precise and adopts an academic tone.
"after just a couple a months" -> "after merely a few months"
Explanation: "A couple a months" is colloquial and imprecise. "Merely a few months" is more formal and clearer.
"really terrible" -> "substantially inferior"
Explanation: "Really terrible" is overly simplistic and emotionally charged for academic writing. "Substantially inferior" conveys a negative evaluation in a more formal and measured way.
"did not work properly, they were so difficult to pull and eventually being broken" -> "malfunctioned, becoming exceedingly difficult to operate and ultimately breaking"
Explanation: The original phrase is informal and lacks clarity. The suggested revision clarifies the malfunction and uses more formal vocabulary.
"the faux leather of the bag began to send out a disgusting smell" -> "the synthetic leather of the bag began to emit an unpleasant odor"
Explanation: "Send out a disgusting smell" is informal and uses emotional language. "Emit an unpleasant odor" is more formal and objective.
"it caused a splitting headache for my mother" -> "it induced severe headaches in my mother"
Explanation: "Splitting headache" is colloquial and lacks precision. "Induced severe headaches" is more formal and medically accurate.
"she did not dare to put it on she cannot use the zippers to lock the bag" -> "she refrained from using it as she was unable to secure the bag with the malfunctioning zippers"
Explanation: The original sentence is awkward and unclear. The revised version is clearer, more formal, and corrects the grammatical structure.
"did not worth it" -> "was not worth it"
Explanation: "Did not worth it" is grammatically incorrect. "Was not worth it" corrects the grammatical error and maintains simplicity suitable for the context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses the prompt by discussing experiences with a counterfeit product, specifically a Chanel handbag. It mentions the purchase, initial impression, subsequent deterioration, and the buyer’s regret. However, the paragraph lacks depth and detail, failing to explore the broader implications or consequences of counterfeit products.
- How to improve: To improve, ensure that all aspects of the prompt are thoroughly addressed. Consider discussing not only personal experiences but also broader societal impacts of counterfeit goods, such as economic consequences, consumer safety issues, or the implications for brand reputation.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position regarding the negative aspects of purchasing counterfeit products, as evidenced by the description of the disappointment and regret experienced by the buyer.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, explicitly state the position in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the essay. Additionally, provide more nuanced insights or arguments to strengthen the stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents the idea of counterfeit products and their drawbacks but lacks extension and support. While it mentions specific issues encountered with the counterfeit Chanel handbag, such as malfunctioning zippers and unpleasant odor, it lacks elaboration or analysis.
- How to improve: Extend ideas by providing more detailed examples, explanations, or analyses. Support claims with evidence, such as statistics, expert opinions, or additional anecdotes. This will enrich the content and strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the experiences with a counterfeit product, namely the fake Chanel handbag. However, it briefly veers off topic when mentioning the item’s price and the buyer’s remorse.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, avoid tangential details and stick to discussing the counterfeit product and its implications. Refrain from diverging into unrelated topics such as pricing or personal emotions, unless directly relevant to the main argument.

Overall, while the essay effectively communicates experiences with a counterfeit product, it would benefit from deeper analysis, more extensive support, and stricter adherence to the prompt. Improving these aspects will enhance the overall coherence, depth, and persuasiveness of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents information about counterfeit Chanel handbags but lacks a clear organizational structure. It starts by introducing the issue of counterfeit products, then delves into a personal anecdote about the author’s mother purchasing a fake Chanel handbag. However, there is no clear progression of ideas or transitions between points, resulting in a somewhat disjointed narrative.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the essay could benefit from a more structured approach. Consider starting with a clear thesis statement outlining the main points to be discussed, followed by well-organized body paragraphs that explore each point in depth. Additionally, using transitional phrases or sentences between ideas can help improve coherence and guide the reader through the essay more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks effective paragraphing, as it is presented as a single, continuous block of text. Paragraphs are essential for organizing ideas and providing visual cues to the reader, but their absence here makes it challenging to identify distinct points or arguments.
- How to improve: Divide the essay into paragraphs to create a more reader-friendly format. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea or aspect of the topic, with clear topic sentences to introduce the focus of each paragraph. This will help improve clarity and make the essay easier to follow for the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks variety in cohesive devices, relying mainly on chronological sequencing to connect ideas. While some temporal markers are used (e.g., "previously," "after"), there is limited use of other cohesive devices such as pronouns, conjunctions, or transitional phrases to link sentences and paragraphs.
- How to improve: To enhance cohesion, aim to incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices throughout the essay. This could include using pronouns (e.g., "this," "it") to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, employing conjunctions (e.g., "however," "moreover") to show relationships between sentences, and utilizing transitional phrases (e.g., "as a result," "in addition") to guide the reader through the essay. By diversifying the use of cohesive devices, the essay will become more cohesive and coherent overall.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fairly varied vocabulary, with some attempts to use descriptive language and expressions. For instance, the phrases "proliferation of fake Chanel," "outstandingly well-executed," and "faux leather" show an attempt to utilize diverse vocabulary. However, there is room for improvement in terms of variety and sophistication. The essay tends to rely on basic vocabulary and could benefit from more nuanced and precise language choices.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer can incorporate more specific terminology related to counterfeit goods, such as terms describing manufacturing processes, materials, or legal implications. Additionally, employing synonyms and idiomatic expressions can add depth to the writing. For example, instead of repeatedly using "fake," the writer could use alternatives like "counterfeit," "imitation," or "knock-off."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with moderate precision. Certain terms like "faux leather" and "Chanel logo" demonstrate an accurate choice of words relevant to the topic. However, there are instances of imprecise language, such as "hardware on it" and "disgusting smell," where more specific terms could enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should strive to use terminology that precisely conveys the intended meaning. Instead of "hardware," specifying components like "zippers" or "fastenings" would be clearer. Similarly, describing the smell in more detail or using descriptors like "noxious" or "pungent" can paint a clearer picture for the reader.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a mixed level of spelling accuracy. Most words are spelled correctly, but there are notable errors throughout the text, such as "proliferation" (misspelled as "prolifiration"), "regarded" (misspelled as "regared"), "teeth" (misspelled as "teath"), and "sent out" (misspelled as "send out"). These errors slightly detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully or consider using spelling and grammar check tools to catch and correct errors. Additionally, practicing spelling common and challenging words can help improve accuracy over time. Keeping a dictionary or spell-checker handy while writing can also be beneficial in avoiding mistakes.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. Simple sentences dominate the essay, such as "Chanel handbags are great accessories for staying fashionable," and "This was because nearly all parts of it were outstandingly well-executed even the Chanel logo on it, which is regarded as so hard to duplicate." There is an attempt at complexity with sentences like, "Moreover, the faux leather of the bag began to send out a disgusting smell and it caused a splitting headache for my mother." However, there is limited variety overall.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex structures such as conditional sentences, relative clauses, and participial phrases. For instance, instead of consistently using simple sentences to convey ideas, try merging ideas using subordinate clauses or restructuring sentences for better flow and coherence.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates proficiency in basic grammatical structures but contains several errors in subject-verb agreement, article usage, and tense consistency. For example, "Another thing was that that shop sold this bag for only US$200," contains a redundant use of "that" and lacks clarity. Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas before introductory phrases and faulty comma splices. Furthermore, there are issues with word choice and phrasing, such as "from then on, she did not dare to put in on she cannot use the zippers to lock the bag," where "put in on" is unclear and should be revised for clarity.
- How to improve: Focus on mastering grammatical structures related to subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and article usage. Proofreading the essay carefully can help identify and correct punctuation errors. Additionally, consider revising sentences for clarity and precision, ensuring that each word contributes effectively to the intended meaning. Reading aloud or seeking feedback from others can also aid in identifying areas for improvement in grammar and punctuation accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

Chanel handbags are esteemed accessories for maintaining fashionability, yet it is imperative to exercise caution due to the widespread distribution of counterfeit Chanel products in the marketplace. My mother purchased a Chanel handbag from an online shop approximately 8 months ago. Initially, she failed to recognize it as a counterfeit product, as it appeared exceptionally well-crafted, including the Chanel logo, which is notoriously difficult to duplicate. Moreover, the price was significantly less expensive than the typical market price, being sold for only US$200. However, after merely a few months, the bag proved to be substantially inferior. The hardware, particularly the zippers, malfunctioned, becoming exceedingly difficult to operate and ultimately breaking. Additionally, the synthetic leather of the bag began to emit an unpleasant odor, inducing severe headaches in my mother. Consequently, she refrained from using it as she was unable to secure the bag with the malfunctioning zippers. Ultimately, the purchase was not worth it, leaving my mother remorseful for the wasted money.