Write about ways to adopt a green lifestyle.
Write about ways to adopt a green lifestyle.
Nowadays, the environment is becoming more and more polluted. Therefore, many people adopt a healthier and greener lifestyle. There are many ways to do that, and here are some of them. Firstly, people should replace motorbikes and cars by bicycles as much as possible. As far as I am concerned, the atmosphere is covered in cars' smoke, and it can cause cancer. Secondly, it's better to use reuseable itiems instead of plastic ones. Plastic bags, plastic bottles take thousands of years to go off, and it has a bad impact on our environment. Other way to live green is to organise weekly events that encourage local people to join hand to protect the environment. In the event, people can collect the rubbish, water plants and etc. To conclude, everyone can apply these ways to have a healthy life.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays." -
"more and more polluted" -> "increasingly polluted"
Explanation: "Increasingly" is a more formal and precise adverb that conveys the gradual nature of environmental degradation, enhancing the academic tone. -
"adopt a healthier and greener lifestyle" -> "adopt a healthier and more environmentally conscious lifestyle"
Explanation: "More environmentally conscious" is a more specific and academically appropriate phrase than "greener," which is somewhat vague and informal. -
"there are many ways to do that" -> "there are several strategies to achieve this"
Explanation: "Several strategies" is more specific and formal than "many ways," and "achieve this" is more precise than "do that," aligning better with academic style. -
"replace motorbikes and cars by bicycles" -> "substitute motorbikes and cars with bicycles"
Explanation: "Substitute" is a more formal verb than "replace," and "with" is grammatically correct in this context, improving the sentence structure. -
"As far as I am concerned" -> "In my opinion"
Explanation: "In my opinion" is a more formal expression suitable for academic writing, replacing the more conversational "As far as I am concerned." -
"it can cause cancer" -> "it may contribute to cancer"
Explanation: "May contribute to" is a more cautious and scientifically appropriate phrase than "can cause," which is too absolute and informal for academic discourse. -
"it’s better to use reuseable itiems" -> "it is preferable to use reusable items"
Explanation: "It is preferable" is a more formal expression than "it’s better," and "items" should be spelled correctly as "items." -
"take thousands of years to go off" -> "take thousands of years to decompose"
Explanation: "Decompose" is the correct term for the biological process of breaking down organic materials, replacing the informal and vague "go off." -
"has a bad impact" -> "has a detrimental impact"
Explanation: "Detrimental" is a more precise and formal adjective than "bad," which is too colloquial for academic writing. -
"Other way to live green" -> "Another way to live sustainably"
Explanation: "Another way" is grammatically correct, and "sustainably" is a more precise and formal term than "green," which is vague and informal. -
"join hand to protect" -> "join hands to protect"
Explanation: "Join hands" is the correct idiomatic expression, and "to protect" should be "to protect the environment" for clarity and formality. -
"collect the rubbish, water plants and etc." -> "collect waste, water plants, and engage in other activities"
Explanation: "Waste" is a more formal term than "rubbish," and "engage in other activities" is more specific and formal than "and etc.," which is too informal and vague. -
"everyone can apply these ways" -> "everyone can adopt these strategies"
Explanation: "Adopt these strategies" is more formal and precise than "apply these ways," aligning better with academic style.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing various ways to adopt a green lifestyle, such as using bicycles instead of cars and reducing plastic use. However, it lacks depth and fails to explore a wider range of strategies or elaborate on the significance of these actions. The mention of organizing community events is a positive addition, but it is not sufficiently developed to demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to include more diverse strategies for adopting a green lifestyle, such as promoting renewable energy, conserving water, or supporting sustainable products. Each suggestion should be elaborated upon with explanations of why these actions are beneficial, providing a more rounded answer to the prompt.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a general position advocating for a greener lifestyle, but it lacks a strong, clear thesis statement that outlines the writer’s stance. The use of phrases like "as far as I am concerned" introduces a personal opinion but does not establish a firm position that is consistently maintained throughout the essay.
- How to improve: The writer should formulate a clear thesis statement in the introduction that encapsulates the main argument of the essay. This statement should be referenced throughout the essay to maintain focus and coherence. Additionally, using more assertive language can help in reinforcing the position taken.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are somewhat relevant but lack sufficient development and support. For instance, while the suggestion to use bicycles is made, there is no explanation of its broader environmental impact or how it contributes to a greener lifestyle. The mention of reusable items is similarly underdeveloped, with no discussion on alternatives or the benefits of reducing plastic consumption.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to not only present ideas but also extend them by providing examples, statistics, or real-life implications. Each point should be supported with reasoning or evidence that illustrates its importance in adopting a green lifestyle.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on adopting a green lifestyle. However, there are moments where the ideas could be more tightly linked to the central theme. For example, the phrase "to have a healthy life" in the conclusion somewhat shifts the focus from environmentalism to personal health, which could confuse the reader regarding the main topic.
- How to improve: To maintain topic relevance, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the concept of a green lifestyle. It would be beneficial to avoid introducing unrelated ideas and to consistently tie each suggestion back to the overarching theme of environmental sustainability.
In summary, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their ideas, providing clear support for each point, maintaining a consistent position, and ensuring all content directly addresses the prompt. Additionally, meeting the word count requirement is crucial, as being under the word limit can significantly impact the overall score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas in a generally logical sequence, beginning with the introduction of the topic and moving through various suggestions for adopting a green lifestyle. However, the transition between points could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing transportation to the use of reusable items lacks a clear linking sentence that would help the reader follow the progression of ideas. The conclusion, while summarizing the points, does not effectively tie back to the introduction or provide a strong closing statement that reinforces the essay’s main argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases between points, such as "In addition," or "Furthermore," to guide the reader through the argument. Additionally, structuring the essay with clear topic sentences for each paragraph can help clarify the main idea being discussed.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but they are not distinctly separated or clearly defined. Each suggestion for a green lifestyle is presented in a single paragraph, which makes it difficult to distinguish between different ideas. The lack of clear paragraphing can lead to confusion for the reader regarding the main points being made.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, each main idea should be developed in its own paragraph. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence that states the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. For example, the first paragraph could focus solely on transportation alternatives, while the second could address the use of reusable items, and the third could discuss community events.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly" and "Secondly," to indicate the order of points. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "As far as I am concerned" is somewhat informal and does not contribute to the overall cohesiveness of the argument. Additionally, the use of "and etc." is incorrect and should be replaced with a more appropriate phrase.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "Consequently," and "For instance." These can help clarify relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, avoid informal phrases and ensure that all cohesive devices used are appropriate for an academic context.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices can enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary related to the topic of adopting a green lifestyle. Phrases like "healthier and greener lifestyle," "replace motorbikes and cars by bicycles," and "organise weekly events" show an attempt to use varied vocabulary. However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive, particularly in the use of "plastic" and "environment," which appear multiple times without much variation.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "plastic," they might use "synthetic materials" or "disposable products." Additionally, expanding the vocabulary related to environmental issues (e.g., "sustainable," "eco-friendly," "renewable") would enrich the essay.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the atmosphere is covered in cars’ smoke" could be more accurately expressed as "the atmosphere is polluted by vehicle emissions." Additionally, the term "reuseable itiems" contains a spelling error, which detracts from the precision of the vocabulary.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using terms that accurately convey their intended meaning. They can practice by reading more about environmental topics and noting how experts describe issues and solutions. Furthermore, ensuring that all vocabulary is spelled correctly will enhance clarity and precision.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "reuseable" (should be "reusable") and "itiems" (should be "items"). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, perhaps using flashcards or spelling apps. Additionally, proofreading the essay before submission can help catch and correct spelling mistakes. Reading more extensively can also help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and attempts to use relevant vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple sentences are predominant, such as "There are many ways to do that," and "To conclude, everyone can apply these ways to have a healthy life." While these sentences convey the main ideas, the essay lacks more complex structures that could enhance clarity and sophistication. For instance, the phrase "As far as I am concerned" introduces a personal opinion but is followed by a simple structure that does not fully utilize the potential of complex sentences.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex and compound sentences. For example, instead of saying "It’s better to use reusable items instead of plastic ones," the writer could say, "Although plastic items are convenient, using reusable alternatives is not only better for the environment but also promotes sustainable living." This approach would demonstrate a greater command of grammatical structures and improve the overall flow of the essay.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity and professionalism. For instance, "reuseable itiems" should be "reusable items," and "Other way to live green" should be "Another way to live green." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as the lack of a comma before "and etc." which should be replaced with "etc." or "and so on." The phrase "the atmosphere is covered in cars’ smoke" could also be more accurately expressed as "the atmosphere is filled with smoke from cars," which would enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work for common errors, such as spelling mistakes and incorrect word forms. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also help identify areas for improvement. Furthermore, practicing punctuation rules, particularly regarding commas and conjunctions, will enhance the essay’s readability.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, there is significant room for improvement in both the variety of sentence structures and the accuracy of grammar and punctuation. By incorporating more complex sentences and carefully proofreading for grammatical errors, the writer can enhance their overall score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.
Bài sửa mẫu
Nowadays, the environment is increasingly polluted. Therefore, many people are adopting a healthier and more environmentally conscious lifestyle. There are several strategies to achieve this, and here are some of them.
Firstly, individuals should substitute motorbikes and cars with bicycles as much as possible. In my opinion, the atmosphere is filled with car emissions, which may contribute to cancer. Secondly, it is preferable to use reusable items instead of plastic ones. Plastic bags and bottles take thousands of years to decompose, and they have a detrimental impact on our environment.
Another way to live sustainably is to organize weekly events that encourage local people to join hands to protect the environment. During these events, participants can collect waste, water plants, and engage in other activities that benefit the community.
To conclude, everyone can adopt these strategies to lead a healthier and more sustainable life.