Write a report for the following line chart

The line graph illustrates the proportion of the expenditure of a European nation on five different research fields over 40 years, starting from 1980.
Overall, a significant downward trend was seen in the amount of different expenses allocated to all types of studies, except for transport system. Among them, the expenditure on food used to be the largest one, accounting for 33% before being replaced by the transportation system, making up to 15% of the national budget from 1960 to 2000.
In 1960, by far the greatest expenditure was on food, with 33% of the total spending, which was approximately 10% higher than the figure for leisure. In the same year, the two other sectors experienced a gradual decrease in the percentage of its national spending. The third position went to Clothing spending with 10%, and far below was the spending of other energy, which accounted for 5%.
From 1960 to 2000, a dramatically ascending trend could be seen in the nation’s spending on Food, from 33% in 1960 to 14% in 2000 respectively. The proportion of the expenditure on Leisure, Clothing, and Energy followed a similar trend, with respective figures being 13%, 5% and 3% over the 40 years. Meanwhile, there was a notable increase in the Transportation system spending, surpassing the three other sectors, with its figure growing considerably to 15% of the total budget in 2000.

Write

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"proportion of the expenditure" -> "proportion of expenditure"
Explanation: Removing the definite article "the" before "expenditure" streamlines the phrase and avoids redundancy, as "expenditure" in this context already implies a specific scope being discussed.
"making up to 15%" -> "constituting up to 15%"
Explanation: The term "constituting" is a more precise and formal verb than "making up," enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"different expenses allocated to all types of studies" -> "various funds allocated across all research areas"
Explanation: Replacing "different expenses" with "various funds" and "all types of studies" with "all research areas" clarifies and refines the language, better suiting the context of research funding.
"transport system" -> "transportation sector"
Explanation: The term "sector" is more appropriate in this context, as it refers to a distinct part of the economy or a field of activity, whereas "system" might imply a set of connected things or parts.
"used to be the largest one" -> "was formerly the largest"
Explanation: "Was formerly" is more precise and formal than "used to be the largest one," improving the formality and clarity of the statement.
"a dramatically ascending trend" -> "a sharply ascending trend"
Explanation: "Sharply" is more commonly used in academic and statistical contexts to describe significant increases, making it more suitable than "dramatically" which can imply drama or exaggeration.
"with its figure growing considerably" -> "with its proportion increasing significantly"
Explanation: Using "proportion" instead of "figure" ties back to the statistical context of the essay, and "significantly" is a more precise term than "considerably" in describing the extent of increase.
"the two other sectors experienced a gradual decrease" -> "the other two sectors experienced a gradual decline"
Explanation: "Decline" is more commonly used in formal and statistical contexts when describing reductions, and adjusting the phrase to "the other two sectors" follows standard English numerical adjective order.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the main trends in expenditure on five different research fields over a 40-year period. The key features, such as the changes in expenditure proportions over time, are clearly presented and highlighted. However, the response could be more fully developed, especially in terms of providing additional contextual details or analysis.
How to improve: To improve, consider expanding on the analysis by providing more specific data points or discussing potential factors driving the observed trends. Additionally, ensure clarity and coherence in the presentation of ideas to enhance the overall effectiveness of the response.
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Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay presents information in a somewhat coherent manner, with a clear attempt to organize ideas chronologically. The introduction provides a brief overview of the chart, setting the context for the subsequent discussion. However, there are some coherence issues, such as the abrupt transition from discussing the overall trend to specific details without a smooth segue. Additionally, the progression of ideas within paragraphs is generally clear, but there are instances of repetitive phrasing and awkward transitions between sentences. While the essay uses cohesive devices effectively in some places, there are inconsistencies, particularly in the transition between paragraphs.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on developing smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates to the central theme of the essay. Use a variety of cohesive devices consistently throughout the essay to maintain coherence, such as pronouns, transitional phrases, and logical connectors. Pay attention to the logical flow of ideas, avoiding repetition and ensuring that each point contributes to the overall argument. Additionally, consider restructuring sentences for clarity and coherence, avoiding overly complex phrasing that may confuse the reader.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, including some specific terms related to the topic (e.g., "expenditure," "proportion," "transport system"). However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive (e.g., "expenditure," "spending") and lacks sophistication. There are also several inaccuracies and awkward phrases that detract from the overall lexical quality of the essay (e.g., "a significant downward trend was seen in the amount of different expenses," "a dramatically ascending trend could be seen in the nation’s spending"). Additionally, there are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation (e.g., "expenditure of a European nation on five different research fields").

How to improve:
To improve the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to vary their vocabulary more and use more precise and sophisticated language. They should also pay closer attention to word choice and collocation to ensure accuracy and clarity. Additionally, using a wider range of vocabulary related to the topic, such as specific terms for different research fields or types of expenditure, would enhance the lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. It provides a clear overview and detailed information regarding the expenditure on different research fields over 40 years. While there are some errors in grammar and punctuation, they do not significantly hinder communication.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should aim for more varied sentence structures and pay closer attention to grammar and punctuation errors. Additionally, proofreading the essay before submission can help identify and correct any mistakes, thereby improving overall clarity and coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided line graph depicts changes in a European nation’s expenditure across five distinct research fields over a span of 40 years, commencing in 1980.

Overall, a discernible downward trajectory is evident in the allocation of expenses across all research categories, barring the transportation sector. Notably, food expenditure, which previously constituted the largest portion, at 33%, was supplanted by transportation, rising to 15% of the national budget from 1960 to 2000.

In 1960, food expenditure dominated, comprising 33% of total spending, approximately 10% higher than leisure. Concurrently, both leisure and clothing sectors witnessed gradual declines in their share of national spending. Clothing accounted for 10%, while energy lagged significantly behind at 5%.

Over the 40-year period from 1960 to 2000, a pronounced increase in food expenditure is observable, declining from 33% to 14% by 2000. Leisure, clothing, and energy expenditure exhibited similar trends, with respective figures of 13%, 5%, and 3%. Notably, transportation expenditure witnessed a notable surge, surpassing other sectors to reach 15% of the total budget by 2000.