Write about the following topic: In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write about the following topic:

In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care.

Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Who is going to pay the expenses for the elderly care is a tough question for governments and societies around the globe. In Britain, government has to fund the nurses and accomodations for old people. However, there are arguments that the responsibility should be the families of the elders.

Old people, who was once a part of the working class, are the ones who have contributed to the society and the economy. Because they have already paid taxes, social welfare and other state's expenses for decades, it is understandable that the country's leaders have to take their obligation to take care of them. The public needs to provide everyone basic needs when they are retiring, or when they are no longer able to work due to their age. This sponsor can be free access to eldery homes, regular healthcare packges, or in cash. For example, in Vietnam, when a person reaches his/her retirement age, they will be eligible for a monthly payment by the government and a card for free healthcare at most hospitals in the public sector. The payout cash varies which depends on how much they have spent for the public social insurance for the rest of their working period.

It is worth noticing that the old people do not always require the same care giving services. As a person grows older, they may expose to inevitable health risks. For instance, a chronicle illness suddenly develops and that requires expensive medical treatments from overseas. Therefore, not all governments have a sufficient funds to cover special cases. In such situations, the elder's family needs to take care of the old and bare the medical expenses.

In conclusion, governments need to take their responsibility to take care of older people as they contributed to the growth of the country in the past. On the other hand, younger faimily members should pay their tribute to parents and grandparents because an old people needs more than just a place to spend their last stage of the life.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Who is going to pay the expenses for the elderly care is a tough question for governments and societies around the globe." -> "Determining the party responsible for funding elderly care poses a significant challenge for governments and societies worldwide."
   Explanation: The revised sentence improves clarity and formality by restructuring the sentence and using more precise vocabulary.

2. "In Britain, government has to fund the nurses and accomodations for old people." -> "In Britain, the government is obligated to fund nurses and accommodations for the elderly."
   Explanation: "Has to" is replaced with "is obligated to," which is more formal and precise. Additionally, "accommodations" is corrected for spelling.

3. "However, there are arguments that the responsibility should be the families of the elders." -> "However, arguments suggest that the responsibility should fall on the families of the elderly."
   Explanation: The revision provides a clearer and more formal expression of the idea.

4. "Old people, who was once a part of the working class, are the ones who have contributed to the society and the economy." -> "Elderly individuals, who were once part of the working class, are those who have contributed to society and the economy."
   Explanation: "Was" is corrected to "were" for subject-verb agreement. "Old people" is replaced with "elderly individuals" for a more formal tone.

5. "Because they have already paid taxes, social welfare and other state’s expenses for decades, it is understandable that the country’s leaders have to take their obligation to take care of them." -> "Having already contributed through taxes, social welfare, and other state expenses for decades, it is understandable that the country’s leaders must fulfill their obligation to care for them."
   Explanation: The revised sentence maintains the original meaning but improves clarity and formality.

6. "The public needs to provide everyone basic needs when they are retiring, or when they are no longer able to work due to their age." -> "It is imperative for the public to ensure that individuals have their basic needs met upon retirement or when they are no longer able to work due to age."
   Explanation: The revision provides a more formal and precise expression of the idea.

7. "This sponsor can be free access to eldery homes, regular healthcare packges, or in cash." -> "This support can manifest as free access to elderly homes, regular healthcare packages, or direct financial assistance."
   Explanation: "Sponsor" is replaced with "support" for a more appropriate term in this context. "Packges" is corrected to "packages," and "in cash" is rephrased for clarity and formality.

8. "For example, in Vietnam, when a person reaches his/her retirement age, they will be eligible for a monthly payment by the government and a card for free healthcare at most hospitals in the public sector." -> "For example, in Vietnam, upon reaching retirement age, individuals become eligible for a monthly government payment and a card for free healthcare at most public sector hospitals."
   Explanation: The revision simplifies the sentence for better readability without altering the original meaning.

9. "The payout cash varies which depends on how much they have spent for the public social insurance for the rest of their working period." -> "The amount of the payout varies depending on the individual’s contributions to public social insurance throughout their working years."
   Explanation: The revision clarifies the relationship between the payout and the individual’s contributions.

10. "It is worth noticing that the old people do not always require the same care giving services." -> "It is worth noting that elderly individuals do not always require the same level of care."
    Explanation: "Noticing" is replaced with "noting" for a more formal tone. "Old people" is replaced with "elderly individuals" for clarity and formality.

11. "As a person grows older, they may expose to inevitable health risks." -> "As individuals age, they may be exposed to inevitable health risks."
    Explanation: "They may expose to" is corrected to "they may be exposed to" for grammatical accuracy and clarity.

12. "For instance, a chronicle illness suddenly develops and that requires expensive medical treatments from overseas." -> "For instance, a chronic illness may suddenly develop, necessitating expensive medical treatments abroad."
    Explanation: "Chronicle" is corrected to "chronic," and the sentence is rephrased for clarity and formality.

13. "Therefore, not all governments have a sufficient funds to cover special cases." -> "Therefore, not all governments have sufficient funds to cover exceptional cases."
    Explanation: "A sufficient funds" is corrected to "sufficient funds," and "special cases" is replaced with "exceptional cases" for better accuracy and formality.

14. "In such situations, the elder’s family needs to take care of the old and bare the medical expenses." -> "In such situations, the elderly person’s family needs to care for them and bear the medical expenses."
    Explanation: "Elder’s" is corrected to "elderly person’s" for clarity. "Bare" is replaced with "bear" for the correct usage.

15. "On the other hand, younger faimily members should pay their tribute to parents and grandparents because an old people needs more than just a place to spend their last stage of the life." -> "Conversely, younger family members should honor their parents and grandparents, as the elderly need more than just a place to spend their final stage of life."
    Explanation: The revision improves the sentence’s clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the prompt. It discusses both perspectives on who should pay for elderly care (government and family), provides reasons for each stance, and includes relevant examples to support the arguments.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the response, consider expanding on the potential consequences or implications of each approach. Additionally, providing more specific examples or statistical data could strengthen the argumentation.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout by advocating for both governmental responsibility and familial obligation in paying for elderly care. The stance is consistent and supported with coherent reasoning.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity, ensure that each paragraph reinforces the main argument without introducing conflicting ideas or ambiguity. Additionally, explicitly stating the author’s position in the introduction and conclusion can enhance clarity for the reader.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas with relevant examples and logical reasoning. Each paragraph develops the argument cohesively, providing sufficient elaboration on the main points.
  • How to improve: To further extend ideas, consider delving deeper into the potential challenges or complexities associated with governmental or familial responsibility for elderly care. Providing counterarguments and refutations can also strengthen the overall argumentation.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of who should pay for elderly care, without significant deviations. However, it briefly touches on the variability of elderly care needs and the potential financial limitations of governments, which are relevant to the discussion.
  • How to improve: While the essay generally stays on topic, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the central theme and contributes to the overall argument. Avoid tangential discussions that detract from the main focus of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively presents arguments supporting both governmental and familial responsibility for elderly care. To further enhance the response, consider providing more specific examples, reinforcing clarity, extending ideas with deeper analysis, and maintaining strict relevance to the topic throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It begins with a clear introduction that introduces the topic and presents the two sides of the argument. The body paragraphs follow a logical progression, discussing first the government’s responsibility, then the family’s role, and finally, a conclusion summarizing the arguments presented. However, there are some instances where the flow could be improved, such as the abrupt transition between discussing government responsibility and family responsibility.
  • How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider smoother transitions between paragraphs. For example, after discussing government responsibility, you could introduce the shift to family responsibility with a transitional phrase like "On the other hand," or "Conversely." Additionally, ensure that each paragraph builds upon the previous one and that the overall structure of the essay follows a clear and coherent progression of ideas.
• Use Paragraphs:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to organize ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, such as government responsibility, family responsibility, and the conclusion. However, some paragraphs could be more developed to provide further support for the arguments presented.
  • How to improve: Consider expanding on each argument by providing additional examples or elaborating on the existing ones. For instance, in the paragraph discussing government responsibility, you could provide more details about the types of support governments should provide for the elderly, such as healthcare services or financial assistance. This will not only strengthen your arguments but also improve the overall coherence of the essay.
• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and enhance coherence. Transition words and phrases such as "however," "for example," and "in conclusion" are used effectively to signal shifts between different parts of the essay. Additionally, cohesive devices like pronouns ("they," "their") help maintain coherence by referring back to previously mentioned concepts.
  • How to improve: Continue to use cohesive devices consistently throughout the essay to ensure smooth transitions between ideas. Additionally, consider incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices, such as synonyms, parallel structures, and repetition, to further strengthen the connections between sentences and paragraphs.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid level of coherence and cohesion, there are areas where improvements can be made to enhance the logical organization, paragraph structure, and use of cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested strategies, you can elevate the clarity and coherence of your writing, ultimately improving your overall band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "societies," "accommodations," "contributed," "obligation," "chronicle illness," and "tribute." These choices effectively convey the writer’s ideas and add depth to the discussion.
  • How to improve: To further enhance lexical variety, consider integrating more sophisticated synonyms or exploring nuanced vocabulary related to the topic. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "old people," variations like "elderly individuals," "seniors," or "the aging population" could be employed.
• Use Vocabulary Precisely:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying the intended meanings. For example, terms like "chronicle illness" accurately depict long-term health conditions, enhancing clarity and specificity.
  • How to improve: While overall precise, there are instances where vocabulary could be refined for greater precision. For instance, the phrase "sponsor can be free access to elderly homes" might benefit from specifying the type of sponsorship, such as "subsidized access" or "government-funded residency." Ensuring consistency in terminology usage can also contribute to clarity and precision.
• Use Correct Spelling:
  • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is generally satisfactory, with no glaring errors observed. Words like "accommodations," "chronicle," and "tribute" are spelled correctly, contributing to the overall coherence and professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: While spelling errors are minimal, it’s advisable to remain vigilant and employ tools such as spell-checkers to catch any potential mistakes. Additionally, reviewing common spelling patterns and frequently misspelled words can further bolster spelling accuracy.

Overall, the essay exhibits a strong command of vocabulary, with a diverse range of terms effectively utilized to convey the writer’s arguments. By maintaining precision and accuracy in vocabulary usage, as well as continuously expanding lexical variety, the essay can further enhance its effectiveness in communicating complex ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, the essay employs compound sentences such as "Old people, who was once a part of the working class, are the ones who have contributed to the society and the economy," and complex sentences like "It is worth noticing that the old people do not always require the same care giving services." These structures enhance readability and convey complex ideas effectively.
  • How to improve: While the essay generally utilizes a wide range of sentence structures, incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as conditional sentences or sentences with embedded clauses, can further elevate the sophistication of the writing. For instance, introducing sentences with phrases like "In the event that…" or "Given that…" can add depth to the analysis.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates proficient grammatical accuracy with few notable errors. However, there are some instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, in the sentence "Old people, who was once a part of the working class," the verb "was" should agree with the plural subject "people" and be "were." Additionally, the phrase "it is worth noticing" could be more appropriately phrased as "it is worth noting" for smoother readability.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it’s advisable to review subject-verb agreement rules and ensure consistency throughout the essay. Additionally, proofreading for awkward phrasing can help refine the clarity and coherence of the writing. Utilizing tools like grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers can assist in identifying and rectifying grammatical errors effectively.

Bài sửa mẫu

Determining who should bear the expenses for elderly care is a challenging issue for governments and societies worldwide. In Britain, the government is obligated to fund nurses and accommodations for the elderly. However, there are arguments suggesting that the responsibility should rest with the families of the elderly.

Elderly individuals, who were once part of the working class, are those who have contributed to society and the economy. Having already contributed through taxes, social welfare, and other state expenses for decades, it is understandable that the country’s leaders must fulfill their obligation to care for them. It is imperative for the public to ensure that individuals have their basic needs met upon retirement or when they are no longer able to work due to age. This support can manifest as free access to elderly homes, regular healthcare packages, or direct financial assistance. For instance, in Vietnam, upon reaching retirement age, individuals become eligible for a monthly government payment and a card for free healthcare at most public sector hospitals. The amount of the payout varies depending on the individual’s contributions to public social insurance throughout their working years.

It is worth noting that elderly individuals do not always require the same level of care. As individuals age, they may be exposed to inevitable health risks. For example, a chronic illness may suddenly develop, necessitating expensive medical treatments abroad. Therefore, not all governments have sufficient funds to cover exceptional cases. In such situations, the elderly person’s family needs to care for them and bear the medical expenses.

Conversely, younger family members should honor their parents and grandparents, as the elderly need more than just a place to spend their final stage of life. They deserve respect and care from their families, especially considering their contributions to society.

In conclusion, governments have a responsibility to care for older people due to their past contributions to the country. However, families also play a crucial role in providing support and care for their elderly members, ensuring they have a dignified and comfortable life in their later years.