Write an analysis essay about why some people refuse to help street beggars in Ho Chi Minh City.

My family are living in HCM City that a big city with expensive things. The city is luxurious, yet it also has a large population of beggar people. There are many people who help them, and some others who try to refuse. And I think I know some reasons for that.
First of all, we are too busy to help other people. Living in a big city can be stressful with cost of living, school fee for our children etc. We must to work from early morning to late night, so we don’t care anyone else. And we want to save money for our family in case of illness, or other emergency.
Another reason that we refuse to help street beggars in Ho Chi Minh City is seem because there are many street beggars. We can help one person but we cannot help all. I know this quote: “Give a man a fish, and you feed him a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime”. It means we want to donate money or help other people in the specific charity in order to create stable jobs to help their future, not by giving them money every day. Sometime we feel bothered by beggar people because they begged for help in every way.
Finally, the warnings about beggar people on the television, radio, newspapers or magazines, etc what make us hesitate to help them. It shows exploiting children for labor. They take advantage of our altruistic for children for their own personal gain such as forcing children to beg for money, sell lottery tickets, or sell other necessities. Some beggar people seem to be cheating. They are young and do not work hard, so we don’t believe that they need help. Besides that, I find out some beggar people are rude. I and my friends have encountered such situations.
In conclusion, there are many reasons that influence our decision to refuse to help street beggars in Ho Chi Minh City. If there are many beggar people in need or we are too busy with our family or we don’t feel pleasure when we help others, we should think again. Maybe we will come back to help them another day or in another way. Helping out is simply the right thing to do, but how to help is what matters.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"My family are living" -> "My family lives"
Explanation: The verb "are" should be replaced with "lives" to correct the subject-verb agreement error, as "family" is a singular noun.
"a big city with expensive things" -> "a city with high costs"
Explanation: "Expensive things" is vague and informal. "High costs" is more precise and appropriate for an academic context.
"beggar people" -> "beggars"
Explanation: "Beggar people" is redundant and informal. "Beggars" is the correct term and is more formal.
"try to refuse" -> "refuse"
Explanation: "Try to refuse" is redundant. Simply using "refuse" is more direct and appropriate.
"we are too busy to help other people" -> "we are too preoccupied to assist others"
Explanation: "Preoccupied" is a more precise term than "busy," and "assist" is more formal than "help."
"cost of living, school fee for our children etc." -> "living expenses, educational costs for our children"
Explanation: "Cost of living" and "school fee" are vague and informal. "Living expenses" and "educational costs" are more specific and formal.
"we must to work" -> "we must work"
Explanation: The double "to" is grammatically incorrect. Removing the extra "to" corrects the sentence structure.
"don’t care anyone else" -> "do not concern ourselves with others"
Explanation: "Don’t care anyone else" is informal and grammatically incorrect. "Do not concern ourselves with others" is more formal and grammatically correct.
"seem because" -> "seemingly because"
Explanation: "Seem because" is grammatically incorrect. "Seemingly because" corrects the adverbial phrase.
"we can help one person but we cannot help all" -> "we can assist one individual but cannot assist all"
Explanation: "Help" is too informal and vague; "assist" is more precise and formal. "Individual" is also more formal than "person."
"donate money or help other people in the specific charity" -> "contribute financially or support specific charitable initiatives"
Explanation: "Donate money or help other people in the specific charity" is awkward and informal. "Contribute financially or support specific charitable initiatives" is more formal and clear.
"what make us hesitate" -> "which makes us hesitate"
Explanation: "What" is incorrectly used for a restrictive clause. "Which" is the correct relative pronoun for this context.
"exploiting children for labor" -> "exploiting children for labor purposes"
Explanation: Adding "purposes" clarifies the context and enhances the formality of the statement.
"take advantage of our altruistic for children" -> "exploit our altruism towards children"
Explanation: "Take advantage of our altruistic for children" is awkward and unclear. "Exploit our altruism towards children" is more direct and formal.
"do not work hard, so we don’t believe that they need help" -> "do not work diligently, thus we do not believe they require assistance"
Explanation: "Do not work hard" is informal and vague. "Do not work diligently" is more precise and formal. "Thus" is more formal than "so," and "require assistance" is more formal than "need help."
"I and my friends have encountered such situations" -> "my friends and I have encountered such situations"
Explanation: In formal writing, it is more correct to place the subject pronoun after the noun it modifies, so "my friends and I" should be "my friends and I."
"we should think again" -> "we should reconsider"
Explanation: "Think again" is informal and vague. "Reconsider" is more formal and precise.
"Maybe we will come back to help them another day or in another way" -> "Perhaps we will revisit our decision to assist them at a later time or through alternative means"
Explanation: "Maybe" is informal and vague. "Perhaps" is more formal. "Revisit our decision" and "at a later time or through alternative means" are more precise and formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by identifying reasons why some people refuse to help street beggars in Ho Chi Minh City. The author discusses factors such as personal busyness, the overwhelming number of beggars, and concerns about exploitation. However, the analysis could be more comprehensive. For example, while the reasons are mentioned, the essay lacks specific examples or statistics that could strengthen the argument and provide a clearer picture of the situation in Ho Chi Minh City.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should consider incorporating specific examples or anecdotes that illustrate the reasons mentioned. Additionally, discussing the societal context or public attitudes towards begging in Ho Chi Minh City could provide a more rounded analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that there are valid reasons for not helping beggars, but the stance could be more consistently articulated. The introduction states the author believes they know reasons for refusal, but the conclusion introduces a somewhat contradictory notion that "helping out is simply the right thing to do." This inconsistency can confuse the reader regarding the author’s ultimate stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the author should ensure that the thesis statement in the introduction aligns with the conclusion. They could explicitly state their viewpoint on the moral implications of helping beggars and ensure that all points made throughout the essay support this central argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the refusal to help beggars, but these ideas are not fully developed or supported. For instance, the mention of the quote about teaching a man to fish is relevant but lacks further exploration or connection to the main argument. Additionally, some points, such as the mention of rude beggars, are introduced but not elaborated upon, leaving the reader wanting more depth.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to extend their ideas by providing more detailed explanations and examples. For instance, when mentioning the quote, they could elaborate on how this philosophy influences people’s decisions to donate to charities instead of giving directly to beggars. Each point should be supported with evidence or examples to create a more persuasive argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the reasons for refusing to help beggars. However, some sentences could be seen as slightly off-topic or tangential, such as the mention of personal experiences with rude beggars, which could be more relevant if tied back to the main argument about the refusal to help.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly relates to the central question of why people refuse to help beggars. They could also avoid introducing new ideas in the conclusion that have not been discussed in the body of the essay. Instead, the conclusion should summarize the key points made and reinforce the main argument.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay could achieve a higher band score for Task Response, demonstrating a more comprehensive and coherent analysis of the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each body paragraph addresses a specific reason for why people refuse to help street beggars, which helps in maintaining a logical flow. For instance, the first paragraph discusses the busyness of city life, while the second elaborates on the perceived ineffectiveness of direct aid. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother, as some points feel slightly disjointed. For example, the transition from discussing personal busyness to the quote about teaching a man to fish lacks a clear connection.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer could use clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to signal the main idea. Additionally, using transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" can help connect ideas more fluidly and guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct reason for the refusal to help beggars, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument. However, some paragraphs could benefit from more development. For instance, the second paragraph introduces a quote but does not fully explain its relevance or how it connects to the overall argument about helping beggars.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph effectiveness, the writer should ensure that each paragraph not only introduces a new idea but also elaborates on it with examples and explanations. Adding a concluding sentence to each paragraph that summarizes the main point and links it back to the thesis can also enhance clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first of all," "another reason," and "finally," which help in structuring the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences feel abrupt or lack proper connections. For example, the phrase "Sometime we feel bothered by beggar people because they begged for help in every way" could be better linked to the preceding ideas for improved flow.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases, such as "however," "moreover," "on the other hand," and "for instance." Additionally, using pronouns and synonyms can help maintain cohesion without repetitive language. For example, instead of repeatedly using "beggar people," the writer could use "they" or "these individuals" to create smoother transitions.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion with a clear structure and logical organization, there is room for improvement in the use of cohesive devices and the development of paragraphs. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance the overall clarity and effectiveness of their argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "luxurious," "altruistic," and "exploit" appearing in the text. However, the vocabulary is often repetitive, particularly with phrases like "beggar people," which could be varied with synonyms such as "homeless individuals" or "street dwellers." Additionally, the phrase "we are too busy to help other people" could be enhanced with more sophisticated vocabulary, such as "overwhelmed by our daily responsibilities."
- How to improve: To improve lexical variety, the writer should actively seek synonyms and alternative expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "help," they could use "assist," "aid," or "support." Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises could enhance their lexical range.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "seem because there are many street beggars," which is awkward and unclear. The phrase "we don’t care anyone else" lacks clarity and should be revised to "we do not care about anyone else." Additionally, "the warnings about beggar people" could be better articulated as "warnings regarding the exploitation of beggars."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on the context in which words are used. Practicing sentence restructuring and ensuring that phrases convey the intended meaning clearly will help. Reading more academic essays can also provide insights into how to use vocabulary effectively.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "beggar people" (which is not incorrect but could be more fluently expressed as "beggars") and "school fee" (which should be "school fees"). The phrase "we must to work" is grammatically incorrect, as "must" does not require "to." These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, possibly using spelling and grammar checking tools. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or flashcards can reinforce correct spelling habits. Reading more extensively can also help familiarize the writer with proper spelling and grammar usage.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By actively expanding their vocabulary, focusing on clarity and context, and practicing spelling, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, with few complex sentences. For instance, the sentence "My family are living in HCM City that a big city with expensive things" is awkward and lacks clarity. The phrase "that a big city with expensive things" is grammatically incorrect and should be restructured for clarity. Additionally, the use of "we are too busy to help other people" is a straightforward structure that could benefit from more complexity.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "We must to work from early morning to late night," the writer could say, "Because we must work from early morning to late at night, we often overlook the needs of others." This not only adds complexity but also improves the flow of ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, "My family are living" should be "My family is living" as ‘family’ is a collective noun that takes a singular verb in American English. The phrase "we must to work" is incorrect; it should simply be "we must work." Additionally, punctuation is often missing, such as in the sentence "Another reason that we refuse to help street beggars in Ho Chi Minh City is seem because there are many street beggars," which should be rephrased for clarity and correctness. The use of commas is also inconsistent, leading to run-on sentences that could confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of infinitives. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly on verb forms and sentence structure, can be beneficial. Additionally, the writer should review punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas to separate clauses and items in a list. Reading more academic essays could also help in understanding proper grammar and punctuation usage.

By addressing these areas of improvement, the writer can enhance their grammatical range and accuracy, ultimately leading to a higher band score in future IELTS writing tasks.

Bài sửa mẫu

My family lives in Ho Chi Minh City, a large city with high costs of living. The city is luxurious, yet it also has a significant population of beggars. While many people choose to help them, there are others who refuse. I believe I understand some reasons for this reluctance.

First of all, we are often too preoccupied to assist others. Living in a big city can be stressful due to living expenses, educational costs for our children, and other financial pressures. We must work from early morning to late at night, which leaves little time or energy to care for anyone else. Additionally, we want to save money for our family in case of illness or other emergencies.

Another reason we refuse to help street beggars in Ho Chi Minh City seems to be the sheer number of them. We can assist one individual, but we cannot help everyone. I am reminded of the saying: “Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.” This suggests that we prefer to contribute financially or support specific charitable initiatives that create stable jobs and help secure a better future for those in need, rather than giving money daily. Sometimes, we feel bothered by beggars because they ask for help in various ways.

Finally, warnings about beggars from television, radio, newspapers, and magazines make us hesitate to help them. Reports of children being exploited for labor purposes often highlight how some individuals take advantage of our altruism towards children for their own personal gain, such as forcing them to beg for money, sell lottery tickets, or offer other necessities. Some beggars seem to be cheating; they appear young and do not work diligently, leading us to believe they do not require assistance. Furthermore, I have found that some beggars can be rude. My friends and I have encountered such situations.

In conclusion, there are many reasons that influence our decision to refuse to help street beggars in Ho Chi Minh City. Whether it is the overwhelming number of beggars, our busy lives, or the discomfort we feel when assisting others, we should reconsider our stance. Perhaps we will revisit our decision to assist them at a later time or through alternative means. Helping out is simply the right thing to do, but how we choose to help is what truly matters.