Write about fast food

Fast fashion is a business model that focuses on producing and selling clothes quickly and too much cheap to meet the lastest fashion trends. So, it caused a lot of impaction . Firstly, low- quality materials caused some affection about money and make the longevity of the item to be shorter . So, it will provoke a cycle of over consumption . The consumer will buy more things if their item is broken.
Secondly, constant desire for new clothes , it also second reason make this condition take place the consumer always think they will be more confident if they own a lo of beatiful clothes . In addition, buying a lot of clothes also make a sense of exatement for consumer.
And finally, a lot of people work in the fashion industry also called KOLs or KOC . These people who keep up with the lastest fashion trends. They always buy or receive product from shop to advertise , creating desire for consumer.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Fast fashion is a business model that focuses on producing and selling clothes quickly and too much cheap to meet the lastest fashion trends." -> "Fast fashion is a business model that prioritizes rapid production and sale of clothing at a low cost to keep up with the latest fashion trends."
Explanation: The original phrase "too much cheap" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revised version corrects the grammar and uses "prioritizes" to enhance the formal tone.
"So, it caused a lot of impaction." -> "This has resulted in significant impacts."
Explanation: "Impaction" is not a commonly used term in this context. "Impacts" is the correct term, and "significant" is more precise than "a lot of."
"low- quality materials caused some affection about money" -> "low-quality materials have led to concerns about cost"
Explanation: "Affection about money" is unclear and incorrect. "Concerns about cost" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing.
"make the longevity of the item to be shorter" -> "reduce the lifespan of the item"
Explanation: "Make the longevity of the item to be shorter" is awkward and verbose. "Reduce the lifespan of the item" is clearer and more direct.
"So, it will provoke a cycle of over consumption" -> "This leads to a cycle of overconsumption"
Explanation: "So, it will provoke" is informal and lacks clarity. "This leads to" is more direct and formal.
"The consumer will buy more things if their item is broken" -> "Consumers tend to purchase more items when their existing ones break"
Explanation: "The consumer will buy more things" is informal and vague. "Consumers tend to purchase more items" is more precise and formal.
"constant desire for new clothes, it also second reason make this condition take place" -> "the constant desire for new clothing is another reason this condition persists"
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning.
"it also second reason make this condition take place" -> "it is also another reason this condition persists"
Explanation: "Second reason make this condition take place" is grammatically incorrect. "It is also another reason this condition persists" corrects the grammar and improves readability.
"a lot of people work in the fashion industry also called KOLs or KOC" -> "many individuals in the fashion industry, including KOLs and KOC"
Explanation: "A lot of people" is informal and vague. "Many individuals" is more precise and formal.
"These people who keep up with the lastest fashion trends" -> "These individuals who stay abreast of the latest fashion trends"
Explanation: "Keep up with the lastest" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Stay abreast of the latest" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"They always buy or receive product from shop to advertise" -> "They consistently purchase or receive products from retailers to advertise"
Explanation: "Buy or receive product from shop" is informal and vague. "Purchase or receive products from retailers" is more precise and formal.
"creating desire for consumer" -> "stimulating consumer desire"
Explanation: "Creating desire for consumer" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "Stimulating consumer desire" is grammatically correct and more formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 2

Band Score for Task Response: 2 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does not address the prompt effectively, as it discusses "fast fashion" instead of "fast food." This misinterpretation of the topic indicates a lack of understanding of the question, which is critical for achieving a higher score. The essay fails to explore any aspects related to fast food, such as its impact on health, society, or the economy.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should carefully read and analyze the prompt to ensure they understand the topic being asked. They should brainstorm relevant points related to fast food, such as its convenience, health implications, and cultural significance, before drafting the essay.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a clear position as it does not pertain to the assigned topic. The discussion of fast fashion does not provide any coherent argument or viewpoint related to fast food. Consequently, the reader is left confused about the writer’s stance on the subject matter.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should focus on articulating their viewpoint on fast food. They should state their position in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the essay with relevant examples and arguments that support their stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are not relevant to the topic of fast food. While there are attempts to discuss the implications of fast fashion, these points are not developed or supported with evidence. The lack of relevant examples or explanations further weakens the essay’s effectiveness.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to present clear and relevant ideas related to fast food. They should develop each idea with specific examples, statistics, or anecdotes to provide depth and support. For instance, discussing the health risks associated with fast food consumption or its economic impact could strengthen the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay deviates significantly from the topic of fast food, focusing instead on fast fashion. This lack of adherence to the topic is a major reason for the low score, as it demonstrates a failure to engage with the prompt.
- How to improve: To stay on topic, the writer should ensure that every paragraph relates directly to fast food. They can create an outline based on the prompt, ensuring that each section of the essay addresses a specific aspect of fast food, such as its popularity, health concerns, and societal effects.

In summary, the essay’s failure to address the prompt about fast food, combined with a lack of clear position, development of ideas, and adherence to the topic, has resulted in a low band score. To improve, the writer should focus on understanding the prompt, presenting relevant ideas, and supporting them effectively while maintaining a clear and consistent position throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to fast fashion, but the organization is somewhat disjointed. The introduction fails to clearly define the topic, as it begins with "Fast fashion" instead of "Fast food," indicating a misunderstanding of the prompt. The points made in the body paragraphs are relevant but lack a clear progression. For instance, the transition from discussing low-quality materials to consumer behavior is abrupt, and the connection between points is not well established.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should begin with a clear thesis statement that outlines the main points to be discussed. Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence that clearly indicates the main idea, followed by supporting details. Additionally, using transitional phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "In contrast," "As a result") can help guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks clear paragraphing, which makes it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. While there are attempts to separate ideas, they are not distinctly marked as separate paragraphs. For example, the first paragraph discusses low-quality materials and consumer behavior in a single block of text, which can confuse the reader about where one idea ends and another begins.
- How to improve: The writer should structure the essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a single main idea. A typical structure could include an introduction, one paragraph for each main point (e.g., quality issues, consumer behavior, and the role of influencers), and a conclusion. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details and examples.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited use of cohesive devices, which affects the flow of ideas. There are some attempts at cohesion, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "And finally," but these are not sufficient to create a smooth reading experience. Additionally, the use of pronouns and conjunctions is minimal, which can lead to ambiguity in references (e.g., "These people who keep up with the lastest fashion trends" lacks clarity about who "these people" refers to).
- How to improve: To improve cohesion, the writer should incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices, such as linking words (e.g., "however," "moreover," "in addition") and pronouns to refer back to previously mentioned ideas. This will help create clearer connections between sentences and paragraphs. Practicing the use of these devices in various contexts can enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on understanding the prompt, organizing ideas logically, clearly structuring paragraphs, and using a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt to use varied vocabulary, such as "business model," "low-quality materials," and "over consumption." However, the range is limited, and there are instances of repetition, such as the phrase "lastest fashion trends," which appears multiple times without variation. The use of terms like "KOLs" and "KOC" shows an effort to incorporate industry-specific vocabulary, but the overall lexical variety does not fully meet the expectations for a higher band score.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeating "lastest fashion trends," alternatives like "current fashion styles" or "emerging fashion trends" could be used. Additionally, incorporating more descriptive adjectives and adverbs can enrich the text, such as using "affordable" instead of "cheap" or "excessive" instead of "too much."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from the clarity of the argument. For example, the phrase "it caused a lot of impaction" is unclear; "impaction" is not the appropriate term in this context. The phrase "make the longevity of the item to be shorter" is awkward and could be expressed more clearly as "reduce the longevity of the item." Additionally, "exatement" is a misspelling of "excitement," which further complicates the reader’s understanding.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. This includes selecting words that fit the context better and ensuring that phrases are grammatically correct. For example, replacing "it caused a lot of impaction" with "it has significant negative impacts" would clarify the point being made. Regular practice with vocabulary exercises and reading widely can help in developing a more precise vocabulary.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "lastest" (latest), "affection" (affection is used incorrectly here, possibly meant to be "affection" or "effect"), "lo" (a typo for "lot"), and "beatiful" (beautiful). These errors not only affect the readability of the essay but also detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice and utilize tools such as spell checkers. Reading more can also help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts. Additionally, proofreading the essay before submission can help catch and correct these errors. Keeping a personal list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial for targeted practice.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary use, there are significant areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly employs simple sentence structures, which limits the overall variety and complexity. For instance, sentences like "The consumer will buy more things if their item is broken" and "These people who keep up with the lastest fashion trends" reflect a basic sentence construction. While there are some attempts at more complex structures, such as "In addition, buying a lot of clothes also make a sense of exatement for consumer," these are not fully successful due to grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. The use of conjunctions is minimal, and there is a lack of varied sentence beginnings, which contributes to a monotonous reading experience.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice incorporating compound and complex sentences. For example, instead of "The consumer will buy more things if their item is broken," the writer could say, "When an item breaks, consumers often feel compelled to purchase replacements, leading to increased spending." Additionally, varying sentence openings (starting with adverbs, phrases, or clauses) can add interest and complexity to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For instance, "too much cheap" should be "too cheaply," and "lastest" is a misspelling of "latest." The phrase "it caused a lot of impaction" is unclear and should be revised for better clarity, possibly to "it has significant impacts." Furthermore, punctuation errors, such as the missing commas in "Secondly, constant desire for new clothes , it also second reason make this condition take place," disrupt the flow of the text and confuse the reader. The use of articles is inconsistent, as seen in "a sense of exatement for consumer," which should be "a sense of excitement for consumers."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on reviewing basic grammar rules, particularly concerning verb forms, subject-verb agreement, and article usage. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can help identify and correct common mistakes. Additionally, careful proofreading for punctuation and spelling errors before submission will enhance the overall quality of the writing.

By addressing these areas of improvement, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy in future IELTS essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

Fast fashion is a business model that focuses on producing and selling clothes quickly and at a low cost to meet the latest fashion trends. This has resulted in significant impacts. Firstly, low-quality materials have led to concerns about cost and have reduced the lifespan of the item. This leads to a cycle of overconsumption, as consumers tend to purchase more items when their existing ones break.

Secondly, the constant desire for new clothes is another reason this condition persists. Consumers always think they will be more confident if they own a lot of beautiful clothes. In addition, buying many clothes also creates a sense of excitement for consumers.

Finally, many individuals in the fashion industry, including KOLs and KOCs, play a role in this cycle. These individuals stay abreast of the latest fashion trends. They consistently purchase or receive products from retailers to advertise, stimulating consumer desire.